Finals.
The finals were here, graduation was only three weeks away ... I sat in the exam boardroom for three hours. The three hours that really depended on my life.
From all the studying ... the sleepless night this is what it all comes down to. Paper.
We've had three appointments so far - everything seems ok. I guess you're never really in the safe zone throughout any stage of pregnancy. I guess with all that's going on I haven't really thought about it.
I've quit my job. I mean the amount of money Leyton paid me, it was enough for me to survive on. I did feel so much better not working ... I wasn't so tired all the time.
"Congratulations, students. Finals are over. Your results will be in, a week before graduation" a week before? Fuck that's quick. I took a deep breath ... this was over.
My phone buzzed as I left the hall ... *im outside ...* it was Leyton. Why was he picking me up? I huffed as I strolled out. There he sat in his Audi ... looking fit as ever.
"You didn't have to pick me up." I say as I got in the car. "You didn't drive so I had too" was he serious right now?
He's such an asshole sometimes.
"We need to discuss future plans" I ask as he pulls into the drive way. "Future plans?" "Yes, Leyton. After the baby? What happens? I have no job? Yet. No home?" "April. I don't let you be homeless or jobless. You're giving me the most precious gift anyone can give. I'll always provide for you"
We spent the next hour discussing plans. I felt a little better I guess. He had to leave for work so it was me alone ...
As always.
I was startled by a sharp stabbing excruciating pain in the middle of the night - i felt wet, i knew exactly what was happening flashbacks of two years ago came flooding back. No. this cannot be happening.
I held in the screams. i switched on my light my bed was covered in blood. i managed to get myself out of bed and stumble across the hall to Leyton's room he was sleeping peacefully he looked so handsome even asleep. "Ah!" i cried out in a quiet but loud enough sound so it awoke him, i fell to the floor holding my stomach. "April!!!" he exclaimed rushing over cradling me in his arms - he dialled 911. his face full of fear and worry. How could i let this happen? Was it me?
we reached the hospital, i was cradled in Leytons arms he drove here the ambulance would of taken too long, honestly it was all a blur .. i was sedated from panicking too much. I was laying upon the bed when Dr tyler came into the room. "April ..." she began i knew what she was going to say. She had a ultrasound machine with her, i couldnt bare to look at the screen. Leyton was grasping my hand he never let go. "Im going to scan you - see exactly what is going on -" she smiled softly, but sympathetically.
What felt like hours was five minutes - "Whats happened? is everything ok?" Leyton asked. i could hear the hurt and worry in his voice. "Im so sorry .. Unfortunately, there is no baby. April you have suffered a miscarriage" those words. the words i have heard before.
the room was silent. I couldnt bare to look at Leyton, i have failed him. I have failed me. Dr Tyler explained what i needed to do for the next couple of days or a week. It was a blur. I got changed. "Lets get you home, April" Leyton said softly, helping me off the bed and walking with me slowly towards the exit, baby cries filled the halls. I had to tell him ...
We arrived back home, I could hear Leyton explaining to Jane what happened. I just went upstairs to my room. I dug out the memory box i kept all these years. My heart was filled with the same heart ache as before - How will i ever give anyone the chance to be a parent if i am unable to carry one?
My babys first scan - the tests - blankets - teddies. There was a light knock at my door. "April?" it was him. i wiped my tears ... "yeah ... come in" i replied softly. he pushed the door open and closed it behind him. He crouched down on the floor sitting beside me, i realised i had the box open.
"Leyton ... I need to tell you something" I looked up at him with tear filled eyes ..
"I miscarried two years ago, i was 17 weeks"