Alex's POV
I was in my room writing songs as usual. I wrote this one song, but it's not true about me. I never found myself, but maybe one day, I will find myself. My phone started ringing. Kenzie was trying to FaceTime.
"Hi, Kenz! I miss you!" I smiled at the camera and continued writing the song.
"I miss you too, babe! What are you writing?" She asked excitedly.
"A song." I replied in a duh tone.
"Can I hear it?" She asked.
"I don't know." I teased slightly.
"Please! Please!" She begged.
"I guess!" I gave in.
I found myself
In a sea of busy places
In a world of blurry faces
I found myself
On the edge of insanity
I found, I found me
My heart was beating, barely breathing but still alive
Lost along the way I'd given up my fight
Scattered to pieces all along the floor
Within the brokenness I found something more.
I found myself
In a sea of busy places
In a world of blurry faces
I found myself
On the edge of insanity
I found, I found me
I was broken, torn apart.
Scars line my arms, on my sleeve I wore my heart.
They remind me of what is real.
No longer needing pain to feel.
I found myself
In a sea of busy places
In a world of blurry faces
I found myself
On the edge of insanity
I found, I found me
I found myself
In a sea of busy places
In a world of blurry faces
I found myself
On the edge of insanity
I found, I found me
I found myself
In a sea of busy places
In a world of blurry faces
I found myself
On the edge of insanity
I found, I found me
"That's so beautiful!" Kenzie exclaimed and pretended to cry.
"Kenzie is right. That is very beautiful, baby girl." Mom's voice said out of no where.
"Where the fuck did you come from?!"
"You see, when a woman and man love each other very much." Mom started.
"NO!" I screamed and covered my ears. "La la la la!" I repeated.
"I love you, baby girl." Mom said as she uncovered my ears.
"I love you too, Mama." I replied and hugged her.
"I love you more than Demi loves you." Kenzie joined in.
"Impossible!" Mom shouted.
'They don't love you.'
'They're lying just so they can go and break your heart.'
'Don't trust them.'
'Go cut, freak. Just do it.'
"I'm going to go make lunch." Mom said, about to walk out the door.
'Eat and purge.'
"Mama! Don't leave!" I cried out as my demons wouldn't shut up. "Please don't leave me here alone with them!" I screamed as I quickly grabbed ahold of her hand.
"Woah, woah, calm down. Breathe in and out." She instructed. "Are they back?" She asked, referring to the demons.
"Y-Yes. Please make them shut up, M-Mama." I spoke quietly.
"I'm gonna hang up and let you guys handle this. I love you, babe." I heard Kenzie's voice say.
"Focus on me, baby girl. Okay? Don't focus on what they're saying. Just focus on me and my voice. Nothing else. Okay?" Mom said gently.
"I-I'm trying. I-I really a-am!" I cried out as she picked me up and placed me on her hip.
"I know you're trying, baby." She cooed as she sat down on her bed with me in her arms. "Come here, Ella." Mom patted the bed and Ella hopped up.
"E-Ella.." I spoke softly as she came up right next to me. I held Ella in my arms as I hid my face against my Mom's chest.
"Are you feeling better, baby girl?" Mom asked as she pushed some hair out of my face.
"Sorta.." I responded.
"What do you want for lunch?" She asked as she sat up.
"Can I have something small?" I replied. "Please."
"I guess. As long as you eat all of it. Come downstairs with me." She said. I held my arms out wanting to be picked up again. "My little baby." She said in a way you would talk to a baby.
"Is fruit and a sandwich okay?" Max asked as Mom and I sat down at the island in the kitchen. I nodded and picked up Ella. Maybe, just maybe, I can purge my lunch. I can say I have homework and that I don't want to be interrupted.
"Bon appetit!" Max said in a French accent and placed food in front of us. I moved around the fruit on the plate.
"Alex. Eat." Mom said sternly. I nodded and slowly started eating.
'STOP EATING FATTY'
'PURGE IT'
'NO ONE LIKES A FAT GIRL'
I eventually finished eating and stood up.
"I have tons of homework to finish. I'm going to my room to finish it." I told both Mom and Max as I ran upstairs. I shut the bathroom door and played music on my speaker.
'Purge. Now.'
I stuck two fingers down my throat and made myself puke up everything I ate. I tried to keep going till there was nothing but blood, but someone coughing at the doorway stopped me.
Mom
"I-It's not what it looks l-like." I stuttered as I stood up.
"It's exactly what it looks like." She sounded slightly upset. "Sit down." Mom commanded. She grabbed my wrist and I made a sound of pain because I had fresh cuts there. Mom's eyes gave me an apologetic look. I sat down on my bed as she sat across from me.
"Speak. Now." She stated simply.
"I don't know what you want me to say. I purged. So what? I'm just trying to get skinny!" I stated angrily.
"Alexis Grace Lovato! Do not raise your voice at me!" She yelled back and I flinched. "I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry, but this is serious! It's too dangerous to be this skinny!"
"I'm not skinny! I'm fat!" I cried out.
"Come with me." She grabbed my hand and brought me into the bathroom and pulled out a scale. "Step on it." She commanded. I did as she said and she covered my eyes. She let out a gasp. I'm too fat! I quickly removed her hand from covering my eyes.
'75 pounds. That's too fat'
"75 pounds.. I'm not skinny enough!" I screamed and quickly knelt down in front of the toilet.
"Alex, stop!" She grabbed a hold of me and pulled me into her embrace. As she pulled me in, I broke down. I was uncontrollably sobbing and heaving.
"M-Mama.." I choked out.
"Shh.. breathe, baby girl." She cooed. "We'll get through this together." She whispered in my ear as we were sitting on the floor, and she was still holding me in her embrace.