"Sandali naman!" sigaw ko habang tinatahak ang daan papunta sa pinto. Kanina pa kasi may doorbell nang doorbell e alam naman yata na buntis ako e. Kaasar. "Ano ba kasi 'yo—"
"Hi there," ngumiti si Davon saakin habang prenteng nakatayo. He's handsome wearing a blue dress shirt paired with black pants. His hair was fixed the way he fixed his hair back then in college, slicked sideways, on both sides, I know he's not but because of his hair, he seems like he's a Korean idol. The sleeves of his dress shirt look so fitted for I can see his sculped biceps. His chest and his abdomen below are visible too and they scream toughness and power.
"G-good morning, Davon. Why are you here?" tanong ko. It's been three weeks since Davon came out of the hospital. Doctors doesn't want to but Davon wants to, so Davon got what he wanted. "Aren't you supposed to be with Helena?" tanong ko pa. Iyon ang totoo, masakit man ay hinayaan ko sya na mapunta kay Helena. Kahit limot nya kami, basta andyan sya. Baka rin naman maalala nya kami ng anak nya balang araw.
"Can't you let me inside first, Selena?" he titled his head and chuckled. "Just kidding," he said and grinned widely. Napailing nalang ako at inalok sya sa loob. "This house looks familiar," sabi nya habang pinagmamasdan ang bawat sulok na mahahagip ng kanyang paningin.
Of course, it's our house, stupid.
"Helena told me that this is my house with my wife," he said, his gaze fixed on the paintings on the wall. "Is that true? This is my house with my wife?" tanong nya. Napalunok ako nang mariin, heat started filling my eyes.
"O-oo," tanging nasabi ko.
"Hmm, okay, that's why." sabi nya, nagpatuloy kami sa kusina. "It looks really cool," sabi nya kaya napatitig ako sakanya.
Tumango-tango ako, hindi inaalis ang paningin sakanya. Napatingin din sya saakin.
Bolts of electricity spread through my wholeness when his gentle gaze met my eyes. His eyes never change. The blueness of his eyes met the brownness of mine. I felt my butterflies in my stomach when he smiled genuinely at me. "Let's go. I want to see what's on the second floor," aniya at nauna sa may stairs. Nanlumo ako sa pagaakalang nang-iwan sya pero natuwa ang kaloob-looban ko nang makita syang naghihintay sa paanan ng hagdan. "Come on, Selena. You're pregnant, let me help you." aniya kaya napangiti ako kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha sa mata ko.
Mabuti na lamang at hindi nya nakita iyon dahil abala sya sap ag-alalay saakin. "When's your due?" tanong nya.
"Probably t-this week or next week," mahinang sabi ko. Nakita ko syang napatingin saakin at tumango-tango. Nang makaakyat kami ay inuna kong ipakita sakanya ang bedroom namin, baka may maalala sya.
His eyebrows furrowed and his lips formed a thin line. His jaw moved aggressively and I panicked when he held his head. "Ah, fuck."
"A-are you okay? S-should I call Helena? Wha—"
"I-I'm fine, Selena. Thank you," aniya at lumabas ng kwarto. Ako naman ay napaupo lang sa kama namin dati. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko, pilit na winawaksi ang sakit na kanina ko pa nararamdaman. Pilit akong ngumiti at nag-isip.
At least his head hurt. That means he can somehow remember.
Davon came inside the room, panicking. His face relaxed and he sighed when he saw me. He gulped and knelt infront of me. "Hey, what's wrong?' his voice sreams gentleness, the way his gentle eyes looked at me makes me feel as if he's worried because I'm his wife, I covered my face and cried on my hands. He held my hands and stared at my face, the worry on his face remained. "Selena, what's wrong? Please tell me if there is something wrong," aniya. Tumango nalang ako at tumayo. Walang magagawa ang mga luha ko.
Tinahak namin ang daan papunta sa library. "We're leaving," sabi nya. I saw him look at me in my peripheral vision. "We're going to the US, me and Helena. Tonight." sabi nya. Daggers were sent to my chest right after hearing those.
Nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sa buong bahay, tanging ang mga huni ng ibon sa labas ang naririnig. "I-is there anything that I can do to stop you?" I asked weakly.
His eyebrows furrowed at my words.
"What?" tanong nya. "You want to stop me from being happy?"
I looked at him directly. "Why? Are you happy with Helena?' tanong ko.
"Well, yes, of course." my knees trembled. I swear I can feel them nearly giving up. "But if my memories come back, then I won't go," sabi nya. "Helena told me that you're my wife." my eyes widened at his words.
"And do you remember it?" tanong ko.
"No. Besides, I can't see a proof. Just this ring," aniya at ipinakita saakin ang singsing na sinuot ko sakanya noong ikinasal kami.
"And? Is it not enough?" tanong ko pa.
"Give me our wedding certificate and I'll believe you, Selena." his baritone voice sent shivers down my spine. "As I have said, I'll stay if and only if my memories come back," aniya sa pinal na tono at nagpatuloy.
With tears falling, I ran to stop him. "C-can't you really remember?!" sigaw ko. His eyebrows furrowed. I looked behind me and I thanked Him immediately after seeing some stuffs that I can use as an evidence. I took one picture and showed it to Davon who's now confused. "This! This..." a sob escaped my mouth and it echoed loudly. "Can't you really remember?! We went to... to Palawan!" I shouted while crying and pointing at his picture where he's standing shirtless, admiring the view infront of him. "We went there, Davon!" sigaw ko.
Ibinalik ko ang photo frame at kinuha ang wedding picture naming. "Davon! See this please," I cried harder. Davon tried to calm me but I pushed him. "This is our wedding picture! And believe me, please," I sat down. Davon knelt and helped me stand up.
"This—" I sobbed harder. Davon hugged me and I immediately felt comfort when he did. But this isn't the right time. Wala nang oras. "Can't you see?!" sigaw ko at itinulak sya palayo.
"The man beside me... that's you. I know you can't believe me, but please, please!" naramdaman ko'ng sumasakit ang tiyan ko. "I know you can't remember but believe me. Because that man beside me, that's you, baby. That's us!" my voice broke. Davon's eyes screamed pain, but still doing nothing because I won't let him anyway.
"Sorry," aniya at yumuko.
I cried harder but I immediately held my baby bump when I felt the pain becoming worse. Davon immediately rushed to me.
My eyes widened when a liquid rushed out. "Fuck, your water broke." bulong ni Davon at inakay ako pababa ng hagdan. Lumalala lang ang sakit pero tiniis ko muna. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makababa kami sa hagdan at makalabas ng bahay. Davon helped me towards his car and went to the driver's seat. Pinatakbo nya ang sasakyan at pumunta sa pinakamalapit na ospital kung saan din sya na-confine.
Nang makarating kami doon ay agad akong inasikaso ng mga nurse. I heard Davon talking to Zach while I was being assisted by the nurses. Davon came but the nurses stopped him. "I'm her fucking husband so fucking let me!" galit na sigaw nya. Nagulat ang mga nurse, maging ako. Hinayaan sya nang mga nurse na makalapit saakin.
"Please stay," bulong ko sakanya nang makalapit sya.
"Let me remember first, Selena." aniya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Let me, please, baby," aniya, nanlambot ako bigla sa sinabi nya. "I promise to come back to you and to our baby, but please let me," he pleaded with hopeful eyes.
Zach and Keana arrived and the pain worsened even more. Inasikaso ulit ako ng mga nurse at narinig kong binanggit nila na nariyan na raw ang ob-gyn na magpapaanak saakin. I looked at Davon who's worriedly looking at me. Malapit na kami sa delivery room, masakit na masakit na ang tiyan ko. "G-go." I mouthed at Davon.
I saw his lips parted but he still nodded. I saw him mouth "I love you" seriously before leaving so I smiled while enduring the pain. He'll come back for us, baby.
-
"It's a boy," dinig kong sabi ng nagpaanak saakin, not that I don't know though. My son's cry echoed. Keana played with my thumb. I looked at her wearily and she smiled at me, although I can't tell because she's wearing a mask.
I looked at the baby and smiled. We'll wait for your father for now.
They took my son away first. Si Keana'y humarap naman saakin. "Rest, Ate." aniya at inalok ang buhok ko. Pawisan parin ako, akala ko nga mahihimatay ako pero hindi.
Tulad nga ng sabi ni Keana, nagpahinga muna ako. Makalipas naman ang ilang oras ng pagpapahinga ay iniabot na saakin ang anak ko, anak namin. The baby's nose stands tall just like his father's, at mga paa at kamay naman nito ay napaka-cute, kung hindi lang 'to bata ay pinisil ko na iyon nang mariin. Hinawakan ko ay mga kamay nito at pinisil nang marahan. "Let's wait for your father, Arcus Mason." bulong ko at ngumiti. Naalala ko lang na iyon ang gusto ni Davon na ipangalan sa anak naming, sure daw sya na lalaki, e. Yun 'yong hindi pa namin alam. Pero tama naman sya. Lalaki nga.
Napaisip naman ako habang hawak ang anak naming ni Davon. "Keana?" tawag ko sa kakambal ko. Tumingin naman sya kaagad saakin. "Anong oras na? Sabi kasi ni Davon ay aalis sila ngayong gabi papuntang US," sabi ko.
"Maggagabi palang, Ate." sabi naman ni Keana. Lumabas sya sandal at ipapaalam nya raw kina Mama at Alistair na magkasama sa bahay, hindi raw nya nasabihan e. Edi hinayaan ko na.
Matapos naman ang dalawang araw na nasa ospital kami ay pinauwi na kami at pwede naman na raw. Sa bahay muna kami uuwi at magpapatulong ako kay Mama sa pag-alaga kay Arman.
Pagkarating na pagkarating ay chineck ko kaagad ang cellphone ko, baka nagmessage si Davon. Pero pagkabukas ko palang ay napalunok agada ko nang mariin ang buungad saakin ang isang article sa Facebook.
Fatal crash of a plain to US, no survivors! Read here.
My heart ached after reading the headline. Oo, headline palang, hindi ko na kaya . Dahil noong gabing umalis sina Davon, noon din nagcrash ang eroplanong papunta ng US.
Sleepless nights have passed. All I did was to pray. I prayed and cried so hard every night. Fooling myself that there might be a mistake and my husband survived. I want him alive.
I want him alive so bad but I'm not a God to bring back what's already lost.
Pinapagalitan narin ako nina Mama at Keana dahil hindi ko inaalagaan ang sarili ko. Namamayat na raw ako, ayaw ko pa kumain at matulog. Pero wala akong pakialam.
On each sleepless night that have passed, I slowly accepted everything.
That Davon is dead.
That Davon won't come back.
That I don't have a husband anymore.
That Arman will grow up without meeting his father even once.
Regret after regret came to my mind. What if's followed one another. What if I didn't... what if...
My sleepless nights continued. Today, I don't feel like living anymore. Because I'm so dead inside. I can't take it anymore.
I went to Arman's crib. He's really good-looking, not bad for a baby boy. I smiled and lifted him up, carried him, and held him in my arms. I cried silently while lifting him. After an hour, I placed him back on his crib.
The next day, I don't know but Keana panicked when she saw me. She immediately called Zach and they hurried up to send me to the hospital.
I was just lying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. Davon's dead. My husband's dead. Davon's dead. Arman's father's dead. I smiled sadly while thinking of the letter I gave Keana earlier while crying. Natawa pa ako nang maalalang nakiiyak saakin si Keana kahit hindi nya alam ang iniiyakan ko. Ibinilin ko nalang sakanya ang anak naming ni Davon dahil hindi ko na talaga kaya.
Arman,
I know you've grown up now, son. Please don't be a bad boy, okay? Mommy and Daddy will always guide you. Whenever you feel so sad, just close your eyes, look up at the sky, and open your eyes. Mommy and Daddy will look after you from above, son. Be a guy with moral principles, okay?
I know. Mommy's so bad for leaving you alone. I know this is a selfish decision. But please understand me, son. If only I didn't let your father go, we'd still be together today, today when you're reading this letter. I'm sorry, Arman. Mommy's really sorry.
Whatever happens, we won't leave your side, son. We did, but we are just there, beside you, everyday. Remember that we love you so much, Arman. I love you so much, we love you so much. Live, son.
your Mommy,
Selena
I know this is a selfish decision, that's why I'm really sorry.
In those sleepless nights, I've accepted many things. But also, I've decided already, and I'm sure of this now.
If dying would mean seeing Davon and being with him again, then I would. Gladly.
See you in the afterlife, Davon. Please wait for me.