Xi Zirui is currently lying in his bed, swaddled in blankets and pillows while the Imperial physician hoovers around him like a mother hen, overly conscious of the Emperor's keen gaze assessing his every movement.
After his fainting spell, the Emperor loses no time in moving Xi Zirui to the bed, and calling on the servants to summon the Imperial physician.
Xi Zirui waits an appropriate amount of time after the physician, a short man with a long white beard, arrives to groan in pain and flutter his eyelashes feverishly.
Su Xueyi kneels at his side and takes Xi Zirui's hand in his. "Is Xi-fei feeling better, now?"
Xi Zirui lowers his lashes and turns his face away on the pillow. "This lowly concubine is ashamed of embarrassing himself in front of His Majesty."
Su Xueyi smiles sweetly at Xi Zirui's reddened profile, and brings his knuckles to his smooth lips. "Xi-fei didn't embarrass himself, he doesn't have anything to feel ashamed of. Physician Tang has informed this Emperor that Xi-fei's indisposition happened due to excessive yang energy in his body."
Physician Tang strokes his beard and nods sagely. "It's not uncommon for young men in Xi-fei's position to experience a surge of yang energy on their wedding nights. Two days of rest and reduced physical exertion should improve his symptoms. I've prescribed a few tinctures and teas to lower his body temperature."
Xi Zirui nods meekly and hums in assent, but inside he's fuming.
Is this charlatan implying Xi Zirui was so horny he passed out?
Judging by Su Xueyi's pleased smile he most definitely is!
But Physician Tang isn't done digging Xi Zirui's grave. "Of course in cases like this, the only cure for excessive yang energy is to let it out. It builds in the body as repressed sexual desire accumulates. Xi-fei will only be fully healed after he and His Majesty consummate their union."
Xi Zirui bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from screaming. In the first world he had to deal with the crazy photographer who basically wanted to shoot softcore porn of him and Han Yu, and now here's Physician Tang diagnosing him with a terminal case of horny.
Su Xueyi's must take the extreme vexation coloring Xi Zirui's face for yet more virginal embarrassment and runs his fingers over his now loose hair. "My Xi-fei doesn't need to worry, I'll be back at his side as soon as Physician's Tang prescribed resting period is over."
"This concubine is flattered by His Majesty's attention and care, and wishes only not to be a burden on His Majesty's life."
Instead of answering, Su Xueyi drops a lingering kiss on Xi Zirui's forehead.
He raises himself from his position by Xi Zirui's bedside, and calls away Physician Tang and the servants in the room so that Xi Zirui can rest
"Host should look on the bright side. He has bought himself two days until he has to come up with another plan to avoid being intimate with the Emperor," Ni Ni says, once the room is empty and all candles have been put out.
Xi Zirui doesn't dignify her with an answer.
"I'm also happy to inform Host that the Emperor's favour has increased by 10 points of a potential 100. Host is now at 30 points. It seems the Emperor liked that his new concubine became sickly with desire." She sounds positively gleeful by that.
Xi Zirui falls asleep while considering lowering her personality settings all the way back to 1 again.
---
He wakes up in a terrible mood the next morning. Which is not improved by the fact that he will have to show up in the main palace to greet the Empress, just like all the other consorts and concubines. A ritual he'll have to look forward to, every day, for the rest of his life as a concubine in the Imperial Palace.
Xiao Gou and Granny Ma serve him breakfast in his bedroom after picking the food from the palace kitchens. The pavilion Xi Zirui now inhabits is called Fragrant Spring Winds, and it's one of the smaller housing complexes in the whole palace. It's not surprising that a low ranking concubine would be allocated someplace distant and out of the way, but Xi Zirui resents his servants having to trek such a long distance just to fetch him his meals.
He invites Granny Ma and Xiao Gou to eat with him. Xiao Gou accepts with great enthusiasm, but Granny Ma takes more persuading. It's not unusual for nobles to be kinder or more attentive towards favored servants, but Xi Zirui wishes he could just do away with all the hierarchy and have everyone sit at the same table.
After breakfast Xiao Gou asks him if he can help him into his new robes.
"New robes?" Xi Zirui asks, combing his waist-length hair distractedly. It turns out that one-hundred li hair is much more manageable when it's actually attached to his own scalp instead of a wig. Even so, Xi Zirui misses his short hair.
Granny Ma nods and goes into the reception hall to bring him a wax paper parcel. "The Emperor's personal servant brought these early this morning. He said they are a gift for Xi-fei."
The robes are of a delicate jade green, and made of the finest silk Xi Zirui has ever seen, so slippery to the touch it feels like water. The hems of the robe are painted in vivid watercolor mountain landscapes complete with soaring cranes cutting through the skies.
Xi Zirui looks at himself in the gold full-length mirror and despairs.
This is far too lavish. He can't show up in front of the Empress and all the other consorts and concubines looking as if the Emperor already favors him.
But he can't carelessly dismiss a gift from the Emperor and not wear it, either.
Sighing, he allows Xiao Gou to do his hair and resigns himself to trying to look as inconspicuous as possible when greeting the Empress.
---
Being inconspicuous is perhaps too much to ask for. As soon as he enters the Hall of Glimmering Virtue where the Empress holds court and discusses the household affairs with the other members of the harem, all eyes turn to him at once.
He lowers his head and goes to stand next to the other male members of the harem. There are 10 of them, more than Xi Zirui expected, and all very different looking. Some look tall and strong as soldiers, others have the willowy frames of scholars and artists. They all look just as displeased by his presence as the women, although one of them shoots him a brief smile.
Xi Zirui does a double-take. Is that Cao Fei? Han Yu's meek, mild, personal assistant?
On closer inspection, it's definitely him. He looks a lot less plain wearing robes and long hair, but he's still the last person Xi Zirui expected to find in an Imperial Harem. Second only to himself, he supposes.
An Eunuch announces the arrival of the Empress of Su, and everyone falls silent.
Xi Zirui does too, but for different reasons. The Empress is wearing beautiful golden robes, and a gold hair crown so large its width is greater than the span of her shoulders. It's a miracle she can hold her neck up so high with the weight of that thing bearing down on her head.
She's also heavily pregnant, her round belly distending the clean lines of her robes, but the Empress cradles it with both hands as if it's a trophy.
The Empress also has Bai Mi's face.
"Ni Ni wants to remind Host that everyone in the royal family looks like a balding middle-aged man in their official portraits - including the Empress."
Xi Zirui bites the inside of his cheek and wills his breathing to slow down. Now is not the time.
Bai Mi takes her place on a mahogany chair atop a raised dais and sits down, opening a folding fan in front of her face. Three women and a young man with a birdlike neck sit on the chairs below and to the side of the Empress's. Her trusted minions inside the harem.
As soon as everyone is seated the standing concubines and consorts all kneel and bow to her, not quite in full prostration, but still with their arms touching the floor.
"Wishing Her Royal Highness(1) longevity and happiness for a thousand years," a chorus of voices cries in unison. Xi Zirui just opens and closes his mouth, there are so many people in the hall, it's not like anyone can tell.
Bai Mi smiles beatifically down at her audience and bids them to rise with an elegant wave of her slim arm. "Good morning brothers and sisters, this Empress wishes you all a pleasant and fruitful day." Her eyes scan the gathered harem, Xi Zirui feels it like a physical touch when they land on him. "We have a new brother among us, as I'm sure all the brothers and sisters have heard."
Every face in the hall turns towards him, and Xi Zirui feels himself colour under the attention. Yes, he guesses they have heard about him.
Bai Mi laughs at Xi Zirui's discomfort, her laughter echoing like silver bells across the room. "Don't be shy, little brother, please come here so that this Empress can bestow you with wedding gifts."
Dragging his feet, Xi Zirui makes his way towards the dais as the crowd parts for him. How can it be that he felt less exposed when he was acting (badly) in front of an entire drama crew?
Bai Mi beckons him forward with her index finger and he ascends the stairs until his eyes are level with hers.
She fans herself and giggles towards one of the ladies in the lower chairs. "Our youngest brother is very beautiful, this Empress feels like a pale shadow in his presence." She clicks her tongue. "Especially wearing such splendid robes!"
Xi Zirui curses himself. Fuck he knew this was going to happen. Fuck Su Xueyi, why couldn't he show his favour with a bowl of candies?
He drops to his knees and bows at Bai Mi's feet. Swallowing down his revulsion, he says, "Her Royal Highness is the most beautiful woman in the nation, this wretched one can't compare to her elegance. The robes on this lowly one's body are but rags when compared to Her Royal Highness' finery."
Bai Mi tuts and giggles. "Little brother is so modest, there's no need, no need. This Empress was paying him an honest compliment."
She says that, but if Xi Zirui had merely thanked her, she would have thorn him to shreds for his arrogance. The Empress wouldn't have been satisfied with anything else but his humiliation and a show of total subservience.
Xi Zirui gets up his feet, and Bai Mi gives him a once over, shaking her head sadly. "But what a pity that little brother didn't like the gift our husband gave him. This Empress helped our husband choose the robes little brother is wearing, herself. "
His eyes widen in realization. So this was her game all along. Now he's reevaluating everything. Maybe the idea of gifting him the robes didn't even come from Su Xueyi. Maybe it was only Bai Mi playing the twisted mind games so common in imperial harems.
Bai Mi's keen gaze meets his above the arch of the fan, her cold eyes glinting like a blade.
Xi Zirui recognizes the challenge in her eyes and silently issues one of his own.
May the the most ruthless survive.
---
(1) - Technically Han Yu as the crown prince should also be addressed as "His Royal Highness", but in order to make it easier and not so repetitive only Bai Mi will be addressed as "Her royal highness", and every prince and princess will just be "his/her highness". This is already a very non historically accurate scenario with the whole male concubines thing, so I'm continuing to take liberties.