*FUCK, of all the places? Why are we even here? I don't even have any idea where this is, there was only a sign Welcome to Midnight Snacks? What kind of hotel is this? And it has a discount from 9 pm to 3 am? So it's for night couples huh?
Wait, what the fuck? How did we even end up here? I don't remember any plans of coming to a hotel and I don't remember looking at the road at all, Ugh shit I remember now,
SHE was the one that brought us here, she turned on autopilot and chose this place.
Tsk tsk tsk, silly girl you're giving me a headache,...
I remained standing at the backside of the hover, I don't want her to see me because the amount of awkwardness is too much right now. I suddenly vented out because I misunderstood her, I thought she just wanted to implicate me but it was just because she thought I brought her here. We are no in front of a motel and the one who caused it was crying while thinking of how nasty I was. Right now I am sure she also thinks I was angry at her because she didn't agree to "what I want to do to her".
*Tsk tsk tsk, this,... No matter what, I will try to find a way to get back to you for this hassle you created,... Right now I need to stay calm and remain silent, after clearing this misunderstanding I think we'll start talking about serious matters such as her departure and, all the things that will disappear alongside her. Hah, if I could've just remained an idiot maybe I wouldn't have fallen for her,...
As I was pondering about what will happen later after the rage subsides, Chloe suddenly walked out of the hover and briskly walked towards the hotel as if she was planning to enter the place. There was a considerable distance in between so she would need to walk for a while before she reaches it but while walking she seemed to be fidgeting something with her left hand before raising her hand near her ear. Suddenly I heard a familiar ring tone that was playing inside the hovercar so I immediately went and grab my phone just to see that she was the one that's calling me. I frowned and wondered why would she call me but I still answered before an angry voice rang out.
Chloe – "Come out! Just because I didn't accept doesn't mean you can just go there and find other women! You can't-..."
I furrowed my brows even deeper, I just turned off my phone and watch her dialing once again.
*Did she really think that I would leave her alone out here? Did she really think I would be so desperate to rent an escort? Do you think I'm that low? Let's see what you'll do if you found out you duped yourself.
She tried the 3rd time but when the call did not connect I saw a glittering palm slowly crushing the phone. I immediately shouted at her.
Micheal – "HEY!!!"
I shout just loud enough for her to hear, well that was the plan but even those escorts waiting outside the hotel looked in my direction. When she looked at me and realized her actions were for naught, her face has the look of a child that just realized she was left by her parent on her first day at school and was just one step away from throwing tantrum. She was just standing there then she started crying out of the embarrassment she feels, I was dumbfounded by what happened. But I was immediately agitated when she suddenly sat down. Now she looked like she was crying because I kicked her out of the vehicle.
*What the fuck can you stop acting like a 6-year-old?
I jogged towards her and when I reached where she was, I just realized I could've just driven the hover near her.
*Geez I was being infected with this girl's disease.
When I got near I realize that her sobbing and cry was exaggerated and more than what a natural one should be. When she's in my arms reach I held my hand to invite her up but the drama queen tried to make herself look more pitiful while refusing me.
Chloe – "W-why a-are you here!?"
Micheal – "Well you called me so I went."
Chloe – "Just le-leave me alone like what you did to me."
She then swiped my hand away. To be honest I was a little pissed off because I know she was just acting because she was planning something. But I was able to think of retaliation to her drama.
*Okay okay, you want me to leave? Let's see if you really want me to leave,...let's who'll cry when I leave
Micheal – "Okay I'll leave."
Chloe – "What? wa-wait! where are y-you going?"
I hurried towards the hover and immediately started it. I floated a bit higher as if actually leaving her behind. I glanced at her dumbfounded gaze and when I slowly rose higher to a travel effective height I glanced at her face again but instead of the real cry I was expecting, her face was suddenly drained of emotion as if despair hit her hard.
*Shit! I think I went overboard. Oh my god! why can you give me a headache while I am not allowed to retaliate? I know the world is not fair but I can't even make some jokes? It's just a joke okay?
After the hover was high enough I went towards her, I know it was my fault for going overboard but for the sake of saving face I should steel my heart this time, so I just showed an annoyed face as if I was forced to do what I did. When she entered she was not crying but what remained was her weak sobbing and blank gaze. There something about her gaze that gives off some heavy negative feeling as if everything inside her mind collapsed. I was trying my best to be cold but I was not able to endure watching her lifeless eyes. I spoke in an annoyed manner to hide my concern.
Micheal – "You really believed that I'd leave you alone? Here? So you don't really trust me that much huh?"
She then replied in a cold and sad tone.
Chloe – "You've already left me all alone once, you could do it again anytime, right?"
Micheal – "So now I'm a cold-hearted person who leaves woman alone in front of cheap motels, yeah that's really who I am."
Chloe – "Can't-."
Micheal – "Wait!, are you really sure about listening to this fixing what's left thing? You've already accused me of being a sex maniac, now you want to accuse me of being an expert on abandoning defenseless people. Maybe when we pass to a cemetery or something you'd suddenly call me a murderer, will you be clear about your intention. And that tantrum about leaving you? I don't like that drama you tried doing out there. I know that you were doing that to find a reason to point fingers at me, you think you can just blame me? Blame whatever changed about me? Blame my bad habits? Blame the people around me? Please, enough about me being the shitty guy I am, If you hate me then it's fine I hate myself too, I blame myself too that's why to please, can we have less drama."
Her eyes then showed some anger but it still had a sense of lifelessness before she coldly spoke.
Chloe – "Can't you at least show concern? You didn't even bat an eye, you just turned your back and walk away as if I was nothing, I really thought you would leave me, it really seems like you've already turned into someone."
Micheal – "Now I'm an impostor,... you never get tired of your blame game huh? If you didn't choose this place we could've been having better things to do."
The anger in her eyes was even greater than before but she only spoke in a manner as if annoyed about what I said.
Chloe – "Wow, passing your fault to someone."
Micheal – "Well who's the one who activated autopilot? Who chose the destination? I'd say it's not me."
She furrowed her eyes for a moment then opened it wide as if realizing something. I was able to feel something inside her that was either negative or positive but it's as if something people would naturally feel when they argued because they need to pay 100 for something they expected only cost 10 then suddenly realized they picked the wrong item. Her eyes were showing her previous lifelessness because of the realization of everything was a misunderstanding. Her anger disappeared and was replaced by something ominous, I was not able to make heads of what it was but she suddenly spoke in an angry manner but I strangely can't feel her anger.
Chloe – "It's all your fault, it's you...you left me, you–"
I wasn't able to make heads of what's happening right now so I just thought of a way to curve her sudden tantrum on a place I can control, and that way was to make her pour it all to me. So even before she starts I cut her and spoke in an angry tone.
Micheal – "If you hate me because I run away then just say you hate me for it if you hate me for my lifestyle then just say you hate me if you hate me for acting cold on you then just say it. You don't need to squeeze your brain thinking of ways to make me admit things I am not guilty of, don't expect me to become a murderer just because I use knives to open cans. I'm doing what I'm doing even if it makes you hate me because I can't do it in any other way. So how much do you hate me? Just tell me how much you hate me for you to go such lengths as to blame me for all the wrong things you see."
Chloe – "I hate you!, I hate you!, I hate you!, I hate you!, I hate you!"
She looks as if she's still crying but her tears can't keep up with the amount needed, It was quite comical but I know right now was the lowest her state could get. This is the moment that everything could be built or destroyed, right now she won't think what's logical anymore, she won't care what's not to say and what's not to think, state of pure emotion and subconscious thoughts. She will disregard any positive feelings and just release all the negatives. But this should happen when people stacked a lot of expectations but never met even a single one. This is a form of what I call "optimal state" because this state was the one where people will be true about the heaviness of the weight they are carrying. The ugly truth that was hiding in their seemingly pointless tantrums or self-harming. This is the optimal state where you can break or fix people's minds.
Chloe – "I hate it whenever I remember your lies, I hate whenever you act as if you don't care about me whenever I try to contact you, I hate it whenever you avoid me, I hate it when you grab other women, I hate it when you need to build machines for a living, I hate it when you became an addict,... I hate it when you left me alone, you,... left,... me,... alone,... I was all alone and confused, I hate my family for bullying you, I hate you for leaving me and I hate myself because I wasn't able to stop you,... I hate whenever those bitches bad mouths you and I hate them, even more, when they talk about how they spent a great time with you, I hate you, I hate you, you,... Can't you just spend your time with me? Can't you just talk to me? Can't you just ask me if I was okay? If I was missing you? I really care about you but why can't you do the same? Why am I the only one suffering there? Aren't you supposed to apologize for leaving me? But why did you act like nothing ever happened? Why did you act like you did something right? I hated you, I hated you when you left me, I hated you when you lied to me, I hated you but you didn't even care about me anymore, why do you always treat me like a nuisance? Can't you feel my pain? Can't you just think how much I'm suffering whenever you ignore me? Whenever you ignore my calls? I was waiting for you, I was waiting for the day that you would just go and try to speak with me, the day that you would apologize, I was waiting for you to come back to me but that never happened, Why did it never happen? Why did you never come back? Is it because of your made-up fake personality? Your life that's full of lies? Do you think you can find real happiness on one night stands? Do you think you can be satisfied living on drugs to be happy? Why can't you just be a normal person? Why do you have to run away? I know that those old machines aren't the reason, You could've claimed those no matter what but you just left them to rust there, I know it's not because of grandpa wanting to recruit you because you never directly ignore him, WHY?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE? I know you, you could've just ignored it if you felt you don't belong in the family, I know you could accept being unable to cross the astral gate, I know you could find more efficient ways to help those you think that needed saving but why? Why did you use those as reasons? Why are you hiding things from me? I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not the same naive child that tried to stop you from running away, PLEASE Let me understand the reason why? Tell me the reason why you needed to disappear forever from me? Why can't I just have a normal life with you? You were the only one that treated me like a normal person, you were the only one that plays with me like a normal child, you were the only one that can make me feel normal but why did you need to leave me? Did you know that whenever I think about your lies I hate myself because I feel I'm not close enough with you, whenever you look happy with someone else, whenever I hear other people's conversation about you, about how good you were doing, how you enjoy life with them, I hated them because that was supposed to be us, we're supposed to be happy together but whenever I feel those things I hate myself even deeper, Why wasn't I able to stop you back then? Did I do something wrong? Was I not a good girl for you? Was I not as good as other people? I'm a woman too, even if you kept me company just for my body it would've been okay with me, but why? Of many people you laid your eyes on, why did you ignore me? Do you hate me? Am I the reason you run away? Is it because I'm annoying? Can't you just tell me if there was a problem and not run away? Couldn't you just tell me to change? Why do I need to suffer like this?"
She finally had a break after that speech,... to be honest, I don't know what to say, I wanted to confess what I felt for her but if she found out that she was the reason everything happened will most likely make her go through the hell where I am right now. Love was a dangerous thing huh? I know how much you were suffering,... but right now I can only cry about it too,... I was selfish, I knew I could've just ignored you completely, I know I could do something for you to hate me until you forget me but I can't bear the thought of you completely disappearing from my life, I was so selfish that I kept you having hopes of me returning to what we are but,... It was only my own selfishness that made you suffer and never recovers, I could've change numbers, change schools heck I could've even change countries but I let you suffer so much just because I had feelings for you,
*Is that even love? Making the person I love to suffer just because I can't tell her what I feel? What kind of fucked up mind do I have? I'm the fucking lowest kind of life form.
As I was trying to prevent my mind from breaking, I heard her speak once again. But now it was in a voice that sounded tired.
Chloe – "I just wanted a normal life, me, you, mom, and dad. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to forget all the hardships I faced alone. I'm always thought about how to be special, always told to be more outstanding, more intelligent, and be more unique than others. Back then before they went to the other side I was told that I needed to ignore my own thoughts and always find logic, ignore what I see on the surface and always look at what's inside, Grandpa said I needed to always think differently than others, Mom said I always needed to think about my reputation, about other peoples opinion so that I will always be a perfect example, Dad said I needed to improve my own mindset, improve my own sense of responsibility because I was the hope of the family,...I was slowly getting depressed about the heavy words they gave before they left the two of us in the mansion, do you remember what you said back then? You said "Come let's play hide and seek",... That was the sentence that lifts me up, you were the reason I kept having a sense that no matter how hard things would become, I will always have someone supporting me, someone that will treat me like a normal girl but that day was the same day, the same day you left me. You were able to give me hope and then just took it away as if you just wanted to make me a laughing stock but, but I never lost hope, I lied to myself, I told myself that once mom and dad returned you will come back too when they couldn't convince you, I told myself that if I pester you enough you might just meet me face to face and then I could just beg you to come back so that you'll be forced to but that never happened, you never faced me, but I don't want to lose you that's why I still hoped, maybe if we graduated, maybe if you were not busy with girls, maybe I could muster up enough strength to face you, to ask you this,... even if you can't tell the truth,... even if we didn't really,... fix whatever was left,... can we still,... can we at least pretend we're okay? Can we at least pretend we already fixed it? Pretend like everything's okay now? Can you pretend that you still care for me? Pretend like you never run away? I just wanted a normal life with you, spend my time with you, I just wanted to hug you whenever I want, If you can say why you left, then we can just ignore it. I just wanted to feel you want me again, you care for me again, even if it's just a lie, at least until before I go."
*I want to help her. I can't hold it anymore. I'll just forget what I feel and give what she wants.
Micheal – "Silly girl, To be honest, it's not that I don't want to tell the reason but, I really can't tell you, it's for your own sake,... I did leave because of you, but not because I hate you but because I care for you more than anything else, because that reason put me here in this unending cycle of pain, sadness, and despair and I don't want you to face the same, I don't want to gamble your own well being just to say something you shouldn't hear. Let's not pretend, you still have at least 2 months left, we can do what a normal family does or whatever, to be honest, I don't really know what's normal and what's not. Believe it or not, I am in pain too, every time I was reminded about how you cried when I left it still crush my soul, even now, I just pretend it's okay because, it really is for you, whenever I can feel sadness from your voice while ranting about me, I feel like biting my tongue but I needed to be cold so you'd just get tired of me, But I can't lie to myself though, I miss you too, that's why even if I wanted to cut ties with you I can't bear to do it, it was funny that, sometimes the thing that's keeping me sane was waiting for your angry calls. I wanted to be normal too, you were wrong about me not caring about others opinion, I ignore their opinions because I'm not strong enough to anything, I'm not good enough to retaliate to their words, you were wrong because I would do anything just for me to be able to cross the astral gate, and those machines? If I could sneak them out of that building I could've done it already, I know your grandfather wouldn't just return it back for free. Don't cry anymore okay? Sorry, I left you but there's something you forgot about me, the only thing that will never change, I never give up as long as there's a way right? Didn't you understand that me running away means I was already at the corner? Don't worry I promise you, as long as your here I will be here with you."
Crying, her tears were flowing, they were falling on the chair, falling on her lap, but her face doesn't show any hints of anger nor pain, it was as if in a state of deep thinking. Eyes that look like there was something that was going on inside her mind. It was for a while until we both stopped our drama. I didn't want to hug her, there was something more chaotic that will happen, I knew it because of her reaction to the words I said to her, I did not hug her so as to not spoil her own ideas, I did not hug her so she could not be swayed by the mood. Because when I hug her she would just forget what she is thinking and accept my apologies while planting a seed of misery inside her,... and so I waited for her to speak her mind. She faced me, her face showing signs of a tear recently passing by, her hair was quite a bit wet, her clothes had some darkened parts, her eyes shown a sort of resolution that I've seen a while ago, the resolution to face me, to face my answer, be it truth or lies as long as she is satisfied but now there will be no tears, no anger, no pain, just pure resolution to hear an answer. And this resolution spoke itself.
Chloe – "Tell me what it is because if you don't tell me, don't blame me for what I will do."
Micheal – "Why can't you understand that I've done what I've done because I can't do anything anymore, and the more you care about me the more harm it can give you."
Chloe – "Can it do more harm to me than what I can do to myself? Is it more harmful than me getting wasted? Me getting taken advantage of? If your not sure then let's compare."
Micheal – "What? You think you can do those things?"
Chloe – "I will!, even if grandpa tries to stop me, I can always sneak away, even if you try to stop me I know not everyone has good thoughts about you. I just need to say you're a stalker that wants to harass me."
Micheal – "Wow, pleading to pretend we're okay then suddenly threatening me."
Chloe – "You can tell me what it is, we will never be able to end this conversation until you tell me the truth, unless you wanted me to become like those "that needed to be saved" you can prevent me right now. I want to know what did you gave up on? Why did you want to cross? Why did you care about others' opinions? And why did you want those machines? Is there something that happened? You should tell me now because if you can't tell them I think the only way to find was to try living your life right? Maybe I-."
Micheal – "Shut- STAY SILENT,..."
I stared at her, I know that her threat would somehow be true, back then she once threatened me that she would sleep outside the mansion if I did not stop tinkering with the machines and she did it, that time I run away she said she would never leave the garage and she would always call me to annoy me and she stayed there until she fell asleep. That kind of resolution shown from a young age is dangerous right now.
*I'm already fucked up, I don't have a choice but to speak but I don't know if I should tell the truth.
We stayed silent for a while but when I looked at this incarnation of the pure resolution, I was not able to endure.
*Well fuck the whole 17 worlds she already suffered so much she at least deserve the truth.
Micheal – "I will be honest with you, can you tell me what's the difference about us?"
Chloe – "I'm a woman you're a man"
Micheal – "I mean yeah, that's technically right but what I'm asking is our kind, what's the difference between our kind?"
Chloe – "Metra and Astra, hey! What's with these questions?"
Micheal – "Just bear with it okay? What's the difference between those two?"
Chloe – "Astral gate? Is that the GRAND REASON why you gave up?"
I gave a sigh and look at her, I can feel she's starting to feel agitation but, I can only explain those things first. So I continued.
Micheal – "What's the difference between you and me about the astral gate?"
Chloe – "I can pass and you can't, why? Do you envy me because of that?"
Micheal – "No, Did you know what those machines left my grandfather and father can do?"
Chloe – "I don't."
Micheal – "They can transfer inorganic objects of root worlds to astral worlds."
Chloe – "??? Isn't that impossible?"
Micheal – "Of course that only happened when my father tried to transfer himself, but, he became a part of the astral while everything that he was wearing was transferred, I believe if I were able to understand the machine, maybe I could create an astral gate of my own, one that could help me move on past phantasm state, but the amount of radiation on the disaster site was so great even your grandpa would pay a heavy price to retrieve the parts that exploded."
Chloe – "That's why you gave up trying?"
Micheal – "Yeah"
Chloe – "What did you give up on? I mean if you trying to go on the other side then what is the reason?"
*It's the time now, if I tell her the truth then I should be ready to face all the consequences, It may make her hate me for the rest of her life, hate me now and forget that I exist later, be disgusted by what I feel. I know it's impossible for her to receive the love that made both of our lives miserable. But,... she deserves to know.
Chloe – "Can't you just tell me?"
Micheal – "Can you at least try to bear with the points I'm trying to make, I don't have the courage to say it in one go"
Chloe – "Then, what did you gave up on? What did you want to do on the other side?"
Micheal – "Tell me, once you go there, what is on the other side?"
Chloe – "Work?, technology?, unknown?, You wanted wealth and power? Do you want research materials? A better life? Astrahumans?"
Micheal – "I never wanted anything much on the other side but, I only want to get a single person there"
Chloe – ",... I-Is it,... yo-your mother?"
My mother and grandparents were classified as missing but, it was said that they went into the heart of an astral forest to contact an astral species but half of the team was corpses while half remained missing. Every time the astral border arrives the body count found would rise, grandfathers' corpse was already found so I don't really hope anything that much anymore. Grandpa was the strongest settler there so the chance of others surviving already plummeted to 0. But that is not the point right now, right now she was already gaining her reasoning because she was able to suspect a reason. Right now she's sober then means she was already out of that state even though I don't know how she did it.
I can see her previous agitation lighten up because maybe she was thinking that I was hoping my birth mother to still be alive.
*But I have to destroy that image of me no matter how good of a lie it was. Even if the world's end because of what I am about to say, I will still tell her. It will be a now or never situation.
Micheal – "It's you."
Chloe – "Huh?"
*Oh shit oh shit! oh shit! oh shit! I shouldn't have,...shit!
Micheal – "Well, it's almost 12 am maybe-."
Chloe – "What do you mean it's me?"
*Hasysss shitt!
Micheal – "I gave up on you"
Chloe – "What gave up?"
Micheal – "Love"
Chloe – "What love? You gave up on loving me?"
Micheal – "Pretty much, yeah"
Chloe – "Why? When? How? wh- what? What reason?-."
Micheal – "Can I take that back? It's better if it's my mother"
Chloe – "NO!! Explain it to me, why me?"
She suddenly grabbed my shirt as if I am going to disappear if she didn't hold me.
*Oh fuck me and my fucking mind fucking shit of a brain fuck.
Micheal – "Back then I got a little cuckoo, and, somehow I developed personal feelings on you. I know, disgusting right? You were my little sister but as you grow old the more I develop my mind the more I get attracted to you, so I tried to find some ways to, how can I say this, to prove myself? Like if I was able to become the best prentiologist or astral mechanic then maybe the family would somehow give me permission to be married to you, but then I found out the truth about my parents, the truth about me not having the luxury of being able to cross but I didn't give up, still tried and tried, I researched about it until I found fathers lab, I was about to sneak in when I was assaulted by very strange radiation and got knocked out, that's when your grandpa explained to me what that place is, I tried everything I can, did you know that the moment I was able to save enough money from selling machines I immediately tried to cross astral borders oversea? But I still failed, I fell in love with you back then but what can I do? Can I tell you that? What can a 16-year-old prove? What can I, a metrahuman hope for falling for someone like you? You were the last hope of your family. And if I tell you that I love you, what would your reaction be? You yourself said that I'm someone that makes you feel normal but, do you think you would feel the same knowing how I felt about you? And what if you hated me because I fell for you? What if you would just avoid me? I didn't really know what I'm going to do, I feel that I don't have any ability to fix my situation so I just run away. I know I'm a shitty person so just hate me as long as you want. I became like this because I can't really accept the truth, I wanted you but I don't have the capabilities to prove I am worthy, I wanted to escape reality, I wanted to just forget you but, I just can't let go,..."
Chloe – "You- wh- I-I,..."
Well knowing those things, I too will not be able to think what to say,... right now she's crying and flailing her hands at me, I need to hold it because her hands were hitting the roof, it took a while but her strength was getting loose, somehow I feel peaceful, it felt great telling the truth. Then I lost myself, she started crying on my arm while hugging me. While I was locked in her hand I turned on the autopilot and voice command of the hover using my knees because I don't want to disturb her.
Micheal – (Loe, it's already midnight, wanna grab snacks or go home?)
Chloe – (Mrmnrm rks)
Micheal – (Um,... what?)
Chloe – "MIDNIGHT SNACKS!"
Suddenly the robotic voice from voice command resounded.
[Destination: Midnight Snacks]