Emily's POV :
I looked at the stars that seemed to have just appeared a few hours ago as I sat on the comforting but not so comforting at the same time park bench, this time all alone. I shifted my eyes to look at my phone screen as I scanned for notifications but none popped up except for some weather forecasts I swiped the notification out of the notification bar as a new one popped up from Wattpad I clicked on it nervously, I had written a tad bit on Wattpad and honestly didn't expect a lot of readers, I kept that thought in mind before I bought my eyes to views, my eyes widened as I saw the number : 100k under the book cover of the book, my body couldn't help but jump up in excitement, it had been up for only a few weeks, I screenshot the book information and send it to Jake.
Me : *image*
Me : OHMYFUCKINGGOSH LOOK AT THIS! ^
I didn't expect a reply as it was currently 1AM and Jake was probably asleep, I tried to fall asleep on the park bench but couldn't, my back ached from being there for quiet a while so I decided to get out of the park and walk around a little. Late night walks seem to be one of my favorite things to do, it's like daytime walks but in dark mode. Walking around the roads I saw the cafe open, ofcourse it'd be open. I walked into the quiet place and looked at Jenny my co-worker who seemed to be doing the night shift. She was just a university student working a part time job trying to pay off her loans, her skin looked pale, there were dark circles under her red eyes and she looked like she could collapse any given moment
"Hey Jenny, are you ok? You seem a little drained"
"I've been here since 7PM and I feel like I'm about to throw up" she replied
"Uh how bout this since it's only 1AM and I need to be home by 3, I'll take your shift, you should go home and get some rest come back by then and I'm sure you'll feel better"
"Are you sure? Leaving a 17 year old alone in a cafe seems careless. I'll just sit on one of these tables" she said sitting down relaxing herself as I put on the brown apron.
"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked her
"I didn't get my wallet" Jenny said in a sad tone
"I'll pay for it, a hot coffee?"
"That'd be great, I'll pay you back tomorrow as soon as you come in" she said as I smiled preparing her drink, I'd just lost the money I'd use it pay for myself tomorrow with Jake. I sighed but took the drink to Jenny.
"Why are you out so late?" She asked as I sat down beside her
"Let's just say family issues"
"I'm sorry, do you wanna talk bout something else?"
"There's not a lot to tell, how's university?"
"So close to dropping out, I don't think I can even afford my apartment anymore"
"That seems terrible, consider getting a roommate" I suggested
"I wish but there's just one room, a tiny living room and a kitchen"
"Depends on the bed in your room, if it's a full sized bed you could sell it and buy two smaller ones"
"That's actually smart, I could sell my bed and ask my parents for the two smaller beds in my old room, that's so good, thank you!" She said happily
"Glad I was able to help"
"What do you plan on doing after high school?"
"I don't really know, with the kind of grades I have I don't think any things really possible. So I think I'd just start working"
"Everything will work itself out, a little big sister advice; move out as soon as you can"
"That's the plan" I said with a little chuckle
"You should go home now, I feel a lot better"
I checked my phone that read 2:01AM
"Uh yeah I should get going" I said taking of my apron and giving her it
"G'night take care" she said as I walked toward the door
"Night" I replied as I wandered the roads. Walking back home I debated weather I should go back to the park or just go home and lay in bed as if nothing happened.
I climbed from the ladder into my window and got in silently, I slipped into the shower and relaxed my tired body, as I closed my eyes I felt the water run down from my neck to my shoulder and then my entire body. I looked into the broken bathroom mirror as I stood there in nothing but a white towel, my short black hair barely touched my shoulders, my green eyes had bags under them that seemed to darken everyday, I have tried to change the way I think about myself in the past but no matter how many times I've tried it the voices in my head seem to win, just like they always do. After many failed attempts of trying to make those voices my friends I've seemed to have reached a point where I've simply given up on it. I looked away from the mirror disgusted at who I saw, she was not the girl I knew, not the girl who had big dreams. I wish I could just tell my younger self to give up instead of trying to change because it'll never happen, it was all a pretty illusion.
I lay in bed looking at the ceiling trying to fall asleep, a task that was no longer as easy as it used to be. I tossed and turned in bed checking my phone a thousand times for something new to pop up but nothing did. The voices in my head kept on asking questions I have no answer to
T/W : SELF HARM AHEAD, DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
"What will you do with your life without a fancy degree?"
"What will your mom do when she finds out about your little job and you sneaking out almost every night?"
"She's not going to pay for you once you're 18, who will?"
The voices didn't seem to tune out of my mind
"There is one way" my mind thought tempted of doing it
"Don't! It's not worth it" another part of me argued
"Just do it, trying to quit will only make things worse later on"
"You are 5 months clean, don't do it!"
"No one cares about how long you've been clean"
I stood up from my bed and walked to my drawer in my bathroom with a lock on it, then I saw my most valued possession, without thinking twice I ran the blade across my skin over and over until my arm was fully covered in the dark red color of my blood. I put the blade away and washed my arm feeling the scars sting by the touch of water, pushing the long sleeve behind then I realised what I'd done, snapping back into reality, a tear slid down from my eye and down my cheek followed by many others. I covered the scars with bandages and pulled down my long sleeve, the last five months now seem to have been a waste of time. I sobbed walking back to my bed and getting under the covers, tear after tear falling from my eyes, atleast the voices had gone...for now. My phone seemed to have been buzzing but I couldn't care less about it. My breath was now unsteady, my body seems to not have any energy to move and my eyes were tired but unwilling to rest.
I finally forced my body to help myself to a glass of cold water that might help me soothe. I silently walked into the kitchen and drank a little bit of cold water from the fridge as I walked back into my room trying not to wake my mom also known as the devil up. Jakes POV:
(The same night)
My eyes forced themselves open trying to get rid of the nightmare I had, my body was drenched in sweat and my tongue as dry as a desert as I sat in bed trying to process what had just happened. I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water with my shaking hands as it turned out I was once again home alone; for a lot of kids being home alone seems like a dream come true but somehow I hated being home alone, I hated when my parents were home, I hated home. I don't think I can even call this place my home anymore it's just walls, walls full of big fancy furniture that simply sheltered me during cold nights, this seemed like a house with everything anyone wanted, fancy furniture, lots of rooms and what seemed like an ideal place for a party but I wanted nothing but to leave this place, it held so many memories that I wish I could forget, everywhere I looked between these walls there seemed to be memories I wish I never had, things I never wished I never experienced as my mind raced I felt my heart beat faster and started to sweat. I needed to get out. I put on sweatpants and walked out of my house looking for somewhere to go. I walked by places till I finally reached the cafe, I looked through the glass walls and saw Emily who seemed like she was working, her black hair looked a little messy but more beautiful than ever, her eyes looked tired and as if they had experienced the worst in the past hour, she looked tired but so beautiful at the same time. I second guessed if I should go in but decided I shouldn't. As I made my way to the park my mind wandered as I thought about Emily, I didn't want to mess up tomorrow but I'm certain I will. I sat down on the park bench as I noticed Emily's earphones, she must've been here earlier, I sighed and put them in my pocket making a mental note to return them to her the next time we met. My mind went back to the first time I saw her, I don't think I'd ever seen someone so sad or so angry all at the same time, I remember her helpless whispers and the subtle stain of a hand on her cheek, I remember the raw emotions on her face displayed when I put the flower crown on her head, the freckles on her nose and cheeks when she smiled, there's no way someone would want to hurt her, I never would.
*an hour later*
I sat in the dark living room with nothing but a lamp on to supply light, I browsed my notifications as I saw a few texts from Emily, a picture of a book cover and a text that read "OHMYFUCKINGGOSH LOOK AT THIS! ^" I assume it's one of her Wattpad stories, it's nice to see her so passionate about something. I replied with a bunch of positive texts in hope that she'll never give up on her writing, I could only imagine how happy she must've been when she found out