Andrzej remembered how the younger man rested his head on his shoulder as he climbed the stairs. Its mild scent made the memories intense. Dominik needed kindness and warmth now. His behavior was based on instinct rather than conscious action, and Andrzej was all the more moved by his honesty. Nowicki realized that he was unable to satisfy this need for closeness. Only a family member, a close friend, or a lover can do something like this. Andrzej did not have the appropriate qualifications because he was not one of the above. He is definitely not the best choice either.
Unfortunately for Dominik, he was the only one.
But what about his mother then? A mother should always love her children, completely unconditionally. Dominik was still very young, so he needed her support all the more. However, he had never seen the boy speaking on the phone to anyone in his family. Maybe they didn't have relations with each other at all? Andrzej remembered that when they raised the subject of the Śliwiński family once, Dominik spoke about them normally, there was no pain or anger in his voice. So it looked as if they had a fairly normal relationship.
Mother, Andrzej thought, is a special person. If she knew her son was in pain, she would surely want to help him. Dominik might not have turned to her for various reasons, after all, young men do not run with their problems to mum, but who would better alleviate his suffering than a person who loved him unconditionally?
He would have to talk to Dominik about her. If there is even a shadow of a chance that this woman will allow him to regain peace of mind, Nowicki cannot fail to take advantage of it.
However, the next day he was unable to bring up the subject with his roommate. It is true that the actor got out of bed, but he looked as if he still did not want to live. Not only that, as opposed to the previous days, when in Andrzej's presence at least he tried to show any energy, now he began to avoid looking into his eyes and even himself. It was getting worse every day.
It was not a good sign for Nowicki, as it could prove that the actor was falling into depression again.
'Maybe what we're doing with Paulina is really not enough,' he thought. 'Or do we go about it the wrong way? Shouldn't we use the help of a specialist?'
He was sure Dominik would not agree to it. The boy was stubborn, scared and introverted, there was no way he would open up to someone he did not trust and there was no way he would trust someone completely stranger, especially a psychologist. A thousand times over, he would rather collapse into the ground than risk revealing that he must use such aids. Gay going to a psychologist? The scandal would simply be too great.
But if his malaise persists or even worsens, they will have no choice. Neither Andrzej nor Paulina will bear the responsibility if Dominik does something stupid. And it was not about criminal liability. Their hearts would not stand this grief and guilt if something happened to Dominik and they could have prevented it.
It is true that Śliwiński avoided him, but Andrzej got the impression that he wanted to tell him something, but for some reason he held back.
Such approaches are stupid, Nowicki thought. A guy should say certain things to a guy. It didn't make sense to wrap around the bush and wander around a topic. He decided to put an end to it and take a direct approach.
"Okay, what is it?" He asked directly. "What did I do wrong?"
"Excuse me?" Dominik looked scared.
"You walk around depressed, you don't look at me ... Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Are you fed up with me? Do you want me to leave?"
"What? No, I…" He suddenly blushed to his ears. "But maybe you don't want to be here ...?"
'So he wants me to move after all. He found that living with me was not all that cool. This is what I expected and that's why I brought only the most necessary things here.'
"I don't care where I keep my bones. I'm gonna pack my things and leave."
It was completely predictable. Andrzej expected this moment, indeed, he even expected it, and yet he felt something unpleasant in his heart. Yes, he got used to Dominik's company and he didn't feel uncomfortable living with another man, but there was more to it. Being in the same house, he could keep an eye on him, monitor his moods and intervene when needed ...
No, that's not exactly that either. Dominik was a really nice guy whose company, even on his worst days, was pleasant and warm. Andrzej had many friends, but only Śliwiński had something so special in him - a bond of total trust. Only Dominik knew his dark side, and instead of scaring of it and running away, he accepted it without any questions. The actor could stop pretending and acting in the company of Nowicki, but it happened both ways. Śliwiński was the first friend before whom Andrzej could be one hundred percent himself.
Perhaps, however, such a great deal of honesty was not the solution.
Nowicki sighed. Whatever, he thought. The fact that they lived together was unnatural, and the fact that the actor wants to stand up on his own should be a cause for satisfaction.
Andrzej smiled. He must trust Dominik and his judgment.
He took his bag and went down the stairs.
Dominik was standing in the exact same place with his head bowed the same way. It was as if he hadn't moved at all during that time.
This worried Andrzej. Something wasn't quite right. Nowicki did not like such unclear situations.
"What is it? What are you standing there? You wanted me to leave and now you're pouting like a young lady."
"I ..." Andrzej heard a soft, trembling whisper "I am sorry."
"Sorry? For what?"
Nowicki did not really understand Dominik.
"For all of it. For what I said, how I behaved, for making you come and live with me. I am a man, I should be stronger, braver, but ..."
At this point, the photographer was completely lost.
"Then you want me to live with you or not?"
Śliwiński's hands clenched into fists, as if he was gathering all his strength just to answer.
"I don't want ... to force you to anything, but I'd be happy if you stayed. I'm sorry."
He apologized again, as when he was attacked by Marczak. It was as if, despite the money and fame, asking someone for anything for himself was a sin for Dominik.
Andrzej looked at him for a moment. After those few days, when he didn't even get out of bed, Dominik started to make up for the lost weight and stood more confident, although the photographer thought he could see his muscles trembling. His long, hazelnut hair covered his face, but he still looked beautiful - innocent and defenseless, but beautiful.
Such lovely people, men too, simply couldn't exist.
"Well, I think I'll go unpack," Nowicki announced and headed back to his room.
He didn't understand Dominik. He had no idea what he meant. He stopped on the stairs and turned around. He found enormous aquamarine eyes, the cool glow of which stung his heart painfully, which began to beat faster.
He couldn't shake the impression that his life had become terribly complicated since he met Śliwiński.