I walked at a park nearby so I could clear my mind. I haven't slept well last night because of the incident. The incident really messed me up right now. Now that it happened, I think I can't face Toma properly anymore.
"Ugh." Sometimes I think I want to be with him, and sometimes I just don't. At first I was afraid of him rejecting me, but now that he confessed that he felt the same way, I got afraid for the two of us because… I know well that a lot of people will badly react about our relationship.
Two guys dating? Most people will definitely get disgusted, and I mostly… don't want to disappoint my dad.
"Oh, it's Yuji." I stopped walking as I heard someone mention my name. Looking at my side, I saw Hino in a casual attire.
"Hey there! What are you doing here?"
"Just taking a walk, what about you?"
"Same."
"Ah, wanna grab some food over there?" He invited. That was a good thing so I can get myself distracted for a while.
"Sure."
We both got ourselves some takoyaki and continued to walk. I learned that Hino wanted to unwind himself as well, it turns out that he's actually facing some difficult personal problems like I do.
"…then what is it that troubles you?" I asked.
"Hmm… I don't know if I should tell you this…"
"Oh, okay. It's fine." Maybe he doesn't really want to talk about it with anyone.
"It's just that, erm, I don't know what I should do with this complicated relationship I have." Eh?… I thought he didn't want to talk about it?
"Uh…"
"I really like this person…" Is he really gonna talk about his problem with me? "…I met that person from a friend, and then we happened to liked one another the first time we met."
"T-That's nice." I guess sparing time to listen to his troubles won't hurt. I might even learn something from this.
"We had a lot of things in common, he really likes everything I like. Then I kinda hang out with that person a lot recently because of that." Erm, did Hino just said 'he' there?
"And then, and… we kind of had done something naughty after getting drunk." His face suddenly turned red when he said that. "I-It was a really good experience-"
"Okay, let me stop you right there. Too much information." I told him.
"Oh uh, sorry! Did I made you uncomfortable hearing all that?"
"Yes, very much!" And it bothered me that I started thinking of doing those kind of stuffs with Toma-shi-no, no, no!
"Ah haha, I'm sorry."
"That's not a thing to laugh about!"
"I know." His smiley face suddenly looked so depressed. "It just upsets me that the person I like has started avoiding me." He added.
…so that's whats been troubling him.
"Why do you think that person started avoiding you?" I asked.
He looked like he hesitated to answer it, but he did anyway. "Because he didn't want to be the bottom when we going to the deed."
"HOLY SH- YOU REALLY ARE TALKING ABOUT A GUY!" He just said 'he' fucking twice!
"Ah hehe, you should keep your voice down Yuji, other people might think of something wrong."
I quickly covered my mouth from embarassment as I looked around to see the people who was watching me. "S-Sorry."
"It's fine."
"B-But are you for real? You were hooking up with a guy?"
Hino looked at me with confusion. "Huh? Did you think I was straight?"
"Wha- what's that supposed to mean?"
"We've known each other for three years, and you still didn't know that I was actually bisexual?"
"WHA-" Hino covered my mouth this time, to prevent another embarassing scene.
"Geez, maybe I shouldn't have talked about this." We both started to regret having this conversation.
"Y-Yeah." Then I thought, wouldn't this be a good opportunity? Maybe I could tell him about… maybe not. When Hino noticed that I suddenly got lost in my own thoughts, he called to me. "Hey, are you alright?"
…but it's really bothering so maybe… maybe I really should…
Hino's a good friend after all, he'll understand my situation, right?
"Hino, I…" This might cause problems for me, or not. But at the moment, I really need someone to talk about this.