I have never felt this awful in a long time. It twist the insides of my stomach bad. I couldn't eat well. Work properly. I don't have the strength to even go to the bathroom!
The things I said to Chris. It hurts so much. What hurts even more is how I remember everything I did and say to him that night.
"Ugh~ why did I kiss him~" I covered my face even knowing my hands are covered in dirt.(...sad thing is....it's not dirt but I'm going to imagine it is.) "This is it. I hit rock bottom."
"Austin!" I lifted my head and saw my boss with his face red with anger. "You still not done!" I looked around and realized I haven't finished cleaning the stables. "That shit isn't going to move itself! Get back to work or go home!"
"Yes, sir." I said miserably. I grabbed my rake and started to clean the stables.....but with misery in my heart.
I don't know how long I've been working. It looks as though it was getting dark. By now, I would've been done. Walk around the village, eat at the usual place, ride Standly a bit, then sleep at the end of the day. But....
I messed it up. I messed it all up. How can I apologise to Chris now? How will I face him? I was so ecstatic when he reappeared into my life. But life just has to ruin it for me. Chris is pregnant. I knew someone new was coming to live in the village but I didn't know it was him....
A Month Ago
"Someone new is coming?" I asked Ms. Flora.
"Yes. My father told me about him. Poor man. He was kicked out by his father for reasons I don't know about. It's a mystery. Then his lover that he was living with before also kicked him out after knowing that he was pregnant. He claims it wasn't his so they both had an argument. He had no where to go. So my father, kind as always, offer him to live in his grandparent's old house." Julie finished then sighed. "My father never changed. Always helping people."
"That must've hard for him. To go through all that." I said. "But is it alright for the doctor to give away his grandparent's home?" I asked her.
Ms. Flora thought about it then smiled. "Austin. I could faintly remember my great grandparents however I do remember their kind smile. How they always smile when my father brought me to visit them in the hot summer. And how we all open presents in the cold winter. They always smile. Even welcoming new faces. So I believe it is alright. They have long passed since and father has taken good care of the house. He always has good memories growing up in that old house. He will always keep them safe. But now it's time to give the home to another in need. To start new memories. After all, a beautiful home is where good memories live on and never forgotten."
I smiled back. "I hope soon I'll have that too."
She gave me a light hug. "You will. But for now, let's help him and do what we can. Father told me he's hurting in the inside. So let's make him feel at home."
Now
If only I knew that Chris was the one coming to live in this village. I would've prepare myself for the big shock. Now I made it complicated and made him feel like crap. If only I knew, then things would've been different...I swear, who ever made him pregnant and left him broken, I'm going to beat them and make sure they choke on their teeth.
I hear a crack and notice that I broke the rake. Crap! I tried to put it back together but it failed me.
"Austin," My boss called out. I quickly threw the broken rake over the bushes and turn to my boss.
"Yes, sir." I replied pretended that the rake didn't exist.
"You can go now. We can pick up what we left off next week." He said. I became confused. Why next week?
"Next week, sir?" I asked him. He looked down a bit. Something was on his mind.
"Ya haven't heard?" He said still looking down. I shook my head. He took off his straw hat and looked me in the eyes...what he told me.....just made my day even worse.
Chris POV
I didn't want to get out of bed. Julie came in once in a while to check if I was alright. I brush her off and kindly told her I was fine. She told me that Tim, Geana, and Maya helped out with the move in since Austin didn't show up at all to help Julie. Figures. After what he said....I wouldn't blame him at all.
"Christopher?" Julie came in with a tray. She placed it on the drawer and handed me her mug.
"You don't have to-"
"Please," she held it out to me. "I insist." I kindly took it and drank a little bit. It was hot coco. I thanked her. "I hope your not ill. I would've brought you some nice herbal tea but coco cheers everybody up."
"Thank you. I'm just a bit out of the weather. I'll be fine." I assure her. She smiled.
"Your new home is ready. All you need to do now is see it for yourself. For an old home, it's still so beautiful."
"I hope it doesn't fall on me." I said. She laughed a bit.
"Come eat with us. It was a long day getting your home settled. Now we're eating a feast."
"It's fine. I'll just stay here." I wasn't in the mood to see everyone. My mind is else where. She smiled and told me if I ever changed my mind, I should join them.
I placed the mug on the drawer and laid back on the bed. I made myself feel comfortable so I could fall asleep...but where ever I moved, it didn't feel right. I tossed and turn to find my place on the bed but nothing seems to work. Frustrated I got up and walked around the room. I just have to pass the time.
I looked at the photos of Julie as a little girl with her father on the wall. Their was also rewards too. One for academics and the others for sports. She even had one for horse riding.
"3rd place huh." I looked at the photo of a younger Julie on a horse that looked similar to Standly. She was showing off her metal. Her father was on the left. He looked very proud. Then on the right, their was a man. He was holding her hand. The next photo showed him again. They were embracing. Who is this guy? And the last photo took me for surprised. He was wearing a police officer uniform. She was next to him wearing a nice pink flower dress. Her father (the doctor) was standing next to her on the right. An older man, also wearing a police officer uniform, was holding a toddler with a blue pacifier, was on the left next to the man. They all looked happy. Especially the two in the middle. Julie and the mystery man. I wanted to know more.
I looked around the room for albums. I found one but it was old. I kept looking and looking but their wasn't one. I sat on the bed again and felt something off. I got off and looked at the bed. Their was a lump on the end. I slide my hand under the mattress and felt something. I took it out and it was an album.
I looked at it. Should I look inside? I don't want to be noisy. But I'm so damn curious. I shouldn't look. But I want to!!!
*Knock* *Knock*
"Ah!" I coughed. "I mean, yes?" I answered.
"It's me." It was Julie. I quickly put back the missing album and opened the door. "Christopher, something came up and I was letting you know that leftovers are in the fridge and cook it whenever you feel hungry." I nodded by her response.
"Cool." I said. She looked at me.
"Are you hiding something?" She asked. Damn she's sharp.
"What? No. You just woke me up." I smiled to her. She looked at me again but she brushed it off.
"Well ok then." She said.
"Teacher! Teacher!" I heard a girly voice and quickly recognize it. Abbygale ran to Julie and looked at me with distain. I did the same.
Julie noticed and gently slap our heads. "Stop it." It didn't hurt. But it's Julie we're talking about. "No death stares in my house." She looked at me and glanced at Abbygale. "I'll be back soon."
"Where are you going? If I may ask?" I asked her.
"No where." Abbygale replied for her. Julie gently push her aside.
"I'm actually going to see the Mayor for a council meeting. And only the village council are invited." She looked at Abbygale. She folded her arms. Unhappy about that.
"Your part of a council? Wow. That's beyond amazing." I said to her. She smiled. But it quickly faded. She became sad. Abbygale noticed too. "Is something wrong?" She snapped out of it and her smile came back.
"Every is fine. It's just-" she looked down and tried to clear her throat. It looked like she was holding back tears.
"Ms. Flora?" Abbygale said, concern.
"It's alright. I'm ok." She said to Abbygale. She turned to me. "Just give me a call. The trio are going to take Abbygale home so you wouldn't worry about her. We'll see you then." She guided Abbygale down the hall. Abbygale looked back at me with a look. It's not her bratty looks. It's a look that says something is going on. And she knows I noticed it too.
I heard them all leave the house. I looked back at the bed and took out the album. I sat down on the bed and took a moment to decide.
Should I really look inside?
For a second, I didn't want to. But my curiosity over powered me so I opened it. As I thought. It was a younger Julie. With the man. I looked over the album. It was about the two of them. They both looked happy. Other times he was wearing his police officer uniform. And other times he's not.
Most of the photos were on the beach. She looked so beautiful. Their were also photos of them kissing. Which was uncomfortable. I guess I could figure this out. I kept looking and looking then I stop. It was the last photo in the album. It was a selfie of both of them. It looked like they were on a building. The background was the ocean looking down. You can see the beach. And right next to it is some kind of harbour.
Words were written under the photo. It read 'forever and ever'. I envy them. They have something I don't have. Which made my heart ache. I put the album down on my lap. I just wish...Austin and I have a chance. And maybe...just maybe...we could be happy....but that can never be. I felt heavy and sharp inside my chest. Why? Why does this have to happen to me.
"Have you looked enough."
"Fuck!" I jolted back. I looked at the door and saw Julie. She didn't look happy. I looked at the album on my lap. "Fuck." I whispered. I looked up. "I'm so sorry."
"Well you should be." She walked in. "So is this what you do in your free time." She took the album out of my lap. "Looking into stuff that doesn't belong to you?" She waved the album at me. She was upset. I was ashamed to say anything. She tossed the album at the bed. "You think I was stupid."
"No! I just-"
"Don't." She said holding out her finger. She breathed in and out. "This is unacceptable. I can't even." She hold back some words.
"Can't what? Look at me? Trust me. I already heard enough of that." I blurted out. Which surprised me. Julie turned to me surprised too. She collect herself and thought of words to reply to me. I got up from the bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked at the album. I'm sorry for invading your private life. You trusted me. Invited me into your home. I shouldn't look at things that don't concern me. I... betrayed your trust...." Their was silence. "I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I...I should go." I was about to leave but she stopped me.
"Wait." I looked back. She sighed. "I'm sorry." She said. I didn't expect this. Why is she apologizing? "I flip out. It's my fault. I shouldn't have snap like that to you." She walked towards me. She place her hand on my arm. Her touch felt warm. She looked into my eyes with sincere. "I'm sorry." I don't know why but her words warm my heart. She smiled. "It's all because of that stupid book." She turned and picked up the album on the bed. "I knew I should've through it away."
"Why? Doesn't seem stupid to me." I said to her. Julie caress the album with her hand.
"It is if it keeps bringing back memories when I'm stress." She said. She sighed and put the album down. "Come have tea with me."
After that, I sat down on the floor in the living room. She brought over tea and placed it on the small table. She sat down and pour some tea for me. I thanked her. She began to talk.
"I'm sorry. It's just a lot happen. I didn't have the heart to even go to the meeting today. So I came back. And when I saw you looking through that old thing, I lost it." She said.
"That's understandable. I loose my shit when my little brother looks through my stuff with out permission. So I completely understand." I said to her. She looked at me.
"You have a little brother?" She asked me.
"Well he ain't little anymore." I winked at her. She hit my arm and we both laugh. When we settled a bit I had the courage to asked her. "Who was that guy anyway?" She was sipping her tea but she placed it down. "Who was he to you?" She sighed. Julie was resistant to answer but she gave in.
"He was my fiance." She said. I didn't say anything. She noticed my reaction. She continued. "His name was Tobias." She sip on her tea. Then I asked her a bold question.
"Did he leave you?" I asked her. She looked down.
"No." She said. "He died."
A sharp pain hit me. It made the air cold. Then everything was uncomfortable. I cleared my throat and apologize.
"It's alright. It was a long time ago." Julie said.
"How-" Julie cut me off.
"How did he died?" She gently smiled at me. To ensure me that it was ok. It made the air less cold. "On duty." She pouted my tea cup. "He was called to the city to help with a riot years ago. It was a horrible riot. He was part of the task force to calm the public but it went out of control. It was all over the news. Their was no communications since then. At that point he was acting on his own. He saved lives. Got people out of the chaos. He even saved people from a burning building. So I was told." She said. She pouted her tea cup. "He inspired the other cops to do better. Tobias took control. He saved lives. He was a natural born leader. All the cops followed his example. But..." She cleared her throat. "Their was a tall building. engulfed in flames. The screams they told about. It was horrific. That didn't stop him. So he went in...never came out."
"... I'm sorry." I said to her.
"A lot of lives were lost that day. Including Tobias. He was a hero. But like I said, it was along time ago." Julie said. Then she smiled. She got up and walked back to the room. I wasn't sure what was happening. She came back with the photo that was on the wall. She handed it to me. "Can you guess who was on this picture?" I looked at it. I told her that was her father. She smiled. "Yes but that wasn't the one I was referring to. Look again." I looked at the picture. It was the one with her, her father, her fiance, the older man in a police uniform, and the little toddler with a blue pacifier. I didn't get what she was referring too. Then I noticed something.
"No way." I looked at her. She smiled. "No way." She sat down. "No!" I kept looking at the picture. "Tom!?" She clapped her hand.
"Yes." She laughed. What the hell!! "I was wondering if you were ever going to find out."
The little toddler didn't look much but the eyes and his eyebrows made the connection. Then her fiance looked similar to Tom. "How old was he?"
"He was about 3 years old. The man holding him is Tom and Tobias father." No way. I couldn't believe it. To think Tom was a cute baby. "That picture was taken around the time when Tobias lost his life." She said. Just to even think about it. Tom and Julie were going to be family. Wait. Did she just said that Tom was 3 when Tobias died....that....that was decades ago. I looked at her. This woman. Lost her fiance that long ago. I don't know if I could hold that up. "I'm sorry. It's just wounds being reopened again." She sighed. "Especially with all that's going on."
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
She couldn't say. But she cleared her throat. "I believe it's about time you know now. Better that way."
I placed my tea cup down. Ready for what she had to say. "What?"
She sighed. She was nervous. "Nine months ago their was a fishing ship. Taking sail to the open ocean. In our community, we have fishermen. Every two years they would go and sail through the ocean and come back to sell fish. Usually their work is everyday but when it's fishing season, they go to sea."
"Ok." I said.
"We remain contact with the ship. But 2 months after the ship went sail, we lost contact. We weren't sure what was going on. Then we heard their was a storm. But we didn't think much of it. For six months we haven't heard anything. Just to be clear this happens a lot so it was common for us to loose single after a storm. But last week, we got a call." She hold her hands together. "The storm. It was a big terrible storm." Her hands were shaking. I hold her hands. She smiled but faded away. "The ship...it went under."
I squeezed her hand. That's horrible. "I'm sorry." I said to her but then I looked at her. She was holding back tears before but it run down her face. I knew right away that wasn't all she was going to say.
"Tom's husband was on that ship." My heart skipped a beat. More tears came down Julie's face. She hold my hand tight. She whipped her tears and gave me a look that tightened my heart. "George...and many others....they aren't coming back."
I don't know know why or how it came to this. The world around me started to go back in time. The time when Tom was here before. When he was about to say something but decided not to say anything at all. The way he walked out the house. The way his face quickly change when he looked away. Then the time I was in his house...I didn't...no...I refused to understand. The time he was with me and I was with him. That memory change suddenly.
"Christopher." I came back from my original time. I noticed I was squeezing Julie's hand tighter, but she didn't mind. I looked at her with the realization of what's going to happen. Then I felt a heart beat in my stomach. The presence around me started to make sense to me. I got up while still holding Julie's hand. She wasn't sure what was going on. I wasn't sure what was going on as well. But my instincts are telling me to go.
"We have to go. Now."