July 28, 2011.
ALEXA SMITH.
I felt the cold air hug my body causing me to shiver slightly, my face was full of tears, and the lump in my throat made passing saliva a very difficult task at that moment. The pain in my chest grew every second expanding throughout my body making my breathing difficult and the forces in me wavering, making me fall to my knees next to the two tombstones that were in front of me.
I could not assimilate what I was experiencing at that time, the simple idea of never looking at my mother's beautiful smile or thinking that my father will never welcome me back home with a warm hug and a kiss on the forehead caused my heart clenched so painfully that she doubted she could bear it any longer.
"Alexa ..." I heard my cousin's voice behind me. We have to go already pretty, soon it will start to rain.
"I don't care if a flood falls right now, Rose," I said with a broken voice and with some rage. Actually, it would be nice if she died too.
"Oh no, don't say that babe." She answered, stifling a sob as I felt her kneel beside me and wrap her arms around my body. Christopher needs you now more than ever and you know it. You must be strong Alexa.
-Is not easy.
It was all I could say before dropping my head on his shoulder and allowing tears to gush out and wet the soft fabric of his dress.
Rose was quiet after that and thanked him. She let me vent just a little bit, knowing that that pain and sense of loss would never go away completely no matter how much I cried.
I knew that she was right and that I had to be strong in order to help my younger brother overcome the death of our parents and to be able to get up from the situation he was in now because of that accident. But even knowing the truth of her words, the truth is that it is not easy, damn it!
After I had been crying on my knees by my parents' graves for I don't know how long, Rose made me get up and go back to the car to go home before it started to rain. But apparently fate always seemed to work against us because my cousin had only been driving for five minutes when the rain began to fall. I just looked at how the water hit the window insistently while my thoughts were in charge of torturing me and sinking me deeper into that hole in which I now found myself and from which I very much doubted I would be able to get out soon.
My mind was only focused on a memory.
Every year my parents took us on a field trip somewhere, this time it was no exception. They had taken us to a cabin my father had apparently bought on the outskirts of town; The place was beautiful, it was surrounded by large trees that extended their branches over the road, thus leaving their leaves scattered over it, and a few meters from where the cabin was located, there was a large lake in which my father tried to teach us to fishing but we failed terribly.
We were there enjoying the place and our company for a whole week, not knowing that this would be the last time we would all be together. Because life is like that, so uncertain. We don't know when our last breath may be, and worst of all, no one seems to be ready for it.
When the day to go home came, we spent a long time lifting everything and putting it in the truck. We left there at 11:00 in the morning, Mom had made coffee to go and poured it into insulated cups that she handed out after getting in the car.
We had been on the road for about an hour, Dad had been making jokes as was his custom to make the trip less boring. He was joking about mom snoring when it happened. Something got in the way and Dad barely managed to avoid it. What no one was counting on was that a huge cargo truck would appear at the curve that was a few meters from us. My father tried to stabilize the truck while he tried to avoid the truck but he couldn't, the truck hit us and I barely managed to wrap my brother's body to protect him. I was only aware of the heartrending scream that came out of my mother's mouth and then I heard how the windows of the truck shattered, after that everything became blurry and in absolute silence, and I was immersed in a place of total darkness ...
When I woke up, three days had passed since the accident, I was totally disoriented but as the seconds passed to my mind the memories of what had happened on the way home came and then despair seized me, nobody wanted to tell me anything and that was driving me crazy . I was like that with that feeling for hours, with the helplessness of not knowing anything about my family until Ronald, my father's brother appeared in the hospital room where I was. After asking Rose to leave us alone he blurted out the horrible news in a crude way, without any anesthetic, just like that.
The sound of the car door being closed brought me out of my thoughts. When I looked up I could see Rose walking around the car, so I took a deep breath before opening the passenger door and getting out. After a few seconds I realized that she had brought me to her house, which I was also grateful for because at the moment I did not feel strong enough to stay in the house where my parents had raised me.
After having spent three days unconscious and having received the tragic news that my parents had died and that my younger brother, for his good or bad luck, was still alive but had suffered a slight deviation in the spine due to the accident and that for such For this reason, he would temporarily lose the movement of his legs, they also informed me that it could not be possible to leave the hospital to visit my parents' grave due to the fact that the accident had left me with two broken ribs and a broken left arm. . For these reasons I was forced to wait three fucking weeks to go say goodbye to them, and that couldn't have made me feel more miserable than I already felt.
"Come on, you need to eat something," I heard Rose's voice again, snapping me out of my reverie as I watched him step aside to pass. Chris has been very eager to see you.
"I can't look at his face without feeling fucking shit about everything he's had to go through," I replied, my voice barely audible. I don't even understand how he wants to see me.
"Well, you shouldn't feel that way when we all know that you're not to blame for anything," he replied with some annoyance. And Chris is smart, which is why he understood this whole situation apparently better than you. But still, he needs you, he needs you to be with him giving him that support that he needs now more than ever.
"How do you expect me to be supportive when even I can't support myself Rose?" I blurted out more sharply than I should have. I'm not saying that I feel my brother as a burden, that would never happen. I'm just saying that I won't be able to give him the help and strength he needs right now.
—Being together they will both get stronger Alex, they both need each other.
Again I felt the tears prick my eyes wanting to come out but I fought to keep them inside as much as I could. I didn't want to cry anymore, my eyes felt exaggeratedly swollen but I couldn't hold back crying any longer so I let it out. And I knew that Rose was right, that my brother needs me as much as I need him but the fear and uncertainty of seeing him suffer from the lack of movement in his legs was killing me.
"I'm scared," I blurted out in a whisper.
"What are you afraid of, pretty?" He asked as he reached out to take my hands and pull me in his direction and then wrap me in a comforting hug.
"To not being able to give him enough help, to the therapies not working and I have to see him suffer because he does not regain the mobility of his legs," I said, my voice distorted by crying. I am afraid of plunging him into the hell in which I find myself.
"Chris loves you Alex, and I understand your fear." But you must know that it is necessary for them to be together, it was too much suffering that they lost their parents how so that now they are lost. "His words completely disarmed me and I had to admit that this idiot was right. If you abandon him now, then if we can say that all will be lost for him.
"You're right," I finally said, breaking the hug to move away so I could look into her eyes. Thanks for everything Rose.
"It's nothing, silly." She said with a small smile on her lips which forced me to respond in the same way.
After our talk and lunch, Rose led me to one of the guest rooms in the house. I decided to go to the bathroom and take a shower, I really needed it. I felt very tired and my muscles were stiff but as soon as the hot water made contact with my skin, my whole body began to relax. After a few long minutes I decided it was time to get out, so I turned off the shower, found one of the robes Rose had gotten for me, and covered myself with it.
I got out of the bathroom and went straight to the closet in search of some panties and pajamas. By the time I finished doing everything I had to do and threw myself on the bed, I looked at the alarm clock that was on the bedside table next to it, the clock was already ticking 4:14 in the afternoon - which I realized I had spent two hours getting ready just to go to sleep - so with every intention of taking a break from all the shit around me I closed my eyes to try to sleep. It didn't take long when tiredness and sleep began to take their toll on me and I gradually fell into unconsciousness.