Saturday, October 6, 2018.
ALEXA SMITH.
There are days when I wonder what I did in the past to deserve so much pain now.
Blaming my parents for it would be an abomination, because in the end they are not to blame for not having been able to protect me or for not having suspected that monster that hurt me so much when I was only an 11-year-old girl, and a lot Less of not having survived that horrible accident that ended up destroying our lives.
Thinking about it still hurts, it stings in my chest.
Life has hit me hard, it has really forced me to go through fire so many times that I have lost count. All these years have been tragedy after tragedy; However, I have forced myself to stand up and move forward, although I am sure that the path I am going is not one that my parents would have liked but there is no going back. I've tried to keep my brother away from all this but I don't know how long I can keep him safe. If something happened to him because of me, I would never forgive myself and I know that my parents would not either.
It's been 6 damn years since they died and, damn it! It still hurts like it was yesterday.
The reality is that although at times I have felt faint, I have forced myself to be strong in front of everyone, especially in front of Chris, it was all because of him but I don't know if I can continue with this farce.
Two months after the accident, Chris and I decided it was best to go home. Not only because we didn't want to be a burden to anyone but because we felt the need to be in the place that we once called home and where we share so many good and bad moments with our parents. Because when they left, the memories didn't. And we were willing to treasure them for the rest of our lives.
Months after we moved into our home we learned that Ronald, my father's brother had taken over the management of the company to which my father had dedicated many years and of which he had previously been the Director. At that time we didn't care, we were just 10 and 14 year old kids who were struggling to cope with the pain that the death of their parents had left them. Today we continue to struggle with that pain but we are no longer the same children, life had also forced us to mature before our time.
"Hey, are you sleeping sitting up now?" I heard Chris's voice interrupting my thoughts. I was preparing the tissues to dry your drool.
"Very funny," I said, rolling my eyes. And just so you know, I don't drool when I sleep.
"If your pillow could talk, it would tell us very good stories," she replied while laughing.
"Stories that are not suitable for you," I answer to see how he looked at me with a bit of confusion and when understanding came to him I looked at him grimacing and then it was my turn to laugh out loud.
"You are disgusting," he grumbled.
"How are the therapies going?" Change of subject still a bit amused by her expression.
"Oh, everything is great." - He answered really enthusiastic and completely forgetting the previous topic -. Actually I am much better, Lyla told me that if I continue like this soon all pain in the hips and pain in the spine will disappear completely.
Shortly after the accident, Chris began his therapies to regain movement in his legs. It was not easy, because he was still somewhat depressed about everything that happened, and the worst thing was that he had resigned himself to being in a wheelchair all his life because we knew of many cases in which the diagnoses said that it would only be paralysis temporary and ended up being permanent. But after long talks between Rose, Aunt Marie and I, we managed to convince him that he had to be strong and put all his efforts in the exercises that Lyla forced him to do in each therapy because everything would depend on his perseverance and how hard he struggled to recover.
Two and a half years after being in therapy the results were totally remarkable and it served as motivation to try even more. He had already left the wheelchair and started to regain mobility in his legs, although he needed to support himself a bit with crutches but it was already a great advance.
Nowadays he has also given up the crutches, but walking for a long time causes slight discomfort in his hips and pain in his spine that is sometimes very strong.
I must admit that both the therapies and the medications that he has needed have all been really very expensive. My parents left us a good amount of money, and for some strange reason the company was in the name of that man, although I am sure that he had something to do with it but it is something that I have missed for the moment. I'll have time to find out what that idiot did to alter my father's will.
The money of my parents has been enough to be able to live, and even to do some business. Chris is aware of them, although I am the oldest because I have had to take responsibility for everything. They're not a big deal, actually the bar is the biggest business we have.
"You have an older one, don't be an idiot" refuted my conscience. Hell, why did he have to remind me now.
"It's good to hear, you've been too strong and too brave Chris," I finally answered, snapping out of my musings. I got up from the single couch I was sitting on to walk over to him and hug him. I am very proud of you.
He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me closer to him and then filled my face with kisses— I know. I'm cool right? He flaunted. We both laughed as we squeezed into hugs.
"You're my brother, you have to be great," I also said, showing off and pinching his cheek, causing him to laugh louder.
"Silly," he said, ending the big hug.
"Bobo," I replied, getting up from the couch to start walking toward the kitchen. I'll go make dinner.
"Okay, just don't make that horrible invention of yours again, please." I heard you yell as I walked into the kitchen.
I laughed as I remembered the day I made ketchup chicken with sausage. I knew that was going to suck but I wanted to give it what it deserved for telling the neighbors that I cooked horrible. Last week the Collins invited us to dinner, they are very nice people. Everything was going well until Christopher said in front of everyone that it was the first time in years that he had tasted such a delicious food, because ultimately my meals seemed to want to intoxicate everyone who tried it. Can you believe it ?! I was offended, I know I'm not an excellent chef but damn it! I'm not that bad at cooking.
So that day I decided to give him a taste of his own chocolate, how the hell not? I didn't mind spoiling the food but I had to get revenge for making me look bad in front of that family.
After we had made a few burritos, we sat on the couch in front of the television and settled down to dinner while we watched a horror movie; I must admit that the movie was really interesting because I didn't even notice the moment when Chris took two burritos from my plate and I had to get up to make more. Hell, he was a greedy man.
-You not sleepy yet? he asks while looking at me.
"Just a little," I reply, smiling in his direction. I'll pick up this mess and then go to sleep.
"Go rest, I'll take care of it."
"Good, since you insist so much then I'm leaving." I got up from the couch and stretched my arms over my head to stretch my muscles. I approached him and placed a kiss on his cheek and then left the room and went to my room.
I walk up the stairs with lazy steps, I really feel very tired. I walk to my door, walk in and close it behind me and latch it. I find the switch and turn on the lights. Rose has a bad habit of coming very early to wake me up, so to avoid hitting her I would pass the door safely. I walked in the direction of the bathroom while I got rid of my clothes, I needed a bath, one of those repairers. "But it won't repair your soul," a small voice murmured in my head.
I decided to ignore her because I know she's fucking right, my life is full of shit that I may never be able to clean up.
I go into the bathroom and slide the dark glass over the shower and step into it. I turn on the shower and wince slightly as the cold water collides with my bare skin. I stay there for a moment getting used to the freezing water and after a while I start to lather my body as if doing that also cleans up everything bad in me, I urgently needed to feel less disgusting than I felt and knew, was.
After I got out of the bathroom and put on my pajama clothes, I lay down on the bed to try to sleep, I had to rest if I wanted to be in excellent condition for tomorrow because I would have a meeting with Jack Stevens again that I could not miss.
**** 🍃 ****
Sunday, October 7, 2018.
I left the house with Chris and Rose. I had to go first to see how everything is going in the cafeteria, Martha -the manager of the premises- always kept everything under control so I didn't have much to worry about, although it was good from time to time to go around the business in case it was needed something. Apart from that today we would take advantage of having breakfast there.
The three of us go in the Audi, while I stopped at a traffic light that had already turned red I looked at the touch screen of the player and I took the opportunity to look for the Pendrive that I always leave in the car and put the music on random before looking forward and see the traffic light turn green.
After 15 minutes we arrived, I park the car and then get off the three at the same time and go to the cafeteria. The yellow walls with brown dots and the large windows added a striking touch to the place. As soon as we entered I could glimpse Michelle one of the workers of the place for several months behind the counter with a boy who did not know his name, but who could bet he was new because he had definitely not seen him before.
Pushing my thoughts aside I head to the counter as Chris and Rose go looking for a table, the place is too crowded for it to be so early. As I walk to where the red-haired girl is, I realize that I am drawing the attention of those who are still in line but I don't care what they think, after all, being the owner of the place gives you certain benefits and one of them is that you don't have to wait to be served.
I get to the counter and speak.
"Good morning Michelle, I'll want three orders of pancakes, scrambled eggs with toast and bacon, and three milkshakes and orange juice, please."
"We're sorry, beautiful, but you'll have to stand in line to place your order or go sit down and wait for one of the servers to take your order." I turn my gaze to where the voice comes from, only to realize that it is nothing more and nothing less than the brown-haired boy who, indeed, with his comment confirmed that he was new.
I looked at him for a moment with a serious expression and when I thought it was time then I decided to put him in his place.
"Okay ..." I say in a neutral voice and glance briefly at his uniform to verify his name. Michael, this time I will let your insolence pass but believe me that next time I will not have so much consideration.
The boy looks at me with a frown in clear confusion until Michelle leans closer to his ear and whispers something that makes the boy's eyes widen that gives the impression that at any moment they will fall out of place.
I turn around to go to the table where my companions are, but before moving forward I turn over my shoulder to look at Michelle.
"Bring me the order when it's ready, please."
"Right away, Miss Smith." He replies with a nod.
I make my way between the tables to find my brother and my cousin, who after a few seconds I can see them at one of the tables that are near one of the large windows. I get to them and take a seat in one of the chairs, when I look up and see the way they look at me I know they have heard something of the little theater that I have mounted.
-What? I let out boredom, rolling my eyes. I see how they both share a look and press their lips together, holding back laughter.
"Poor boy," Rose speaks. He almost lost his job just for calling you beautiful, "he says with mock regret.
"Don't start Rose, I'm not in the mood today."
"The poor boy was scared to hell," he says with a laugh and I force my lips to tighten to contain the laugh that threatens to win me over.
"They'll have to give you permission to go change," Chris joins the conversation. Because I'm sure he shitted out of fear. He says, and the three of us giggle. Yes, I could no longer contain myself.
-We better change the topic. I say after quieting my laughter. I don't want them to think we're making fun of him or something.
"But that's exactly what we're doing," Chris says, shooting him a dirty look. Well, well, I'll shut up.
"Okay, Miss Consideration," Rose sneers. Tell us, what are your plans for today?
"The first plan for today is to take the two of you annoying couple back home." I say pointing at them with my index finger. Then I'll go check that everything is fine and in order at the bookstore, "I explain. Oh, and at night I'll arrange to go inspect the bar for a while, I haven't been there for a few days.
"Then I'll hang around the bookstore for a bit to keep Hillary company." Chris informs me.
"Very good," I say, looking at him with narrowed eyes. Just don't try to seduce her, she's like 6 years older than you.
"Oh holy shit!" Can you stop being so over the top? He exclaims in frustration.
I opened my mouth to answer him but closed it again when I saw that a tall and attractive boy, brown hair, narrow hips, broad shoulders and well built is coming to our table. It's about Michael; I must admit that the boy looks attractive in those dark jeans that fit perfectly with his toned legs and that light blue shirt that adheres to his apparently well-worked body, thanks to the little view that the fabric gives.
He came to where we are and leaves the two trays of food that he had in his hands on the table, but he does not leave, he remains still next to us; I look up and find dark eyes looking at me with a bit of shame, regret and some apology, for which it was impossible not to lower my guard a bit. It is true that I have become a woman a bit hard, cold and somewhat distant, but that facade is only to protect myself, I also have feelings. So despite my seriousness I clear my throat before thanking him.
-Do not worry. Actually, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about what happened just now. "She apologizes. I really had no idea who you were and my intention was not to offend or make you angry.
"It's all right Michael, don't worry," I say quietly. You haven't offended me, I just didn't really like the way you addressed me. I explain. But it's all good, just don't repeat it again.
"Thank you very much Miss Smith," he says, letting out a clearly relieved sigh. It will not happen again.
-Excellent.
A nod from him is the last thing I see before he turns and leaves.
I hear someone clear their throat and turn around and my gaze met her silly Rose face and a stupid smile on her lips and a really amused Chris at the situation.
"Can you get that fucking face off?" I replied
"Can you be a little less bitter?" He attacked.
We heard a laugh from Chris and we both turned to see it.
"Can you both shut your mouth?" He concluded.
"Okay, you know what?" -said-. Let's just shut up the three of us and finish eating because all this is bothering me.