January 23, 2010
It was late at night, Seju was lying in her bed still wide awake. She can't get an ounce of sleep, she doesn't know why but she feels like something is off. She can feel something heavy in her heart but she can't pinpoint it.
She tried to close her eyes once again, but she just can't sleep.
'I should get some sleep; I still need to go to the hospital'
She tossed and turned on her bed but she still can't sleep. Her eyes are already tired but her consciousness is not letting her sleep.
A few minutes she heard the phone downstairs ring.
Her heart suddenly beat erratically. She felt uneasy.
She immediately got out of her bed and went downstairs to answer the phone but her mother was already at the phone.
Seju's hands suddenly started to tremble, the uneasiness in her heart grew bigger and bigger.
When Seju's mom placed the phone back she turned around and saw Seju looking at her, her expression suddenly turned soft.
"Seju… honey…"
She doesn't know how her daughter could handle that news.
"Seju… Seungjae…"
Seju's heart immediately clenched at the name that her mother uttered.
"W-What happened to Jae mom?"
Her mother ran to her daughter and hugged her tightly. Seju doesn't know but her tears suddenly started to fall as soon as her mother hugged her.
"Honey I'm sorry… Seungjae…"
Seju felt her world slowly crumbling
No…
Not him too…
"He's gone honey… I'm so sorry"
===
"Dr. Park!"
'That voice… Why does that voice sound so… familiar?'
"I'm sorry what?"
"You're water is going to overflow!"
When Seju heard that she immediately flinched and looked at the cup she was holding. The water was almost overflowing, the cup on Seju's hands almost slipped, good thing Rohanne has good reflexes and she was able to hold the cup before it fell, holding Seju's hand using her left while her right hand was on Seju's back for support.
Seju looked at Rohanne's hand and when she realized that Rohanne was holding her hand she snapped her head towards Rohanne who was looking at her.
At that moment they saw each other eye to eye.
"Uh… M-My hand…"
When Rohanne realized that she was holding Seju's hand for so long she quickly withdrew her hand and back off a little.
"Sorry" She apologized and looked away to hide her blush.
Seju also looked away immediately trying to hide her blush, but her ears gave her away.
"Still an airhead…" Rohanne mumbled and smiled at the memories she recalled.
"Huh?" Seju looked at Rohanne; the latter just stared at her and smiled.
"No, It's nothing…"
Rohanne kept staring at Seju which made the latter conscious.
"I-Is there dirt on my face?"
"Huh?" Rohanne looked confused at Seju
"I mean, you've been staring at me so I thought there's dirt on my face…"
Rohanne giggled.
As Seju was watching Rohanne she was mesmerized. Rohanne's giggles felt like music in her ears, it sounds lovely and beautiful, and the way Rohanne's lips curved upwards, make her heart flutter.
'Beautiful…'
Rohanne looked at Seju while still smiling.
"I was staring at you because you look so beautiful…" Rohanne said and smiled brightly at Seju
Seju was taken aback by Rohanne's statement, she can't help but blush. She tried looking away to hide her blush.
"A-Ah, I have something to do in the ER… I'll be going Dr. Baek…" Seju said staggering to exit the pantry.
Seju went straight to the ER after that small scene that Rohanne made.
'That damned woman… She's driving me insane…'
She was dazing off again while she was walking, she remembered how Rohanne giggled and smiled in front of her.
'…'
She felt all her blood rushed to her cheeks and ears… She shook the image out of her head and continued to walk towards the ER.
"Seju!"
She turned her head as soon as she heard someone call her name
"Sejeong what's up?"
"Whoa… what happened to you? Are you okay?" Sejeong quickly placed her hands on her friend's forehead to check her temperature. "You're not sick are you?" Sejeong ask worriedly
"No! I'm Fine, I'm Fine…"
The two of them walked together towards the ER and Soah and Minhae, one of the interns greeted them. But their smiled quickly faded when they saw Seju's red face.
"Dr. Park, are you okay? You're red as chili!" Soah asked as she looked at Seju worry visible in her eyes
The image of Rohanne smiling and staring at her flashed back in Seju's mind. Which made her face redder than it already is.
"Dr. Park you're getting redder! Are you sure you're okay?!" Minhae asked ready to get some medicine for his senior.
"I'm fine... really, you guys don't have to worry" Seju said reassuring the three of them
"Okay, but if you feel ill just tell us okay?" Sejeong said as she softly caressed Seju's head.
"Mmhmm.." Seju hummed
===
Rohanne sat quietly on her chair in the doctor's lounge. She was waiting for her break to finish. She looked at the cup on her hands and smiled as she remembered the flushed face of Seju.
'Still beautiful as ever…'
She couldn't get rid of Seju's image in her head. Her heart was vigorously beating; she placed her right hand on her chest and clenched it. She shut her eyes closed and took a deep breath to stabilize her heartbeat but to no avail.
She thought that her heart has forgotten that feeling, that feeling that Seju can only make her feel.
She removed her hand on her chest and then rested her chin on her right hand.
She asked herself, her heart and her brain… Just why? After all those tears that she shed. It's still Seju… Her heart still beats for Seju and only Seju.
'Park Seju… You're the only person who can make my heart race like this… Why do you still have that kind of effect on me?'
===
January 23, 2008
'I should've run… I feel so stupid… Why didn't I leave?'
Yeonhwa sat on the floor of her room and leaned on her door. Her hands were shaking so much from the mix of emotions she's feeling. She slowly hugged her knees and cried as loud as she can since no one could hear inside that big empty house.
She sobbed as had as she can, letting all of her emotions out.
'I hate it… I hate this… I hate these fucking feelings! Fuck Feelings!'
The image of Seungjae holding a bouquet of Roses flashed in Yeonhwa's head.
And it just has to be exactly on her birthday…
"Happy birthday to me motherfucker…"
She was supposed to be the one asking Seju out, just when she thought she gathered enough courage, that's when fate plays a game with her.
"It was supposed to be me…"
30 mins. earlier
She stood frozen like a statue, as she watched what's happening in front of her. Seungjae and Seju were in front of many people, mostly people in the basketball team, and their classmates.
Seungjae was holding a bouquet of roses in his hands while kneeling in front of Seju as if he was proposing.
"Will you go out with me?"
Tears were starting to well up in Yeonhwa's eyes. 'No… please say no…'
Seungjae smiled at Seju while still kneeling.
"Please?"
He pleaded cutely. Seju was just looking at him shock evident in her eyes.
"Y-yes…"
Though it was soft, it was loud enough for Yeonhwa to hear, and to shatter her heart into little tiny pieces. The scene played in Yeonhwa's brain like it was on loop.
The White rose in her hands were long forgotten. She was about to run back out when Seungjae called her name
"Yeonhwa!"
She pretended not to hear him and continued to walk away, but Seungjae was fast on his feet, he caught up with Yeonhwa and draped his arms over her shoulder. She looked over Seungjae who was holding Seju's hand on his free hand.
Yeonhwa removed Seungjae's arms on her shoulders and looked at the two of them; she tried her best not to cry in front of them and pretended to be happy.
"Hey idiot! I didn't see you there!" Yeonhwa said as she smiled, she looked at their hands that were intertwined.
She felt a sharp pang in her chest as she stares at it.
"Wha—you didn't see my grand confession earlier?" Seungjae asked her, she just shrugged at him so Seungjae lifted his hands that were holding Seju's hands.
Yeonhwa looked at Seju who was still flushed and started acting shy.
"I assume you two are now officially dating?" Yeonhwa asked and faked a smile at them.
"Yes!" Seungjae happily replied as he kissed Seju's knuckles.
"I didn't know that you were asking me about advices on how to get this Airhead to say yes to you…" Yeonhwa jokingly said "If I knew that you were crazy about this airhead I should've prevented it…" She said jokingly, but deep inside she meant what she said.
"Excuse me! I'm more than qualified to be her partner! She's in good hands you know"
The two of them were talking like Seju wasn't there.
"And I wanted—"
"Congrats to the two of you…" She said as she smiled. A smiled that hid all the bitterness and sadness that currently enveloping her body.
She's smiling despite the fact that she's dying inside.
She tapped Seungjae's shoulder and looked at Seju whose eyes were fixated on her. She patted her head and smiled.
"Congrats airhead, you caught yourself a good fish… I'm happy for you" She said and tried to smile brightly in front of Seju.
The words that came out from her lips were sincere, but still it doesn't negate the fact that…
'It stings…'
Seungjae smiled at Yeonhwa, he noticed that the latter was holding a bouquet of White Roses.
"What are these for?" Seungjae asked as he tried to snatch the flowers from her hands but Yeonhwa was quick to swat his hands.
"Ah, these? I just saw these and bought out of impulse… I'm planning to visit my mom later so I thought that I'll just give it to her…"
"Oh, I thought someone, already captured the ice cold heart of our President"
"You're talking nonsense"
The next words that came out of Seungjae's lips were like white noise to Yeonhwa, she can't comprehend the words that's coming out of Seungjae's lips all she wanted to do was escape that place.
"I'm happy for the both of you…" Yeonhwa said as she flashed a bright and sincere smile, trying to suppress the tears.
"Anyway, Idiot, take care of her. She's worth the catch" Yeonhwa said as she took a glance at Seju, she noticed that there's some hint of sadness in the latter's eyes.
"I'll take care of her, and I'll cherish her forever" Seungjae said proudly
"Good, then I'll be leaving" Yeonhwa was about to walk away when she felt a tug on her sleeves.
"W-where are you going?" Seju asked
Yeonhwa just looked at her.
She thought that she has some kind of chance with Seju, she thought that Seju was reciprocating the feelings she had, but it was just wishful thinking.
"Are you okay Yeon?"
"Of course why wouldn't I be okay?" Yeonhwa said and smiled at them "I'll be leaving…" She said as she turn her back but Seungjae held her by the shoulder.
"Where are you going? We're celebra—"
"I have to go Jae…" Yeonhwa said with conviction, and the fact that She called Seungjae with his nickname, they knew something was up.
But Seungjae being Seungjae, he shook that idea out of his brain and still forced Yeonhwa.
"Is that urgent? I'm sure Auntie will understand if you're late" Seungjae said while smiling at her, but Yeonhwa just looked at him with dead shot eyes.
"I still have something to do before going to my mom I'm fixing something , and It's very urgent"
"For real? I thought you could celebrate with us. What do you have to fix? Is that more important than us?"
Yeonhwa paused for a moment and thought about Seungjae's question, and asked herself.
'What do I even have to fix?'
She looked at Seju
"Yeon?"
"Something broken…"
"Huh?"
"I have to fix something broken…"
She looked at Seju straight in the eyes and then turned her back. Yes, she has to fix her broken heart that shattered into a million pieces. She doesn't know if the two have noticed something, but all she wanted to do is get out of that place. She wanted to be alone.
She ran away with the White roses still in her hands, until she found herself inside the Gymnasium. She looked around to see if there were any people inside the gym but it was empty. Balls from the volleyball practice were still scattered all around the place.
She felt something heavy on her chest. She tried to shout but the heavy feeling was still there. She Laid down in the middle of the gym and stared at the ceiling.
'Why do I have to fall for my best friend? Why did I even think that I have a chance?'
Yeonhwa was angry, not at Seju but at herself. She's angry because she let herself feel all these rollercoaster of emotions; she let herself expect something from them.
Questions are running through her brain.
Why her? Why not other people? Why does she have to like someone who she knows can't like her back? Why does she have to cry for someone who doesn't even care about her? Why does she have to wait for someone she knew would never come? Why does she keep looking at someone who doesn't even care to look at her?
"Why?"
She shut her eyes closed; she placed her right hand on her chest and clenched her shirt.
"I thought I had a chance…"
She was wrong…
She remembered a quote from a book that she read.
'The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling…. Just to stop the tears from falling'
She chuckled bitterly.
She stayed like that for a few more minutes, just laying down staring at nothing. When she felt like she's okay she decided to get up and go home, leaving the white roses behind.
She was about to get out of the Gymnasium when she heard a loud thud behind the bleachers. She just shrugged it off and exited the Gym
===
Today was Sejeong's day off, and just as before she spend her day staying in her and Seju's shared apartment.
She lay on her bed quietly as she stared at the ceiling; thinking of 'that' person. She decided to open her journal that she hid, not even Seju knew of that journal.
As soon as she opened the journal a bookmark fell from it, she crouched down to pick it up and smile as soon as she remembered the origin of the bookmark
"White roses represent purity, innocence and… young love…"