I guess you could say today was a bad day. Let's backtrack.
Today is the day after the mess of the dinner at Kaleb's house. Last night when I got home, I called and left him over fifty texts only to be met with no response. I had made up my mind to go in early today to catch up to him as soon as he arrived. The only problem being how I slept through my alarm, owing to the fact that I was up all night and early morning worrying about Kaleb and his mom and was currently rushing to class. Tense from no gym this morning, tired as fuck due to my lack of caffeine, and borderline zombie looking since I probably broke a Guinness world record with how fast I got ready this morning.
I arrived just after the first bell, signaling the end of the first period. Great, I could probably catch Kaleb before his next class if I hurried. I burst in through the halls, briefly remembering the platter of pancakes incident. The memory brought a slight chuckle to escape my throat. With the smile still on my face, I made my way over his locker, ignorant to the stares of the student body, solely focused on finding Kaleb.
As quickly as it came, my smile disappeared and was replaced by a look of horror at what was before me.
White noise.
'Can you meet my mom next week when she gets back? If you say yes, you're automatically saying yes to being my girlfriend also,' that's what he said right? Why would he do this to me? My heart really did feel like it was quite literally being ripped from my chest, but I just stood there, glued to the spot, looking, as Kaleb pressed Zarina up against his locker, basically swallowing her face before the entire school body. They were practically fucking with clothes on. I guess at one point I must have made a sound or they may have felt my open stare because they simultaneously turned towards me; Zarina wore a smug look and Kaleb with a look of pure hatred. They both smirked and shared one last brief kiss and walked away hand in hand to class. I don't know how long I had stood there, but I started feeling my tears soaking up the front of my T-shirt. My eyes were still glued to the front of Kaleb's locker and everyone had already left to their respective classes but I literally couldn't move on my own.
I felt strong arms wrap around my body and I just let them, not giving a fuck what was happening to me right now. They carry me for a while, but my eyes haven't registered my surroundings as I'm just staring into space. I guess I could see why he would pick her over me. Zarina is fucking beautiful, I'm just Ella, even my name is bland, I could never be enough. The arms let go of me and exits and I still don't know who carried me or where I am. I sit, and for the next two minutes, I try to silently sob into my palms so I don't draw attention to myself by screaming. As I quiet down, I hear someone crying next to me and I'm brought back to earth. There, I see a familiar head of red hair and puffy grey eyes that holds none of the liveliness that it usually does. My heart briefly forgets its pain as I click into the best-friend mode to comfort my Maija. She looks much more broken than me and I haven't even seen my reflection, I just know somehow that what she's going through right now is much worse than me. If you knew Maija you'd know what I meant. I rush over to wrap my arms around her and her neck snaps up as if finally registering where she was and once her eyes lock with mine she starts crying harder and we just sit there as I rock her and whisper soothing sentences into her ear.
So I guess this is what heartbreak feels like. Some may think I'm being dramatic because we weren't even official yet but this was my first actual potential relationship after sobriety. I was really invested in these 'good morning' and 'good night' calls just to hear my voice, these random compliments that were thrown into serious conversations catching me off guard, the constant clinginess because he just always wanted to be next to me. One last tear slides down my cheek before I decide to pick myself up. It's always me having to pick up my broken pieces. If not me then who? I pick Maija up with me and hug her into me trying to wrap myself around her trying to piece together her broken pieces along with my own.
"Wanna talk about it?" I asked. Maija, still looking hurt and lost shrugged. "How about we get out of here, skipping this once won't kill us." I decided to try to cheer up Maija right now, I would have enough time to curl up under my covers tonight and cry my heart out but right now the lights in my friend's eyes were out I had to help bring them back on. I came out of the bathroom with Maija slightly behind me only to see Aron in front of the door like some kind of bodyguard, I guess he was the one who had put us both in here while we were down that warmed my heart, how did I get so lucky here? He smiled sadly down at us while I quickly explained how we would be leaving the school.
When we were leaving the period ended and I stupidly decided to walk up to Kaleb so I could spit these words, hurt laced my tone as I said, "So you made me wait for you just so you could waste my fucking time, you're a piece of shit."
As I was turning away I heard him respond, "Ask your mother who my mom is, you're probably a whore just like her. Like mother like daughter."
I saw red. Who the fuck did Kaleb think he was talking about my mother like that? Before I left the compound, I might've keyed his fucking precious van. Although now I was slightly annoyed and borderline angry, I decided to drive over to the nearest boardwalk, I feel like the beach can solve all problems, even in November.
The drive was about an hour-long, so on the way there, I explained why I was a mess in the bathroom to Maija, since she was so quiet. . Retelling the story made me calm down and I felt slightly less hurt. Was I really going to be with someone who called my mother a whore? I think the fuck not, but I'm still kind of hurt about him making me fall and he wasting my time. He didn't even explain to me what I did wrong IF I did anything wrong.
Maija was zoned out throughout my entire monologue, but when she did speak her voice was hoarse and cracked, " Zarina's gay," she said, barely above a whisper. She seemed so out of it, and I, obviously shocked by this revelation, stayed quiet and let her speak. "She's closeted cause her family will never accept her, after she came out to them in the sophomore year they tried sending her to conversion therapy, she came back in junior year and continues the 'straight' charade at school for her parents. I love her. She was my first everything." she pauses and she releases a small smile paradoxical to the sad, lonesome tear that escapes. It's painful to see her like this. "She broke my heart the first day of junior year when she cheated on me with Kaleb, obviously Kaleb doesn't know about us so I can't blame him. She constantly toys with my heartstrings," she sighs, "she'll kiss me and tell me I'm disgusting right after, that being this way, gay, is wrong. I've tried to move on but her family is so powerful she blackmails every potential love interest. She doesn't want me but won't let anyone else have me. This time though, she went back with Kaleb even though she knew how badly it hurt me last time, that's unforgivable. That was the last straw, I refuse to let her trample my heart anymore."
I let the silence envelop us as I process everything she's said. She was on a lower level on the boardwalk than me, so I wrapped my arms around her from the back and started kissing her temples, reminding her of how precious she is between kisses and how much more she deserves. Then I chastised her for not telling me she was gay. She was giggling now as I continued with my goofy kisses. "Could've saved me the heartbreak from Kaleb if I had just snatched your fine ass up," I joked, laughing along with her.
She looked up at me now, a serious expression littered her face, her eyes exhibiting signs of her mind working on overdrive.
"What if we dated, me and you?"