Hans stares at me as I lie on my bed and grumpily munch on the sour mango. He has probably noticed my mood going downhill as each day passes and I am bored at home. Truthfully, I have begged him to find some work for me or let me work with him but Hans has refused because he wants me to be careful.
"Miss Grumpy, look what I bought." He says, standing near me as I read some webcomics on my mobile phone. His shadow is blocking the screen.
"I don't care. You're in the way." I mutter, giving him a little push.
"You're so mean to me Tina." He sulks but I don't look up from my comic.
"Why do you keep disturbing me?" I groan.
Suddenly, I feel tickles on my feet and I giggle.
"S-stop it Hans! You know I'm ticklish!" I pant as I try to stop laughing.
"Will you listen now or the tickle monster will tickle more." He threatens evilly.
Trying to stop the giggles, I glance up, "I give in."
"That's all." He grins and lets go of my feet.
"What did you buy?"
He places the two bags onto the ground and pulls out some clothes. They're all soft pastel colours.
"These are for you. Try them on. Since your bump is already showing, I thought you could start wearing maternity outfits." He holds up the first pastel blue top. "I bought a few tops and dresses."
"Can't I just stick to my usual clothes? Most of them are oversized and baggy anyway." I would feel weird wearing maternity dresses after living in tops and jeans. Even the tops look really frilly and not really my style.
"I know they're not your style Tina but I could only find these in the maternity section. The material is soft and much more comfortable than your usual clothes."
I feel grateful that Hans went to buy them for me. I shouldn't reject them. "Thank you Hans. I'll wear them."
"Did you have your vitamins today?" He asks.
I nod, "I had it earlier."
He takes a mango slice and pops it into his mouth. I watch in amusement as his expression changes. "How do you eat this Tina? It's so sour!"
Grinning, I eat another slice, "It's delicious. You should get pregnant to taste how yummy it is."
"Mum I want to get pregnant!" He shouts dramatically.
I smack his shoulder, "You're not a seahorse Hans. My dad would be concerned if we both got pregnant."
He laughs and ruffles my hair, "Your next check up is soon right? I'll come with you."
"Thanks." I smile. What would I do without Hans?
***
"And in other news, the CEO of The King Company, Panda King and his fiancé Ciarra Lake, the daughter of Lake Cosmetics will be holding a wedding next week. It is rumoured to host a huge amount of famous guests from all over the country who will be attending to bless the young couple. The King Company..."
My fists clench as I will my heart to forget. Hans glances at me and quickly switches the TV off. There is only a week left until the wedding. I promised myself to forget him but why have I not made any progress? Every time I hear or see his name, my heart aches and my mind recalls our beautiful memories together. Every time I see his face, my chest squeezes and my throat closes up when I notice Ciarra Lake is always next to him.
Does he not suspect Ciarra of that night? I haven't forgotten. I am just waiting until my pregnancy is over, I plan to find whatever evidence I can to make her crime come to light. She is the most likely culprit. She was the only one there that night other than us.
I am angry at myself for thinking she was a good person when I first met her. Why did I fall for her sweet talk and false pretence back then? I thought I was doing a good deed by saving a helpless woman from those thugs and even befriending her. Am I to blame for bringing the snake into the panda's lair?
"Liana, what would you do if you accidentally caused your own misfortune?" I sigh as I sit on the front porch and stare up at the few stars twinkling against the night sky. Liana has been calling me often nowadays and I never get tired of talking to her. I don't think she knows I am a woman yet though. How should I explain to her?
"I would try to think of ways to resolve it." She says. "It's not your fault if it is an accident. Accidents always happen in life. No one is free from accidents Tin, so there's no point beating yourself up about it."
She is right. Instead of being a coward and running away, I should face it bravely and try to resolve it. I subconsciously touch my stomach. But what if the only ways to resolve it would make me a home-wrecker or a murderer? What should I do then?
"Thank you Liana." I say genuinely. I can't keep feeling guilty every time I speak to her, I need to tell her the truth.
"Is something wrong?" Liana asks when I stay silent for a while.
"Liana, I have a confession to make." I admit slowly.
"A confession?"
"I-I'm sorry, really sorry for lying to everyone." I start nervously. Will she hate me like Panda? "I-I am not a man."
"There's nothing wrong with that Tin." She says gently, "It's okay to feel different."
"No, I mean, I am not a man." I repeat. Liana seems to have misunderstood. "I am a woman."
There is a long pause as I wait for her reaction. My eyes are closed as I wait for the angry outburst which I know is coming.
"Liana?" I whisper anxiously.
"L-let's meet up Tin. I need to see you." She says quietly.
Liana must be mad and angry at me for deceiving her. I wasn't unaware of her attitude towards me when I was working for her brother. I feel ten times more guilt than I felt previously.
This is what you deserve Tina.