January 23, 2009
"Jae, can you contact Yeon, I can't seem to reach her phone."
The two of them were waiting for Yeonhwa at the station where they all agreed to meet up. They were going to celebrate Yeonhwa's birthday, by treating her out and also maybe buying her some gifts.
She knew Yeonhwa was not the type of person to reply in a text but at least she should've given them a call if she was going to be late.
"Seju…"
Seungjae walked towards her and held her by the shoulder
"Let's just go home…" He said and held Seju by the hand and tried to drag her out of the place.
Confused at what's happening, Seju stopped him.
"What? Why? Aren't we waiting for Yeon?" She asked looking at Seungjae with confusion.
"She's not coming…" He mumbled, but Seju didn't hear it because of the noisy crowd.
"What?"
"I said she's not coming!" Seungjae exclaimed which made the people look at the two of them.
"What do you mean she's not coming?" Seju asked and pulled her hands from Seungjae's grip. She looked at Seungjae who was clenching his jaw as he turned around to look at Seju.
"She's not coming Seju, She already left"
"What? You mean she's already in the thea—"
"No Seju, that's not what I mean. She already left us, she left us for good."
She froze. She heard something that she wish wasn't true. Yeonhwa just spend the Christmas and New year with the two of them and then suddenly she left? Without saying a single word? That can't be true.
"W-what do you mean? That's a joke right! Tell me you're just joking Jae…"
It must be a lie, Yeonhwa could never leave them. She knew that, she knew her best friend would never leave them. And she knew Seungjae, the guy was a prankster.
"Let's go somewhere private first…" Jae said as he drag Seju in a café nearby.
They sat at the corner most table and started talking.
"You're joking right? There's no way Yeon would leave us suddenly, and on her birthday? That's impossible"
"I hope I was joking too Seju, but unfortunately I'm not."
Seju looked at Seungjae straight in the eyes because she knew if the latter was lying to her or is telling the truth. And she can totally see that man in front of her was being honest.
"Did you know that she's leaving?"
"Yes…"
Seju looked at him with disappointment. She can't believe Seungjae hid this from her.
"I talked to her yesterday. But I didn't know that she would leave today! I swear Seju. I swear I tried to change her mind, but she's very determined."
Seju was starting to cry. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend that it was all a stupid nightmare; that it was all just a dream and she just needs to wake up and go to school and there she'll see Yeonhwa waiting for her.
"Why?"
"She didn't tell me…"
Seungjae avoided Seju's gaze and clenched his jaw, in frustration.
"I want to talk to her"
"Okay…"
They went straight to Yeonhwa's unit and rang the doorbell a couple of times but no one was answering the door. So they tried to knock.
"Yeonhwa!?"
Seju shouted her name, hoping that she would open the door with her usual serious look and a creased forehead. But no. No one came to open the door. She felt helpless as she continuously knock on the door and shout her best friend's name.
"There's no one there."
Seju and Seungjae looked at the person who suddenly spoke behind them. It was one of the caretakers of the units.
"The student who was living there already left"
"I'm sorry?"
"She already left earlier, with her Aunt and her cousin that was living on the lower floor. I think they're going to the airport"
"Did they say when will she come back?"
"I don't think she'll be back, they were talking about her staying there for good with her father."
Seju felt like her world stopped spinning. She wanted to cover her ears or even rip it off. She can't do anything but cry. Yeonhwa left. She left without even telling her. Without even saying goodbye.
===
"Have you seen Dr. Baek?"
She was looking for Rohanne for over an hour now, but she can't seem to see the blonde woman everywhere. Their shift was already finished and they were about to celebrate Christmas with the other staff.
She was getting bothered. She have this feeling that Rohanne left her again.
She tried calling her but Rohanne isn't answering her phone.
"No…"
Panicking, she ran around the hospital looking for Rohanne, when she didn't see the latter at the hospital she went back to the place where they were staying, hoping that she would see her there. When she opened the door, She was surprised to see food on their table and there she was, holding up a paper with "Merry Christmas" Written on it. Sejeong was with her holding the banner on the other end smiling while looking at her.
"Surprise!" They both said at the same time
They beamed a smile at her, but she was only focused on Rohanne, who was smiling from ear to ear, a smile that can melt anyone's heart. She didn't notice that her tears started falling.
"Seju?" Sejeong asked as she slowly walked towards her.
"Hey… What's wrong?"
Rohanne approached her with a worried looked on her face.
"I thought… I thought you would leave me again…"
She burst into tears. She really thought that Rohanne left her again. She thought that she left like she evaporated into thin air again, She thought that she would never see her best friend again, and that scared her.
Sejeong looked at the two as Rohanne hugged Seju who was now crying her heart out. She saw how the two were perfect for each other. How Seju fit into Rohanne's arms, yes, she was Jealous. She won't deny it. But she can't do anything about it. So she just let out a bitter smile as she joined Rohanne in comforting Seju.
"You look ugly when you cry Seju…" She said and smiled goofily.
"Do I?"
"Yeah, now stop crying! We're supposed to be celebrating Christmas!" Sejeong said
"Yeah, you do" Rohanne said and hesitantly wiped Seju's tears. She then let out a chuckle which made Seju embarrassed.
She hit Rohanne lightly on her shoulders and the latter just laughed.
"Don't leave me again… Don't you ever get out of my sight without telling me…" Seju said and looked at Rohanne straight in the eyes.
The latter just looked back at her not uttering a single word, while Sejeong was just watching the two while clenching her fist.
'Seriously?'
"Yeon, Promise me… Promise me that you'll never leave me again… Please…" Seju pleaded, but Rohanne wasn't saying a word.
She was still anticipating a word from Rohanne, just a single word of assurance, but she didn't get one. She remained silent. Instead Rohanne hugged her tightly. She did not give her an answer but with Rohanne hugging her, she was contented.
'What kind of cheesy Romantic Movie am I watching?'
Sejeong was just watching as the two hugged each other. It was a sight for sore eyes; also it was painful to watch. Looking at the two was already hurting her but looking at them hugging and being all cheesy. It was killing her. But she can't do anything. She's just a side Character in the movie.
When Seju finally calmed down Rohanne brought up the invite she got from a staff.
"There would be a party at one of the staff's house and they want us to come, do you guys want to come?"
She asked, acting like nothing happened.
"Yeah!" Sejeong excitedly answered and let herself out but Seju was just standing there, looking coldly at Rohanne
"Sure, Let's go…"
She coldly answered. She was not in the mood to celebrate.
When they got there the party was already starting, it wasn't some high-end party, and it was just a gathering that the higher-ups organized for their staff and the volunteer doctors.
As soon as they were seated they were greeted by the people and offered drinks. Sejeong who was not a drinker refused all the shots, and Rohanne was refusing all the shots that were given to her as well.
Seju on the other hand was scanning her phone, the signal in the place was very poor so she had to go around a bit to find a decent place where she can check her messages and her e-mails. As soon as there was signal, her phone was flooded with messages greeting her a Merry Christmas. While she was checking her emails, her phone suddenly flashed Eunji's name.
She composed herself first before answering the call. As soon as she answered the call and placed it on her ear she heard Eunji's cheerful voice.
"Hey Seju! Merry Christmas!"
"H-Hey…"
"Are you okay? You sound exhausted. Is it the work? Sorry. Am I bothe—"
She was listening to Eunji when she heard Sejeong's name.
"Dr. Kim are you okay?!"
She looked at their direction and it seems like Sejeong drank with them.
"Sorry Eunji. But I have to end this call, It seems like Sejeong got drunk…"
"Drunk? Wait Wha—"
She didn't hear what was the next words that Eunji uttered, she immediately ended the call, and when she was about to approach Sejeong Rohanne got there first. She stopped on her tracks as she watched Rohanne look at Sejeong worriedly. She felt a sharp pain in her chest when she saw that worried look on Rohanne's face.
She took a deep breath and walked her way towards the two.
"What happened to her?"
"She drank 2 shots of gin…" Rohanne explained as she calmed Sejeong down who was now flailing her arms trying to make Rohanne let go of her.
"Will she be okay?" One of the nurses asked them.
"She will be" Rohanne said looking all red
'Did she drink some too?'
"I'll be taking her home…" Rohanne said and was about to carry Sejeong when Seju stopped her and placed her hand on Rohanne's wrist.
"Let me help you"
"No, I'll be fine, enjoy yourself here, I'll be back as soon as I get her home"
She hesitantly removed her hands on Rohanne's and let the latter carry Sejeong back to the place they were staying
She looked as Rohanne walked away carrying Sejeong on her back.
Meanwhile. Rohanne who was carrying Sejeong, was slowly walking towards the place they were staying, taking her time.
She was startled when she felt Sejeong fidget behind her.
"Aish… You didn't have to drink if you have low alcohol tolerance. You got swayed by their smooth talk… You softie…"
She said as she looked at Sejeong who was resting her head on Rohanne's shoulder.
"You have low alcohol tolerance but you still drank whatever they gave you, you need to learn how to say no…"
She said, as if the woman on her back would hear her nagging.
She was startled when Sejeong suddenly lifted her head and looked around.
"Sejeong?"
"Yeonhwa… Yeonhwa?" She looked at Rohanne who was confused and then laughed "Yeonhwa! It is you!"
She started poking Rohanne's cheek and squishing it like confirming something
"You really are Yeonhwa in the flesh!"
Sejeong was moving too much making Rohanne have a hard time walking.
"Sejeong don't move too much, you might fall!" She said, but the woman on her back didn't listen, she was poking and rocking back and forth as if Rohanne was a horse.
But then she suddenly stopped, and then rested her head on Rohanne's nape her arms hugging Rohanne's neck .
"You know… I hate you…"
"I know…" She softly mumbled, just enough for Sejeong to hear
"Why…?"
She just continued walking as she waits for Sejeong's next words. She took her steps slowly, one by one.
"Why do you have to be like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like that… You're so helpless that I can't help myself but to pick up your broken pieces and try to fix you…"
Rohanne stayed silent once again, she doesn't know what to say.
Even back when they were in middle school, Sejeong was there for her, even though she was being harsh at her the latter stayed by her side, and was always by her side.
===
January 24, 2008
"So, how are you?"
"Fine?"
"What fine? Do you have a mirror in your house? In what way are you fine?"
Sejeong looked at Yeonhwa who looks like a zombie. Dark Circles under her eyes and she looked like she didn't eat a meal for a whole decade.
"Did you come here to nag me, Kim?"
"Well I was originally here to pass our Club's documents and requirements"
"Ugh… Just put it here on my desk"
"Sure. Anyway I heard Seju and Seungjae is already a thing now…" Sejeong said that made Yeonhwa look at her straight in the eye.
Sejeong knows Yeonhwa's feelings for Seju, and Yeonhwa knows that the woman in front of her knows that she likes Seju.
"Apparently…"
"So you're just gonna sulk like that?"
"I'm not sulking, I'm working"
"You're just diverting your attention… You idiot"
Ever since the two became close they were always bickering about something, it's either Sejeong was nagging her or it's the other way around, but mostly it was Sejeong who was nagging her.
"Don't you have classes?!" Yeonhwa asked in irritation.
She took a deep breath and slowly closed her eyes; the image of Seungjae on his knees asking Seju out was still lingering in her head. When she heard the door of the office she abruptly opened her eyes and saw that Sejeong already went out.
She let out a sigh and continued doing her work, after a few moments she heard the door open and expected it to be either Seungjae or Seju so she just continued doing her work. Then suddenly a sandwich and a can of coffee were placed over the papers she was checking.
"Eat. You look like you haven't eaten in decades"
"Don't you have classes?"
"Idiot, classes are already over!"
She let herself take a seat inside the office and just nag Yeonhwa while the latter was working on the papers that the students have submitted.
It was their routine every time Sejeong was there. But even though Sejeong nags her nonstop, the latter was always there for her, comforting her, not in the nicest form of words though, but still she appreciates that Sejeong was always by her side.
===
"And after fixing you, you come back to her, and then get your heart broken again, and then you'll come back to me… making me fix you once again…"
Rohanne just listened to Sejeong blabber, while the latter was slowly tightening her hug on Rohanne's neck.
"Do you know… Do you know how hard it is… how hard it is for me to fix you without me getting broken?"
The words that came out of Sejeong's lips made Rohanne stop on her tracks. She can feel Sejeong was already crying, she can hear faint sobs.
"Every time I see you and Seju it breaks me, but I can't do something about it because I know… I know that you're head over heels for her… That I don't stand a chance, because you already dedicated your life to Seju…"
She smiled bitterly, and felt so selfish. She was so focused about herself and Seju when there was someone else, hurting because of her.
"You're so selfish do you know that?"
"I know…" She immediately replied. Guilt was running through her body, she can't help but laugh bitterly. She was getting called out by a drunk person.
"And when you disappeared, Seju and Seungjae were not the only people who were devastated… I was too. But then I got over it, thinking that maybe that the feelings I had for you were just infatuation. You walked away in my life, and I promised to myself that I won't let you back in"
"I'm sorry…" That was all the words she can say. An apology.
She doesn't know what to say. The person she was carrying was confessing and is getting angry at her at the same time.
"But then you came back… walking in like nothing happened. Like you didn't leave, like you didn't hurt someone. You walked back in my life looking all classy with your shades on. I didn't even know it was you. I was so irritated at you the first time I saw you but now I know why… Because you're Yeonhwa. I thought I fell for another person, but it turns out it was still you… You were still the one I like. And it fucking hurts my mind and my heart. Why do I have to like a person like you?!"
Sejeong's hug on Rohanne's neck tightened and her back was already wet from Sejeong's tears. But still she took her time walking. Listening to Sejeong vent out all her feelings.
"Why do I have to love a person like you? A selfish dense motherfucker…"
Sejeong's sobs became more louder…
"I still remember your impromptu lines from the play we did back in middle school…"
She was surprised when she heard about the play; it was quite memorable for her because that was the time she told her feelings for Seju, but the latter didn't get it at all. But she didn't expect Sejeong to still remember that day.
"That was the day that you tried to say you like Seju… I was so confused that time because you were uttering nonsense, but then I realized that it was something else… while you were saying those words, do you know that it was like stabbing me in the heart? I was your partner that time, your leading lady… I thought that maybe once, I got you all to myself, just even once, but then again, I was wrong… Even though I was there in front of you, the words you've uttered weren't for me, rather, it was for someone else…"
She laughed bitterly and then she became silent for a whole minute, she just stayed still, all Rohanne can hear were muffled sobs.
"I was there in front of you, but you can't seem to see me… Am I that trivial to you?"
"If you just let me, If you just give me a chance… To love you… Because I know that deep in your heart there's a little space for me. I saw it when I looked in your eyes… When you smile… So please love me… Even if it is to fill the spaces… Love me even If I know your heart was never mine…"
She smiled. Sejeong did remember
"Those were the words you uttered… Funny that also goes the same for me… Trying, begging you to look at me…"
She bowed her head down, still slowly walking. She don't know what to say, she wanted to say something, but she can't seem to utter any word, she wanted to apologize, but apologize for what? She wanted to comfort Sejeong, but how can she comfort someone who's hurting because of her.
"But you can't, can you? Even though I plead and kneel in front of you, to love me like I do, you can't… Because your heart already belongs to someone else… But I'm such an idiot because even though I know that for a fact, I still can't help myself to fall for you…"
Rohanne felt like she needs to get Sejeong back faster but she wanted to hear more… She wanted to hear what Sejeong feels about her.
"I hate you for being you…"
There was a long pause from Sejeong. Rohanne felt Sejeong's hug on her neck was loosening; the latter was slowly falling asleep.
"…And I hate myself for falling for you... But I can't stop loving you… I just can't…"
And with that Sejeong fell asleep on Rohanne's back.
"Sleep well Jeong..."