Flemyinx, November 2nd, 02:15 a. m
@vicmajil just sent a message to @chris_show on Instashish
Dear Christopher,
I'm writing to you to warn you about a danger you should be aware of
Some months ago I was in a mission into Yan Cha's underground, where I met a poor girl called Qahjiy. She was living in terrible conditions, so I decided to rescue her. She is a victim of criminality, forced to dissect human bodies into the underground to survive. I decided to save her because I found her destiny really unfair, but also because it reminded me how I met you. Certainly I would have never expected to find out what I'm going to write about soon.
You will never believe me (and probably you will think that I'm an idiot), but I found out there is a magic cd by Ramones somewhere in the universes, which would be able to make three wishes come true, if you find it.
I left together with Qahjiy and with another unhappy woman coming from Maranello (Earth), but after a quick break in Jupiter three other people have joined us. They want to find that cd for various selfish reasons such as destruction and richness, but I was expecting it by humans.
What actually scares me the most is their boss Hirin because he seems to be a really corrupted, cruel, hopeless and merciless man. I don't really know what his intentions are, but they must be the worst intentions he could have.
I hope to hear from you soon and (if you will believe me) to get some help in this mission
Kind regards
Your friend Victor
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The idiots are right in the middle of Flemyinx. Kate is driving fast and terribly: she is hitting all the asteroids she can see and taking curves really badly. Samantha is still playing Pac Man 256 while Josiah and Jack are still drinking and jabbering together into the bar room. Chris just really wishes to have a drink and starts knocking on the bar room's door
Chris: are you serious, guys?
Josiah: what's up now? (Why am I surrounded by ball breakers?)
Chris: why have you left me surrounded by idiots without any bottle while you peacefully get drunk together inside there?
Jack: please just feel free to come in, if you wish
Chris: if I could pass through closed doors I would do it, idiot
Josiah: you better use your hands, maybe...
Chris: as I was suspecting, there are idiots inside here as well
Jack takes a key out of his pocket
Jack: excuse me, could this be useful to you?
Josiah: fucking hell I completely forgot that I locked the door
Chris: they finally got it... let's see if they can open the door now
Josiah opens the door and Chris comes in
Chris: good, you did it... have you left anything to drink or have you dried everything up?
Josiah: everything is over, don't you see? All of those bottles you see are full of water, colored water and poison, nothing else
Chris: fun joke, clown. Move on and prepare a FreddyCoso* for me
Josiah: a Freddy WHAT?
Chris: FreddyCoso. Everyone knows it
Jack: yeah I know that drink, it will be ready as soon as possible, Sir
Chris: wow so you can even be useful, sometimes
Josiah: he's the one who found the final solution at Madame Tussauds
Chris: and so what? It was a bullshit...
Josiah: well everybody thinks the contrary about it
Chris: that's simply because you're an extremely idiot squad
Josiah: if you think so
Jack: you opinion is more than respected
Chris: no one asked you that. Are you fucking done with my cocktail?!
Jack: of course, I'm extremely sorry for making you wait, Sir
Chris: good.
The idiots are going through a quite significant turbulence and everything is trumbling into the space shuttle. Jack is holding Chris' drink on his hand and is going to give it to Chris, but suddenly he passes out in front of Chris. Chris got the drink directly on his face
Chris: oh right... the idiot needed me to specify I wanted to drink the FreddyCoso, not to get it on my face
Josiah: calm down, I don't think he did it on purpose: he can barely stand up since we left
Chris: well that's nothing strange, since the pilot is an idiot and today is driving worse than she ever did before
Josiah: I see...
Chris: Kate and the rest of the group must be made for each other
Josiah is trying to revive Jack
Josiah: come on can you hear me? Are you here, are you alive?
Chris: I'm not the impostor.
Jack: yes I hear you, Sir. I'm extremely thankful for your help
Chris: good. I'm not, by the way
Jack: is there anything I can do back for you, Sir?
Josiah: just stop calling me Sir, you make me feel old
Chris: well if you say you're more than one hundred years old people will surely not treat you like a peer, especially if you're in a team composed by teenagers
Josiah: I'm 123 years old...
Chris: yeah, and I am Santa Claus
Jack: would you like me to give you one more drink, mr. Santa Claus?
Chris: don't you dare calling me Santa Claus: I was sarcastic. Be quick with the drink, and don't let it fall on me one more time
Jack: that won't happen again, I offer my sincerest apologies for what happened before
Chris: good.
Josiah: ...sorry does anyone among you know how long a turbulence usually lasts?
Jack: 25.734 seconds, in case of bug it may last around 26 and 27 seconds
Chris: in computer games.
Jack: thank you for specifying
Josiah: yeah, but I was wondering how much real turbulences last
Chris: what an idiot question
Josiah: never mind
Chris: for your information they take around 5 or 30 minutes, idiots
Josiah: shit this one has been lasting for 9 hours
Chris: well this is not a turbulence, remember that this space shuttle is being driven by an idiot
Josiah: I wonder who the fuck gave her the driving licence
Chris: no one: she has a fake driving licence
Jack just gave Chris his FreddyCoso
Chris: finally!
Josiah: I see... her driving licence must definitely be fake
Chris: stay away from my drink, if you have to puke
Josiah: I'll do so
Josiah just left the bar room. As soon as Samantha sees Josiah she takes the opportunity to hug him
Samantha: Jossieee there you are! I was missing you sooo much, where have you been? Have you tasted typical Antarctic drinks? How was your time??
Josiah: stay away from me please: I'm not feeling good at all
Samantha: I see, you must be completely drunk: I told you that you shouldn't drink that much, oh yes I did
Josiah: yeah, the reason why I have nausea is not the way this space shuttle is being driven, no no
Samantha: well... also
Chris: bullshit
Gwen, a young police officer, is standing outside her space shuttle. She's checking if the space traffic is flowing properly and thinking about the meaning of her life, when she saw the idiots' space shuttle...
Gwen: no one knows how it's like, no one even wonders how I could feel: after all who cares abot a damned infamous cop, paid to give troubles only? My life sucks, my planet sucks, my job sucks, everything sucks... but I can still vent my repressed anger on the young girl driving that cheap space shuttle: after all she's going a little bit faster than she should...
Kate is driving while singing and laughing. She's turning around an asteroid switching from very fast mode to slow, waiting for the right moment to go through the asteroid
Kate: lalalala lalala I'm a happy driver roaming into Flemyinx looking for adventures yeaaaah lalalala lalala everyone knows I'm an artist when I drive and everybody loves iiiit FUCKING HELL HERE'S A COP!!
Kate just stopped the space shuttle. Gwen got close to Kate's space shuttle
Kate: goodmorning Ms. Cop, would you like to drink some coffee?
Gwen: no thanks. Just show me your documents
Kate: hey, calm down Madame, I really think this is not necessary, since everybody knows I'm a certificated space driver
Gwen: so qualified that you're not respecting the limits
Kate: I'm doing five light years only
Gwen: you should be doing four.
Kate: that's a minor infraction
Gwen: still an infraction. Move on giving your documents to me or I will call my colleagues
Kate: no problem, just calm down and wait for me here, I'll take the documents into the main hall and give them to you, eheheheh
Kate just went into the main hall and called the rest of the sqad for an emergency meeting. Rose just woke up
Rose: what's going on Katy? Why did we stop?
Kate: there's a quite pissed off FBI agent outside and she decided to stop me
Chris: and who the fuck is I?
Jack: together with F and B nothing good, I think...
Rose: basic culture, Chrissy...
Chris: bullshit.
Josiah: so what shall we do now, since your driving licence is fake?
Samantha: yeah exactly: we cannot interrupt everything for this bullshit
Chris: even the idiot says it
Kate: no worries guys, I have a great plan
Josiah: which plan?
Kate: follow me all, please
The idiots are now all together into the driving cabin. Gwen is angrily staring at Kate
Gwen: are you done now? I'm not going to waste all of my life with you!
Kate: I see you must be really busy, that's the reason why my mates and I will be very quick
Gwen: good.
Kate: Chrissy, Jossie
Josiah: yeah?
Chris: yes?
Kate: kidnap her!
Josiah and Chris are now walking Gwen to the hold. Gwen is trying to escape them
Gwen: no no no guys, you're doing absolutely wrong: you know you should never ever kidnap a police agent. What's up, do you want me to give you money, or what else?
Chris: bullshit.
Gwen: Be serious guys, let me free and I'll do as if nothing happened, you go your way and I go my way.
Chris and Josiah are now throwing her into the hold
Gwen: no no no guys what the fuck are you doing just LET ME OUT OF HERE!! DUMBASSES!!! DUMBASSES!!! DUMBASSES!!!
Josiah: does it sound familiar to you too?
Chris: I can tell you it only sounds like bullshit
A cute little dog called Duna just came out of the hold
Duna: bork!
Kate and where does this beautiful doggy come from?
Chris: just throw it out of the window
Rose: but you can't throw away such a small and undefended dog, you can't be so insensitive
Chris: do whatever you want, but I won't take care of it
Samantha: er... actually I think the blondie was right this time: dogs shouldn't be allowed inside, it can be really dangerous... isn't it true Jossie??
Josiah: don't you dare abandoning that dog: I want it inside here (what if I used the dog to keep Samantha away from me?)
Samantha: ah ... well if Jossie likes it we can keep it
Josiah just smashed his head on the floor on purpose
Chris: well I don't care. Just give me another FreddyCoso: I'm thirsty
Kate: ME TOO!!
Chris: sorry shouldn't you be driving??
Kate: there is no need: isn't it much more adventurous if I just let the space shuttle go?
Rose: it is!!
Chris: bullshit
Duna: bork!
Jack: I'll just respect your opinion
Kate: YEAH! MY FRIEND (crush) JUST SAID HE RESPECTS MY OPNION!!
Josiah: and so what? He respects mine too
Kate gets disappointed
Jack: ...how many FreddyCosos?
Samantha: I want a Kamikaze!
Josiah: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??
Jack: it is just a drink
Josiah: ah
Samantha: basic culture, Jossie
Chris: idiot
Duna: bork!
Chris: shut the fuck up you stupid dog
Duna is licking Chris' hand
Chris: STAY AWAY! I hate any manifestations of love
Samantha: are you like Jossie?
Chris: are you asking me if I'm a pathetic and schizophrenic clown too?
Samantha: no! I was only wondering if you never fuck too, since Jossie never wants to...
Chris: that's none of your business
Samantha: alright I'll ask Rozzy
Chris: idiot
Duna: bork!
Chris: fucking end it!
Jack: alright here's the kamikaze
Samantha: good job!
Jack: was it Rose or Kate the girl asking for the FreddyCoso?
Kate: it was me, thank you babe!
Chris: don't you dare forgetting mine
Jack: that won't happen
The space shuttle is going through another quite violent turbulence. Everything is trumbling and Jack accidentally drops the FreddyCoso on Chris
Chris: you must go fuck yourself you fucking idiot
Duna: bork!
Jack: I respect your opinion and offer my sincere apologies, Sir
Chris: I don't give a fuck about your apologies
Jack: I think you're more than free to think so. Now if you permit me I'll just go suicide into the bathroom
Chris: go ahead: you're completely useless anyway
Josiah: don't you fucking dare: I need you to be alive: you're the only one who can understand me inside here
Jack: alright I'll respect your will (when the fuck will I be able to end my fucking life??)
Josiah: and you, did you really need to be so hostile with such a fragile person?
Chris: it's not my fault, if that guy gets offended with nothing
Josiah: couldn't you show just some more sensibility?
Chris: no.
Samantha: wow, lawyer Jossie is in action!
Josiah: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
Chris: talks about sensibility and than screams to a girl... what a clown
Samantha: he must be a fag
Josiah: yeah I think I'll go suicide too
Chris: YEAH!
Jack: I kindly ask you to not do it: I strongly believe your presence here is necessary
Chris: yes, necessary to make all of our neurons fry
Samantha: don't listen to him, Jossie and I will try all the positions of kamasutra, then I will need him to be alive
Josiah: just joking...
Chris: yes, only a pathetic clown can find this fun
Josiah: definitely
Josiah is walking to the bar room and aims to lock the door
Jack: wait one second S.. er... never mind
Josiah: would you like to come in?
Jack: I would, but I will respect your will both if you accept or you deny
Josiah: come in, but remember this is a special privilege
Josiah just locked the door. Samantha is hanging to the haldle and kicking the door
Samantha: no Jossie, why do you do so, why one more time?
Josiah: because I'm a piece of an asshole
@chris_show is answering to @vicmajil on Instashish
-hi Vic
-yes I heard about that cd
-I'm looking for it too
-actually I don't need it and I don't even think it exists, I'm looking for it only because I'm following Rose like an idiot
-our squad is composed by emeritus idiots, but luckily they all look a bit naive and shouldn't be planning anything particularly dangerous
-Rose and Kate are with us
-the biggest danger inside here is Kate: we may die all for her "adventurous driving"
-for the rest we have a bipolar girl on board, but luckily she doesn't talk much to me since she's obsessed with raping her boyfriend (nice relationship)
-there's also a guy coming from Antarctica that should have learnt English yesterday, since he can only say "I respect your opinion" (as if anyone cared about it)
-then there's the psycho's boyfriend
-he says he's 123 years old and thinks to be the best at doing anything (almost worse than Laurence, this one needs to be locked in a mental hospital)
-don't count on me, I'm surrounded by too many idiots to solve anything
@sexonthebeach_bysami just entered into the chat by hacking Chris' profile
S: then there is a blondie who can only say "idiot", I think he started learning English few hours ago
C: what the fuck are you doing here??
S: a hacker always gets what she wants. Always
C: idiot...
S: and you forgot to say that I'm from Antarctica too
C: who the fuck cares about it?
S: me: I'm proud to be Antarctic
C: good, now we know that all Antarctics are idiot
S: my job here's done, I'll go back stalking Jossie
@sexonthebeach_bysami just left the chat
-screw that idiot's intermission
-I told you, I'm surrounded by idiots
-well anyway I get what you mean
-I will let you know if I get to know anything about this Hirin
-I hope to get to the second clue before losing all the patience
-ah and we have a police officer locked into the hold
-well, bye
*sorry reader, I haven't explained what a FreddyCoso is yet! Well it is just a very tasty cocktail (please don't google it, it's my invention)
How to make it:
1. Pour 3 cl of vodka into the shaker
2. Add 2 cl of ruhm, 1.5 cl of gin and finally pour lemon soda
3. Shake and pour everything into a glass
4. Throw a frizzy candy into the glass and let it melt for few seconds
5. Enjoy🍸