London, October 31st, 09:30 a. m
It's raining like it never did before. After a long chat on Instashish and a short travel, Josiah Samantha and Jack finally met at Baker Street in London, looking together for a space shuttle to steal. Jack is trying to follow a broken GPS' directions, but since he can't distinguish the left from the right he's just been leading his squad around the same quarter for one hour and a half. Josiah is suffering the cold because he expected London to be much warmer, but what's annoying him the most is Samantha because she's deeply in love with him and doesn't leave him in peace for one single second. All of them are walking with no umbrella right in the middle of the road because both Lyad City and Dylir don't have any road or walkway.
Josiah: I think we should turn right now
GPS: go straight ahead for 200 meters, then turn right and take the second exit for Copenhagen
Jack: er... I think I will just respect your opinions
Jack leads his mates on the left
At the other side of the road, a young and lovely couple is standing under a black umbrella. Josiah Samantha and Jack have attracted Chris' attention, and he just can't give up sharing his thoughts about them with his girlfriend
Chris: hey Rose, look at those three red heads... don't they look like three idiots?
Rose: uhm, I think they simply look lost
Chris: bah ...
Rose: come on, let's see if we can help them
Chris: alright ... (why does my girlfriend always make me waste so much time with useless and emeritus idiots??)
Rose and Chris just moved close to the idiots
Rose: hey random unknown people!
Josiah: hi
Jack: hello there
Samantha: FUCKING SHISH WE DON'T WANT TO SIGN ANY PETITION!
Chris: we started well (I was sure about it, they're just some other idiots wasting space on Earth)
Rose: hello😊 no need to sign anything, I'm just wondering if you need help at moving into the city
Samantha: NO! (she better move on, I want to hang on back on Josiah)
Josiah: YES. We do.
Rose: I see... may I know where do you need to go?
Jack looks carefully at the GPS and hesitates
Jack: København Kastrup Lufthavn (???)
Josiah: yeah exactly, more precisely in that locality known as... fuck off land
Chris: interesting...
Samantha: ...sorry aren't we looking for a magic cd?
Jack: ah... I guess you're right...
Rose: magic cd??
Chris: (what the fuck??)
Josiah: yeah, yesterday night we read on the Shish Times about a magic cd by Ramones, to reach the various clues and finally find the cd we first need to st... er... to rent a space shuttle
Samantha: it's exactly so!
Rose: that sounds so cool! I heard about that cd too... but wasn't the first clue here in London?
Josiah: honestly I don't know (just hope that wherever we'll go at least two meters of distance from each person will be required)
Chris: sorry have you ever thought this could be the hugest bullshit you've ever heard about?
Rose: come on Chris, this sounds so cool and adventurous!
Jack: I just respect both of your opinions (I don't give a fuck. Just move on, I want to go and find that cd)
Josiah: well... true or false I really need to make a try at least (otherwise how will I get rid of @sexonthebeach_bysami ?)
Samantha: you know what? I can't afford any cd because of my economical situation, so if there is a cd for free somewhere in the space I want to get it!
Rose is opening the app 4CDseekers on her smartphone
Rose: so ... according to the app 4CDseekers the first clue is ... right there, at Madame Tussauds museum! Right 2 steps from here!
Josiah: if we could get to know it just a bit earlier...
Jack: so it's not in Copenhagen?
Chris: better later than never, right?
Samantha: well let's go!
Rose: hey, Chrissy shall we join them?
Chris: have you confused me with an idiot?
Rose: come on it must be so adventurous, giving up would be a huge waste!
Chris: bullshit...
Rose: please please please
Chris: it's okaaaay (I accept just because I love you too much)
Rose: YEAH!
Samantha: YEAH! (finally one more woman)
The idiots just came into Madame Tussauds's wax museum. Laurence, the person in charge of the edifice, is sitting behind a desk with a panel of plexiglass. He's dressed up like a loser.
Chris: I admit I was wrong
Rose: what's up?
Chris: in this case it's much better never than later
Laurence: come closer, please
Chris: no.
Rose: come on Chrissy don't be rude, it's been one year since you forgave Laurence
Chris: I never forgave him, I've just been ignoring him because I haven't been seeing him for one year
Rose: please stop it
Rose is pushing Chris to the desk while the others walk to Laurence
Jack: ...sorry are you a wax work?
Samantha: what the fuck are you saying? Wax works don't speak
Jack: oh... yes, you're right...
Chris: yeah, he better be a wax work...
Rose: hey Lauyyy are you here for the cd challenge?
Laurence: yes I am, and since it's the first challenge it may seem quite easy to you
Chris: wow, a bullshit...
Laurence: ...you will have to unlock this safe containing your next destination
Rose: cool!!
Laurence: you will find the different letters that compose the safe's code around the wax works
Samantha: it's too hot here, all the wax must be melted
Josiah: do you call this hot??
Jack: yes...
Samantha: yes.
Chris: screw those idiots... then why the fuck should we look for letters, if this safe's keyboard has numbers only?
Laurence: what you will need to do is: looking for the letters into the show room, setting them in the right order and finally converting them into numbers
Rose: wait... what?
Josiah: how the fuck would this be possible?
Jack: I strongly think that there's a much quicker way to get what we want
Jack is starting to pick lock the safe
Laurence: I kindly ask all of you to not pick lock the safe
Jack: then I just offer my sincere apologies
Chris: what an idiot rule...
Laurence: well you will find the show room on your left
The idiots turned right
Laurence: excuse me, I said on your left...
The idiots just came into the show room. Queen Elizabeth's wax work has quickly attracted their attention
Chris: I can't believe, after Rose brought me one thousand times to this dumb show room here I am with three more idiots, one more time
Rose: my dear, this is just local culture
Chris: culture? Like this oldie smiling like an idiot?
Rose: I must have told you one thousand times: she's not an idiot, but the great Queen Elizabeth II
Chris: pwah, Elizabeth, what an idiot name...
Josiah: idiot or not she's holding a part of the solution in her hand
Chris: at least she has been useful to somebody...
Josiah is moving to the middle of the show room while Samantha is hanging on his leg like an annoying cat. Josiah would better die than baring her one more second
Samantha: hey!
Josiah: (let's stay silent and hope she's talking to a wax work)
Samantha is squeezing Josiah's balls to attract his attention
Samantha: hellooo
Josiah: yes?
Samantha: hey Josiah!
Josiah: what's up??
Samantha is pointing at Brad Pitt's wax work
Samantha: can you see that wax man?
Josiah: I do. Isn't he incredibly hansome? (She must be leaving me for a wax work, SUPER!)
Samantha: yes, he definitely is! ...but you are much better
Josiah: well... thankyou very much my dear (fuck it)
Samantha: oh that's so obvious: it's full of imitations of sexy people here, but you're simply my favourite
Josiah: what a honour... (I'd be honoured to end my life right now)
Samantha: where do you go??
Josiah: what should I do? I'm just looking for the rest of the solution
Samantha: come on, I want to hang on you while staring at Brad Pitt for some more
Josiah: that makes no sense!
Samantha takes a piece of paper out of Brad Pitt's pocket
Samantha: does it really make no sense?
Josiah: alright this time you did it right, sorry
Samantha: wow, you're handsome, you're gentle and you even understand when you are wrong, you're simply perfect, my love!!
Josiah: call yourself a lucky girl... (differently from me)
Rose is photographing all of her favourite pop stars' wax works and Chris is following her looking at the ceiling
Chris: are you sure there are no security cameras?
Rose: are you joking?
Chris: no...
Rose: this is a very old museum, it must be full of cameras!
Chris: well please be careful
Rose: why? I'm not going to steal anything from here
Chris: yeah, but it's full of signs warning the visitors to not take any picture
Rose: oh... come on rules are made to be broken
Chris: I will accept this life philosophy just when you will pay the fines you get
Rose: if fines are made to be ignored I guess it will work
Chris: bah... at least there is a part of the solution behind that sign
Rose: wow congratulations!!
Chris: no need, this is just bullshit
Jack is just talking to Tom Cruise's wax work (totally ignoring the fact he will never get an answer)
Jack: excuse me, may I ask you a piece of information? I'm extremely sorry for bothering you, I swear I'll immediately leave you in peace. Basically, my mates and I are looking for a part of the final solution to this clue, have you seen it around here? They said it should be a pretty small piece of paper, or any similar material, and one or more graphic symbols should be reported on this, I think...
Josiah: excuse me...
Jack: oh entschundligung, sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Josiah: I don't think it can actually speak
Jack: ah... actually you must be right...
Samantha: of course he does, Josiah is always right
Josiah: always... (except when I accepted to join this ball breaker) come on guys, we just miss the last one
Samantha is pointing at Adolf Hitler's wax work
Samantha: what about that piece of an asshole?
Rose: I have already taken his piece of paper
Jack: I just took the liberty of spitting in his eye
Chris: what the fuck is everyone's problem with that man? He was just trying to make the world a place free from idiots
Jack: I guess I will just feel free to respect your opinion without sharing it (idiot)
Josiah: well if that wax work has no more information for us we can try with that woman
Josiah is pointing at Marylin Monroe's wax work and then walks closer and closer to it
Samantha: are you fucking serious?
Josiah: uh?
Samantha: yeah, I'm talking to you!
Josiah: what do you want from me?
Samantha: why are you looking under Marylin's skirt?
Josiah: because I'm cheating on you with a wax work...
Samantha: hey, I haven't been cheating on you with Brad Pitt!
Josiah: though luck
Samantha: come on my dear, you know we can talk about it and fix it together, our young story can still be saved
Josiah is taking the last piece of the solution from Marylin Monroe's skirt
Josiah: I'm done, I don't need her anymore
Samantha: oh I was sure of it: you're just too perfect to be one of those guys flirting with the whole world in one day, you're one of those who can choose their life mate, right right right??
Josiah: yes, I am. (I was referred to @sexonthebeach_bysami with "I don't need her anymore")
Samantha: yeeee how lucky I am sooo lucky
The idiots are now standing in front of the safe, which is located close to Laurence's desk. They look a bit lost because none of them really understood which code should be inserted. Chris is carefully looking at the papers that they found, hoping to find the final solution
Chris: uhm, bullshit
Samantha: is bullshit the only word you can say??
Chris: no, look ...
Laurence is interrupting Chris
Laurence: I'm afraid I can't accept you abusing of words like this inside here. You are kindly asked to move to the exit
Chris: and who are you to tell me what to do?
Laurence: how who I am? You stole my account on PokemonGo, I want to get my revenge!
Chris: come on you're ridiculous...
Laurence: well I'm the person on charge of this cultural place
Laurence just snapped his fingers. A security squad composed by six black Ghanaian dancers is coming to bare Chris on their shoulders as if he was a coffin. Sailor Gerry* arrived together with the Ghanaian dancers
Sailor Gerry: COME ON LET'S GO!! THIS MAN WILL BE THROWN AWAY LIKE THE TRADITION WAAAANTS! HEY HO, LET'S GOOOO
Saylor Gerry and the Ghanian dancers are throwing Chris into the trash bin right outside the door. Chris finds it a bullshit. The rest of the idiots is still focused on the safe's clue
Josiah: he stole your account on poke what?
Laurence: PokemonGo
Josiah: is it another social media?
Samantha: if you consider computer games the same thing as social media yes, ahahah
Laurence: it is definitely not the same thing
Jack: no it shouldn't be... to steal a social media's account is for hackers, to steal a PokemonGo's account is for infamous
Laurence: it is, and no one is more infamous than that guy
Rose: uhm... if Lauy's talking about Pokemon then the solution must be anything correlated with the topic
Laurence: well...
Rose: let's see... anyone around knows a Pokemon containing the letters H B T L S U L I ?
Jack: Pikachu?
Samantha: sorry how many Ps can you see in those papers?
Jack takes the piece of paper with the I
Jack: is this a P?
Rose: mmm... (why not?)
Samantha: this is not a game for dyslexic people. Jossie do you have any idea?
Josiah: don't look at me. I just found out there is a game about those Pokemon (which I never heard about)
Samantha: but you are the genius among us, I'm sure you will get it sooner than anyone inside here
Josiah: not if I don't even know what a Pokemon actually is
Samantha: those are details!
Josiah: no they are not.
Rose: wait guys, it's not sure it must be about Pokemon...
Laurence: it is not.
Rose: thanks Lauy!
Laurence: you're welcome, but this is the first and last time I will help you
Josiah: well since it's not a Pokemon now everything sounds much easier
Samantha: how easier? Pokemon have been projected to entertain kids and nerds, what could be easier than Pokemon?
Rose: definitely not maths
Josiah: why don't we try all the combinations until we find a word that may make sense?
Samantha: GENIUS!!
Samantha is setting up the letters in many different orders
-U S I H L B L T
-L U H L B I T S
-S L L H T U I B
-S U B L I L T H
After 45 tries
Samantha: ullshitb? Come on this makes no sense...
Josiah: wait...
Samantha: what should I wait for?
Josiah: not ullshitb... BULLSHIT!
Rose: finally a word (Chrissy would approve)
Samantha: GENIUS!
Rose: now we only have to convert
Samantha: well, bullshit must become 86775412
Laurence: have you confused me with Tha Supreme?
Samantha: Tha what?
Laurence: nothing...
Samantha is typing the code 86775412. As soon as she presses the green button a vocal message comes from the safe
Safe: DUMBAAASS! DUMBAAASS! DUMBAAASS!
Samantha: okay I was wrong
Josiah: uhm, what if we tried to substitute each letter with its position in the alphabet? The B may become a 2, the U may become a 21...
Samantha: GENIUS!
Samantha is typing the code 2211212198920
Safe: DUMBAAASS! DUMBAAASS! DUMBAAASS!
Jack: I actually still think we better pick lock it
Laurence: I'm afraid, if you will try to do it one more time I will be forced to send you out too
Jack: I offer my sincere apologies
Josiah: well if we can't pick lock the safe and my idea didn't work I really don't know what to say (fucking hell I need that cd, we must pass this damned proof)
Samantha: IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET!!
Rose: it must be maths...
Samantha is trying to type any random code. The safe is repeating dumbass several times
Jack: sorry
Samantha: yeah?
Jack: I kindly ask you to let me make a try, if it is possible
Samantha: just do whatever you want, I give up
Jack: do you think that following the graphic representation of letters we have may make sense?
Josiah: no. But make a try, maximum you will hear a safe saying that you're a dumbass
Jack: I have no problem with that: it wouldn't be wrong at all
Jack is typing the code 741235689 1478963 14788 14789 321456987 1475369 258 12358
Safe: IT'S ELEVEN THOUSANDS EUROS, YEAAAAAH!!!!
Rose: what? Weren't we looking for a simple destination?
Laurence: indeed, there must have been a technical problem...
Sailor Gerry appears in front of the safe
Sailor Gerry: GOOD EVENING EVERYONE!! Sorry for the mistake ladies and gentlemen, IT'S MY FAUUUUULT
Sailor Gerry just disappeared with his magic powers. Samantha is opening the safe and looking at what is inside it
Samantha: one more code? Are you fucking kidding us?!
Laurence: please Madame, calm down: those are only space coordinates, not another code
Rose: cool!!
Samantha: alright... hey, do you know you're a very handsome man?
Samantha is trying to kiss Laurence
Josiah: yes! Yes! Yes!!!
Laurence: I'm sorry Madame, this is against the competition's rules
Samantha: oh... it's okay, I still have Josiah
Josiah: oh no...
Laurence: I really wish all of you to have a nice trip and to get soon what you want to get, I'm extremely confident in your abilities
Jack: well thankyou very much for everything Sir
Laurence: ah and I really wanted to congratulate with you for finding the final solution, you seriously must be a genius
Jack: I take the liberty of disagreeing, naturally respecting your opinion
Laurence: I respect your opinion too, but I find you a really smart person
Jack: I find you even too kind, respecting your opinion
Laurence: I think I will disagree, respecting your respect for my opinion and of course respecting your opinion
Jack: I strongly think you shouldn't disagree, anyway I must say your respect for people respecting your opinion and for people's opinions is strongly respectable
Samantha: FUCKING END IT!
The idiots just moved to the exit. Chris stinks like a trash bin and is waiting for his mates right next to the exit.
Chris: so which was the solution?
Josiah: bullshit
Chris: do you see? It was a bullshit, I was sure of it
Rose: oh it wasn't a bullshit at all: it was extra difficult
Samantha: yes it was! Luckily Josiah was with us: he's not only the most handsome man in the world, he's also a genius!
Josiah: yeah of course...
Samantha: don't be modest, it is definitely true!
Josiah: I haven't contradicted you
Chris: so where is our next destination?
Rose: coordinates 8945,43° -579' 42" E 0031,66° 808' 97" S ... and so?
Jack is typing the coordinates on his broken GPS
GPS: go straight ahead for 500 meters, then turn right and take the first exit on E48 for Casalgrande
Josiah: fuck it
Josiah just violently threw the GPS on the road
GPS: alternative route...
Chris: why is it still speaking?!
Jack: thank you very much (he may have fixed this damned GPS by throwing it)
Rose: so now we need to go to Casal what?
GPS: go straight ahead for 600 meters, then turn left and take the highway E402 for Denver
Rose: I'm a bit confused... Casal something or Denver?
Josiah: sorry aren't those space coordinates?
Samantha: the challenge guy said so
Josiah: well then we should catch a space shuttle
Chris: wow they finally got it
Jack: so can we know where we can steal... err... rent one?
Chris: depends: does anyone among you have money?
Samantha Josiah and Jack are checking in their wallets. There is absolutely nothing inside
Josiah: no
Jack: actually not
Samantha: zero
Chris: well then plenty of space shuttles are waiting for you at fuck off land
Josiah: I was sarcastic about it
Rose: no Chrissy, we can count on Kate: she repairs space shuttles everyday as a hobby, and she has a driving licence too!
Chris: wow, her space shuttles are fantastic, and her driving licence is really qualified
Rose: well... better than nothing, right?
Chris: last time I said so I was completely wrong
Samantha: can somebody switch this blondie off?
Josiah: don't: we may need him (more boys we have on board the higher is the probability she will leave me in peace)
Rose: follow me people: we go visit auntie Kate!
The idiots are now knocking on Kate's garden, which is practically a space shuttles' junkyard since she loves collecting and editing everything that concerns the space (and the danger!)
Rose: Katyyy I'm back!
Kate: it's open, come in Rozzy!
Rose and the idiots just entered
Kate: heyyy who are those cute little red heads?
Rose: three random people, they were completely lost in the middle of Baker Street, so we offered them some help
Chris: SHE offered. I was only commenting their stupidity
Rose: well talking and talking we got to know that they were not only roaming, but they are looking for a magic cd somewhere in the space,
Chris: which confirmed my theory
Rose: and of course we have joined them!
Chris: basically three idiots, and we joined them like two idiots
Kate: sounds so cool!!
Samantha: oh yes it is! Especially because we have Josiah!
Josiah: yeah it is sooo cool (could someone just kill me right now)
Kate: well... is this adventure particularly dangerous? I mean... is there the risk of death?
Jack: I actually think dying is a probability you cannot really exclude, while doing this kind of things... but this is only my opinion
Josiah: basically, if you join us consider yourself already dead
Samantha: yeah exactly, if you have any specific life project we really advise you to not leave
Kate: I will risk to die...
Josiah: yes...
Kate: this is simply... AMAZING!
Rose: YEAH!!
Kate: this will be a great ADVENTURE then!
Rose: YEAH ADVENTURE!!
Chris: what an idiot reaction
Kate: may I be your pilot?? Please please please
Josiah: alright
Kate: YEAAAAH
Samantha: so are we leaving??
Kate: of course we are!!
Rose: YEAH!
Samantha: YEAH!
Kate is opening the worst space shuttle she has in her yard
Kate: come in, Rozzy, Chrissy and other random people: now all the universes are waiting for us
Kate is driving her space shuttle without paying attention at all while her mates are sitting all together in the main hall. As soon as the take-off is over Kate joins the conversation with the idiots
Josiah: so basically... who are you, people?
Rose: well me I am Rose, this girl is my best friend for ever Kate and he's my boyfriend Chrissy
Chris: Christopher Shaw, thanks
Samantha: Chrissy or Christopher?
Chris: Chris will be fine
Samantha: alright Chrissy, me I'm Sami
Chris: idiot...
Samantha: nono, not idiot: Samantha Smith, for friends Sami
Kate: cool! And the other guys? Who are them?
Samantha: this is a guy I knew yesterday night on Instashish, his name is Jossie
Josiah: Josiah.
Samantha: for friends Jossie
Josiah: if she thinks so... (poor me)
Samantha: this other guy is Jacky, and I've been knowing him ... basically since the dawn of time
Kate: cool!
Josiah: have you really known her your entire life?
Jack: well... probably... I mean, I think so
Josiah: and how the fuck can you live?
Jack: well... I didn't have much choice: I could only be either a dead man or a thief
Chris: bah, thieves, what a pussy job
Rose: and you, Josiah? What do you do in your life?
Josiah: I'm an illusionist
Kate: COOL!!
Rose: so you can do the rabbit's trick!
Josiah: ...what?
Kate: come on, the one where you show the public an empty top hat and then somehow a rabbit appears inside it
Josiah: sounds so stupid...
Rose: ah...
Kate: ...can you at least give us a baloon?
Josiah: okaaay (hope this will make them shut up)
Josiah uses his magic powers to make the girls imagine there is a huge baloon in front of them
Rose: WOW this is the most beautiful baloon I've ever seen in my life!
Kate: it is! For how long have you been doing this job?
Josiah: I've been an illusionist for 123 years
Chris: bah, I'll go have a shower: talking with you is making me stink like an idiot
Chris just went into the bathroom. Samantha has finally left Josiah in peace because she's trying to beat her own record on Pac Man 256. Jack is playing PokemonGo on the coldest corner of the main hall and Josiah is walking to him
Josiah: excuse me, are you a pusher too?
Jack: well... actually if I could I would sell (and use) drugs instead of robbing, I don't deny it...
Josiah: so you don't?
Jack: I'm sorry I don't: where I live there's no drug available
Josiah: ah, I got it... at least do you have alcohol?
Jack: just as much as you want
Jack takes out of his pocket a 3 litre bottle full of vodka
Josiah: wow...
Jack: would you like to take some?
Josiah: yeah, thank you
Samantha: Jossieee don't drink too much: we are going to have a hot night, if you know what I mean
Josiah: oh please... I'm sorry tonight I will give up
Josiah is finishing all the vodka in thirty seconds
Samantha: why would you give up??
Josiah is now completely drunk, he's staggering and speaking really slowly
Josiah: weLl... yEsterdAy niGht someOne hAs kepT me aWake aLL nIght lonG and NOw i'M reAllY exhauSted, I wAnt to sLeEp
Samantha: you're boring boy, oh yes you really show all of your hundred years
Josiah: wEll go fLirt wiTh the BloNdie, i DoN't knOw...
Chris: no. Forget it
Samantha: come on bro, you are much more handsome... mmm, he's getting totally drunk, that means I can bring him to bed with me and he won't even notice it
Josiah looks now more sober than he ever did.
Josiah: alright I am more than sober, so sober that I really need to drink some more. Will you come with me, Jacky?
Jack: yeah, I will never deny your will, just... where?
Josiah: into the bar room, quickly
Jack: ...I'm extremely sorry I don't know where it is
Josiah: never mind.
Josiah is running to the bar room while pulling Jack with him. As soon as they get inside Josiah locks the door
Kate: have a good hot night guys!!
Josiah: thanks, thanks...
*hey reader! Are you wondering who the hell is Sailor Gerry? Well you're in the right place! Here we have a definition, or a backstory... just call you however you want!
Sailor Gerry: once upon a time Sailor Moon had participated to the italian tv show ¿Chi Vuole Essere Milionario? (Who wants to be a Millionaire?), a program presented by Gerri Scotti. Right before the beginning of the program Sailor Moon was complaining about the lack of men in her team, and after two minutes the presenter Gerry has shown his interest on joining her team. Now Gerry Scotti isn't a simple presenter anymore: now he's a presenter who wears a Sailor's uniform
Quotes by Sailor Gerry
-COME ON LET'S GO!!
-GOOD EVENING EVERYBODY!!
-LET'S GET IT!!
-IT'S TEN THOUSANDS EUROS (or dollars, or pounds... idk) YEAH!!!
I hope you got the answer you were looking for! This explanation sucks a bit, but if you want a better one just stop lazying and invent it!!