My quiet sobs still couldn't let go of the image from before but the musky scent overpowered me. I was already in another part of my own memory. My past life memory.
Applaud met my ears as I found myself now in a place with a tiny spotlight on the tiny stage. It looked like a Republican Era kind of bar in Shanghai. Twinkling chandeliers hanging on the ceilings, throwing a spectrum of sparkles across the place settings and the overly formal dressed patrons. Mostly all of the girls—both dancer and guests were alike—were dressed in a fashionable qipao with outrageous slits down the side, revealing ankle to thigh.
The jazz band played in the background, their styling only meant to enhance the singer on stage, not overpowered it. As the clapping tapered off, one whistle piercing into the air as I quietly turned my attention to the woman on stage. The thin and tall young woman was humming in a song with her lovely voice. Her waist was nipped tight in her shimmering black cheongsam against her fairish pink skin tone.
At first, I thought the woman on stage was my past life this time, but as I surveyed closely, I realized she wasn't. Her hair cascaded back to the middle of her back in deep brown waves, smiling black eyes to the crowd's attention. But the similarities ended at the colors. Apart from that, we had nothing in common. Anyone with eyes could see that she was a star, elegant and… seemingly flawless.
Clang! The sound of champagne glasses splintered to shards turned my attention to the side, staring at a girl who was then crouching down to clean up the mess. Her hair was braided neatly but her clothing damp and wrinkled from the champagne accident.
"You impudent woman, how dare you tainted my coat?" A man's angry voice echoed through the whole bar. The background jazz music halted along with the singer's voice, prostitutes stopped mingling around to their next client. Almost everyone in the room was attracted to the ruckus.
From where the man stood, he shot the girl a bleary-eyed glare. "Do you know, this is the newest trend from London? Don't you have eyes..."
The man kept on blabbing about how luxurious and expensive his coat was, but the girl didn't budge. To an outside observer, she might have looked calm, but I sensed her trembling hands while she was cleaning. Fear pumping through her veins. She was scared and didn't dare to look up at him.
Drawn by the girl's ignorance, the man scoffed. Emotions flashed across his face like lightning. First, it was shock, disbelief, disgust, and anger—so much anger. He got on his feet and stabbed a finger at the girl. "Why you, insolent girl? Where's the madame?! I want her to be fired this instance!"
"Coming, coming!" A woman called 'the madame' finally came to sight.
She was a beauty even at an older age. Her brown hair with little streaks of grey was curled into a vintage bob, a dress of floral design that fell down her body emphasizing her hourglass curves underneath. A fan clutched into her delicate, she pivoted almost immediately between them, sensing the tension in the bar.
Those hazel eyes of hers lined with black coal scrutinizing the fancy gentleman. She then plastered a timid smile, her voice as soft as silk, "Ah, Young Master Lu, it's my mistake not to recognize you sooner."
"Enough with that madame. See what your girl did to me?!"
"Calm down Young Master Lu, we don't want to ruin everyone's good time here," Madame said calmly, though beneath her smiling expression I knew inside of her was burning with embarrassment and annoyance. Embarrassment because most bar owners highly wanted their bar reputation clean from trivial matters. And annoyance because she didn't expect the girl could ruin the night, but she did. "Tell me, how could I make it up to you? We shouldn't make easy things too big, right, Young Master Lu?"
At the madame's offer, the man squinted his eyes on the kneeling girl. He studied her, letting a smile quirk the corner of his mouth. My stomach dropped at his morphing expression from anger to an eagerness to a darkened one.
So now I witnessed everything, I knew where this was heading. The man might fool everyone in the bar—but not me. What a lame way to make an act saying that it was the girl's fault for bumping into him, ruining his expensive coat. I bet he already laid his eyes on the girl the very first time he entered the bar.
"She's not that bad," he licked his lips, wetting them as if he was tasting. "I want her for the night."
A volcanic surge of fury rose inside of me. I knew it. I bloody knew this guy was a good-for-nothing. I was breathing so fast, feeling so frustrated that I wanted to whack him on his head. Too bad I was only a shadow, if not I would give him eating one of my smacks.
As if the girl knew what was going to get through her, she jerked up her head. A flicker of dread lit up her eyes as she looked over the two standing people in front of her.
I couldn't stop thinking there was something odd about her. She had been silent for too long.
"Oh, no, no, she's not our girl here," the madame explained quickly. "She's only the person who helps with cleaning. And besides, she's not very acquainted in that area."
"Madame, are you doing this to protect some girl who's at fault here?"
"Of course that's not my intention, how could I?" She let out a humorless laugh. "I'm just afraid that she can't satisfy you, Young Master Lu."
The man arched an eyebrow. "Meaning?"
"She's a deaf-mute."
Still pondering on the madame's words, my mind shifted to a loud plak-plak-plak landed on the girl's cheeks. The thwack from the madame's palm was loud and jarring. My jaw almost dropped looking at the scene.
Another booming sound echoed across the dressing room, behind the stage: "You deaf-mute!" It was a shout, anger coming through the madame like a heater.
"How dare you leave your place and go wandering around in the bar? Who gave you the guts?" Madame jabbed her finger to the girl's chest to emphasize her displeasure.
The girl froze, standing silently as she accepted those insults from the madame on her. Although she didn't revolt I could see her fists clenched tight. Her sharp gaze latched on the madame's face as though her eyes do the talking instead.
I watched, openmouthed. My insides felt as if I was going to explode. The thoughts were spinning wildly. Oh God, my whole lifetimes were such a weak person? Why couldn't I just get it back? Why was me there only standing like some kind of dead meat? If I wasn't invisible, I would march in swearing and tearing that madame hair off her head.
Off with madame's head!
Gosh, I hoped someone would intervene. Anyone? Dancer? That beautiful singer? Not just standing there behind the curtains, circling them like this slapping was a show.
"Madame, I'm sorry for interrupting but that is not the way of treating a lady working with you."
Saying about timing, the sound of that deep and authoritative voice cutting through them like a hot knife. My tension-filled bones were rewarded with slight relief. At least, someone was here to save the day. Would it be Jie Moshu, though?
I twisted around, my eyes widened with shock.
It was indeed Jie Moshu. But something about his looks made me gulp hard. He looked extremely different in a devastating gorgeous way. Especially with that light effect washing over him as he moved inside the dressing room. He wore a fedora cap, his suit was more Western than anyone in the room even the boy who followed him was only wearing a changshan.
The madame's smile grew cold, and it seemed she had yet gotten over her anger. "What are you doing here, mister? This area is off-strict for patrons."
"Even if I'm here to do business? I have something to offer you, madame," Jie Moshu said but his voice was also cold, almost matched up to the madame's. He didn't even give a respectful bow. Instead, he just slightly inclined his head.
Her jaw clenched. "And who are you mister? It seems like you're not our regular?"
The changsan boy said, "I'm afraid my master hasn't arrived long in the capital. He's the newly appointed official of the French Concession. Fang Hanmo."
"Ah, Official Fang," the sudden change in her tone sent chills to my spine. "If you want someone to warm your bed, we have plenty of girls who can sound for you. Why picking—"
Jie Moshu gave an eye signal to the changshan boy without furthering the madame. Then, I realized the boy was holding a briefcase the entire time. As the boy opened it up, stacks over stacks of money were lined up filling the whole briefcase.
"This briefcase for the girl's slavery document. Is the price to your heart content? If it doesn't meet your likings, I can mark up more for her."
"It's enough, more than enough." The madame beamed at Jie Moshu's suitcase. She gave a light smack on the girl's butt, pushing her a few steps forward. "She's all yours, I'll get you her document."
As the madame disappeared, Jie Moshu's touch seared through the girl's cheek which felt like a painful burn to her. She jerked his arm away, her eyes looking at him in confusion. She didn't mean to be callous, but he was the one who just took out stacks of money to buy her worth.
His hand that hovered in the midway balled into a fist as he pulled them back to his side. Slowly placing a congenial smile on his face.
But I knew. I sensed a flicker of hurt in his eyes. Again he lost his right. He had lost the right to protect her again.
Because I didn't remember. My stomach was one big guilty, acidity twinge at that awareness.
He made a gesture, by tapping his cheek and pinching his arm, as he mouthed, "Does. It. Hurt?"
Suddenly the girl gave a brisk laugh as if she found him funny. Her eyes were no longer filled with defenses. She then motioned: Eye, you, mouth.
"You mean, you can see me speaking?" Jie Moshu asked.
She nodded. Knowing there was nothing bad about Jie Moshu's intention, she gestured her hand from her lips to him, a soft smile adorned her already reddened cheeks either from the slapping or blushing, I couldn't tell. But one thing for sure, she was saying, "Thank you".