Eileen's POV:
When I walked through the big automatic doors of the company, the urge to turn back and leave was so tempting. The lack of sleep from last night was giving me a major headache and that is never good for me especially since I have migraines and it can get bad for me. As much as I wanted to give in and turn back, I need to bury myself in work so that I won't think about what happened last night. As quickly as the thoughts came, I shook off the thoughts. I didn't want to think about it. That's why I came to work today despite of not feeling well.
With a heavy head and a tired body, I entered my office. The brightness of the office made my headache worse. Immediately I went and closed the blinds on the window and pull down the blinds on the glass walls including the main door. I am so glad that when the department was renovated last year, I had requested for blinds for every single door in the office. After putting down all the blinds, I sat down on my chair with my eyes closed.
A knock on the door made me open my eyes and sit straight. "Come in," I said to whoever it is that knocked on the door.
"Good morning Eileen. Is everything okay?" Nora asked as she entered.
"Having a migraine attack. I will be fine. Is there something you wanted?" I asked.
"Yes. I have left a draft on your table. It has blue covers. Mrs. Evans told me to give it to you."
I looked down at my table to look for the draft and saw that I was resting my hands on it.
"This one, right?" I asked to make sure.
"Yeah that's it." She confirmed.
"Okay then, I will take a look. You can leave. And also, please avoid making any kind of noise. Tell everyone that just for today, no noise." I didn't request this time.
"I will make sure to be--
"And fewer words." I interrupted. I was doing my best to not sound rude. When I am having a headache, I become harsh and cranky and thankfully Nora knows me well enough to know that I don't mean to be harsh at all.
"Noted." Saying that she left.
Now that I am here, the thought of having to do work is really burdening. But I can't turn away from work. I have never done that. Before I start reading the draft, I need to bring some kind of ease to my headache. I took my bag from the coat hanger and took out VapoRub balm. When I couldn't eat painkillers when I was pregnant, I found this thanks to my mom and I fell in love with it. I can't take any kind of painkiller as much as I wanted since I am on my period. I can't take any strong medicine when I am on my period. I took a good amount of it with my finger and put it on my forehead and in my ear. It gave me instant relief. But I knew that this relief is temporary. Taking full advantage of the ease, I got comfortable in the chair with the draft in hand. This was the first time a draft has come to me through Rachel. Curious I opened it and the name I saw on the first page shocked me. It said "Rachel Evans". This was her book. I had no idea she writes. Long forgotten the headache, I flipped to the first page of the story.
I don't know how much time had passed, but I didn't stop until I reached the end. The sigh of happiness that left me as I closed the draft said everything that I felt about this writing, this story. I knew that I couldn't waste another moment sitting here. Excited I stood but only to fall back down as the pain kept rushing back. The pain in my head and the cramps came all at once. I gripped the armrest of my chair tightly with one hand as I bend myself down with my other hand on my lower abdomen. I felt my legs start to get weak. This always happens when I am on my period. I tried to calm myself by taking slow deep breathes. Once I was calm enough to do anything, I pressed the phone machine and called Nora to come in immediately.
Soon as I said, I heard the door of my office open.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" She asked in panicking.
"Not really. Can you prepare my hot pack for me?" I asked.
"Where is it?" She asked.
"It's in the bottom drawer of that cupboard." I pointed at the cupboard near the wall. Its where I keep some extra clothes, and any other personal things.
For a couple of seconds, I heard no sound, wondering why she still hasn't gone to fill it with water I forced myself to straighten up and look only to see that she was nowhere to be seen. Thank goodness to that.
Still, in lots of pain, I stood up from the chair and went to the long sofa to lay down. Groaning to the pain, I laid down and put a pillow on my aching abdomen.
To my relief, Nora came in with the hot pack. As soon as she gave it to me, I replaced it with the pillow I had kept on me. The warmth gave me instant relief.
"Thank you," I said to Nora. She gave me a smile acknowledging the gratitude.
"Is there anything else you need?" She asked.
"Yeah. Two things. Can you pass a message to Rachel saying as soon I will come by her office sometime? I have something I need to discuss with her. And can you help me put this pillow under my knee?" I gave her the pillow I was holding.
"Of course." She took the pillow from me and put it under my knee.
"Thank you," I said feeling extremely comfortable.
"No problem. When do you want me to wake you up if you fall asleep?" Nora asked.
"What makes you think I am going to fall asleep?" I asked surprised.
"Because you are feeling extremely comfortable." She said as if it's nothing new which she is right about.
"Come back to the office after 15 minutes. I can't fall asleep at work." I said even though I had a feeling I would. But sleeping at work is against every single rule in the rule book.
"Alright." Saying that she left the room leaving me to just enjoy the feeling of relief.
I tried my best to not let my eyes drop but I couldn't. I tried keeping my mind busy with many thoughts but in the end, I fell asleep.
Startled I woke up. I sat up so quickly, panting. It was that dream again. I closed my eyes to calm myself.
"Are you okay?"
Startled again, I looked at the side the voice came from, and there he was. The reason why I didn't get any kind of sleep last night.
"What are you doing here?" I asked trying to ignore my heart which was beating way faster now.
"Your PA let me in." He gave me the answer to a question I haven't even asked yet.
"That is not what I asked. Why did my PA let you in?" I should have a word with her about this.
"Just came to say hello."
I sat with my feet down and I tried to get up. But the weakness in my leg had me falling back down.
"Seriously, are you okay?" He asked again.
"I am fine. Please leave if you have nothing else to say. Even if you do, please stay outside." With much effort, I stood up. The sofa wasn't far from the table. Three big steps and I was there. I didn't bother sitting down since I knew it's going to be difficult to stand up again.
Getting the feeling that someone was looking at me, I looked up and saw that Ethan was still here.
"I thought I told you to stay outside, what are you still doing here?" I didn't mean to get annoyed but I was getting annoyed. Today is not a good day to get me annoyed.
Without answering he just stared at me.
"Is there something on my face or is someone standing behind me that you are staring at?" I asked sarcastically.
To my question he chuckled.
"What so funny?" I looked at him confused.
"I see you are still sarcastic as ever."
"Well bad habits are difficult to get rid of," I said with a shrug. I got back to doing some touch-up.
"True that. Then again, you still look the same as you did 6 years ago. At least from the outside you do." The look on his face changed from warmth to no emotion look.
"Excuse me?" What did he mean by that?
"The Eileen I knew even if it was for a short while was kind-hearted and sarcastic. I have changed my mind about the kind-hearted part, but you are still sarcastic as ever." He talked as if he knows me so well.
"I truly don't have time to listen to your assumptions. Please leave."
I put my cosmetics back in my bag, took the draft on the table, and head towards the door walking past him.
"Walking away is also a habit of yours, I see." That made me stop on my track. He keeps making assumptions after assumption.
Angry but doing my best to control my temper, I turned to him. "Okay that's it. You are standing in my office and making assumptions, who gave you that right?" I demanded. I hate the type of peoples who assume and accuse without even bothering to know the truth.
"No one has to give me that right. After what you did six years ago, I get that right automatically." He didn't look like he was backing down.
"Why are you bringing up something that happened six years ago?" It hurts me whenever I think about how I had just walked away without even saying anything. I knew that he was trying to show me that I had hurt him.
"Because I deserve answers. You walked away when I had put my feelings out in the open as if I didn't mean a thing to you." He took a step closer to me. Unconsciously I took a step back. I started to feel the panic rise. I am still not comfortable with anyone coming close to me, except for some very few.
"Did I not mean anything to you?" He asked taking another step closer and I took another step back.
"I don't have to answer that." I tried keeping up my calm demeanor.
"Are you saying that I don't deserve that much?" I could hear the pain in his voice. I wanted to look into his eyes and tell him that yes, he deserves and yes, he is special to me. But I couldn't. Him coming closer was suffocating me.
I shook my head to the sides giving my answer. I didn't want him to think he isn't worth it.
"Then tell me, why did you walk away?" He took another step closer. When I took my step back, I felt the back of my feet touch a hard surface. That's the end. I felt the air get stuck in my throat making it difficult to breathe.
"You could have said something, why did you walk away just like that?" I heard him ask again.
I felt myself starting to get dizzy. No no please no. I cannot be having a full panic attack right now. He cannot see me like this. No one can. I promised myself a long time ago that I will never let another person see me weak. Through the dizziness, the difficulty to breath, I reminded myself of that promise. I closed my eyes and thought about my daughter. The image of her calmed me immediately.
I opened my eyes when I felt that my heart has calmed. I looked up at him who was looking at me with the questions he asked.
I took a deep breath before I started talking again.
"You are right. Walking away is a habit of mine. And you know what, I don't have to explain anything to you. You have already made assumptions about me so why should I even bother. Now please excuse me." I stepped aside and pulled open the door that I was backed on to just now making him step away giving me space.
Before walking out, I turned to him one more time.
"And you are right. I am not the same Eileen you had come to know. But you are not the same Ethan I had come to know either. I may have pained you by walking away that day but that doesn't give you the right to say whatever you want." Without giving him a chance to say anything, I closed the door and left.
The whole way to Rachel's office all I could think about was what happened in my office just now. I never thought that the first conversation we have was going to be anything like this. Actually, who am I kidding? I never thought I would see him again.
Amid all the thinking, I reached her office. Right now, there is something more important to do other than thinking about things.
I gently knocked on her door.
"Come in."
I pushed open the door and stepped in quietly. Rachel was going through some papers.
"Is this a bad time?" I asked. I didn't want to interrupt her.
"No. come and sit."
So that's what I did. I went and sat down. A good ten minutes went by when she closed what she was going through.
"Okay I am done. What is it that you wanted to talk about?" She gave me her attention.
"Many things. But I will start with this." I put the draft on her table. She didn't show any reaction or say anything.
"I love it," I said breaking the silence. Hearing my words, I saw her get relieved.
"I am so glad to hear that." I could see that she was extremely happy but she was keeping her cool.
"So, when are you we publishing this?" I asked.
"We are not."
"What? Why?" I asked confused.
"I don't want to." She said as like it's her final decision.
"I don't understand. If you didn't have any plans on publishing it then why send it to me?" As the marketing head, drafts that are selected out are brought to me and I decided whether it should get published or not.
"I just wanted a second person's opinion. That's it." She didn't show any interest.
I just sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about what to do. This story deserves to be out in the world. My boss deserves to be known as the writer of this wonderful book. She may be the greatest boss and successful business woman; I am having the feeling that she is not so confident regarding her writing.
"You are my boss, but the number of things I want to say is many. I cannot get comfortable if I don't drop down the formalities that I uphold when I am talking to you, so for the next couple of minutes I am going to talk to you as if you are just a writer and not my boss. Is that okay?" I asked for her permission. This was the only way I can get comfortable and talk to her.
"Okay, go on." She agreed.
I dropped down the formalities and got comfortable.
"Okay look, as the head of marketing and as a story lover I am saying this, this story is amazing. How many years have you been working on this?" I asked.
"Four years to be exact."
"Your writing shows that you have worked on it for quite some time and that would be the reason why it's perfect. I couldn't find a thing that you can change and I didn't find a flaw. But I am sure if this gets in the hands of the editors, they will dig out one or many but only because it's their job to make a perfect story to a more perfect one. This story, the plot, the characters, and their personalities everything is so unique. The way you wrote them all is amazing. I read it, I enjoyed it, I love it. The world should get a chance to read this and you deserve to be known as the writer of this beautiful story. Believe me. And I don't joke when it comes to stories and my job. I won't say I like it unless I do." I said the last part in a more serious tone.
"I do believe you and I know you won't. Your honesty and your success in always choosing the best is what made me give you the promotion just three years after you joined, so yes, I believe you. To be honest, I am just nervous to let it out to the public." Never thought I would hear her say 'nervous'. She is the most confident woman I have ever met.
I was about to say something when her office phone started to ring. Excusing herself, she answered.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Hello ma'me, your nephew is here to see you." It was Richard her PA.
"Tell him that I am in a meeting so to wait."
"Okay. I will let him know."
"Does your nephew know about your writing?" I asked once she had hung up the phone.
"My writing, yes. But not about the story." She gave me the answer I was hoping I would hear. Suddenly I got a idea on how to boost her confidence and agree her to publishing her story.
"I should take my leave so that your nephew can come in," I said standing up.
"Alright."
"Have a good rest of the day Rachel." I left the room quickly. I need to talk to Ethan. I really didn't want to talk to him after what happened in the office but only because of Rachel I am going to talk to him.
It wasn't difficult to find him since he was standing near PA's desk. Reaching the desk, I greeted Richard and asked Ethan to come to a side to talk.
"What is it?" He asked rather rudely. As much as I wanted to say something back, I didn't.
"You see this with blue covers? This is a draft. A draft of Rachel's novel." I got to the point.
"She wrote a novel?? And why do you call her Rachel?" He asked surprised.
"Yes, she did. I was surprised too. And it's because she said to do so. That's beside the point. This novel she wrote is amazing. It's truly wonderful. I have been inside that room trying to convince her to publish it since this story deserves to be out in the world and she deserves to flaunt about it. What I have said may not have been enough to convince her to publish this and that's where I need your help." Only because she is related to Ethan, I am asking for his help.
"Doesn't the writer decide whether they want their story to be published or not?"
"Of course. But here is the thing, she wants to publish it but she is too nervous. That's why I need you to read it and if you like it, can you try convincing her?" I asked.
"What makes you think I have time to help you?"
I couldn't help but chuckle at his question. "Simple. Because you will make time to read this. And don't get the wrong idea, I am not the one you are helping. It's your aunt. I need your help to help her, not me. So, get that misunderstanding out of your head." I cleared the misunderstanding for him.
He was speechless for a while before he gave in and agreed, "Okay. But only because it's my aunt."
"I wouldn't have asked you if she wasn't. I am going to take this with me." I can't give him the copy of the draft I have. "I will get a copy of this made. Once you are done here, come by and take it. I will leave it with my PA. I will tell her to give you my card too so that you can tell me your review." I didn't want to stay for too long so I started to walk away. But his question stopped me.
"Why can't you just give me your number?" He asked taking me by surprise. But I didn't show I was surprised.
"I don't give my number to strangers." But he is no stranger.
"How are we strangers?" He asked in a low voice.
"Six years is a long gap. You didn't even know if I was alive or dead until last night. Have a good day." I didn't want to hear or say anything more so I took my leave.
"Have you at least thought about me even if it once in the past six years?" He asked making me stop again. But this time I didn't turn to answer him and instead continued on my way.
I didn't have the heart to turn around and lie and I can't tell him the truth. How can I tell him not even once have I stopped thinking about him in the past six years?