"…..Thank you."
He probably didn't hear what I said as he just went inside his room.
I wanted him to hear and also at the same time I didn't want him to hear.
For the first time in my life, I had been able to open up to someone.
It hadn't been that long since he had entered my life. Probably, around a month at the most. But I think I was the closest to him.
Ever since he had become my neighbor, I had someone I could talk with. He helped me get to school when I hurt my leg. He took care of me when I was sick.
And most importantly I ended up telling him the past that I didn't want others to know. But why did I tell him?
I felt comfortable around him.
Since he had moved here and since the incident when he had helped me get to school, I felt a bit secured. His coming into my life was bringing changes in me and my life.
Thinking about him, a sudden thought occurred to me.
When I was sick and he took care of me back then I felt happy. But I also felt embarrassed that he had seen me naked. I know that it couldn't have been helped given the situation, but still seeing me naked isn't fair!
Yes! To make it fair he should also show me his naked body! I didn't realize that I had suddenly stood up and had my hand raised and fists clenched.
When I realized what I had just thought, my face felt hot and I immediately crouched down holding my face with my hands.
I shook my head, to get rid of those thoughts.
Lately, I had these sorts of childish and illogical thoughts whenever I thought about him.
I took deep and long breaths to calm myself.
After inhaling and exhaling a few times, I felt a bit calmer than before.
I had always been a strong girl. Since I was a child, I had worked very hard. I improved my studies and improved my physical capabilities. I did everything I could but all for naught. No matter what I did, my grandmother would never give me the time of the day.
But, I hadn't given up yet. I would make her accept me, no matter what it takes.
So, I had always tried my hardest to be a headstrong girl. No matter what, I always tried to remain tough and strong around others.
But for some reason, I always ended up showing my weaknesses in front of him. I was completely defenseless in front of him.
Why do only I end up showing my weak self to him?! Why not let me see his weaknesses?!
Just as I thought that a certain memory flashed.
It was when he had first entered the class. My eyes were drawn to him. I sensed something dark lurking in his eyes. I thought that he possessed the same darkness that I had.
But upon closely observing him I realized that I was wrong. The darkness that he possessed was overwhelming and beyond comparison to mine.
I had told him about my feelings, about the reason behind the darkness I had.
So, one day, would he tell me about himself as well? Would he tell me the reason behind the inept darkness that he had behind those black eyes?
I didn't think he would. He talked normally with people. He just talked the bare minimum with others. But compared to others he talked to me more than anyone else. I felt a bit happy.
But I was sad as well. Even though he talked to me frequently, I felt that he was still distant. He felt so close yet so far. I felt a large rift existing between us. And I wanted to close that rift between us.
I knew that it couldn't be bridged that slowly. But I want him to open up to me, in the same way, I did today, and tell me about himself more.