"Damon, this is Dailon." pagpapakilala ni Mom sa isang lalaki na medyo matangkad saakin, nakangiti ito saakin. Tinitigan ko lang ito at napansin ko ang mata nitong kulay green. "Your stepbrother," sabi pa ni Mommy. May sakit lang naman si Dad, hindi naman patay, why is there a step thing?
"Hi there." sabi nung Dailon. Tinaasan ko lang ito ng kilay at tumakbo ako palayo. Ayoko rito. Ayoko. Tumako lang ako nang tumakbo hanggang sa makarating ako sa isang gubat, napatingin ako sa pinanggalingan ko at naroon palang naman iyon, akala ko ay nawala na ako.
Kumuha ako ng mga bato na nakita ko at naghulog ng mga iyon sa dinadaanan ko, para makabalik pa ako mamaya. Umakyat muna ako sa isang puno at doon naupo. Tahimik lang akong nakaupo doon nang makarinig akong sumisigaw. Boses babae.
Dahan-dahan akong bumaba pero dumulas ako sa inaapakan ko kaya napasubsob ako lupa. May batis naman na malapit kaya nagmadali ako doon at inayos ang itsura ko. Bumalik ako sa kung saan ko narinig ang sigaw at nakita ang batang babae doon na walang malay. She looks so cute, she looks cute sleeping.
Nakangiting pinagmasdan ko ang babae at napailing. I'm crazy. Dahan-dahan ko'ng binuhat ang batang babae pero muntikan ko na syang maibagsak nang may lumapit saakin na paru-paro. Ewan ko pero medyo natatakot ako, mabuti nga lang at hindi ko naibagsak ang batang babae.
Binuhat ko sya dahil magaan naman sya, habang naglalakad, naalala ko 'yong kanta sa Adventure Time, may paru-paro din kasi doon, naalala ko tuloy. Yung orange ba ang pakpak?
Nabagot ako kaya naghum ako pero nakanta ko iyon. "Come along with me, with the butterflies and bees, we can wander through the forest, and do so as we please." kanta ko habang sinusundan ng tingin ang mga batong iniwan ko kanina.
Nang makalabas sa gubat ay may nakita akong mag-asawa na may hinahanap. Napabaling ang babae saakin at kinuha ang anak nya, yata. "Salamat sa pagbalik sa anak namin, iho." anito at ngumiti. Tama nga ako, anak nila.
"Walang anuman po," sabi ko at sinuklian ang ngiti nya. Bumalik na ako sa ospital, kay Papa. Only to find out that his sickness worsened even more.
"Hoy, tulala ka dyan?" bungad ng kaibigan kong si Zach. "Bakla ka, may ginawa ka 'no?" aniya at pinagsingkitan ako ng mga mata.
"Dude, fuck off." sabi ko sakanya at nagpatuloy sa pagrereview. Siraulo din 'to si Zach. Ako pa ang sinabihang bakla.
"Nice, sana lahat nakasagot," sabi sakin ni Zach pagkatapos ng klase.
"Yan, hindi ka kasi nagrereview," sabi ko. Ayan, hindi tuloy sya nakasagot sa recitation. "Bakla ka," sabi ko sa boses nya.
"Gago," sabi nya kaya natawa ako. "Aray! Oh, I'm so sorry," aniya sa babaeng nagbabasa ng libro habang naglalakad. This girl looks familiar.
"O-okay lang po," anito sa malambot na boses. I was dumbfounded for a second when she looked up, our eyes met and it felt weird.
Umiwas din sya ng tingin at naglakad palayo. "Bakla ka, tinamaan ka naman?" tanong ni Zach nang mapagtantong nakatitig ako sa babaeng naglalakad palayo. Probably a first year college student.
"None of your business," sabi ko kay Zach at iniwan sya doon. Alam ko sa sarili ko na nagandahan ako sa babae, hindi lang sa mukha nya. Pati sa boses nya, sigurado din ako na mawawala rin itong nararamdaman ko doon. Bata 'yon.
Siguradong-sigurado ako doon. Pero napansin ko na lang sa sarili ko na sinusundan ng tingin ang babae kada dadaanan nya ako, napapangiti rin ako bigla 'pag naiisip ko sya.
"Siraulo ka, seryoso?" sabi ni Zach at pinagtawanan ako nang sabihin ko sakanya ang nararamdaman ko sa babae. "Gago, mas bata 'yun!" aniya pa, hawak ang tiyan kakatawa.
"At least babae!" I snapped back at him.
Agad syang natigil sa pagtawa. "And what, Leivon?" pinagtaasan nya ako ng kilay at lumapit saakin. "If you don't like me being with guys, then don't." aniya at naglakad palayo.
I can't believe I almost lost my bestfriend. Buti at nagkabati kami. Ngayon ay Valentine's Day. I'll aproach her now.
"Dude, what the fuck is happening with you?" tanong ko sa sarili at napahilamos sa mukha habang nakaharap sa salamin. "Fuck, this better be good," sabi ko pa at lumabas ng restroom habang dala ang chocolates, isang bouquet ng tulips at isang sulat. Napakunot ang noo ko nang makitang nananahimik sya sa isang bench, nagbabasa nanaman, ang daming lumalapit sakanya pero hindi nya pinapansin ang mga ito.
Bumuntong-hininga ako at lumapit sakanya, dala ang mga ibibigay ko. "Hi, I'm Marcus." pagpapakilala ko at umupo sa tabi nya, wala parin syang pakialam saakin kaya sinubukan kong maging masungit. "Fourth year na ako," sabi ko pa. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing wala parin syang pakialam, nanatili ang malilikot na mata nya sa binabasa. Napatingin ako doon at namilog ang mga mata ko nang makitang History iyon! Nakakatakot ang professor sa History kaya hinayaan ko nalang syang magreview. Nang makitang may hinahanap si Zach ay ibinigay ko sakanya mismo ang mga dala ko na inilapag ko sa tabi nya at tumayo.
Napaangat sya ng tingin saakin kaya napangisi ako. "At liligawan kita. With or without your consent, okay?" sabi ko sakanya at kinindatan sya bago umalis. Feeling ko ang saya-saya ko sa loob ko nang sandaling makita ko na namula sya. Is it her first time having a damn so handsome suitor like me?
The next time I approached her, it shocked me when she said hi, I talked to her everytime and smiled when I found her ranting. "Nakakainis sila, mga scammer." sabi nya saakin kaya natawa ako.
"Oo na." sabi ko at binigay sakanya ang pagkain na para sakanya. Kumain kami doon sa bench mismo, at doon ko rin naramdaman sa mga actions nya na nakikisama lang sya saakin, probably trying to see how long I'd be like this to her. Well, sorry, Selena Aiah. But you're mine. You're mine from the day I told you I'm courting you.
We've been together for long now. I know she's aleady comfortable with me. Everyday with her feels like I'm floating from happiness. That's why a day without her feels tiring and boring. Today, we're heading to the SM by the bay, we went to watch a movie, we ate, and we played. After that day, I realized that there's something in exchange for happiness.
Some bastards from the organization against ours' shot me. Yeah. I hugged Selena when I saw something like a red dot on her chest, so I hugged her and I felt her flinch when a gunshot was heard. Those bastards shot me and it was the reason why I was taken away from my Selena.
Mom sent me almost every country so I would forget about Selena. Spain, England, Japan. And in Japan, I met a girl named Helena Rae, I know she likes me. And I wasn't wrong.
"Bakla ka talaga, ba't ka pa bumalik?" si Zach.
"Just here to claim what's mine." sabi ko at naupo sa couch ng unit ko. "Today's her Graduation Day. She'll probably go looking for somewhere to work in these days," tiningnan ko si Zach nang matalim. "And don't you fucking dare accept her in your company." I spat.
"Whoa, chill. Hindi naman 'no." sabi nya. "Kung gustong-gusto mo, edi iyo na, lunukin mo. May Helena ka na nga e." sabi pa ng bakla kong kaibigan na mahilig makialam.
"Mas gusto ko yung Selena," I said and smirked before leaving him there. Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko at naisipang magshower. How does she look like now? Will she recognize me the moment our eyes meet? I don't think so. Bihira syang tumingin saakin noon. And I was right.
I ran immediately when I saw her and gave the guard a piercing look. He just shooed my chubby Selena away! "Good afternoon, Miss." pagtawag ko sakanya. Habang hindi pa sya nakakaharap ay napalunok na ako. Nang makalingon ay sandali pa nyang pinagmasdan ang kabuuan ko kaya nagpanic ako nang patago. "What are you staring at?" I tried to sound bored. Baka makilala nya ako agad. Mabuti 'yon pero hindi muna ngayon. Not now. I'll have to fix what's between me and Helena first. After that, then it's the go signal.
"Zach, trace where Selena have been today. The companies where she applied. Make sure no company will accept her, she's my secretary." sabi ko.
"Ngayon na?" tanong nya.
"Yeah, I want it fixed, right now." sabi ko at binaba ang tawag.
"How dare you steal my first kiss!" sigaw saakin ni Selena na secretary ko na ngayon. I can't believe that she can't remember me.
"Whoa, chill lady." natatawang sabi ko. Dinuduro na ako e. Tumawa lang ako kahit masakit. Ang kinagagalit nya, kinuha ko raw ang first kiss nya. Ganon na ba katagal ang huling paghalik ko sakanya bago ito para makalimutan nya ako?
I've kissed her some few times back then already, that's why it hurt me when she spat at me, saying that I stole her first kiss.
Selena.... changed a lot. She's not the silent and shy type now. Scold her and she will scold back at you. She's still small, though. But she's not really small, I'm just tall. But at least now, she's not that chubby anymore. I regret embarassing her back then. My body's bigger and taller than her now. Just like before.
"Ich glaube ich falle," sabi ko, seryoso. "Ya lyublyu tebya, kroshka." it was almost a whisper. She recorded it and I know she's listen to it that night and search for it's meaning, that's why that night, I ended what's with me and Helena. She became angry though, maybe she forgot that this girl I told her about and my Selena is the same person.
We dated. Yeah, maybe boring, maybe, but we dated inside a mall. I was just hoping that she'll remember me but her friends, and even her first suitor was there, of course, I was damn jealous. She's mine, asshole!
I kissed her as I pushed her to the restroom door. We even went far from kissing! But at least inside that cubicle where I first touched her, she told me that she likes me and me only. It was one of my happy days. I can't say that it was the happiest, I know many happy days with her will always make me happy and contented.
Later, I found out that Zach's hitting on Selena's twin sister. "I'm not, stupid." sabi nya saakin.
"It's strange, Zach. Now you're the guy." sabi ko sakanya. Naconfuse pa kasi sya pero nang masiguro ang nararamdaman sa kakambal ni Selena ay hindi na nanligaw ang unang bakla. Bagay sakanya yung Zach, Ang Unang Bakla. Hindi naman na sya nagagalit, totoo naman daw. Ngayon sabihan mo no'n at suntok ang aabutin mo.
I explained to Selena about the fucking Mafia thing where I WAS the underboss. Inexplain ko, yung kaya kong i-explain sakanya. I even included the attacks which included that thing. Yung unang nahiwalay ako sakanya, doon sa SM by the bay. Hindi nya naman talaga tanda. Yung kapatid nya nga naganon din, pero hindi nabaril si Zach my friend.
While I was trying to sleep peacefully, Selena continued talking to me. Well, you can't blame me for not being able to sleep peacefully, it's my first time sleeping with Selena, and my boner won't let me sleep! My eyes widened in my inner reaction when she told me she remembers me now, my Marcus self.
"Kahit maglakad tayo papunta sa kung saan, kung may lalaki na magsabing, Selena, remember me? I am Marcus," sabi nya. But I am Marcus. "Hindi ako sasama sakanya. Kasi naamin ko na sa sarili ko na...." natagalan bago nya itinuloy. "....mahal na kita." sabi nya kaya napatigil ako saglit sa paghinga.
Bumuntong hininga sya at nagiba ng posisyon. "Don't worry, I'm inlove with you too." bulong ko pagkalapit sakanya.
The next day, she asked me if I was just sleeptalking, I found her conclusion funny. After that, sometimes she would mention my old self's name. I'll just change the topic or sometimes not pay attention. We can't get married yet. Not now.
A few days have passed, Zach called. "Kami na, Leivon."
"And so? Bakla ka," panggagaya ko sa boses nya noon.
"Anong sabi mo?" napailing nalang ako bigla. Binabaan ko sya ng tawag at nagpunta sa cafeteria para kunin ang pagkain namin ni Selena. Pagbalik ko sa office ay nagulantang ako nang marinig ang tili ni Selena. Sinabi raw sakanya ni Keana na sila na ng kaibigan kong dating bakla.
That day became one of my happiest days with Selena. Because that day, she became my girlfriend.
Some months have passed and we're here at Aklan. I came looking for a pearl to give it to Selena, Christmas Day had just passed after all. But when I came back to where she was, she's already talking to a guy. It was okay for me but that guy was a member of the organization that was against us. It angered me.
Selena was sad. She can't handle me ignoring her so she came to me. I know it was a sin but damn, I'd gladly sin with my baby.
We made love and we both came on New Year. Selena stayed on bed the next day, I asked a doctor to come to us. My baby found it difficult to walk. Well, it's kinda my fault. I said I'd move gently but I did it roughly, for her to learn that she was, she is, and she will always be mine.
"A house. A two-storey bungalow. Kayo na bahala sa design, and you know my colors, brother." sabi ko kay Dailon at ayon nga. Pinasimulan ko na ang paggawa ng magiging bahay namin ni Selena.
"Mom, don't scare her, okay?" sabi ko kay Mom saka hinayaan sya na makausap si Selena. Just like when she was just in her first year in college, she seem so awkwarded at my Mom. But gladly Mom accepted her, even though she knows that my Selena and the girl I protected back then was just the same person.
"Sa tingin mo ba, tama na i-trade ang lahat para sa isang bagay na sa tingin mo lang ay worth it?" my baby asked me after a meeting. I didn't answer back after she asked, of course. It took me hours before answering her.
"Baby, I own a company of paintings with branches all around the world. And you're a very beautiful painting. You see, Selena...." my Selena, my baby, a masterpiece. "I'll trade everything for you," I said and kissed her.
"Please don't leave me baby," sabi ko sakanya. Nasa Palawan kami, bakasyon lang.
Yumuko sya, napansin ko ang ilang luhang tumulo kaya napakunot ang noo ko. "I won't leave you." aniya at ngumiti.
Nalungkot ako bigla. May mali e. "Promise?"
Inilahad ko ang pinky finger ko at tiningnan nya muna iyon bago inilagay din ang sa kanya. "Promise."
May mali talaga.
We won't lose each other again, right?
"Happy 4th anniversary, Davon." bati nya saakin. I can't believe it. Time flies real fast.
Binati ko rin sya at kumain na kami. Nang magpa-supermarket naman kami ay napatitig ako sa kahon ng gatas ng bata. Just a family with my baby.
"Kung gusto mo na talagang pakasalan, then tell her." payo ni Mom. Alam ko ang tinutukoy nya.
Nabasa ko rin ang message saakin ni Selena, sa account na Marcus L. ang inilagay ko.
Marcus, kung ikaw yan, pwes ako ito. Si Selena Aiah. Iyong niligtas mo, yung nililigawan mo dati. Nagpapasalamat ako sa ginawa mong pagligtas saakin. Sayang, hindi kita makita. Sasagutin na sana kita.
Biro lang. Masaya na ako ngayon kasama ng isang lalaking wala akong balak na iwanan mag-isa, dahil mahal na mahal ko sya, akin na akin lang sya. Alam ko na ganon din sya sa akin, Marcus.
Sana'y masaya ka kung nasaan ka man, kung gusto mo akong makita, sabihin mo lang. Yun lamang, salamat ulit. Magandang gabi. Malaya ka na, Marcus. Hindi ka saakin pero pinapakawalan na kita.
It actually took me time before I did.
And what she said, melted my heart. I fucking love her.
"Nakausap mo ba si Marcus? Pinaalis mo ba sya, Damarcus Leivon?" her voice broke, probably because of too much anger.
Napayuko ako bago ko masipan na gumalaw. "Baby," pagtawag ko. I looked at her and stared deep in her eyes, I held her waist and gave her a kiss that will surely remind her of how I kissed her back then.
That night, she remembered me. But another attack happened. God knows how much I want to fucking kill those fucking bastards, but I didn't.
Simula noong gabing iyon ay hindi ko na ulit sya hinawakan, niyakap, o hinalikan. I might just get horny so I would not.
"Yes, I'd marry you!" sigaw nya nang magpropose ako sakanya. We're here at Maldives for our wedding. I can't fucking wait anymore.
"You may now kiss the bride," sabi ng pari kaya agad kong hinatak palapit ang asawa ko at agad syang hinalikan. I fucking waited for this. I fucking did!
That night, we did it again. But that night, I didn't stop until Selena's body gave up. Because that night, I made sure that I'd put something to make her tummy big and full for nine months.
"I-I'm pregnant," mahinang sambit nya.
I imeddiately rushed to hug her, tears fell from my eyes. "For real, baby?" tanong ko at tumango naman sya. "Fuck," lumuhod ako at inilapit ang tainga sa may tiyan nya. Nang makalayo ay tumingin ako sakanya at ngumiti. "What I always wanted."
Nagpunta kami sa ob-gyn matapos ang ilang buwan, para malaman ang kasarian ng anak namin. We went to the supermarket after that, and I can't believe that I saw some men of the org against us outside, at the parking lot of the mall.
I immediately sent Selena to our car and I fought the assholes. I turned back, headed to the car, worried that Adrile, a hitman, might go for Selena and our baby. The next thing I knew, I felt something hard hit the back of my head, my body gave up.
"I'm here, Davon." I heard my baby's faint voice. Am I dead? "Davon, we're here." nakumpirma ko doon na buhay pa ako, nagpasalamat ako agad sa Kanya.
"B-baby?" nanghihina man ay nasambit ko rin. My head still fucking hurts, and it hurts like fucking hell!
"Davon," tawag nya saakin kaya dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang mga mata.
"H-hey there, baby." sabi ko at marahang ngumiti para maipaalam sakanya na okay na ako.
Nag-usap pa sila ng nurse, ako naman ay nagpahinga lang.
"Do I know you, pregnant woman? Do I know you, by any chance?" tanong ko sa buntis na babae sa harap ko. Her face looks familiar, but I couldn't remember where I saw her pretty face.
Zach came with a nurse and a girl beside her, they questioned me with some shoutings, my ears hurt.
Umiyak din ang babaeng buntis, nanghihina man ay bumangon ako at inalalayan ito. Baka ako ang mayari sa asawa nito.
Kinuha ko ang cellphone at napakunot ang noo ko sa nakita. I thought yesterday was with Helena so I called her, she was confused. That weirded me out, we were just dating yesterday and now I'm in a hospital? What the fuck happened? Even Zach.... he's now more like a real guy.
Napamulat ako at napangiti sa bumungad saakin. "Babe," tawag ko kay Helena.
Napakunot ang noo nya. "What? What are you talking about?" tanong nya.
"What? What are you talking about?" panggagaya ko sakanya. Natawa sya saakin. "Stop fooling around." sabi ko at natawa sakanya.
Helena really likes fooling around. "No, you stop fooling around." aniya at nagpatuloy sa pagtawa. Biglang bumukas ang pinto at andoon nanaman ang buntis na babae kanina lang. Napaayos ng upo si Helena. "Hi there," aniya, bakas ang pang-iinis sa boses.
"We meet again, pregnant lady." sabi ko sa babae at ngumiti. Sinabi ko kay Helena na sya 'yong babaeng sinasabi ko sa tawag kahapon. Sya nga.
Nagpaalam si Helena na mag-uusap sila nung buntis. Baka kilala nya ito. Lumabas nga sila kaya naiwan ako at naglaro nalang sa cellphone ko nang dumating si Zach kasama yung babae na kasama nya talaga at tinanong saakin kung nasaan yung Selena raw.
Selena ang pangalan nung buntis na babae?
Napahawak ako sa ulo ko nang kumirot ito. Mabuti nalang ay may dumating na nurse at tinurukan ako ng pampatulog. Narealize ko lang na pampatulog matapos ang ilang oras na tulog. Kinagabihan ay doon si Helena nanatili, sabi ko kasi kanina'y doon muna sya. Pumayag naman.
"C-can't you really remember?!" sigaw ni Selena. Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko. Buntis sya, hindi dapat ganito. Tatlong linggo na mula noong makalabas ako sa ospital, ayaw sana ng mga doktor, pero wala silang magagawa. Sinabi ko rin kay Selena na aalis kami. Kaya eto't pinipilit na makaalala ako.
She looked behind her, I saw a table with some picture frames on it. She took one picture frame and showed it to me, crying. I gave him my confused look for I really can't remember. "This! This..." her sob echoed loudly. Worry is now al over me. "Can't you really remember?!" tanong nya, tila nawawalan na nga ng pasensya. "We went to... to Palawan!" she shouted and pointed at my picture where I was standing, she took this picture from behind. I was wearing nothing on top.
"We went there, Davon!" sigaw nya. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting kirot sa ulo ko. After it, flashes of pictures when we went to Palawan came. I have no time to react anymore, Selena took another frame and showed it to me. It was a picture of me and her, probably our wedding picture. "Davon! See this please," lumakas lalo ang iyak nya. Sinubukan kong lapitan sya, para narin iwaksi ang sakit na nararamdaman sa ulo ko, pero tinutulak nya lang ako papalayo. "This is our wedding picture! And believe me, please," she sat down on the floor weakly. I rushed to help her up and I was shocked she just let me.
"Can't you see?!" she's starting again. And I'm worrying again because if she's really my wife and that baby is also my son, then I should really be worried. "The man beside me... that's you. I know you can't believe me, but please, please!"
"I believe you," mahinang sambit ko pero alam kong hindi nya 'yon narinig.
"I know you can't remember but believe me. Because that man beside me, that's you, baby." the way she called me baby gave me hints of memories back then. I saw some, and maybe that's in Aklan? "That's us!" her voice broke, after breaking her voice, her water bag followed.
I immediately panicked. I still can't remember anything but I'm sure this child is mine.
While driving towards the hospital, flashes of scenes where Selena was with me while we went to the ob-gyn, to the supermarket, when she told me she's pregnant, resurfaced. They did. But not all of them did.
"I'm her fucking husband so fucking let me!" asik ko sa mga nurse na ayaw akong palapitin sa asawa ko.
"Please stay," bulong nya.
"Let me remember first, Selena." sabi ko at hinawakan ang kamay nya. I caressed her thumb and smiled at her. "Let me, please, baby," I said. "I promise to come back to you and to our baby, but please let me,"
Zach, and the Keana woman, arrived. I nodded at them and rushed to Zach. "Take care of them while I'm away, Zach. Please." I pleaded to him. I know I'll take long but I know I will come back to them.
I worriedly looked at Selena, I saw her mouth "go" and my lips parted in shock. I thought she won't let me. I mouthed back I love you and it felt good. I thought it would weird me out but it didn't.
"Easy victor," the plane captain announced. Some passengers, including Helena, panicked. I was also about to, and I looked at the view, we're crashing towards the land, none of us would survive if we would just let it. I saw someone, probably a flight attendant, handing something. Probably a parachute or what. I got his idea. It'd a bad thing that the plane's crashing, though. I want to take Helena with me but she's unconcsious. People are panicking, not seeing the flight attendant by the door holding a parachute. So I took everything important to me, my wallet, my wallet that stores all my cards including my passport, credit cards and shit like that, and looked for a ziplock bag inside Helena's luggage.
Agad kong ipinasok sa ziplock bag ang mga nakuhang importante at lumapit sa flight attendant, nginitian ko sya at inayos ang gagamiting parachute. Nang makabit ko iyon saakin ay walang pag-aalinlangan akong tumalon. It's a sea below, that's kinda good. I have a parachute on me.
My feet touched the water safely and I just floated in there for almost twenty minutes. I don't know where I am but I can see some islands far away, but still noticeable, I didn't even think of swimming to any islands, they're visible but far. I held my ziplock back tightly. I'd live for them. I'd live. I know I would.
I opened my eyes and my lips formed a smile when I saw a boat. It was heading to my right, I immediately shouted my lungs out. The man on the small boat noticed me, ako naman ay pagod na pagod na. Pero bago ako mawalan ng malay, sigurado ako na nalapitan ako ng lalaki at hinila paakyat ng bangka niya.
"The doctor said you can go out now," the man who saved me told me. I smiled at him. It's been many years already, probably two. But I still can't go back without all of my memories.
"Thanks for that," sabi ko sa lalaki. Matanda ito saakin pero kaunti lang. Probably four years older than me. "Wait, I'd buy something for us to eat." sabi ko at lumabas, I headed to the town. Narito ako ngayon sa Puerto Rico. I came out of the hospital but it will just take long before I go home to my Selena and our son.
Yes, I remember my Selena now, but to the one where I ended what's with me and Helena just to be with her. And also, I was the only survivor from the plane crash. Everyone, including Helena, died. The news said that there was no survivors, but I know they didn't know I survived.
Many many years have passed, my memories came back slowly. But at least now, they're all here.
Starting from when I met Selena back in college. When she entered my company's building. When I told her I love her. When we first made love. When I married her. When she told me she's pregnant. All of it.
The process was painful and hurtful, but everything is worth it for my Selena and our son.
A little bit more of waiting, son and wife. I'm coming.
"Thank you so much, man." sabi ko sa kumupkop saakin. Nag-iwan din ako ng maliit pero sapat na pera para sakanya. The man lives alone, you see.
I immediately booked a flight to the Philippines. I'm wearing a white polo longsleeve that hugs mbody the way I want it, and paired it with black jeans and white shoes. Pinakiramdaman ko ang mga wallet ko na nasa mga bulsa ko at tumuloy sa eroplanong sasakyan.
'Wag ka lang umepal ngayon, ah.
I smiled widely upon touching the Philippine soil. "I'm coming home," bulong ko sa kawalan, iniisip ang mag-ina ko. Dumeretso ako sa kinatatayuan ng bahay namin ni Selena.
Pinapasok naman ako agad ng guard na nakilala ako! Akala nya nga raw ay multo.
May babae doon na nagdidilig ng mga halaman, hindi iyon si Selena, ang kakambal nya. "Are you Ms. Tuazon?" tanong ko.
"I'm Mrs. Oliver, Mr.—" nag-angat sya ng tingin at napatitig saakin. "You seem so familiar..." sabi nya kaya natawa ako. Nanlaki ang mga mata nya at binitawan ang hawak na hose, pumasok sya sa bahay at mat tinawag, probably Selena.
But Keana came but with Zach. Zach grew up more, huh? His eyes scanned my wholeness, I chuckled at him. "Seriously, Zach?" natatawang tanong ko.
"L-Leivon?" tanong nya kaya natawa ako lalo.
"Fuck, yeah." sabi ko at itinaas ang kamao, sinalubong nya naman 'yon ng kamao nya at muling nanlaki ang mga mata nya.
"Gago, ba't buhay ka? Akala namin... no survivors?" takang tanong nya.
"Pfft. What am I then, surviver?" natatawang biro ko.
"You're really alive, and here!" malakas na sabi nya. Zach's body changed but he somehow didn't.
"I remember everything now," sabi ko kaya napatango ang dalawa. "Fuck those bastards who gave me those placebo pills." sabi ko pa. Tanda ko yun. Sasampahan ko ng kaso ang dapat kasuhan. "Where's my Selena? Is she insi—"
"Tito Zach!"
Sabay-sabay kaming tatlong napatingin sa may likuran ko, kung saan galing 'yung nagsalita. And there, my eyes widened when I saw a teenage boy that looks exactly like me. He's tall, he's probably as tall as me. He's wearing a school uniform, his broad shoulders shows. His tall nose also stands up, and when he came near, his blue eyes made me realize that he's mine. He's my son. I also saw some features from Selena so I felt happy all inside me.
"That girl won't fucking let me go! Telling me she'd give me a fucking gift since tomorrow's when I'd be at legal age and shit, she's out of her mind, Tito!" reklamo nya kay Zach na tmatawa lang sa sumbong nito. "And—" napatingin ito saakin at sinuri ang kabuuan ko. "Who's this man?" tanong nya. "Hi, Mr. I am Arcus Mason Lopez, and it's nice to meet you," maganang pagpapakilala nito at naglahad ng kamay saakin. He's a Lopez.
"You're a Lopez?" tanong ko pa.
"Arcus Mason Lopez, Sir." anito. Napangiti agad ako at niyakap sya. Damn, this is my son. This is our son. "H-have we met before, Sir?" takang tanong nito kaya humarap ako sakanya.
"I am Damarcus Leivon Lopez, nice to meet you, Arcus Mason." sabi ko at ngumiti. Tinanggap ko ang kanina pa nakalahad na kamay nya. Muli ay taka syang tumingin kina Zach.
"Isn't Damarcus Leivon the name of my father? Right, Tito Zach? Tita Keana?" tanong nito. Natawa ako sa pagtanong nya. Parang hindi nawawalan ng energy ang batang ito.
"Yeah," sabay pa ang dalawa at nakangiti. Napaawang ang labi ng anak namin at napatingin saakin.
"D-dad?" he called with hopeful eyes.
"That's me, son." sabi ko at nginitian sya. He pouted cutely and hugged me like a child who missed his father so much. Well, he's a grown up. He'd lie if he'd say he didn't miss me or something. "Dad, h-how..." umiiyak na sabi nya.
"I'm here, Arcus." sabi ko at napangiti. She really took it seriously when I told her I want Arcus Mason as our son's name.
"Still!" reklamo pa ng anak namin kaya natawa ako. Bahagya ko syang itinulak, his eyelashes are long and wet from crying, his cheeks became red, also his eyes.
"Is Arman what they call you?" tanong ko.
"Fuck, yeah," sagot nya kaya natawa ulit ako. Anak ko nga.
"Language," saway ni Zach.
"It's fine, Zach. Let him." sabi ko at binalingan ang anak ko na ngayon ay malawak nang nakangiti. "So where's your Mom?" tanong ko. Napakunot ang noo ko nang dahan-dahang mawala ang ngiti nya at umiwas sya ng tingin.
"Arman, accompany your Dad," sabi ni Keana. Napalunok si Arman at tumango.
"Let's go, Dad." aniya at malungkot na ngumiti. Tumingin muna ako kina Keana bago kinakabahang sumunod sa anak ko na naglalakad palapit ng isang BMW.
Sumakay sya sa driver's seat at sumunod ako sa katabi non. Tahimik lang kami buong biyahe at napakunot ang noo ko nang narealize ko na papunta kami ng sementeryo.
Bumaba si Arman kaya sumunod ako sakanya. He stopped and sat down beside a gravestone and tapped the space beside him. May mga damo naman kaya umupo narin ako. I looked at the gravestone and my mouth parted in shock, tears followed afterwards.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
SELENA AIAH T. LOPEZ
I looked at her date of birth and date of death. Her date of death shocked me. It was some months after I was supposed to go to the US but I ended up on Puerto Rico instead.
"N-no," bulong ko.
I felt my son tapping my shoulder. "Yes, Dad. Mom's dead. That's the truth," aniya. Tears continued falling from our eyes. Ang hirap tanggapin. Ang hirap.
She was one of my inspirations so I would live and survive, but I didn't know that I only had one living inspiration back then.
Arman explained to me. How she died, why she died. It stabbed my chest when I heard that she died because of depression and sleep deprivation. He told me how his Mom said sorry in the letter his Tita gave him, a letter that Selena wrote herself for our son to read, before she died.
She thought I was dead. She thought I was gone.
"B-baby, I—" a sob escaped my mouth. Arman tapped my shoulders once again. "I survived, baby." sabi ko at iniyak na lahat.
Dahil kailangan kong magpatuloy. Andyan man sya o wala.
"Dad, I didn't even got removed at the Dean's list," Arman informed me.
"Congratulations, son. Let's eat outside, how's that?" tanong ko, agad namang tumango-tango ang anak ko.
Many years have passed already, here we are. Separated. She's dead while I am alive. I'd still live for my son. He's not into loving someone, he told me. He'll focus on his studies for now. That's his promise to me.
Besides, he told me he wanted to be with his Dad since he lived 17 long years without me. So I did.
Although Selena died, no one ever did replaced her place in my heart. She might died, yes. But she'll always be inside of my heart. She's what makes my heart pieces full. Without her in my heart, I'd be broken.
"Dad, pizza!" parang batang itinuro ni Arman ang pizza house. Masayang-masaya sya kaya napangiti nalang tuloy ako dahil sa anak kong masiyahin.
"Come on, then." alok ko at napailing nang makitang tumalon-talon pa sya papasok. I chuckled at what he did, some people also gave him weird looks but my son ignored them. That's the least of my son's worry.
I'm now closing our book. Our story has already ended. Still, life will go on, it will not stop for you or for anyone. Remember, not because an important person in your life is gone, that doesn't mean you should give up on life.
I'm happy that I spent time with my Selena back then. We made our memories together. Made our own love story together. Our love story ended the way I didn't expect it to be. But I hope our story will make someone understand love.
Because love... if it's love, it would still be there, with or without the person by your side.
Because love... is a rollercoaster of emotions.
Because love... love stories aren't always happy in the end.
Years have passed. I can say I'm old enough and I've seen everything for my son. I was there. From his first love, I helped him when he was confused, I calmed him when he was panicking, I was there when he graduated, when he became the CEO of our company, and how he happily married his first love. I was there. And I know, Selena's there too.
I tried opening my eyes and faced the white ceiling, my son and his wife, my daughter, gave birth to twins, who're both guys. The two cried while I was staring at my son and daughter who're also crying silently. I smiled at them and held my grandsons' hands. I felt my eyes closing, I released a sigh and closed them happily.
See you in the afterlife, Selena. Please wait for me.
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-THE END-