I was so dazed that I hadn't realize I could get up. I slowly open my eyes to see the dark sky up above me. The stars were brightly lit as the cool breeze ruffled the leaves. My head was spinning for a second but came to a still when I focus on the bright moon up on the distance. It looked so majestic, it looked as if were looking at me.
I sat up as I clutched my head. I looked around to see that I'm indeed back in The Jungle. I guessed it was better than calling it That Place. The tree with markings, The Marking Tree!, is just beside me. I guess I should also name everything else here as I don't doubt this will be my last time here.
"Come."
The voice was back, I come to stand as I look for my wolf. It was here last time so it might come back as well.
"Come."
"Where? Where do I need to go? What do you want from me?" I shout.
"Don't."
"Not helping!" I call out.
I start to pace as this is giving me anxiety. I have no clue what this dream is trying to tell me. It isn't like I'm clairvoyant or anything of the sort. I can't see or sense prophecies.
"Be."
Now this voice was throwing random words. I pace even more as I know going anywhere will lead me back here anyway. I pace as I try to decipher what the tree is even supposed to be. The markings mean nothing to me.
"Always."
I sit on the ground because pacing was getting me more on edge. I could try meditation but I rather not.
"Love."
"Live, love, laugh, yeah I know the cliche. Thanks!" I yell at it.
"Free."
I scream in frustration as I continue to think as to how I might get myself to wake up. I needed to get up. "Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up." I say as I hit my head with the palm of my hand.
It was futile whatever I'm meant to see or even do won't let me leave until it's completed.
"Come."
I lay down as I look at the moon hoping it has the answers and can help me. Clearly I was being delusional again. I was more than ready for my fate but I never thought it'd be this soon.
"I'm dead...I'm dead." I say as I laugh. This is it, this was my end. My wolf had told me as much or at least I think it was my wolf speaking.
"Don't."
It kept repeating itself and I was going crazy.
I sit up once the ground became uncomfortable, I go sit under The Marking Tree.
"Come, don't, be, always, love, and free." I say to myself. It kept repeating over and over again.
"Give me a minute I am not that bright," I say as I repeat them out loud. On paper it would be easier but in the mind it is not. Especially since I have been losing it since I got here.
"Come don't be free always love?"
Didn't think so. Come. Don't. Be. Always. Love. Free.
"Don't come, be free, always love!" I say in an eureka moment.
"Yes."
"Well thanks for being blunt now. Now, what does it mean? Because if you're saying don't come back here I'd be happy to oblige but I'm kinda stuck here." I ramble on.
I really needed Mark to calm me as I keep thinking I'm dead and that my body was possessed and is reeking havoc without me.
If I'm really dead would they be sad? No. Why would they? They'd be relieved they didn't have to continue to protect me like the weakling I am. Maybe I should stay here as it would be better for everyone.
"No!" I shout as I hit my head again. I couldn't think like that. It only fed the darkness in me.
"Free."
"I know. I know." I say as if we were having a real conversation.
"Curse."
"What? Curse?" I stand as I go stand in the middle. "What curse?"
"Come."
I clutch my head as I try to think. I needed to get out of here. It's been like two hours and last time I was here it was mere minutes and it was days in my world. I can't imagine how long it must be there now.
"Break."
"Now you're just messing with me. A full sentence would be great. Maybe a picture? A drawing? I'm not picky just not this."
"Plagued."
Well that makes no sense.
"Family."
"A curse that plagued a family?" I say.
"Yes."
"Mine?"
"Yes."
"Okay, got it. Now what?"
"Come."
"You said to 'don't come', now I have to come?"
"Yes."
Talk about indecisive. Come, don't come, do as you please. I feel like it's saying with its encrypted messages. This must be what Ander feels like when I kiss him but don't want to be serious with him.
"Hurry."
"I'm already here might as well," I say giving up.
"Soon."
Okay, I'll soon return then. Not much I can do now. I am not liking this one bit. Maybe my curse is to die by my wolf. Maybe because I neglected it for so long it came to despise me as I once had her. I mean I did stop shifting because it was difficult in the city but if I'm honest it's because I wanted to spite my parents.
My wolf was given to be because of them so I hated anything to do with them. I know I can't excuse my actions but that's what I did and that's why I hurt it.
I thought I was denying them but I was actually hurting her and I regret that with every fiber in my being.
I guess my wolf will now get to get even with me. I deserve it, I deserve worse.
I start to get sleepy. I hug myself as I start to nod off. I'm under The Marking Tree, as uncomfortable as I was, sleep was stronger.
"Wake up," Mark softly calls to me.
"What happened?" Ander asks.
"She just fainted." Mark sounds worried.
I felt a strong body hold me tightly as I try to wake up. I couldn't move anything it's as if I was going through sleep paralysis.
"I got you," Ander tells me as he kisses my forehead.
I jolt awake with a gasp as if I was breaking through the surface after drowning for so long.
"Hey, focus on me," Ander tells me as I struggle to breathe. "Try to match mine if you can."
He sat in front of me as he pulls me closer to him. He sets me on his lap as I rest against him. He holds me head towards him as he caresses my cheek with his thumb. He slowly begins to rock me.
I close my eyes as I feel my body begin to relax. I was still shaking but I was able to breathe without gasping for breath.
I get closer as I needed his embrace now more than ever, I began to cry as he kisses my head. All the feelings of being alone and in the darkness that was getting to me come all rushing back.
My heart was beating so fast.
"Let it all out." Ander tells me as he soothes me. He's holding me so tight as if I were to run.
You had me scared. Mark tells me.
Sorry.
I'm glad you're back.
"I'm okay," I wipe my face off as I pull away from Ander.
He lowers my hands so he can do it for me. I was being aggressive towards the clean up. I was furious for crying. It's not like I was in danger or anything.
"Hey, look at me." Ander whispers. I look at his face as he wear his shades. The urge to cry comes again but I just look away. He gently makes me look back at him. "Are you okay?"
"No, I don't know." I admit. "I was at this place again. I don't know what it meant. I got a message that I have to break a curse or something. I have no clue what it means. I feel like I might die with my wolf and I can't be hurting you like I am. I can't pretend everything is fine when it isn't. It's not fair to you." I ramble.
"Anything else?" Mark says. Ander looks at him but I can't tell if he's mad or not.
"Don't worry about me, I can handle anything, but I need you to explain this in detail." Ander tells me.
I tell them all of the three visits to The Jungle. I tell them how I come to think I might die and my wolf will be doing the honors. I tell them about how I deserve it.
"Family curse? Maybe that's why your wolf is weak," Mark says.
"Maybe explains why you shifted a year early. To give you an fighting chance," Ander suggests.
"Doesn't matter, whatever I was supposed to do is probably too late to do. I'm getting weaker."
"But you heal so fast lately," Mark adds with hope.
"That could just be Ander. Maybe your wolf is helping me with our partial bond?"
"I'm not sure. I can talk to the pack they can maybe help shine a light on the matter."
"No, don't. We'll talk to Tristan he can help us. I don't want you to get more heat than you already have."
"You're worth it, besides they don't wish ill on you. They just want to meet you."
Mark was shaking his head. "They want her for something more than meet."
"You can't possibly know that," Ander responds a little forcefully. He was getting mad.
"I rather not, please." I tell him.
Ander sighs as he agrees. I get up as I go sleep in the bed. I had enough of hard surfaces for today.
Ander comes out the closet he looks torn. "I think it's best if we don't continue this thing between us," I tell him.
He looks at me with so much pain that I almost take back what I said.
"No, we can't. You don't have to worry about me and my feelings. This is about you and getting you better. If by some odd reason us being together helps you I'm not risking it. You don't have to kiss me or even hold my hand you can just be around me."
I look at him as he comes to kneel before me in my bed. I sit up to see him face to face. "I can't hurt you anymore than I already have. I can't risk what I have get you too."
"It's not a disease. It's a curse, you said so." Ander says in desperation.
"Please, please don't give up on us." His voice breaks. It hurt me to hurt him like this. Especially when it sounded just as broken and hurt when he asked his grandfather why his dad hated him.
"I'm sorry, Ander. I'm so sorry." I tell him with tears in my eyes.
"I'm not letting you go, I promise not to touch you but please don't push me aside." Ander begs.
"Okay," I say. I know I'll regret this but I couldn't stand the look of despair on his face. He nods as he stands to leave. He looks at Mark but doesn't say anything as he leaves.
"Are you sure about this?" Mark asks me as he comes to lay next to me.
"I'm not sure of anything."