"Host, please think of a good excuse. The Emperor's mood is not good!" Ni Ni warns, her voice joining the choir of alarm bells ringing in Xi Zirui's head.
Thinking fast, Xi Zirui leaves Han Yu's side and runs towards Su Xueyi, plastering himself to his side inelegantly. "Oh, Your Majesty, this concubine was so frightened."
Su Xueyi pulls Xi Zirui against his broad chest, and glares accusingly towards Han Yu. "And what frightened my Xi-fei?" His tone makes it plain that he believes Han Yu is to blame.
Han Yu doesn't return his father's stare, instead he looks expectantly at Xi Zirui, waiting for his next move.
"This one got lost when leaving the Hall of Glimmering Virtue, and was walking around aimlessly through the Imperial gardens until he stumbled on His Highness, who offered to escort this concubine back to his residence." Xi Zirui pulls on a wavering, shaky breath, channeling his best sullen Hai Yaomei, and says, "When we reached this courtyard, however, a snake sprang up from the bushes and gave chase. It chased this concubine all the way under this tree, but His Highness managed to scare it away."
Some of the tension in Su Xueyi's shoulders drains, and he pats Xi Zirui's back comfortingly. "This Emperor is glad to see Xi-fei unnamed."
To Han Yu he turns with a scowl. "First Prince wasn't able to kill the snake?"
Han Yu gives the Emperor only a passing glance. "It hid away before this Prince could reach it, besides, this Prince's biggest concern was Xi-fei's safety. This Prince wouldn't want Imperial Father's newest toy to get damaged."
Xi Zirui is really glad for the presence of the fan, otherwise he wouldn't be able to hide his grin.
Han Yu always finds new and interesting ways of surprising him. Using the same words that got him in trouble with Xi Zirui, to shadow them from suspicion in Su Xueyi's eyes.
Playing right into Han Yu's gamble, the Emperor is predictably incensed in Xi Zirui's behalf.
"Insolent brat! How dare you speak of Xi-fei in such a way? Apologize this instant!"
Han Yu cups his fist in front of his chest, and says, "This Prince apologizes to Xi-fei. This Prince made a jest in poor taste and offended Xi-fei."
Xi Zirui fans himself and turns his face into Su Xueyi's chest. "His Highness doesn't need to apologize to this lowly concubine. It's this one who should thank His Highness for his help."
Su Xueyi doesn't seem to share the same opinion, but is unwilling to pursue the issue much longer. "This Emperor came here to see how Xi-fei health's was doing, and to share lunch with him." After a pause, he adds, "If Xi-fei is amenable."
Xi-fei isn't. Xi-fei absolutely doesn't want to spend any more time than he has too with Su Xueyi, but he can't very well say that, now, can he?
He lowers the fan so that Su Xueyi can see his shy smile, and says, "This concubine would be flattered by His Majesty's company."
"The food has already been delivered inside, this Emperor hopes it's to Xi-fei's liking," Su Xueyi says, making it clear that Xi Zirui's acceptance of his invitation was never in question.
Well, Xi Zirui has something to say about that.
"Oh, First Prince should come have lunch too. This concubine can't dismiss him so carelessly after he saved this one from a vicious attack."
Su Xueyi huffs. "Xi-fei is too kind, there's no ne-"
"This Prince wouldn't dare offend Xi-fei again by rejecting his hospitality," Han Yu says, ignoring his father's glare. "It would be this Prince's honor to accompany Xi-fei and Imperial father for a meal."
Su Xueyi doesn't glower, but it's a close thing. He turns on his heel and walks ahead of them towards the pavilion, the neat rows of beads on his Imperial crown swinging with his hurried steps.
Xi Zirui spares Han Yu a glance from above his fan, and Han Yu winks at him in acknowledgment.
They make such a good team.
Xi Zirui's steps are lighter with the warm knowledge of it.
---
Lunch is a fraught affair.
The Emperor's servants have laid out a lavish spread over two low tables in the middle of the reception hall.
Su Xueyi sits at the head of the table with Xi Zirui to his right, and Han Yu to his left.
Su Xueyi's mood doesn't improve as the servants pour his wine, and serve his food.
Xi Zirui eats his food daintily, pulling back his long, wide, sleeves while he picks food from the selection of dishes the servants nudge towards him. It's extremely annoying to follow courtly manners when the only thing he wants to do is pig out on melting tenderloin and soft tofu skewers. Instead he has to chew everything slowly and carefully like a person suffering from toothache, lest the Emperor find him crass and unappealing.
Han Yu for his part picks at the food disinterestedly. Looking up at Xi Zirui from time to time, but averting his eyes before Su Xueyi can catch him at it.
"Has Xi-fei had the opportunity to play anything in the guqin this Emperor prepared for him?" Su Xueyi asks, once the main courses have been cleared away and dessert served.
Xi Zirui almost chokes on a candied date. He hasn't even looked at it, let alone played it.
"Ah, this concubine hasn't had the time yet, but is humbled by His Majesty's generous gift."
In lieu of an answer, Su Xueyi reaches over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Xi Zirui's ear. "It would please this Emperor greatly to hear Xi-fei play."
He doesn't word it like an order, but it's clear from his body language and his languid smile that he expects Xi Zirui to volunteer to play for him.
Beneath the table, he feels a socked foot touch his. He looks across the expanse of bowls and plates and sees Han Yu smiling at him encouragingly behind a tea cup.
"Host, the Emperor's favor will decrease if Host rejects him without a good reason," Ni Ni warns.
Xi Zirui knows that, but how can he possibly fake a skill he doesn't have?
He'll have to think of something because the Emperor's expectant gaze is boring holes on his side.
"This concubine would be flattered to have His Majesty listen to his clumsy attempts," he says getting up from the floor and walking towards the study to pick up the guqin, which is an instrument he has only seen in museums and never once touched.
How is he going to get through this? Sudden wrist sprain as he plucks the first string?
That's hard to believe let alone sell convincingly.
Besides, Physician Tang would probably see it as the confirmation of Xi Zirui's insatiable sexual appetite, or something like that, and prescribe him ten rounds of public sex with the Emperor to alleviate the symptoms.
The guqin is both heavier and lighter than he expects. It's really hard to tell how much they weight from watching bilibili videos of people playing them.
Wait.
"Ni Ni, can the holo screen access bilibili, or other video platforms?" he asks, keeping his voice as low as possible.
"It can, it's bound to the Transmigrator 4000's servers back in Host's original world," Ni Ni says.
Xi Zirui almost goes week-kneed with relief.
Barely making a sound he tells Ni Ni, "Find a guqin cover of any contemporary song, something that neither of them will have heard, and as soon as I sit down and touch the strings, play the video."
He carries the guqin back into the hall, still uncertain of whether or not his plan is going to work.
Su Xueyi and Han Yu are now sitting side-by-side as if they're members of an expectant audience.
There's still something Xi Zirui needs to do to ensure this isn't a complete fiasco.
"This lowly one really has very little talent, if His Majesty wouldn't take offence, would it be possible for this concubine to play while facing away from His Majesty? It would soothe this one's nerves not having His Majesty keen's gaze on him while he plays."
Su Xueyi smiles indulgently and nods, bidding Xi Zirui to start with a gentle fling of his sleeve.
"Host, Emperor's favor went up 4 points! It's now at 34 of a possible 100."
Why does Su Xueyi like it so much every time Xi Zirui acts nervous in front of him?
Is it some sort of humiliation kink?
Ugh, like father like son. Kinky bastards.
He sits down in the middle of the hall, with his back to both Han Yu and Su Xueyi and crosses his legs. He balances the guqin on his knees and places his fingers over the strings on each side, as he has seen characters in dramas do countless times.
Immediately the holo screen lights up above the silver bracelet and Xi Zirui watches as a pair of hands on a video start plucking the strings and a gentle melody rings out.
Xi Zirui does his best to mimic the hand movements of the person on screen without actually plucking the strings and destroying the illusion.
Neither Su Xueyi or Han Yu have said anything, so he must be doing a passable job of it.
It's then that he chances a look at the title of the video, and almost swallows his own tongue.
What he's 'playing' for the Emperor and Crown Prince right now is a guqin rendition of Doraemon's opening theme song.
There are even tiny Doraemons walking across the guqin as the faceless player continues to pluck at the strings.
Biting his tongue, Xi Zirui keeps pretending to strum the strings until the bitter end.
---
When it's finally over, he takes the guqin off his knees as if scalded, and turns to face Su Xueyi and Han Yu hoping his blush isn't too visible.
He takes the fan out of his waist sash and stars fanning himself in the hopes of making it go away.
Crossing the short distance between them, Xi Zirui sits down again next to Han Yu and Su Xueyi and picks a cup of tea to calm his nerves.
When he finally musters enough courage to look up into their eyes, he almost drops the cup when he finds both pairs of eyes humid and reddened.
"Xi-fei has a true artist's soul," Su Xueyi says, dabbing at his eyes with great dignity. "What a beautiful melody, haunting, and yet full of life and optimism."
Do-Doreamon's theme song?
It takes everything Xi Zirui has to not burst out laughing.
Han Yu nods, agreeing with his father's words, and looking at Xi Zirui in awe. "Truly, this Prince has never heard anything quite like it." Xi Zirui sure hopes not. "Has Xi-fei composed it?"
Xi Zirui hides himself behind the fan some more. "Ah, this concubine did, but honestly, it's a song of little merit, His Majesty and His Highness shouldn't praise this one."
Su Xueyi takes Xi Zirui free hand in his, and caresses it lightly. "No, Xi-fei, has great talent, this Emperor feels blessed to have a treasure such as Xi-fei in his harem."
For someone who was so offended by Han Yu's comment, Su Xueyi has no problem in making similar claims.
What difference does it make if Su Xueyi calls him "toy", or "whore"? Clearly he doesn't see him as anything but.
Just wind him up and watch him go. Be it playing the guqin or moaning prettily in bed, he only has value to Su Xueyi as long as he can keep him entertained.
Such is the life of a concubine.
Many of them never see the Emperor again after their wedding night.
Xi Zirui wets his lips and chances a sideways glance at Han Yu from beneath his lashes. Han Yu's eyes track his every movement, the apple of his throat bobs when Xi Zirui's pink tongue worries at his bottom lip.
Xi Zirui is jealous of those lonely concubines. He wishes the Emperor would ignore him.
As if reminding him of how impossible that is in his current situation, Ni Ni chimes with an update, "Host, Emperor's favor increased by 10 points. Total favor now at 44 points of a possible 100."