„Vanessa! Wake up!" My mother comes to my room cheerfully chirping, and she draws the curtains. " The breakfast is ready!"
She let me alone in the sunlit room. This is the only room which has windows to the east, so the morning sun light the whole room. My mood is still under the ass of a mole, so I am unable to be happy with the light. Moreover, I don't want to wake up either. Depression. Ugly word, and more uglier disease. I have to wake up, I must. This is not optional. If my parents recognize my state, they surely bring me to a closed facility, full of drugs and bars on the windows. That would be worse than worst. So I have to wake up. I open my eyes. My eyelids are heavier than a white dwarf. My legs somehow don't connect to my body, so my strongest will could move them. Somehow my feet reach the ground. I can finally stand up, while I use all of the energy of a supernova. It was far more heavier, than doing the same in the times I was a baby.
A maid comes in, and help me to dress up. My broken, plastered arm, and the enormous number of buttons make the process unbelievingly long. I recognize, that she is a new maid. I don't ask her name, she will be fired soon. It is my mother's hobby. She employs maids, and kicks them out after a short period of time. It is sheer jealousy. Life is like this. Never easy.
The maid combs my hair, and run out of the room, to catch my little brother, and check his outfit. It is an unnecessary work, David always neat, and perfect with his outfit. Sometimes too perfect for a boy at his age. Not to mention our older brother, Matt. He is just as perfect as David. Well, Matt could sleep, and let others to sleep as well, his lessons at the University are not started yet. But he wakes up, and makes a parade, next to our little brother. Two playboys under the same roof. In a few years David will be Matt's biggest opponent, having such a teacher, like Matt.
I follow them to the dining room, and they don't notice me. They don't want to notice me, to be precise, and they want me to realize this with their behaviour. They hate me, and the feeling is mutual. They sit down at the table, and start to chew their toast in rhythm. I have to laugh at them, because they are like two cartoon figures, but I stop myself. I try to escape to school, as soon as I can, and having a quarrel with them and our mother makes the breakfast time longer.
"Don't bolt! It is disgusting!" Matthew warns me.
"Eat slower, darling." My mother asks me in the same manner. "Today I will bring you to school, with David."
"No, thanks. I will meet with Ivo and Yvonne."
"Do you really think, they are waiting for you?" Matt laughs at me.
Well. There are some truth in his words. It is my biggest fear: they don't want to meet with me. They left me alone during the summer holiday, and didn't even call me once. I know they were angry at me, because of my behaviour after breaking my arm, but I hope, they calmed down during the summer. I have high hopes, that everything goes back to normal, when we meet at the crossroad. Like before.
"As you wish." My mother nods. "Do you want me to pick you up after school?"
"No, it is not necessary. Why would you pick me up after school?"
"Today is the day you get rid of your plaster. Did you forget? Do you want to go to the hospital alone?" My mother smiles. It makes her more dangerous. "I would like to go shopping with you after the doctors take off your plaster. You really need some pretty clothes."
Oh, no!!! Shopping with her is a nightmare to both of us. I am too muscular for the fashion clothes. I am aware, and she knows as well. Our joint shoppings are pure disasters. I am bored, but take on and off the clothes of her choice, and she will be angry, when the pretty clothes look like bikini on Hulk. Usually none of the clothes fit me. Those pieces are designed to the skinny girls, so I look awfully in them. Despite their brands. After a few hours of changing, and nervous breakdown of at least two assistants, my mother gets angrier than Hulk, and we end up not buying anything. Fortunately, the school has uniform, or else I could go to the school naked. No. I definitely don't want to go shopping with my mother. I don't want her make my depression worse.
"I am not in the mood."
"VANESSA!" My mother cries in bewilderment. She doesn't believe that after six weeks of wearing that heavy, ugly thing, I refuse the chance to free from.
"Miss Moore will be the one, who brings me to the hospital, this is her fault after all."
"But..."
" Or I could go tomorrow. One more day is not a problem, I want to spend some time with Yvonne and Ivo, and hear about everything, as they came back yesterday." I stand up from the table at the last word, and run away for my schoolbag. I attached a string to the handle, and I could it with the plastered arm.
"Do you know what day will be tomorrow?" My mother stops me at running backward.
"Tuesday!" I answer, and run out of the entrance door.
When I reach the little forest, not far from the house, I relax. Nobody comes after me, and I could go to school like always in the past 12 years. Alone. Virtually. At the and of the road, my best friend and my love are waiting for me, as always in the past 12 years. Everything is normal. Everything will be normal in a few minutes.
Because I am aware of what day will be tomorrow. My birthday. My 18th birthday. The day of my freedom. I will be an adult officially, and this makes me happy. I will be able to do anything! I don't mean cigarette, alcohol, or drug. I have access to all of them since we moved to this town, but I chose not to consume them. At first Uncle Pascal forbade them, but as I have been getting older, I saw the consequences of consuming them on my classmates, and family, so I decided not to use any of them. They would be false freedom.
I am speaking of real freedom. I could go wherever and whenever I want. I could do as I want, not to depend on the genetic parents. Because they have certain plans with me, and I am totally against it. But they made it clear: I have to obey, I used their money all my life, it is high time to pay back some. Their wish is simple, and brings me happiness for all my life, so it is obvious, that I agree with their plan. Obvious to them.
Happiness.
My parent are don't know what happiness is. Happiness is to be in the little forest, for example. The silence, the cool air of the forest makes me calm down, and feeling whole. I am not running, but floating above the dirt road. To get another level of happiness, I soon recognize Ivo and Yvonne, waiting for me at the crossroad. They are not able to see me yet, but I see their miniature figures across the green leaves. My heart starts to beat faster, and I start to run to them, when two other figures arrive to the place of Ivo and Yvonne. The two Moores. The new girl, and the new trainer. The meeting is inevitable, they live close to this road.
I still don't want to meet them, and I am happy, that the greenery covers me from them. The two newcomers stop at Ivo and Yvonne, and greet each other. Very friendly. They chat for a while, and Taylor Moore jumps to Ivo's neck, and they start kissing.
No.
It is not kissing. But there's no doubt. They are kissing. It is not Taylor Moore kiss my boyfriend, but my boyfriend kiss her. Boyfriend. Well, it seems, he is better my ex-boyfriend.
I am frozen.
Inside and outside. All my hopes, all my world, everything is broken. All I could do is to watch them. For a moment the word of pervert cross my mind. I am a voyeur now. I am the one, who is ashamed.
But I can't move. I watch them, as the new trainer and Yvonne are friendly vexing Ivo and Taylor Moore to stop, what they are doing. They really stop kissing, but they hold hands. All of them go toward the school, and chatting happily. I am unable to cry to Ivo and Yvonne, because they are obviously not waiting for me. Originally the Hillards were not waiting for me. They were waiting for the Moores. Not for me.
My world has ended.
I am forgotten.
I am nothing.