"Just breathe. It's not that hard."
Jesse's voice was steady and unbothered, his palms resting upwards against his legs.
I shook my head and closed my eyes once more, drawing in yet another shaky breath. I felt unstable, my chest almost aching with every inhale. And every exhale made my body shiver, the magic wrapping around my arms like cold tendrils, threatening to burst out each time.
"Channel it to your palms. Just...like, picture it flowing into your hands."
That was easier said than done. Jesse was practically a pro. For someone who had known his whole life, it would be nearly impossible to understand my position. But I had only used magic a few times, and yielding some unacceptable results.
I tensed my shoulders and shuddered, envisioning the men...the blackbloods, their hands over their ears. Their knees pressed against the cement, the blood pouring out from their anguished faces.
I remembered Ian, the woman in the alley, and just what he��d done to her. I had been terrified, disgusted even. And now, here I was, having done much worse, holding my head up as if I was a saint. How could I even begin to compare myself to him?
A shrill sound of glass shattering filled my ears and the air around the room. I dropped my hands, which were now pulsing and lifted above my knees, and my eyes shot open.
The glass on the coffee table to my right had fragmented into a million pieces, garnering a sigh from the blond in my front.
"You got a lot of power, Blair. You have to focus on it, control it. Otherwise, this kind of thing will keep happening."
'You mean it will control me.' I thought, but quickly pushed it down.
"Let's stop for now. I can't, I just can't right now." I added, standing from the floor and going to retrieve a rag from the kitchen.
Jesse did not protest, instead helping me clean up the glass. I could tell he was quickly becoming discouraged, but what did he expect, I wondered.
After tidying up the shards and tossing them out, I stepped out into the backyard. Jesse was quick to follow behind, offering me a cigarette which I accepted.
We didn't speak much as he lit his, then handed the lighter to me.
'My dad would be disappointed. He always loved my voice, but if I keep smoking like this, I might lose it.
...That might be better. Then I can never scream again, and I won't-'
I stopped the thoughts right there, opting to clear my head as I lit the cigarette and handed the lighter back to him. Taking a long drag, I felt the last thoughts evaporate.
"Blackbloods are hard to kill… I haven't seen that kind of thing in a long time. Since my dad was alive." Jesse said after a brief silence.
"Why do you want to kill them anyway?"
I wanted absolution from what I'd done. If he could give me a reason, maybe I'd forgive myself for it.
Of course, talking about it made me queasy, and I had been reliving the scene in a loop. There was no doubt that I absolutely was not okay. At this point, I was just letting life happen to me. No complaints,, no qualms.
And maybe knowing wouldn't fix anything. In fact, it might have even made it worse. But regardless, if there was a chance I could even be okay with what happened a little bit, I wanted it.
"It's not like that."
'Oh.'
"Well, not exactly at least," he corrected, taking a beat to smoke.
"Blackbloods, they're not from here. No one knows why they came here, or what their plans are, but they're not good."
"Ian and Carson, they're vampires too. What makes you sure that they aren't the same-"
"They're not the same. They both drink blood, sure. But it stops right there.
Whenever the blackbloods came, they started turning humans into their kind. Well, they tried.
Instead of becoming blackbloods, they became like, a hybrid. Redbloods, like Ian and Carson."
"Okay, but how does that make them any-��
"It's not good to talk about people when they're not around to defend themselves," Ian said, suddenly making his appearance known.
"Good thing you're here." Jesse chuckled.
I looked down, taking another puff and feeling mildly embarrassed. Carson soon joined us as well, sitting with us near the doorstep.
After a few seconds of comfortable quiet, Jesse leaned against his arm and spoke again.
"So, why are y'all here?"
Carson shifted his long legs uncomfortably, and nodded in response.
"You wanna do this with her here?" Ian asked, gesturing to me.
With a blank expression, Jesse turned to me. I knew he was asking if I wanted to be included, but I didn't look at him. Instead, I turned to my cigarette as I put it out.
They stayed silent, no doubt expecting me to go inside. Instead, I looked straight at Ian.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. And why would you ask him, when I'm sitting right here? Why don't you just ask me if I wanna know? And, by the way, I wanna know." I knew it sounded bitchy, but I couldn't care.
Ian rolled his eyes and looked away, a flush coming on his cheeks. He was now the same level of embarrassed I had been.
Carson cleared his throat, and with his unusually deep voice, began to explain.
"We aren't entirely sure what is going on, and with Arthur dead, it's kind of hard to get information. But we've got a new mole. Anna is pretending to work under Isaias to get us some intel."
'Isaias… that name'
"What about the creepy sacrifice things?"
"Six more in New Orleans alone," Ian jumped in. "Just bitten, no blood sucked, and then throats slit. It's definitely a blackblood thing, because they keep leaving that weird symbol."
I raised my eyebrows, confused and still a little out of it.
'Isaias, he was who they were bringing me to. He must be someone high up, important.
And this sacrifice thing… what's that about?'
"Yeah, Anna might know more. I'll get in touch with her at the end of this week."
Jesse nodded and took a minute to think. After a few seconds, he pulled a piece of paper out of his jeans pocket. He slipped it to me as he put out his cigarette.
I unfolded the paper as he spoke.
"This is the symbol. If you see it anywhere, call one of us immediately."
The symbol was like two diamonds intertwined, one above the other but connected. They were inside another diamond, with two lines struck through horizontally. I furrowed my brows at the symbol and then nodded, folding it up and slipping it in my pocket.
"Well, it's almost ten. Don't you have work?"
I sighed and stood up in response to his words.
As I dressed, I could only think about how weird returning to work would be. However, as with most things, I pushed the thought down and grabbed my apron.