"Chloe."
I was busy to research when he called my name for the nineth time. Hindi ko sya malingunan dahil kailangan ko talaga malaman ang background ni Lucas. Ngayon na lang ulit ako nakipagkita sa kanya dahil hindi daw sya matahimik sa dami ng iniisip nya bago ang kasal nila ni Elisha.
"Care to share?" Sambit ko habang naka tingin sa laptop. Nandito kami ni France ngayon sa Starbucks kaya nagpunta ako dito kahit labag sa loob ko.
Yes, hindi ko pa rin kayang makita sya, pero mas pinilit ko ang sarili ko na pigilan ang kaba na nararamdaman ko. Walang mangyayari kung pilit akong makikipag taguan sa kanya.
"I am nervous for my wedding, the day after tomorrow." He confessed while he was busy texting to his fiancè.
Tinignan ko na sya at ang ginagawa nyang pag type sa cellphone nito. I saw his smile ear to ear while typing on his phone. Nag iwas ako ng tingin ng maramdaman kong inangat nya ang tingin sa gawi ko at nag abalang may ginagawa.
"Normal lang 'yan. Just think about your memories with her. And I already knew that is your dream, to have a faithful wife and you'll be together for years. Woke up with her beside you, and making her breakfast always. Plans, and etc."
Hindi ko na alam ang sinasabi ko. Basta ang alam ko ay masaya sya sa nangyayari sa buhay nya ngayon.
"Thanks for advising, are you happy?" Tanong nya bigla. Kaya din sya nandito upang ibigay ang invitation sa akin.
Hindi na ako nabigla sa tanong nya. He was always full of suprises. Kaya di na rin ako magtataka kung gaano ka kapal ang mukha nya para magpakita sa akin na parang walang nangyari.
'Hindi ako masaya.' Gusto kong sabihin iyon sa kanya pero kabaliktaran ang sinabi ko. "Always happy for you." I also gave him a fake smile before turning my gaze to my laptop.
"Are you sure?" Why is he numb? Can't he feel the awkwardness between us?
"I wouldn't answer your question if I'm not." I honestly said.
He wanna make sure if I said the truth or not. Nakipagtitigan din ako at pilit pinapatapang ang sarili ko sa harap nya kasabay nang pagsakit sa puso ko. Bakit ba ang hirap tanggapin na masaya na sya sa iba?
"Thanks for your effort, you can go now." Sambit ko habang pinipigilan ko ang sarili na umiyak sa harap nya.
"We are still friend's right?" His eyes was hoping while looking at me.
I gave him look like he's unbelievable in his words. Sa mga panahong nasaktan nya ako at pinaasa, ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin matanggap na ganito sya at ganoon na lang kadali sa kanya kalimutan ang lahat.
"I... don't know." Hirap na sabi ko at pilit na itinataboy sya. Ayoko na ng ganito, I really can't breathe the same air with him. It was too much for me to handle this kind of pain.
Hindi sya nakapag salita kaya ako na ang nag adjust para sa kanya. Mas pinili kong umalis kaysa magpasalamat sa kanya. Mas pinili kong tinalikuran ang lahat para makaiwas sa sakit ng nararamdaman ko kapag kaharap sya.
I was on my way back home when I suddenly turned my steering wheel to U-turn just to see Lucas.
I almost knocked once when he opened the door for me. I saw his face lighting up when he saw me and giving me a way to enter his unit.
"How are you, it's been a week when I confessed to you." He straight forward said that.
"I'm still not ready for this." Bulong ko sa sarili ko nang maramdaman ko ang yakap nya sa likuran ko.
"It's fine. I am willing to wait, my love." Hinigpitan pa nya ang yakap sa akin habang isinandal nya ang ulo sa balikat ko.
Is he making a decision by himself? Why not asking me if I wanted to give him a chance to wait or not?
"I am scared to your answer if you mind it. Just let me prove it to you that I'll do my best and a better person in your eyes."
"You can't always wait for me. Your time is waisting."
"There's no waste time, if I'll wait for you. It'll be worth it til the end."
I think he's right. After that conversation he's starting to prove his feelings to me are real. Minsan, nagugulat na lang ako nang may nakatok sa unit ko tuwing umaga para pagdalhan ako ng breakfast, lunch, mirienda at dinner. He always have an ingredients and cook me a sinigang for lunch.
"The sinigang of yours are the best taste for me. I wanted to copy your cooking skills and I'm trying." He said while cooking in my small kitchen.
"I can cook Lucas." Sambit ko habang nakaupo sa dining table para panoorin sya.
"I know, but at least let me cook for you, always." Kumindat pa sya sa akin suot ang cute na lemon apron ko bago pagtuonan ng pansin ang kanyang niluluto.
"Chloe baby, taste it." Tumayo ako at tinikman ang sabaw. Hindi sobrang asim, katamtaman lang kaya tumango ako.
"You can be a chef someday." Pagbibiro ko matapos nyang haluin sa sabaw ang sinigang mix.
"Your future husband chef, someday." He winked at me and even kissed my forehead. Nag init ang pisngi ko sa ginawa nya kaya dali dali akong umupo ulit at palihim na uminom ng tubig dahil sa init.
My heart was beating so fast and I even helf my chest just to feel my heart beat. I really can't understand this feeling. I know that I am still hurt and broken. This kind of feeling was confused me from time to time.
Nahihirapan na ako kung ano ang susundin ko, kung ang puso ko ba o ang sinasabi ng utak ko. Ang alam ko lang ay masaya ako at nawawala sa isip ko si France kapag kasama ko si Lucas. I know that he'll do everything just to make me happy.
He was my healer and happiness. I'm starting to think that I must stick with him. Not because I am happy to have him. Just because of my mission to know his background slowly.