The last detail of my routine, namely arranging my hair in the simplest way possible, was fulfilled. I looked at myself in the mirror for a last second and took a huge breath of air in my chest and at the same time I only encouraged myself with my eyes, claiming that I would manage and that from today I would change my life in a radical way. That everything will be different from now on.
Because the monotonous rhythm in which I lived so far drained me of life, it left me without any flag in my body.
And if I have promised myself that I will change, and I will go to the ends of the earth to be happy, then it means that I will fight with all my might to fulfill my desires and respect myself. Besides, this is a lesson my father has been telling me since I was only eight years old.
I was a child, I based my happiness only on other people and this is the answer to the question "why am I not happy?", I needed some time to fully understand the words of my dear father and today I do exactly that. I'm not going to create hope for anyone anymore, because expectations will disappoint you immensely.
I will try to understand people and not contribute to their change. I'll just be with my friends, if they still want to deal with me, because of this long six-month break ... I'm really curious about their reaction tomorrow when they see me at school .
I went down to the kitchen where I found my mother polishing the badge she cares so much about, but for me she gave it up for six months. For me ... but indirectly for her too.
My mother is the sheriff of our city.
I cannot deny that this break and this distance from the community and society has not been useful to us. On the contrary, it was much easier for the two of us to get over the tragedy. It was much easier because the two of us consoled each other. I knew my mother was suffering and she knew the same thing about me, so I didn't deal with fake people telling you words just to be spoken. I knew that what we said to each other came from the heart.
- Usual? Milk and cereal? my mother asks me with a warm smile, instead of a "good morning"
"I thought you already knew that." I replied, sitting down in the chair and taking a mouthful of her coffee.
My mother hates when I drink caffeine. And I do not understand why. It is a very protective food and is annoying. They never buy me what I want, saying they're not healthy ... and being a small, stubborn child, it's hard to bear not getting what you want, I mean sweets.
"In an hour we'll be on our way to pack the rest," Mary advised us to pack everything up, "because tomorrow the new tenants will be moving into the house."
I nod in agreement that I understand and my mother places the bowl of cereal in front of me.
- Most things have been packed since yesterday. The luggage is ready.
"Do I trust to leave your car in your hands?" I'd like to go with the moving company. It would be easier for him to find our address.
"I'll take care of your beloved car ..."
"I can tell by your tone where you want to beat and I don't want to reopen this old subject," I repeated a thousand times. At the moment we do not have the necessary financial support to purchase a car!
"I understand, mother."
I didn't want to scream at her, even though I felt it in my heart. I am that person who, although he knows that something is impossible, wants to make it possible and this ambition is very difficult to control. When I return to the city, I will look for a job that will fill the remaining free hours after school is ready.
I don't think it will be enough to buy me a car on my own, but I know for sure that my mother will help me a little. Money on money, and it will be fine.
After I finished my cereal, as my mother was not paying attention, I took another sip of her coffee and went back to my room.
But as I climbed the stairs I heard his mother's voice:
"You drank all the coffee, Olivia!" I said a hundred times not to drink my coffee!
I chuckled and continued on my way to the room, which was now as boring as when I first stepped into it. No bit of color or decoration. Even the bed mattress will be taken.
From today I return to my usual home in the city, and I can say with my heart that I will miss the tranquility of the forest, as well as the cold and clean air.
Morning trips with my mother, but also my mischief. I got lost twice in a row in this forest, but I found my way back to the cottage alone.
The last three months of the school year were very difficult, due to my reasons, but also the fact that I moved from here, Salt Lake to the city every day, and the road takes an hour.
Then all summer I was isolated in this cottage, without communicating with anyone, excluding my mother. I felt from the bottom of my heart that I needed this severe break.
And it helped my mental health.
An hour later, I was driving my mother's car calmly and from time to time I looked in the rearview mirror at the van that was following in my footsteps. I turned to a moving company because I had a lot of things to move, and in this small car I couldn't crowd almost the whole house.
The cottage belongs to my mother's sister, and immediately after my mother and I had an unpleasant event ... Mary offered us the cottage for as long as we wanted to stay.
It was very nice of her, as she knew that her mother had given up her job for the time being, Mary offered to pay the electricity bill as well.
When I saw the wooden panel painted a faded green on the side of the road, I took a deep breath, reading the information displayed.
Welcome to White Chapel, Maine.
Population: 19. 375
I can't say that I really missed the city, I would be lying, for the simple fact that my life here is just as monotonous. The same routine every day, because this city lacks interesting activities.
To be honest, I'm looking forward to this last year of high school draining and going to college as far away from White Chapel as possible.
Of course, I'm dragging my mother with me.
The weather was pretty bad, the sky was cloudy and I expected the rain to start at any moment. It was a common thing here, three hundred and sixty-four days out of three hundred and sixty-five, the White Chapel was covered with a thick layer of clouds. Moisture was everywhere and it had been raining excessively for a long time. And when we have a sunny day, the whole population of the city ventures in walks through parks, on the streets.
I was listening to the radio and the song was a country one, typical of this city.
The streets were full of people swarming the streets, I had forgotten it was the Miss White Chapel festival.
I think that I will make my presence at the parade, to watch, not to participate.
Maybe Arizona will participate too. I mean, what I'm implying here, she's definitely going to compete. I also expect her to win.
And I wanted to participate this year ...
Once I got home, I stood still for a moment and looked at my house. It was obvious that no one had set foot here for some time ... and my heart was breaking into thousands of pieces. I actually felt like mine was dripping between my fingers, or rather, I didn't feel at home here anymore. Everything changed with my father's departure, as if nothing was in its place.
I feel a huge void in me. And I'm still waiting for this gap to be filled and for everything to return to normal.
I opened the car door and stepped on the carpet of leaves on the path to the garage.
Such a sad image ...
I was far too sure that once I got back here, I would be melancholy.
"I can't believe what I have in front of my eyes!" Just Olivia Wayne!
I immediately recognized the voice as that of my neighbor, Nick, seventeen.
He rested his elbows on the white fence that separated his lawn from ours.
I smiled at him and approached him.
- Hi Nick.
- Are you all right? I haven't heard from you in a whole summer.
- It's one of the good days.
"I know you've heard this question a thousand times, but I still had to ask it ... and condolences, even though it's late ..."
- Thank you.
Just then, the van from the moving company had parked behind my mother's car.
- Will you go to the parade later? Nick asks me
- Do not know yet. Maybe I'll make my presence felt.
"Maybe we'll see each other there."
- Sure.
I turned to my mother and she had already unlocked the door.
And I started moving ...
Around 7 pm, I collapsed on the bed of my room and looked nostalgically at the ceiling ... hundreds of memories in this room ... both good and bad.
I was ... happy ...
I didn't stand still and rummaged through the closets for some more clothes.
Then I went to town for the parade.
I was so curious ... I can't explain in words. And it was weird at the same time. Or maybe my acquaintances will consider me a weirdo ... a madwoman who has isolated herself from the world.
The good part is that loneliness hasn't changed my mind and I'm looking forward to talking to my friends.
I infiltrated the dozens of people and noticed in the distance the platform approaching us, above which sat the girls participating in Miss White Chapel.
Once she got in front of us I saw my girlfriend ... Arizona was really shining, and she was so beautiful ...
She would be the perfect girl, if only she had her head on her shoulders ...
Like a fine nature, he waved his hand slightly in greeting and occasionally glanced at the crowd. She was the only one who attracted attention. The other girls weren't ugly, but Arizona managed to stand out, with something special about them.
But he didn't notice me and I'm happy about that, we will definitely meet tomorrow on the first day of school.
The platform had passed and the people present were heading to Mayor Redd's house, for the final dance with the partners and the announcement of the winner.
Curious, I was walking in line with the people to the Redd family home.
But I stopped at the gate, looking at my second best friend, Simon.
He was on the doorstep of the house and welcomed those who stepped inside the house.
He was the mayor's son.
I took small steps towards him, but he didn't notice me until I stepped on the terrace of the house. His face had changed radically, being a shock. He could barely breathe. And he didn't know what to say, he was stuck. I was amused by his reaction.
- I can't believe it!
He ran up to me and hugged me like a bear, even turning me around a few times.
He pulled me away from him and wrapped his face between my palms, analyzing me for quite a few moments. Then he hugged me again.
"Olivia ... we have so much to talk about ... how can you do that to us?" We worried so much, we even took into account the fact that you are dead.
- Simon, I'm fine. That's all that matters.
He smiled so warmly at me, and I didn't realize how much I missed Simon so far.
"I missed you very much." he told me
- Simon too, believe me ... but I needed a break ...
"A whole summer?" You could send a message from time to time. Once a month and that was enough ... you left us staring at the sun, while we wanted to be with you ...
She was referring to him and Arizona.
- Sorry ....
"Sorry, but only this time."
He put his hand on my shoulders and led me home, along with other teenagers from my high school, who were waiting for the announcement of this year's Miss White Chapel winner.
I was in this crowd, Simon was here... but I felt just as empty, I knew something was completely missing, and I still didn't know how to deal with it.
When I think about these things, suddenly the noise around me fades and I completely sink into my thoughts.
I've been dealing with this a lot lately.
Everyone asked me if I was well, how I felt, how I came back or how I was alive... but even I wondered if I was really well....