"Austin are you drunk?"
Austin looks at the unsteady image of Chris standing before him. He wasn't sure if the world is moving or he was moving. He wasn't so sure of himself.
How did I ended up like this again??
2 hours ago
"Aunty Maya!" Abby raised her bowl up high so Maya can see her. "Seconds, please!" Maya came over and gladly took her bowl.
"Oh Abbygale, your such a growing girl. That's very good. It's a shame I can't say the same thing for my Greana." Maya said eyeing Geana.
"Mom~" Geana said feeling embarrassed.
"You have no idea how much food I make for my babies, now they don't eat at all. Look at her. So skinny. No wonder she can't find herself a better man." She said.
"Augh!" Geana rolled her eyes. Trying to ignore her mother. Geana and Maya do get along well but when it comes to marriage and such. They don't see eye to eye. "Can we please talk about something else. I'm starting to get a headache."
"I just don't see why you don't go after Jerry. He's educated. Has a career." Maya persist but Geana interrupted.
"Jerry is nothing more of an-"
"Good man who has issues!" I immediately cut her off. Giving her gestures that Abby was still with us.
"Ah yes! A lot," Geana looked at her mother. "Of issues." They will never agree with each other.
"Well I'm just glad I'm not dealing with what you got." Tim said surprising everyone. Everyone greeted him in. Geana only folded her arms.
"Timothy! My dear boy. Perfect timing. I wanted to talk to you about something. It's a someone that you might be interested in~"
Tim looked at his mother then to everyone then back to his mother. "Oh! Look at the time! I have to go deliver more mail for the next town. Be back in two weeks." Tim quickly walked away. Maya ran after him. Geana smiled at that. I suppose she's not the only one dealing with her mother.
"Having fun, Abby?" Geana asked. Abby nodded. Enjoying her food. "That's good. I'm going to the kitchen to make more cold lemonade. Even in the night, it's still hot."
Austin finished his meal and watched Abby eating her third meal. He's glad she was feeling better.
"I should call your dad and let him know you won't be eating anything once we take you back home." Austin said. Abby was smiling before now she wasn't anymore. Which was alarming to him.
"Are you going with me?" She asked. "Are you going to sleepover?"
"It's best that I should go and-"
"Please sleepover!" Abby held my arm. Austin was surprised by her. Abby didn't tell him why she didn't want to go home but now's the time.
"Abby." She looked at me with her wide eyes. "What's going on at home?" I asked her. She stared at me for a minute and looked away. She took a deep breath, almost sounded like she was nervous. I waited patiently for her.
"It's daddy." She said. "He's....been more sad. Sadder than sad." Sadder then sad....damn. I continued to listen to her. "He also started to drink too. And I hate it." She became more comfortable with herself. At first she was nervous but then she starts to open up more. And hearing her talk about her dad, her problems. It all makes sense to me. Maybe it's because I know what's she's going through right now. I suppose that's what she asked me about before.
"Have you ever loved someone? So much that it hurts?"
Tom is getting more depressed and it's affecting his daughter. It's like five years ago. Poor Abby. Your struggling with this all alone and you don't know what to do.
"Abby," She looked up at me. "It's ok. Your big bro got your back." Her eyes begin to wide. "Your dad... he's just...holding it all in. It might seem like he has it all under control, but-"
"What can I do!" She exclaimed. It surprised me. "How can I help my daddy!?"
"Hey wait a minute-"
"Daddy won't listen to me at all when I talk to him!"
"Hold on-"
"He thinks I can't handle it because he thinks I don't understand!"
"Abby-"
"He just doesn't want to say anything at all!"
She became still. But somehow I could sense it. Her aura surrounding her. Strong. Powerful. Scary. I sometimes forget what she is. And forget what they can bring into the air. I could feel myself shiver. Why am I shivering? It's just Abby. Why am I afraid? It's just Abby. Abby....the alpha...
"Stop it." I hear a voice at the hall. A familiar voice. "That's enough." I turn my head to the direction of the voice and saw Maya, Geana, and Tim behind someone. It was Tom. I could tell the others behind him didn't want to go pass him. It was like something was pushing them away. "Abby!" He said to her.
She stood up and face her father. I became more afraid. I was shaking like I was in the snow without a jacket. Her aura. It's getting stronger. And I'm scared.
Tom walked to her like it was nothing. How can he walk to her?
"It's your fault daddy! Your always sad! I like it better when you make me laugh! Always happy. Why are you sad, daddy!" She yelled at him. He just took it in. Her aura got stronger. I can't move at all. "Daddy, WHY!!" I can't breathe.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" He yelled at her. She snapped out of it. She saw my face and everyone's faces. She started to calm down. Her strong aura began to disappear. I was able to breath and relax. So did everyone else. Abby looked down. Ashamed. I wanted to comfort her but I didn't want to. I was still afraid. And I too feel ashamed of it.
Tom lean down to her. Tried to give her a hug but she pushed him away.
"I don't like this daddy! I hate this daddy! Go away!" She stormed off. Tom called her back but she kept running. Tom watched her leave the room. He didn't went after her. He just watched her go. That I know must hurt a lot.
♦
Geana told Tom that she'll look after her until she feels better. Tom didn't even tried to convince her to take her home. He just accepted it. I walked with him back to his house in silence. I didn't know what to say to him. We just kept walking in the warm night.
"To think," Tom said softly. "That she'll hate me. Wow. That's a shock." I could hear his depressed voice.
"Abby doesn't hate you, Tom. She's just..." I couldn't finish my sentence.
"I...fucked up." He said. It went silent again. "Even after the school, the job, and the marriage. I'm still the same. To think I could really move pass it." Tom said.
"Not if you keep it all in." I said to him. "If you don't then it's going to be-"
"Five years ago all over again. Right?" Tom finished what I was going to said. I silently nodded. Tom sighed. "I want a beer. And your going to accompany me. I hate drinking alone."
"Huh!? Why?!" I asked him. But he just kept walking, and I so happen to tag along with him. Tom brought a pack of beer that he always drinks. Made me pay for it. We made it to his house and started to drink at his front porch. He sat down drinking and gazed at the moon. Lighting up the house. The moon was brightly beautiful.
"Wooh! That feels good! I like this feeling. Takes off the heavy load, ya know." Tom said drinking his 3rd beer.
"Yeah I wouldn't know because I never drink this stuff like you do. Which brings it to this question. Why do I have to drink too?"
"Oh come on! We're like the exact same age and your telling me you never even tried to? And haven't heard what I said before? I don't like drinking alone." Tom said taking a sip.
"I thought you meant you drinking and me making sure you don't drink too much. Which you already are!" I scolded him. He smiled and didn't care what I said.
"Come on! Live a little. This could be your first attempt of doing something bad for a change." That struck me down because I recall what I did that night months ago with Chris. His moans. His face. His screams. And we did that in a public restroom. My face turn red just thinking about it. "Drink. Drink." Tom started to chant. "Drink. Drink." He started to clap with his beer. "Drink. Drink." He won't stop until I do. "Drink! Drink!" I opened one and drank it. He cheered me on. I gasped for air once I was done. It's burning my throat. And the taste is so weird. "Congrats man. Your a drinker." He tap his beer with mine.
"It's only a one time thing, ok!?" I yelled at him. He started to laugh. From then on I kept drinking with him. I couldn't remember how much I drank. My head was spinning.
"How come your not married yet~" Tom nagged at me. I could tell he was drunk. How many did he drank? Way too many. Ugh my face is burning. "Your fucking a million bucks and you still can't find anyone? What? Your saving yourself for someone~" Tom poke my cheek.
I started to blush. Ignoring what he is saying.
"Or you already have a person in mind." I took a sip from my beer. Feeling annoyed by him. "Like that new guy. Ah shit what's his name again? Um. Christmas?"
"It's Christopher!" I corrected him. Oh crap! Tom's face started to light up. He knows too much!
"Hahahaha I knew it!!" He cheered.
"NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"
"YOU LIKE HIM!!"
"ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"
"NO WONDER YOU CAN'T STOP TAKE YOUR EYES OFF HIM! HAHAHAHA!"
"FUCK YOU, TOM!!!" I covered my face from the embarrassment. I can't handle this much stress. "I'm never going to drink with you ever again." I mumbled in my hands. Tom patted my back.
"Baby steps, man. Wh-wh- fuck. Once you walk the baby steps then you'll move on to the fun stuff if you know what I mean hehe." He drank while winking at me.
"Don't think such. Augh." I hit his arm. "You know I don't think that."
"Right right. Your the Virgin farm hand that only thinks about fairies and beautiful trees~" Tom continued. "Not even touching yourself. And I would know that."
"What the hell!" I grabbed myself. What is he trying to say!
"I remember when we were in middle school, I have never once found a dirty mag in your room. That is stolen youth!"
"How is that stolen youth. I wasn't into that kind of stuff, okay! I've never had that kind of experience that everyone in middle school talked about."
"Stolen youth!" Tom shouted. "I used to have dirty mags in my room once upon a time. And I've never seen you look for it. Not even once, man."
"Wait. Used to?" I said to him.
"My crazy old man found them and threw them away. He said 'No vulgar things in this house.' Then made me do push-ups for five minutes if I've ever think about relieving myself. And he watched me!" Tom said getting angry. "Those were the worst days of my life, man. You know how hard it was to even do one!?"
"Well did you learn your lesson?" I asked him. He chuckled.
"No. I bought some more and stashed it at my secret layer." He laughed. "Fuck and I forgot where that layer is now." We both laughed hard.
"Yor an idiot." I said to him. I drank my beer but it became empty. All the beers are empty. Damn. We drank them all. Tom tried to stood up but tumble down the floor. I couldn't help myself to laugh. He just laid down on the floor. I suppose he decided to just sleep on his porch. I wouldn't blame him. It's nice and warm outside. He covered his eyes with his arm. Breathing in and out. He looks as though he was asleep. But I knew he was awake.
"Austin." He called out.
"Hm."
"I don't think he's going to come back." In that short moment, I woke up from my buzz and stared at him seriously. His eyes were covered by his arm but I could see a tear run down his face. The moon captured it coldly. Despite the air being warm. I could hear him holding in his pain from crying. I only looked down. Didn't know what to do in this moment. So I just got up and walked away. He needed to be alone.
I don't think he's going to come back.
That echoed in my mind. It's hard to get it out of my head. Hearing it from Tom just brings back memories from my past.
Their coming. You'll see. Their coming to take me home.
Why won't it just stop.
I don't think he's going to come back.
Stop getting in my head.
Their waiting for me. I know it. Their going to take me home.
No. That's not true. Stop. Stop.
Have you ever loved someone?
I opened my eyes and found myself in front of Ms. Flora's house. The lights are on. Someone is still awake inside. I can't tell what time it was or how long I've been walking. I just want to just go for it. Open the door. Walk towards who ever was awake and hold them tight. I don't want to be alone. I want the voices to stop. I can't anymore.
I walked to the door, reaching my hand out to the nob. But I accidentally tripped myself and it my head on the door.
"Ow." Well that's unfortunately.
Now
I stared at his eyes and didn't know what to respond to him. Should I just act dumb? Should I tell the truth? What should I say? It's hard to concentrate with him being this close to me.
I want to hold him. I lean in towards him. Chris stepped back but was trapped by the wall behind him. He wasn't going anywhere. As his back was against the wall, he stares intensively into my eyes. And I his. His eyes. His hazel eyes. So beautiful. His face. Stunning. His chestnut hair. So soft. His body. Irresponsible. I didn't care what will happen next. I wanted him. And I know, he wanted me.
I went for a kiss. That intense feeling we both shared that day flush through my body. My tongue went inside his mouth. I moved closer to him. Chris kissed me back and also moved even closer to me.
It was getting hot and more intense. It's more and more obvious. We both pull back. Taking some air. Learning how to breath again. I realized I was holding him. My arms around his waist. His arms over my shoulders. We both know what we want. We want each other.
A force of lust rushed us. We went back to kissing and embraced each other. His hand was moving closer under my shirt. His touch run a hot breeze in my body. I heard his moan getting sweeter when I move myself closer between his legs. We both couldn't let go of each other. I couldn't stop the sensation. It was too good. It was too much. I wanted more. I want him more. I want to make him mine and mine alone. He's mine.
"Ow!" I stopped. "Ow." I opened my eyes and I realized his belly. The baby. That...thing in our way. I.....I....
I quickly back myself away from him. Chris saw my reaction. Why did I think that? What am I doing to him? What's happening to me? Why am I...so angry?
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I-" my body trembled. Then I remembered that night we both had. That moment. That time. Not again. I'm doing it all over again.
"Austin, it's fine." Chris said.
"No it's not fine!" Chris jumped. "It's not fine at all! It's all so messed up now! God why do I feel so fucking sick of this!" Chris stares at him. "I'm so damn angry! Fuck!" I couldn't control what I was saying. It was all coming out so suddenly.
"Are...are you disappointed in me." I looked at him. He was looking down but I could tell he was ashamed of himself. I took another look at him. He was beautiful. So beautiful. But that baby. That baby he's carrying. I just can't.
"I can't even look at you." Chris looked up at me surprised. Hurt. A sharp pain hit straight through my heart. What have I done.
I walked back. Every step hurts. We both held are gazed. Looking straight into our souls. I ran out of the house and kept running. I didn't want to stop. How could I. After what I said. I didn't mean it to happen that way. I didn't mean the words I said. A flash of his face in pain stopped me from running.
Have you ever loved someone? So much that it hurts?
"Yes....it does." Tears run down my face and the moon captured it coldly. Despite the air being warm.