I twisted and turned in my bed as I tried to go to sleep so I could stop thinking of the face which meant so much to me but turned out to be just another selfish bastard. I
I couldn't believe myself for being such a fool, it was as if I had some kind of a pattern where I attracted emotionless men into my life and turned myself into some kind of a joke.
I could hear rain splashing over my window faintly, making me turn to face the window watching the beautiful city lights reflecting through the tiny droplets on the window. It was beyond beautiful but I was not at all in a frame of mind to enjoy any of that.
I sat in my bed and picked up my phone from the bedside table to check the updates on my Instagram, I fought hard at the urge to check Dylan's account and I lost.
His pictures were just perfect and I could see he had a lot of followers and admirers, it was unreal to even think that this man was finding it hard to find himself a girlfriend.
I looked at one particular picture where he was hugging an old woman closely, well I was curious so I started reading all the comments and found out that it was his grandmother and it did look like he genuinely cared about his family.
I thought of calling Carol but I didn't know what to tell her. It was sort of an embarrassing situation considering how my past boyfriends were and she knew all of it. I was not in the mood to hear a 'told you so' right now.
Then I checked another photo of him in which he was standing in his doctor's coat taking a mirror selfie, I couldn't believe how someone could look this attractive.
I could only imagine Greek gods to be described as handsome with a chiseled jawline and amazing smile in my Greek literature reading list in college.
But then, as I was zooming in on the picture, I double-tap and ended up liking his picture. This was damage and there was no way I could escape this. He would be notified and I am busted.
I close the whole app and toss my phone back to the bedside table and bury my head into the pillow trying to forget my existence.
About five minutes pass as I hear my Instagram notification sound go off and I curse myself for not putting it on silent before trying to sleep.
I don't want to check it, not tonight! I chanted in my head but my self-control was zero especially tonight. I rolled over again, picked up my phone, and I saw it was Dylan who just DM'd me.
My heartbeat started racing and my throat went dry. His message simply said, "You stalking me?" I took a deep breath while debating in my head whether to open the text or not.
I have already lost all the respect, what was the point! I thought as I opened Instagram and stared into his inbox trying to figure out something that would cover my fuck up.
"Well, I could have asked the same when you were all over my IG yesterday night!" I typed and clicked sent, to drop my phone on my side and stared at the ceiling thinking of what a wrecking ball I am.
Just then another notification pops in, I pick up my phone eagerly. He replied saying, "Both guilty in that case! ;)" I sighed as I knew he was still in the mood to just play around, but then I thought why was I getting attached to a man like this anyway.
I saw he was still typing so refrained from replying to his last message waiting for his next message to pop on. His next message popped up saying, "BTW sorry for tonight. I know I blew it by being too honest. I hate playing games you know, at least not with women. I wanted to tell you this when we were at the table last night, you don't seem to be the kind of girl who is meant for hookups."
That came as a surprise as I did wonder what he was going to say when he stopped mid sentence right when Michael and Carol rejoined our table last night.
"Does that change the fact that we want different things?" I asked with my heart still sinking below the sea level of emotions which intensified with the raindrops and the surroundings.
I stared at the screen, watching it as he sees the message, and not seeing 'typing..' for about two minutes made me realize that maybe this is it.
I dropped my phone again to the side, to drop into the void of my emotions to be only brought back by the notification sound. I picked up my phone again to see his text saying, "Can I call you?"
I sat up on my bed, unsure of what to say. I looked around as I knew I was panicking but then I thought, he is a gentleman as I hated people who just call without even making sure if you want to pick up and talk.
I decided to clear this for the sake of my sanity so I type, "okay! But I have work tomorrow so I can't talk for long."
As soon as I press send, he reads it there and I erupt into a smile for the first time since his weird exposition about his intentions.
In about a minute, my phone starts ringing with his name on the screen, for some reason his name and his everything made me feel things that I have seen in movies and I didn't quite understand why always the wrong guys.
"Hey! I won't keep you up for long. I just won't be able to sleep knowing I was kind of rude and selfish as you said, to you. You deserve better." He blurts just as I pick up the call.
I could say he regretted being too honest that it made me think he was completely heartless which I now know wasn't entirely true.
"Well, yes! I did feel a little offended to think why would you think I would get into a fake relationship with you for compensation and sabotage my chances at love with someone who would love me for real. But then now you said, you never thought I was a woman meant for hookups."
He was silent for a few seconds before saying, "I deeply apologize, Meg! I can't tell you how sorry I am. And yes, I don't think you have to give up anything to help me. I don't think of you as someone who would do this kind of stuff for compensation. I just needed someone to get what I deserve from my family, it's my problem and not yours. The sole reason I asked you because you are the kind of girl who I would take home if I had the heart to fall in love."
My heart couldn't take what he just said, it felt intense pain and a beautiful bliss altogether and I didn't even know what to say or do.
I just wished with all my heart that if only I was lucky enough to have his heart. "Why is your family holding something that you rightfully deserve?" Dylan fell silent and I knew it must be one of those stories which all men carried in their heart to never disclose to anyone and just act as if they don't exist.
"It's okay if you don't want to share," I added. I heard him breathing into the phone speaker, something intense was coming I thought.
"Well, I will tell you the whole story someday but for now, just know, I did have a heart once, I loved someone too much once and I lost her. It took a toll on me and I ended up in a bad place. My family is scared that being what I am now, I will just go back to the bad place if I am inheriting that priceless estate."
I was not getting the whole picture, but my image of him completely changed. Now, I wondered how he lost her to make him scared of relationships. But I thought I would ask him when he is ready to tell me everything in a little more detail.
"So, would you go to a bad place if that happens?" I ask because that is the only thing that was tied to me and I thought I had the right to know everything before making any decision.
"Umm.. let's just say, I am over it and I am happy where I am right now. And why I want that estate is not for money. I just have a lot of memories there with my grandpa and that is exactly why he gave it to me but my family just doesn't trust me enough, I guess."
He was a nice guy, contrary to what he sounded like tonight. "Hmm.. makes sense! Just one last question is it true that you don't feel anything except horniness." he chuckles as I finish saying it.
"Yes! But I will give you this, you are that one person after a long time had a lingering effect on me. Like said, if I had a heart, I would have fallen for you." The more he said that the more I felt the pain intensify in my heart. I didn't want to continue this talk any longer.
"Okay, so I think I should go now. And... I am not saying no, let me think this through and tell you soon." I said. "Sure, thank you so much. You're truly a nice woman, Meg!" he said and for some reason, I loved it when he called me that.
I said goodnight with a smile and disconnected the call. Lying back in my bed, I just thought about how my life keeps throwing a curveball and I had nothing to do in return.
I didn't want to think or make a decision yet, later and closed my eyes hoping to doze off this time.