CHAPTER SONG: Hurt to be human by Khalid.
This song suits my mood as I write. You can feel it alongside as you read❤
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What is life? When you can't live the life you want!
What is life? When you never get what you desire!
What is life? When everything is not balanced!
What do you live like in your life? When part of you never wants you perfect?
To some, their peers determine the life they live.
To some, their parents determine the life they live.
To some, they are independent but silently seeking dependence, they want attention and want life guidance to at least to decide for them because they feel so awful as they live freely and scale through the hazards of life all by themselves, this makes them want someone who they can depend upon.
Whereas, some feel the opposite... They want to live their life and have the fullest part of life... Eagerly fighting for freedom in other to do what they LOVE most.
But as for me, Avia, my life is different from all these, I never belong to any part of that story. My Parent never controls me nor my Peers or what I love to do.
In fact, I don't know if there is anything I'd love to do.
From the philosophy of Life. Life is just referred to as a toss of a coin. Once thrown up, either the tail faces up or the head faces upon landing...
Just like that, Life has this two-phase either ''Life or Death', 'Joy or Pain,' 'Happiness or Sadness'.
There is no third phase.
However, that is not my case, I'm just in between the two phases, I couldn't go front nor reverse back, I'm just diving... Not being able to discern my life.
Like in the association of fungi and algae which makes up the leech, I feel something associated with me, it makes me do strange things, and it stayed recessive wanting to burst out. But it has never been mutual as I'm the one who lost all the time. Seemed it was looking for a way to dominate me.
Sometimes it makes me seem abnormal to everyone, even to myself, I have been a normal girl since I was born but recently, I did strange things that normal humans cannot do. Things that scared everyone away from me but yet they never gave up on tormenting, threatening, and bullying me.
They called it an evil act, but I see it as a self-defense act. This was because once it overshadowed me, I lost my senses, and by the time I regained consciousness, my enemies all fled, things destroyed and most times lives are taken.
With this, they call me 'The arc of The Ogre' that engulfs the devil's deed. But it baffled me, despite how they see me as they still never give up this act of a bully.
I started feeling this strange thing in me when I clocked 8 years of age, it was on my birthday;
V & C Elementary school, was the last school I wish to attend. It was during lunch break; Some kids were playing all sorts of games at the playground. Some were eating from their Lunch packs.
I walked down the hallway to the restroom which was built in the rear part of the classrooms.
Since school resumed, I felt a huge distance from my friends and most of my classmates were speaking words into one another's ears while their gaze came in my direction but I ignore them.
This was because I'm used to that right from my formal schools and their attitude is nothing compared to that.
Little did I know, information travels far and fast than the speed of light. I ran inside the female restroom, locked the door, and sat on my knees.
What happened? I just finished a session here and I'm doing great in this new environment but while this sudden change and imitation of my old school habit?
I gasped when I heard steps, the sounds of their legs happened to be like six pupils and stopped at the restroom entrance.
I wanted to open the door but I stopped when they started talking louder.
"She is a bad girl, we used to be friends before but now, she might kill me too," said a girl.
That is Clisia's voice, my best friend, we live in the same dorm and always share things. Her words wanted me to listen more so, I stayed calm.
"She took her mother's life, also all her relatives" Added another girl.
This voice seems too tiny, I did not recognize the voice, what did they mean by this? I turned my back at the door and rested my head on it, listening with all attention.
"What kind of child does that? I heard her mother died during her labor and that same day, all her relatives died in a fatal accident except for her father who managed to survive" Clisia said.
Seems like she is the boss of them all, could they be talking about me knowing that am in the restroom? or they just gathered here for fluent gossip?
"I was told anyone who gets closer to her will surely die," she said and I heard them all gasp.
"What an ill-fated child?!!!" They all said at once.
They can't be talking about me, even though, I've lost my mom. I knew how she died, my father can't lie to me, and never can I kill my family.
Why will they badmouth me to this extent? I shrug the door open and dazed out like a caged bird.
They all turned to me expecting me to come out whereas I thought they will be shocked.
To my greatest disappointment, Clisia, my best friend pointed up and then stretched her hand to me,
"Go!!!" she commanded and it all started, the song from my formal schools hit my ears;
"Go from here!"
"Leave our school!!"
"You bitch!!!"
"Witch!!!!"
They all said in unison putting out their tongues and then threw things; rotten eggs landed on my face, head, and body.
This is exactly how they behaved in my formal school, while this song here? How did they get to know this?
Suddenly, My legs became heavier that I couldn't lift them, then my knees ached and my eyes were dizzy. This was how I felt when the strange thing wanted to overshadow me.
I stared at them, and all that came out of my face was a smile, No, it was a devilish smile.
Like a blur vision, I saw them facing one another and started fighting each other, I walked gingerly out of the restroom.
It's just a lunch break, we still have a long way before closing time, how will I survive this? I was too weak to move then I heard a voice,
"Why the noise from the restroom?"
It was either a male teacher or a senior class student, that was all I knew before I passed out.