Disclaimer " Elena....wake up, your mom's on her way to our treehouse and she is pissed at you for not picking up her call when she called you ...oh god Lena? stop staring at me like that and get up right now" Cara shouted at me in a tune that screams " uhh what am I supposed to do with her, she's daydreaming again...probably still sleepy too" Elena thought about her friend and why she was shouting, still in a daze her thoughts drifting to her dream or series of dreams. She thought the dream was very creepy and weird, a little...sad and a bit...dangerous too. Oh, wait!!! did cara say my mother is coming here? oh no....Now I am obviously awake. Aarh it's my vacation. Free time for myself. can't she give me a break, it's impossible to get a break from her I swear. she can't leave me be for even little while can she. hmmm, shall I just head back home and act all happy sappy because my mood is not completely ruined at all, note my sarcasm. But I really hope I can go out tomorrow. yeah, Saturday...date night. I have a boyfriend he's such sweetheart and I am attracted to him and he loves me a lot it seems but I don't know where we are at or going in this relationship, I mean I don't know if we are on the same page, honestly I can tell he's into me but he is going a mile per second and I feel like everything is happening too fast while want to take things at a slow phase and just go with the flow but Ben seems to have such wild ideas, like officially announcing our relationship to our parents and family and marriage and kids.... it's all too fast for me and just too much for me right now. I mean he wants to move in together into a new apartment as soon as my vacation is over. I can't seem to decide whether it's a good thing he's so into me and wanting a life with me or if it's not such a good idea. maybe Ben is going about it too fast or maybe I'm reading into this too much because I tend too that a lot. After all, I am an over-thinker. Benjamin Tealkinson is not the only one with a wild imagination though, I too am. I sometimes wonder if Ben is stalking me. The entity of dilemma and fear is that after my last big failure of a relationship....I haven't been able to precisely connect with anyone or date anyone for that matter. Ben might be different. Maybe I should continue to date Ben and see where we stand, where we end up or maybe I should leave him soon before things get bad because I am scared that history might repeat itself?. It's only 7 am and my mother won't make it to my vacation home till midday. seeing that I have a few hours to clean up and tidy the place I set out to make my bed and then take a long relaxing bath. after spending almost an hour in the washroom I dressed up and went down for breakfast, cara was devouring a burger and nibbling on a french fry while checking her mail. I grabbed my fruit loops and made tea and got some milk to have with fruit loops and some biscuits as well as a loaf of garlic bread. I decided to jot down a poem I put together just a few moments ago while I ate. I started with.... Dear dream. A figment of my dreams, you are
precious, voicing my thoughts, skim through here plunge there, searching for yourself is what drives you, my dear dream. I can't imagine not thinking. nothing beats time alone to think the straight road loneliness struggling out of an egg, no one understands this feeling humans must walk certain roads in a difficult situation, the answer eludes my best efforts wise times, a baby duck dynasty why failure is inconvenient, inconceivable foolish tragedy, enter the gate for the wicked retribution,no longer human are we, hermit crab I want to runway from it all but I need to seek with my own eyes I am not needed by anyone anywhere. I must go somewhere dark for every crime there is a punishment. I am not myself if I'm not perfect. society means you, I can't seem to fit anywhere in the world.
By - jazz -
I hear distant thunder and I sense that it's raining heavily ,I love the rain and the after smell on the damp ground from the rain. It makes me so sleepy, I sure am sleepy now but my mind is busting with emotions and a lot of thoughts it's nearly impossible to fall asleep....its been almost an hour sinces i have been trying to sleep, i decided to go to the kitchen and i warmed up some milk adding some grated nutmeg and a little bit of honey, hoping it would help me fall asleep soon. I went to bed a little relaxed now I laid down after turning the heater up because it was a bit chilly outside since it was still raining and it looks like theres going to be a storm. I felt myself drifting to a long slumber. I hear the violin and the piano playing a melody that was so soothing, something lonely about it like a snowflake in a dark painting. have you ever imagined such a painting? black background, a rough edge to it....it almost looks like there is a hidden picture of a wolf. If you look close enough you'd see it, but most for most people, it's just a painting of a single snowflake painted on a plain black canvas. suddenly I see...a pink sky and an eerie voice saying " be warned of the red sky on a twilight, red sky at dawn, be delighted. And then...I was in a cone, a hurricane. The cone is what they call a possible track of a hurricane. since storms can be very unpredictable. Cone of uncertainty, storms, a willow tree crying and a path filled with dried and withered poinciana flowers from one of the many trees in a cemetery. someone...almost six foot tall and his biceps and shoulders so wide in black jeans, tight black T-shirt, black boots, his hair falling carelessly in thick long waves around his face. he blended into the night so well it's too dark to see his expression even when the moon seems to shine on his face.... I can somehow make I can make out which expression it was, why obviously he was just glaringly and his knuckles....balled into fists....i can see some scars even. He scream "darkness" except his eyes. As grey as the clouds over us...they seem to be burning with such passion and filled with curiosity and somehow a little...warm...towards me? but they seem to change into dull dead eyes now. pale hands seems to hold me tight adequately not to hurt me in anyway, his handsome face near me though now we were adrift at sea, waves crushing about above us, oh why? what am I seeing? where am I?
I felt like crying my heart out my heart, it feels heavy and it hurts. perhaps I'm having a panic attack. I don't know why I'm reacting this way, if this reaction is the outcome of my fear, why, I have already experienced drowning twice now or.... was I afraid of losing him? And then..... I woke up.