Turns out, it was that time of the month. I woke up irritated – which was a given. I was immensely upset, for reasons, unbeknownst to me. I was also angry, because my conversation with Nathan kept replaying in the back of my mind. Not to mention the pain I was in, obviously, due to the heard of Hippopotami sumo wrestling in between my ovaries. I needed a painkiller and I needed it stat!
Ugh I need to leave Logan's.
This was exactly why I didn't want to sleep here! Of all the days, today had to be the day that I was forced into an impromptu sleepover added that the red sea of terror makes a miraculous appearance.
Pushing off of the bed, I doubled checked the sheets to see if I made a mess. Luckily I didn't. See, the power of spandex!
Yay me, for packing extra!
Okay bitch, relax.
With a slight hop in my step - and I stress slight - I made my way to the ensuite bathroom and ran the water for another – short – relaxing bath.
I had a full day of rehearsals and I still needed to go home and get my situation, situated. Again, I stress, this is why I didn't want to sleep here last night. I hated not being organized, I mean "yay" for packing extra spandex but lets not bring out the party favors just yet, I was still a mess. After my quick bath, I made sure to pack all of my belongings and start my search of the halls, for Sly.
Checking the time while I walked out the door, I internally groaned. My phone read 7:38am, I was already late for my rehearsals. My whole day had been altered and I'm not going to lie, it was really annoying me.
"You're up early." A sleepy, husky voice mumbled from down the hall.
"Cockwaffles!" I screeched in terror. Turning my head in the direction the voice came from, I found none other than Nathaniel Park "Damn it, Nathan!" I whisper-shouted, placing a hand over my erratic heartbeat.
"Cockwaffles?" Nathan repeated clearly amused, letting a loose, tired chuckle bounce from his chest.
"Yeah" I mumbled as I watched him approach me from the hood of my lashes "its something I say when I get a fright."
"I didn't mean to scare you." He continued, stifling another round of chuckles.
"Shut up." I throw at him. I was not amused at all.
I peed a little when he scared me…
Don't look at me like that, it happens to everyone.
He scratched the nape of his neck in nervousness "sorry."
Nathan and I stood there in silence, awkwardly staring at each other. Last nights events played – again – on a continuous loop in my head and I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. And preferably buried under a large heap of self-preservation because embarrassing myself seemed to be my part time hobby. And bleeding.
This was all very, important information.
The silence was finally broken, but that did nothing to ease the tense air. I shifted uncomfortably, readjusting the sports bag on my shoulder, but made no movement to say anything. "Are we going to talk about last night or…?"
I had too much and too little to say. My emotions were all over the place.
"Are you not going to talk to me?"
What was I supposed to do? I couldn't tell him about the blood bath down under and that that was the reason for my actions last night right? Oh gosh, I could see the giant sized grave I'd have to dig up from the sheer embarrassment of voicing such a sentence. Sighing heavily, I continued my initial mission down the hall towards Logan's room. He had to know where Sly was sleeping. (I didn't want to risk waking everybody up by checking all the rooms.)
Okay, real chat: I didn't want to accidently open the door to the room that Nathan was sleeping in. Talk about a can of worm…
Am I right?
"Riley?" Nathan whispered after me.
Not sparing him another glance at all, I proceeded to make my way to Logan's room. Nathan quickly kept up behind me, his footsteps matching my fast pace. Just as I was about to reach for Logan's door Nathan's vein-peppered, cool hand grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. Ignoring the jolts of electricity that seemed to pulse from where our skin touched, I slapped on a blank expression hoping, Mr-even-my-tired-smile-and-cold-hands-can-shock-your-system-with-one-touch, wouldn't continue this unnecessary and silly game of figuring me out.
"Why are you not talking to me?" He asked desperately, his hold tightening around the bend of my arm. Pulling away from his magnetizing touch would've been the obvious out for this situation. If only I knew how to demagnetize stuff, I would be on the other side of town by now but alas! I was never good with science so…I'm was at a loss there.
Magnets is sciencey stuff right?
Just…asking for a friend…
"Nathan, let me go." I forced through gritted teeth – mad at myself – because I couldn't find the strength to tear my arm out of his grasp. Instead I was kind of enjoying the feel of my skin vibrate with fire from where his hand was still clasped around my arm.
"What happened? What did I do?" His voice was gaining volume and trembled towards the ends of his sentences. Upon hearing the slight tremor in his velvet-coated voice, I was practically forced to peer into the coco colored puddles that were his eyes. He was so beautiful even when he was angry - at least I think he was angry – his expression seemed, perplexed.
With full dark brows hooding over his features in a furrowed manner, Nathan's forehead creased, causing the skin of his face to glide effortlessly across the divinely structured bone like a skilled game of Tetris. His eyes, protected by long thick lashes squinted slightly at me – holding his squint for a few seconds at a time. Just as quickly as his furrowed brows made an appearance, they disappeared. In its place, slightly flared nostrils, paired of with unmoving cotton candy lips.
Or was I just the worst at reading people?
I really needed to stop thinking of him this way.
"What's going on?" Saved by the Logan.
Thank you sweet baby drumsticks!
Pushing away from Nathan I turned to face my savior. Logan was definitely a Greek God in disguise, he hid it well, behind his boy next-door charm but I could see it. Even if I was seeing it clearly while, he was half naked and still half asleep. His eyes barely cracked opened as he stood patiently in front of me – tall like, he'd be caught playing basketball, with a team of trees in his spare time. I hadn't realized how quiet I was - and possibly, subtly checking him out.
What? Can you blame me?
Clad only, in a pair of dangerously low-hanging boxers, Logan's intricate dark tattoos – that seemed to – lazily litter his soft golden, sun kissed skin sent a flash of heat to my face. And, another part of my body located in the southern region.
If you know what I mean…
I'll just chuck all of this down to my "Red Friday" hormones flaring up.
"Riles are you okay?" Logan asked trying to break me out of my thoughts.
Damn you hormones!!
Mmmhmm his voice had the whole husky 'I just woke up' thing to it.
You know what? I'm just going to say it; I think it's unfair that guys have that sexy 'I just woke up' chocolate pudding vocal effect. Whereas us girls have that 'toad stuck in your throat until you hydrate' effect.
I know damn well I'm not the only one. It's a safe space ladies. Join the #ToadWhenI'mWokeClub! We're a judgment free group.
Clearing my throat and the dirty thoughts in my mind I connected my eyes with Mr-I-have-girlfriend-issues-but-my-life-is-perfect-but-I-still-need-people-to-feel-sorry-for-me-and-confuse-them-in-the-proccess for a brief bitter moment, I even added an eye roll at the fact that he was still standing there.
Yup. I've officially turned into a hormonal bitch with a severe, bitter complex.
"I'm gonna head out now, do you know which room Sly is sleeping in?" I rushed the words out my mouth, adjusting my sports bag again.
"You're leaving?" Both Logan and Nathan asked in unison.
The sports bag was not a clue?
If I was in the right state of mind I probably would've laughed or mildly giggled at their unison but I had one mission, and one mission only: be far away from Mr. Nathaniel Park.
Oh and get to rehearsals.
Yes, rehearsals!
Specifically rehearsals.
"Yes." I responded curtly, my voice void of any emotions.
"Why?" Logan pressed seeming sad. My news surely woke him right up.
"Yeah, why?" Nathan joined the conversation with his addition. Logan and I turned to face him. From the corner of my eye I could see a hint of a smile on Logan's face, whereas I had a permanent scowl.
I was bleeding, bitches. I just wanted to go home, at this point there was now three painkillers with my name on them.
"Why don't you at least stay for breakfast?"
"Logan," I addressed him curtly "where's Sylvester's room?"
"That one." Logan pointed to a room, one door down from the one I slept in.
"Thank you" I voiced "I left your clothes folded on the bed." And with that, I woke Sly up and after he got himself together we left Logan's house.
I didn't bother saying anything to anyone as I left the house and waited in the car. Sly, however, had a long talk with the guys, which made me even later for my rehearsal. After the third time I honked aggressively Sly ran out.
Ugh.
Before reaching the dance studio Sly stopped at our apartment so I could handle my lady business and change into my dance clothes. Just shy of three weeks I had a big performance at the Season 12 premiere of So You Think You Can Dance. I was part of the headlining acts, which was an honor for me. It was a big deal and I wanted it to be my most authentic performance.
For the duration of the two weeks prior the big show week, I ignored everyone and everything and went into full dance hibernation. This entailed arriving at the studio at 6am and leaving late at around 11pm. I was invested and there was nothing anybody could say or do that would change my mindset.
I was like a dog on a mission. A bitch, really. Cue the laughter...
Anyone? No?
Okay, tough crowd.
During my hibernation, I managed to ignore -all together - sixty-four calls and forty-seven texts from Nathan alone. You don't want to know the sum total of all three guys trying to reach out. I heard, from Sly - not that I cared - that Nathan was also caked in work and barely had time for a social life, let alone a private one.
Why call and text me if he was so busy?
Cue another eye roll.
"Riley you ready for today's rehearsal?" Sly asked, standing at the threshold of my door whilst sipping on some coffee "you know, you could always stay in today – introduce your body to this thing called rest."
I groaned at the thought and rolled my stiff body over to face the man who I knew as my savior and rock.
"Logan and Nate don't have filming later and want to go out for dinner." Sly slyly informed me, to which I responded by burying my head in my pillow. I would've asked why he was telling me all of this but it would imply that I cared and I couldn't have that. It was hard enough getting the guys to stop blowing up my phone as it was, any sign that I was interested in anything would be the end of my sanity. Groaning again, I patted my bedside table for my phone. Time, was my best friend and I needed to know about her always. It was just passed 10am, with eyes the size of saucers, I jumped out the bed. I was four hours behind schedule.
"I thought I set my alarm?" I said more to myself – as I untangled the sheets from my one foot – than Sly but that didn't stop him from saying something in return that I didn't like.
"It rang but I switched it off." I looked at him in utter disbelief.
I hope you've stretched grandpa because we're jousting!
"What? How -but I thought- why didn't you- Sly!" I stumbled over my words and continued over the covers as I hurried into the bathroom.
"I thought you could use a day off. You've been in work mode for two weeks straight, you need a day off." He tried to reason with me.
"You thought? Damn it Sly, you know this is important to me!" I yelled, my irritation clear in the cadence of my tone. I couldn't stop the bitterness from filling the air, I was lashing out, unable to stuff and suffocate my feelings within the confines of my body.
"You're working yourself to death Riley." Sly responded calmly. The calmness to his voice was a contrast to my fiery temper. It was like black and white. Clear. There was no grey area in between.
"I'm working hard." I spat out "You have no idea what my body needs, so stay out of it!" I retorted.
"You are my responsibility. I will never stay out of it." Sly huffed "what's wrong? What's gotten you so moody lately, you're not usually like this."
"Ugh just leave me alone!!" I screamed and ran into the shower so I could take a well-deserved break from this screaming match. After my longer than desired shower, I was still as irritated as ever, not to mention as late as ever.
It had occurred to me that I was possibly over working myself but dancing was a part of my life, it was something I couldn't live without and the fact that I got paid to do what I loved was a bonus. There was a lot riding on my success and a lot riding on me. I would gladly sacrifice sleep in order to for-fill my purpose here.
When I arrived at the studio, it was empty as per usual. Sly decided not to accompany me today, he left a note saying he went out to get some fresh air and that he'd meet me later. We never usually fought like that but he would never take a walk before fixing things. Sly wasn't one to dwell on his feelings. If he was angry now, it was now and then he would get over it and fix whatever made him react that way right in the moment. This wasn't like him.
Cue, yet another eye roll.
At this point I'd roll my eyes into oblivion if I weren't careful.
Setting my bag down next to the docking station, I let out a sigh of relief; I was in my natural habitat. There was something calming about being alone in a bright, glassed dance studio. It was like jumping into a crisp cool pool on a hot smoldering summers day. Relaxing, and completely serene. After stretching for an hour, I went through all my choreography pieces at once before taking a water break.
It had been more than a few hours since I arrived and Sly still wasn't here. Still taking that walk, aye? "So much for 'you're my responsibility.'" I mumbled to myself. A ball of anger, annoyance and bitterness settled in my chest and I decided to forget about Sly.
Obviously he had better things to do.
It must've been hours when Sly, eventually, decided to grace me with his presence. Note the heavy sarcasm. I was in the middle of another water break when he waltzed right in with Logan, Nathan and a blonde girl.
Where was Nate?
Who was this girl?
Why was she here?
Why were they all here?
The time on my phone read 20:23. I hadn't eaten all day and I was in a foul mood. Seeing Nathan and the blonde that seemed to hang on his arm made my mood fouler.
Ew.
"Don't start the song yet." Sly said walking towards me, with his three guests in tow.
Being the petty bitch that I am, I turned away from him and pressed play on the song I was working on. As I bounced to my starting position, I could see Sly roll his eyes at my childishness and I'm not going to lie, a smug feeling replaced the ball of heat in my chest. Just as I was about to start with the routine, Sly stopped the music.
"Really?" He asked, looking at me expectantly.
I let out a huff as I strolled back to the docking station "this, is a closed rehearsal. I'd appreciate it if you and your friends would find the door." I pressed play.
Sly stopped the music again "last I checked I am" he puffed out his chest arrogantly while pointing to himself "your coach, if I want to invite people to watch, I will."
"You failed to show up to rehearsals today, forfeiting your 'coach' status" I looked at him with daring eyes, hoping he'd try and challenge me "So, either wait until I'm done or leave. But understand this Sylvester, you have no say in what happens next."
Sly's jaw ticked and I knew, he knew, I was right. He couldn't rock up here and tell me what to do after he missed a whole day of rehearsal. If he had been doing his job then I'd be forced to listen but he chose walks on the beach over me.
Smiling in victory, I pressed play and ran through my routine a few more times before taking another water break. Sly and company had watched silently from the back while I worked and seeing them watch me – through the mirror's reflection – in awe, fed my ego a little.
A little?
Okay, it fed it a lot.
"You changed the choreography…" Sly states blandly, his features fusing into one of irritation.
"I did" I nod, sipping more water.
Sip your tea girl!
"Why?"
"If you were here today you'd know why." Was my only response.
"Bloody hell!" I could tell even he did not expect his outburst, when he sucked in a breath and spoke calmly again "Riley, for once, could you-"
"Why are you here?" I cut him off.
Sly sighed, trying to compose himself. I knew my attitude was a bit much but I had told him that Logan and squad were distractions and the fact that Sly wasn't at rehearsals today proved it. He couldn't be upset with me. I had never been asked to skip rehearsals, nor had my dedication come into question until those insufferable albeit intoxicatingly attractive guys came – well, practically forced themselves - into my life.
"Have you eaten?" He asked, rather than picking a fight he knew he'd lose, giving me a hug, although I was drenched in sweat.
Ew.
But it serves him right for not being here today.
Smell me bitch! I hope my stench rubs off on you!
"No not yet." I replied slowly, feeling a little quizzical of the situation unfolding in front of me. I had yet to verbally acknowledge the rest of the squad. "Why?"
"We were thinking, of us all grabbing some dinner." Logan made sure to really emphasize 'us.' I glanced over at Nathan and did so with every intention of giving him a scowl but I couldn't muster it since the blonde had her hands intertwined with his and a loving smile on her face. All I felt was a pang in my chest that I hadn't really understood.
Well, more like chosen to not understand and rather suppress it to the depths of every bottomless pit I owned, to never be spoken of again.
Was it disappointment? Sadness? Dare I say it heartbreak? I sure hope not.
"Nope, I'm okay, thanks." I told Logan, politely.
"What? Why?" Logan responded in shock.
"I'm sorry, but aren't you cold?" Nathan's girlfriend blurted out. I looked down at my black thigh high socks, loose grey shirt thrown over my leotard and dance shorts. The room temperature of the studio was not cold at all. Besides there was this thing called body heat, I had accumulated a lot from constantly moving. So I didn't see the need for such a redundant question. Bring my eyes her clear blue ones I moistened my lips so that I could come up with some sort of petty yet witty reply. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I settled for an emotionless "No."
"Oops, where are my manners I'm Robin Miles." She extended her hand for me to shake. I stared at it for a few seconds –fighting the urge to slap it away – before lightly placing mine in hers for a fraction of a second. "Riley." I responded.
"Yeah I know. The guys told me so much about you." Robin smiled brightly, bumping shoulders with Nathan. To be honest she seemed like a nice person but I still couldn��t help the reaction my being had to her.
"Okay." My responses were short and concise. I don't like her, I think but I don't know why. A stark silence paired with loud tension settled over the five of us like a dark cloud with rumbling thunder.
"Riley, we don't get to see you anymore." Logan said to ease the tension and I laughed at the statement. It wasn't funny but I had to laugh at how ridiculous he sounded. "What's so funny?"
"She seems a little mental, no?" Robin – loudly – whispered to Nathan and my light laughter stopped just as quick as it came.
I knew there was a reason I didn't like her.
"Leave." I snarled at the four of them.
"But-"
"Riley-"
"Leave. Now." Robin's face flushed in embarrassment at the fact that I caught her distasteful remark.
"Oh gosh I am so sorry!" She was quick to apologize. It's too late to apologize, love. "I really didn't mean it, I sort of don't have a filter and sometimes say things that come off ruder than intended. I just- I- oh gosh I-I'm sorry."
"It takes a while to get used to-" Nathan started but I paid him no mind.
Completely dismissing Robin, I turned to my phone and pressed play and got into position. Before the music started I looked over to Nathan and Robin "You guys know the way out." I felt like such a badass because as soon as the words left my mouth Supermassive Black Hole by Muse blared from the speakers.
I must've gotten a good 15 seconds into the song before Sylvester cut it off. "Are you hard of hearing?" I questioned.
"What's up with you?" He avoided answering my question "I thought you were just pissed cause I missed rehearsals but this, this is something more."
"I guess you are hard of hearing." I quipped.
"Riley we're just trying to be good friends." Nathan chimed, joining in on the conversation. "Whoa! We aren't friends though." I corrected. "Y'all just kind of showed up and kidnapped me. I've been a hostage to a friendship I don't want. So, again, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave."
"Riley! You're being so rude!" Sly scolded.
"I'm being honest. Sly I told you this wasn't a good idea." My eyes went into slits. He knew why it wasn't a good idea. We weren't supposed to smart about whom we let into our lives. This would all end terribly.
"Riley, nothing is going to happen." He tried to reassure me but it was not going to work.
"What are you guys talking about?" Logan piped in, uninvited – mind you.
"Nothing!" Both Sly and I yelled.
"It seems like something." Robin voiced.
She was still here?
"Someone is going to get slap-" I almost went off on Robin but judging by the look on Mr-my-chocolate-honey-pot-eyes-can-also-turn-black-in-warning-and-will-shatter-all-souls-specifically-mine's face, I bit down on my molars, forcing my mouth shut. "Since you guys won't leave, then I will." I grabbed my belongings and left the studio, speed walking to my car.
"Riley!" I hear behind me but that, only forces me to push my feet faster. "Riley, wait up!" My whole body was shaking and unwanted, unpleasant memories were starting to surface. My keys jingled shakily in my hands and to top it all off I wasn't wearing pants.
"Damn it Riley wait!" I couldn't seem to open my car door fast enough when Nathan pinned me against it. The front of his body was placed firmly behind me, not allowing a single pocket of air to pass through between us. "Please stop running" Nathan mumbled in my hair, his voice sounding strained.
"Riley?" I didn't reply.
Feeling warm hands pressed against the curve of my shoulder, Nathan turned my body so that I was standing face to face with him. His eyes were searching my own and I could see a small flicker of sadness and a beacon of concern. "Stop running. Just stop it okay. We're here to help, just let us help." Nathan's voice dropped in octave and volume as he mumbled, "let me help."
Yelling while pushing him off me "I don't need your help!" I turned to open my car door but Nathan closed it. I went to open it again but Nathan repeated his action of closing the door. Our eyes connect – briefly – a vast ocean of emotion crashing in desperate waves between us and I could feel myself falling into the abyss. Nathan stepped closer and I whimpered in an attempt to fight off whatever impending doom that was about to descend itself on me. He took another step towards me and slid his warm fingers around my neck to hold my head firmly.
I don't know what one does in situations such as this.
Taking his last and final step, Nathan was flushed against my front. His eyes drinking mine in. Using his thumb, he gently, caressed my cheeks and occasionally brushed against the corner of my lips. "You know, you're much less annoying when you're quiet like this."
"What the fu-"
"Shhh, it's okay." Nathan pressed me further into his body, forcing me into a hug "I know it's just a coping mechanism but you don't need it anymore. No more running Riley." He pulled away "We all want to be here for you." I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his chin, breathing in his, wild woodsy scent and internally groaning.
This isn't right.
We both took a sharp inhale of breath and started to speak, on top of one another.
"Nathan we shouldn't be doing this."
"Riley look at me." A chink in my armoured wall slowly started to crumble. There's a way in, an option, a route of access. I couldn't let Nathan in.
"Riley!" I hear multiple voices calling after me in the distance. This was enough to break me out of the Nathaniel Parker trance I was in. I pushed away from him and yanked my car door open "stay away from me." I say dangerously low "you'll get hurt being close to me."