I am Kalash Ray , the owner of a reputed publishing house in New Delhi . I was thirty then and yet not married.
You must be having the question in your mind .....why ???
The answer was as general as , I haven't found the one yet...and I was in search of the one.
I used to give this answer to all my neighbours who ask me this very question.....why??
In Indian society , it is actually an issue to be thirty yet not married. I am thirty and had become no less than a scandal in my neighbourhood.
*chuckle*
The neighbours , before asking me , whether I was good or not , whether my business was doing well or not..they would ask me...
"What Kalash...it's already thirty ...when will you marry...???"
I would give them a polite smile and say " Very soon...you will know when you will be invited..." and strike his name off the invitation list in my mind.
Savage ??? Yes you are right ...I was savage.
So that was the general answer which I gave to my neighbours when they ask me about my late marriage .
But there was a specific reason....and that I will tell you .
Well....
I had many likings in the past . I was attracted to many people , only to be sad at the end.
Everytime I was attracted to someone, I would try to know more about him. He would also be friendly. But...after some days , I would come to know that he was not the one whom I was in search of.
It's because , I am a man who fights from the team of girls. A man with a feminine soul who gets attracted towards the men ....the people of my own gender.
The society calls me gay .
I get attracted towards men only to know at the end that they had a girl friend . They were bromancing with me for all those times and there were no chance of that bromance to get evolved into a romance ever for me.
I silently moved out of my one sided affairs so far.
After many intial hook ups and my one sided break ups ,I made myself closed to anyone . For me love did not exist anymore . It existed only in the pages of the fairytale and it was the monopoly of the prince and princess.
*Sigh*
Same sex marriage was not legalised in India then . People like us were to remain in closet. We knew , society would not be kind on us. With legal backing too , it would take some time for the society to accept us.
Sometimes I wonder , if being not married till thirty was making a scandal for all my neighbours..... what would happen to them , if they were told that I was a gay
But let me tell you I was not ashamed....I was too proud on myself being gay. I was not scared of myself. Rather I would want to see their faces when they would know about it.
*chuckle*
Thus to mention it explicitly ....
I saw a man named Amrit in the morning. I felt a click in me. His beautiful fish-like eyes made me to fall for his beauty . The closure which I created around me was open and my heart wanted to accept the pang of love once more. The never ending saga of this stupid heart who would be pained yet would fall in love again and again....
May be Amrit would not be like the others....may be Amrit would not break my heart .
But my past experinces told me that I must confirm first ....whether Amrit was into boys or not....or whether he would be in long association with me and our relationship would be recongnised as bromance....just to make my heart ache at the end .
Thinking all these....
I went to the kitchen. I looked into the fridge. There were brinjals and gourds . So I thought of making brinjal curry and chapattis for lunch.
That was my specialty. The famous brinjal curry. I had learnt to make that from my loving mother. The mother who loves me unconditionally and I am thankful to universe for giving me such a beautiful mother.
I was slicing the brinjal for the curry and was remembering the day when , my mother came to know that I was into boys.
**flashback**
"What is that ...Maa...what are you carrying in your hand ? " asked I with horror filled eyes as my mother was carrying my personal dairy in her hands.
The very personal dairy where I write everything about myself . It could be considered as my best friend. It knows more stuffs about me than anyone else in this world.
Maa was holding that in her hands. The last chapter that I wrote had the description of my latest crush and also the name. Maa knew him. So there was no way she would not understand that I was into boys .
"Soo.....you have a liking for Kedar...your classmate ??" asked Mother.
I was petrified ....I did not know how to react .
I was shivering and thinking the earth to crack and engulf me.
My mother came near to me.
I was embracing myself for slaps .
She patted my cheeks and said " Its okay...your likings and dislikings will never change my love for you...if my love for you changed with situations then I should not be called a mother at all. I am the one who loved you from the day when you were a little seed inside me ...I will love you even when you would be ninety ...even if I would not be there in this world then ....
You love whomever you want....just be happy ....shona ....always be happy...that's what every mother should want for their children. I want that and only that for you ...."
I looked at her in awe for some time . I did not expect this reaction from her. This was outworldly.
I just did the wisest thing that should be done then . I hugged her tight . She hughed me back and said " Bless you shona....bless you ....always be happy in your life..."
Tears automatically came out of my eyes. I may love someone else when I would grow up but this love ...this motherly love was heavenly ....this love was unconditional....and this love was godly.
Amidst my overwhelming emotions. ..I could only utter....
"I love you , Maa....I love you ...always be my Maa in each and every birth of mine...." said I .
My mother clutched me tighter and said " You are mine , Shona....you will not go to any other woman ...you will always be my boy....my baby...."
**flashback ended**
The sound of the chopping board brought me out to the present. My hands were involuntarily cutting the brinjals into thin slices for curry.
The lunch was ready . I pulled out the glass cutleries and started to put that on the dining table.
I should hurry as the time was running out ....and Amrit would drop by any moment.
I hope he would......
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