After almost half an hour of crying, she eventually calmed down.
"How do you feel now?"
"A...little...…better."
Although she had stopped crying, she was giving occasional hiccups. All that feeling that she had bottled up inside, all the pain she had suffered, through that continuous crying and venting her frustration on me, although the problem hadn't been solved, I thought that she would feel a bit better.
Saying all those things, that was caged inside her heart definitely would help her feel a bit relieved.
But why was I doing this again?
My emotions got better of me, right?
I had resolved myself that I wouldn't get involved with people. But my emotions always won over my resolve and I always ended up getting involved with this girl. Not only this girl, but some bizzare turn of incidents have also introduced some new faces in new life.
"I think my resolve is going to get crumbled earlier than I thought."
I was getting involved with people. I think that I would help people when they are in need.
If someone asked me that would I really help Ichinose, Koyanagi, Honami, or Ichika when they were in trouble? I would say yes.
But if someone asked me that I trust them, I don't think I could say that easily.
I think I don't trust people. No, that's not it. I don't want to trust people. I don't want to experience something like 'that' again.
"Thank you, Kobayashi-kun."
The voice from the other side of the door woke me up from my reverie.
"What for? I didn't do anything more than listen to your sufferings. I can neither help you with your family matters nor can I do something for you to help you get over it."
That was not a lie. I couldn't do anything for her. It was her family matter which she had to solve herself. It didn't need to be right away. She could do it sometime in the future when she thinks she is ready to face the consequences of her actions.
"I don't need your help. I will try to solve my family affairs on my own. What I thanked you for was listening to me the whole time?"
"Hmm?"
"I mean, you are the first person that I think I have opened up my heart to. I haven't told about this to anyone. And I never thought that I would share this with someone else."
She stopped.
"But for some reason, I said all that to you. I felt like, if it was you, there won't be any problem. I thought that I could share all these things with you and you only."
This girl sounded honest which caught me a little off guard.
(You and you only.)
I could hear those words echoing in my brain.
I smiled a little and said, "Why do you think so?"
I asked that question without any deeper thought to it. But it seemed that she had expected me to ask this question because the answer she gave me was something that I hadn't expected in my wildest dreams.
"I think you possess the same darkness that I did."
My eyes widened and my heart pounded faster. Before I even had a chance to say something, she continued.
"When you first entered the classroom, I immediately caught a glimpse of your eyes. I was immediately attracted to your eyes that carried immense darkness. I felt as if the darkness in your eyes was attracting the darkness within me."
"No, I think the darkness that you possessed behind those eyes was devouring the darkness that I had bottled up inside me."
She corrected herself.
I was holding my breath. I had always felt that this girl looked into my eyes whenever she talked to me. She had curiosity in her eyes which looked as if it was searching for something within me.
Suddenly, another thought crossed my mind. Did she really looked into my eyes and saw that darkness that she was talking about? Or did she somehow knew about my past and was trying to get it out of me by saying such things?
"I think because of that darkness we both possessed, our own pain and despair we had both kept hidden within ourselves, I was attracted to you."
"I am happy that the statement I read in that novel was true after all, that 'The people with darkness attract each other'."
She chuckled after that statement.
From the other side of the door, I couldn't see her face, but I felt honesty from her voice. So, I rejected the notion that she knew of my past.
And now I was fascinated by what she had just said.
(The people with darkness attract each other, huh?)
I thought to myself. Was that really true? Do people who possess darkness within them, who have experienced despair and knew what pain and suffering were, really attract each other?
If what she had said was true then the reason I felt comfortable around her; was it because I sensed something was common between us? I was thinking hard, brainstorming.
I found myself thinking about it and didn't quite hear that she was calling me.
"…bayashi-kun, Kobayashi-kun?"
"Huh? What?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
She let out a puzzled sound.
"Hey."
"Yes?"
"Do you still have that book you mentioned just now?"
"Yeah, I have. But I need to search so it may take a while. Could wait till tomorrow?"
I remembered the state of her room when I had first entered. There were books and clothes scattered all over the place.
"You know you should do some cleaning sometime soon. Your room is messy as hell."
"Shut up! Don't tell a girl something like cleaning her room, you dumbass!"
She retorted from the other side of the door and stroke the door which made a bang.
"Ouch."
She might have felt some pain because she had hit the door a little too hard.
Since she had the energy to retort and scream like that, I thought she must have regained a bit of her usual self.
I smiled a little.
But I didn't know why did I smile? Was it because she was regaining her composure and she no longer had that sort of pained expression that she had made back then? Although I didn't see her face I could feel that she didn't have that sort of pained expression now.
Or was it because of what she said earlier about people with darkness attracting each other?
I didn't know. But I hoped I would find the answer to that soon.
I slowly stood up and stretched my back. I had sat there for almost three hours.
I approached the door to my apartment. I inserted the key and opened the door.
When I was just about to enter my room, I felt as if she had said something.
Thinking that it was just my imagination, I went inside and immediately went to bed.
"I somehow feel a bit tired."
I felt my eyelids being a bit heavy and without realizing fell asleep.