We ended up on the beach again, wandering around, not really caring where we were going. We were both high on our successful escape, though I couldn't help but think that if Jules's ego got much bigger, she'd have to start turning sideways to get through doors.
"That was totally James Bond," she enthused, grinning so broadly I could see all of her teeth. "Admit it."
"Definitely Bond," I agreed. I added, "They're not going to be too happy, but—who cares. Life is short."
Jules glanced at me. She repeated, almost to herself, "Yeah. Short."
She was quiet for only a second before she was grinning again. "You know, you could just stay here. Then you wouldn't have to deal with the wrath of the vampires. I bet good ole' Chief Swan wouldn't mind."
She probably had a point there. Charlie had already made his preferences clear, and while he always seemed eager to dream up new rules where Edythe was concerned, he was more than willing to bend them all for Jules.
Of course, I figured Jules knew as well as I did that it would be a bad idea on a lot of levels, but just in case she had meant the offer seriously, I decided it was safer to change the subject.
"So," I said, bending to pick up a stone, and trying to skip it across the waves—it fell with a heavy ploosh just a few meters from the shore. "What's the latest pack gossip?"
Jules shrugged. "Just the usual. Who's crushing on who. Who's jealous of who." She shuddered. "Seriously, when mind sharing is involved, teenage girl drama is magnified by about a thousand."
"Are most of them getting back to doing normal stuff then?" I asked. "Like...going out, dating, that kind of thing?"
Jules shook her head. "To be honest, not really. I mean, it's kind of hard to date a guy when you have to hide the fact you're turning into a giant wolf at night to hunt vampires. But, we still go to school and stuff—occasionally. So we still see our old friends, and people we knew before."
Jules grinned. "Most of the pack, at least the ones who like someone, have these kind of daydreams. You know, about some guy they like finding out about us, and being totally cool with it, even thinking it's awesome."
Jules shook her head ruefully, though still grinning. "Course, I know most of those guys, and the pansies would probably run away screaming."
Jules picked up a stone and casually threw it, where it sailed two hundred feet out and hit the water in a perfect skip five times before it disappeared smoothly beneath the surface.
"Guess I'm kind of lucky that way," she added, so low I barely caught it.
I didn't know what to say, and so I gazed out at the white waves, glittering in the mid-morning light.
Jules picked up another rock, tossing it up into the air and catching it with ease.
"You know, you're a cool guy, Beau," she said suddenly. "I mean, how many people could be so okay with this whole werewolf thing? Sure, we're all used to it now, but whenever I stop to think about it from the outside...it's really freaky."
I shrugged. "I was kind of freaked out at first," I admitted. "Although a lot of that was that I thought you were out picking off hikers in the woods."
Jules laughed. "Looking back, that was kind of funny. Not really funny, but kind of. In a twisted way."
Her expression turned slightly pensive, and she turned again to gaze at me. "But you know, Beau...if we had been, you know, eating people...what would you have done?"
I hesitated.
I'd asked the same question myself at the time—I hadn't really come to a conclusion, except that I cared about Jules, that she was my friend, no matter what she did. But I still wasn't sure if that was right or wrong, if saying that would make her happy, or get her upset.
So I asked instead, "Well, what if it was the other way around? What if I was the monster?"
Jules gazed back at me for a moment, and I saw in her eyes a touch of alarm. Her expression darkened, and she opened her mouth as though to reply. However, instead her eyes dropped and after a moment of tense silence, she turned her back to me.
"Hey," she said, with forced cheer, "I know what we should do. Let's go back up to the house and get out our bikes. You've got to ride a motorcycle regularly to keep it in tune, and you haven't been on yours in ages."
I didn't pursue the subject. I'd only meant to use the question to deflect hers, but as I thought about it more, I realized that that may soon very well be the dilemma she would face. There was a newborn in Seattle picking people off the streets, making headlines. I wasn't unaware that, very soon, that could be me.
I shook off the thought—whatever I was, Edythe would keep me in check.
I frowned. "I just got out of jail for the last time. You'll get me thrown right back."
Jules turned back to me, a smile playing about her lips. "You know Charlie won't find out unless I tell him," she said. "And I swear to keep my mouth shut this time. I'll write it in blood if you want."
She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "Or is this an edict from your over-timing, self-appointed parole officer?"
I wanted to be annoyed—she always got that bit of a curl to her lip when she talked about Edythe, and her tone always dripped with derision. However, before I could look away, Jules's face split into a real smile—the smile of the Jules I knew, open and warm, as bright as the sun.
I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face in response.
She winked at me. "I won't tell a soul, I promise."
"Except all the other members of your hive-mind wolf clan," I pointed out.
Jules winced. "Oh, yeah. I told you, that's the thing that sucks the most about this connected-mind thing. It's bad enough when you can't keep any secrets of your own, but not being able to keep anyone else's secrets..." She grimaced. However, a moment later she was grinning again. "But, I'll do my absolute, positive best not to think about it."
I couldn't help it, and I laughed. "I guess that'll have to be good enough. I'd hate for my bike to get out of tune. But if I end up in the emergency room, what's our cover story going to be?"
Jules pursed her lips, considering. "You tripped in my garage?"
I grinned. "The fallback. I guess that works."
The rain had turned to a light mist as we rode the bikes around awhile on the back roads. However, they still picked up plenty of mud, and as the rain started up again, we decided to head on back to the house, especially as Jules said she was starving anyway. Bonnie greeted me casually as we clumped on in, showing no surprise at my abrupt reappearance. We ate a quick lunch—a couple of sandwiches Jules threw together—before we headed out to the garage to start in on the monumental task of getting our bikes cleaned off.
"Home sweet home," Jules said as she pushed her bike on in. "Just like you remembered it?"
It took me a second to respond. It had been so many months since I'd been here, yet as I looked around, everything was so familiar it felt as though I had never been away. Everything was the same, from the tools Jules had left spread out over the floor, to the old crumpled grocery bag she always kept full of sodas.
Jules grabbed a couple of cans from the bag and handed one to me. As I cracked the lid, I found myself thinking about the day a while back, when we'd sat in the garage just like we were now. So much had happened back then, and since—in a way, things had been less complicated, at least where Jules and I were concerned. But it was nice to realize that I could come back, that this place I'd considered my second home for so long still existed, and would still welcome me.
I lifted my soda in a toast, grinning a little. "To recklessness?" I suggested.
Jules laughed. "And a bit of responsibility now and then, too, I guess." She touched her can to mine, then tilted her head back for a large swig.
I drank some of mine, too. I couldn't help but smile a little to myself. As much as I appreciated Archie's gesture, it was nice to be around someone who legitimately liked soda, and didn't have to choke it down just to be sociable.
Jules wiped her mouth. "Glad you came," she said. "I miss you when you're gone. Really. So boring, you wouldn't believe it."
I shook my head. "How can you be bored when you're turning into a wolf every night and running around hunting vampires?"
She shrugged. "If we were actually catching any, maybe it wouldn't be."
She stared out at the forest for a long moment. Her eyes were distant, and she repeated in a murmur, "So boring."
We were quiet then. We both gazed out into the forest beyond the shelter, at the saturated leaves and trunks. I noticed the rain made the vegetation look greener than usual. However, I also noticed the mist—it rose off the ground and curled like wisps of smoke, creeping around the edges of the trees, obscuring their roots.
"Beau," Jules said suddenly, her voice very quiet. "Can I ask you something?"
Her tone was different from before, more serious, and a little hesitant.
"Yeah?" I said uncertainly. "What is it?"
Jules's eyes were on the can of soda in her hand. "There's just...something I've been wondering about. Something you said before. Or hinted at."
She drew a breath. "You know, back when I was reminding her of the terms of the treaty—and how they swore never to kill or bite a human."
She finally turned, looking me in the eye. "Were you...Are you serious?"
I looked back her, and I didn't break her gaze. "Yes," I said at last, my voice quiet, but certain.
Jules stared back at me. Then at last she closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. She nodded once. "I think I knew that."
Her eyes opened and she looked at me again. Her dark eyes were hard. "But you know what this will mean, don't you? If they break the treaty—you know what will happen."
I felt a chill on my skin that had nothing to do with the rain outside. "We'll leave," I said, so low it was barely above a whisper.
Jules's mouth curled into a sneer. "It's not like the treaty had a geographic limit. Our ancestors made the treaty with them because they claimed to be different. Once any one of them break it, then they're nothing but bloodsuckers like all the rest to us. Monsters to be hunted."
I stared back at her, and I heard myself say quietly, "Please, Jules."
"Please what?" she said irritably, looking away.
I shook my head. "Try to see...There's nothing bad about it. They aren't killing humans, they aren't turning anyone against their will. This should be an exception. It's my choice. Couldn't you try to convince Sam of that before you start a war? If you fight them over this, you'll be fighting me, too."
Jules's eyes were cold. "I won't be fighting you," she said flatly. "Because Beau Swan won't exist. Because he'll be dead—murdered."
I stared back at her. "Please, Jules," I said again, very quietly. I knew she could understand, if she just tried. I knew it would be hard for her, I knew she wouldn't like it—but I also knew she could understand that, even if what Edythe and I did violated the terms of the treaty, it wouldn't violate the spirit of it. It was my choice. I knew she could understand that—I wanted her to understand.
Jules refused to look at me. She glared down at the can in her hand, and didn't respond.
I felt like something cold and heavy was slowly pushing its way through me, crushing my insides. However, I knew I didn't have the right to ask for anything more.
Leaving my soda can on the ground, I slowly got to my feet. "I guess...I guess I better go then."
Jules blinked and looked up, startled, and her fierce expression melted into one of surprise.
"Wait—why? You don't have to go now. Stay. I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We still have time, don't we? That's still years away. We can be friends until then."
I shook my head, and I felt suddenly tired. "Jules, the deadline is after graduation."
Dead silence. There was not a sound in the garage, and I could only hear the rain, still pounding against the metal roof outside. I stared down at Jules, where she still sat on the floor, perfectly still, still as a statue—as a vampire. At last, I opened my mouth to say something.
There was a sound like a gunshot and, so fast I didn't see it happen, Jules was abruptly on her feet. I saw in her clenched fist the mangled remains of her soda can, dripping its contents onto the floor, and she was shaking all over. She looked at me with blazing eyes flat black, and her normally dark russet skin was almost white with fury.
As I watched, too shocked to react, I saw as she began to vibrate all over, and her shape blurred before my eyes. I knew what was about to happen—
However, she gritted her teeth hard, bowing her head and closing her eyes. The vibrating slowed, then ceased, until only her clenched fists were trembling slightly. When her eyes opened again, they were cold as ice.
"So," she said in a flat monotone. "That's how it is."
It took me a second to find my voice again. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I really didn't mean to spring it on you like that. I just...thought you deserved to know."
Jules didn't smile, not even the bitter, mocking smile.
Her face held no trace of emotion, except for her eyes, which burned with cold fury. "In just a few weeks, you'll be a monster," she said in a low voice.
I flinched at the words, but I held my ground. "I love Edythe," I said quietly. "And I don't want to be a helpless liability to her forever. What else can you expect me to do?"
Jules looked at me with revulsion, with black hatred so strong her entire face seemed to darken like a storm cloud.
"Love," she spat. "You call that love? Turning yourself into a monster for her? Becoming something that would as soon eat Charlie and my mom as look at them? That's sick—and what's sicker still is that you can't see how sick it is."
Her black eyes blazed, mouth twisted. She whispered, almost too low for me to catch, "I'd rather see you dead than one of them."
I stared back at her for a long second. Then, without really thinking about what I was doing, I put my hands on the handles of my motorcycle and pushed out from the small, warm little garage into the icy rain.
The ride to the Cullens' house on my bike was cold and wet. My clothes were soaked to the skin before I was even halfway, and the buffeting wind drove drops right into my face, making it feel as though I were being pelted with tiny shards of ice.
When I finally made it, I walked the bike into the Cullen's cavernous garage, and I wasn't at all surprised to see Archie there, waiting for me. He was sitting casually on the hood of the Porsche, and he stroked it with a regretful sigh.
"I didn't even get a chance to drive it."
"Sorry," I muttered, though I was shivering so much the word came out slightly garbled. My hair was pasted to my head, and I probably looked like a drowned rat.
"Looks like you could use a hot shower," Archie noted, springing lightly to his feet.
I didn't answer, only nodded.
Archie took in my expression. "You okay, man? Something happen?"
I shrugged.
"We can talk about it, if you want."
I shook my head.
Archie shrugged, though his eyes burned with curiosity. However, all he said was, "Well, I'm glad you made it back alive."
I nodded, then turned and headed for the house.
Archie didn't bring up his proposed car trip to Olympia, and though I would have liked to go home, I didn't ask. Instead I took my shower, staying in longer than I needed to, letting the hot water pound against my forehead and trying to drown out my thoughts. Then I went straight to Edythe's room for an early night.
As I lay there in the darkness, staring out at the faint silver silhouette of the trees beyond, the words Jules had spoken to me in the garage repeated themselves in my mind.
I'd rather see you dead than one of them.
The words cut deep—deeper than I could have ever expected. Very soon, the wolf pack may declare war on the Cullens, and it would be my doing. And Jules would be trying to kill me. She'd hate me, see me as nothing but a monster.
And what if I was a monster? A real monster? What if she was right, and I would be a menace to ordinary people, hikers out in the woods, even Bonnie or my own dad?
Would that mean she was right to rather see me dead?
I fell into an uneasy sleep, dreaming about blood and monsters with red eyes.
When I woke again, it was still dark out, and I doubted it was near morning yet. I sat up groggily, rubbing my neck, and turned to get up. However, something soft fell partially to the floor, and I noticed someone had thrown another duvet over me—the extra thick kind, with gold trim.
I blinked and as I peered through the semi-darkness, I noticed a figure sitting perched on the far arm of the couch. She was perfectly still.
I tensed, waiting for the onslaught. I was in deep trouble and I knew it.
However, when Edythe turned to look at me, her eyes glimmered with gold in the faint light and she was smiling.
"Sleep well?" she asked softly.
I stared at her and wondered if—impossibly—she somehow didn't yet know what I had done.
In one fluid movement, Edythe was suddenly sitting beside me on the couch. Keeping the duvet between me and her icy skin, she wrapped one arm around my waist, laying her head against my shoulder and sighing contently.
I pushed the duvet back and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and the feel of her hard, icy skin under my hand felt reassuring. I leaned down so I could kiss her on the cheek. However, Edythe turned her head and instead I felt her lips against mine, hard as marble, but gentle.
Our foreheads rested together as she pulled back, and her golden eyes slid open to gaze into mine. She smiled a little.
"And here," she said softly, "I had braced myself for the court martial. I don't think this kind of punishment will reinforce any future discipline."
I tensed. My eyes dropped from hers and I stared hard at the black leather of the sliver of couch between us.
"Um, about that, Edythe. There's something I should probably tell you." As much as I didn't want to see Archie lose his Porsche, I couldn't stand the thought of keeping secrets.
Edythe laughed softly, then pressed her lips to my neck, and then my jaw. She murmured, "You mean that you ditched school, got on the back of a motorcycle, ran off to La Push for hours, then came back again on a motorcycle in muddy, hazardous conditions?" I felt her lips move in a smile. "I know."
"Oh." I was silent for a long moment, trying to understand this strange new turn reality had taken. After a few seconds, I gave up.
"I don't get it. Aren't you ticked?"
Edythe had picked up my hand and held it between hers, tenderly running the tips of her fingers over my knuckles.
"I did some serious thinking while I was away," she said slowly. "I decided...you're right. It's not right for me to take away your freedom, no matter what the reason. And I believe I should trust your judgment more. So if you say it's safe...that's enough for me. I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself more trying to get around us, and that's not worth it."
She looked up at me earnestly, and again she slipped an arm around my back. "And most importantly...I don't want this putting a wall between us."
I sighed, pulling myself a little closer, and resting my head against the top of hers.
"So," she said after a moment. "Do you have plans to go back soon?" She added, "I don't think I'll go hunting that far again—it's not worth it to be separated that long. But you don't have to wait for me to be gone. If it's important to you to visit a friend, I will raise no more objections."
I was silent, my entire body suddenly tense as I was assaulted once again with Jules's parting words.
"Beau?" Edythe said, concerned. She raised her eyes to gaze into mine searchingly.
"Thanks, Edythe," I whispered. "But...I don't think I'll be going back there again."
"Why not?" she asked, delicate brow furrowing over her golden eyes with worry. After a moment, she added hurriedly, "Ah—but if you don't want to talk about it—"
I sighed and shook my head. "I don't think she wants to see me again. While I was there...when we were talking...Well, I just don't think she realized it was going to be so soon. That I was...going to become..."
Understanding came into Edythe's eyes. "Ah," she murmured.
"She said she'd rather see me dead." I tried to make my tone even, matter-of-fact, but my voice caught on the last word.
Edythe's expression froze. Something sparked in her eyes, but she looked away too quickly for me to get a good look. At last, I felt her tense form relax and she tightened her grip on my hand.
"Oh, Beau," she whispered. And when she looked up at me again, her eyes were pained.
I smiled a little ruefully. "I thought you might be kind of happy."
Edythe gazed up at me. "I could never be happy about anything that hurt you."
I held her close in the darkness, and though I felt cold, I was comforted. However, after a long minute, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Is she right, do you think?"
Edythe's eyebrows knitted with confusion. "Right?"
"I mean," I whispered. "What if I do become a monster? What if I want to hurt people? Is she right—would it be better if I died instead?"
"No," Edythe said sharply, fiercely. I felt her arm around me tense, holding me more tightly than before. "Never."
She hesitated. "The first few years will probably be...rough. But we'll be there. We'll keep you from hurting anyone. And then eventually you'll settle into yourself again."
She gazed up at me, and the earnestness and intensity in her face was almost painful to look at. "I love you, Beau," she said softly. "And nothing will ever change that."
I stayed close to her, holding her to me, and I marveled that such an ordinary guy as I was could have been so lucky. That there could be someone I loved so much who felt the same way.
At last Edythe said, "But you know, Beau, I wouldn't worry about it. I could literally kill her for saying something like that to you—but I'm sure she'll take it back before the time comes. She'll come crawling back to you. She has too weak a will to do anything else."
Edythe added, with a touch of bitterness, "Not that I can fault her for that. If I'd had a weaker will, perhaps I wouldn't have hurt you so badly or for so long as I did last winter."
"That's behind us now," I said quickly, squeezing her shoulder. After a moment, I said quietly, "Maybe it would be better if she did keep away from me. If we can't be friends after...maybe it would be better to break now."
In a way, I wasn't in any hurry to talk to her again—her words still felt like knives in my gut. However, the thought of never seeing her again, not until we were mortal enemies...
"It's up to you," Edythe murmured, the tips of her fingers absently tracing circles on my back. "However you want it to be, Beau. You don't have to see her, but you're free to change your mind at any time. I'm your partner, not your jailer—not anymore."
I smiled down at her, my arm around her shoulders, and I was just glad we were together, and we weren't fighting about anything. However, I suddenly frowned as a random thought came back to me.
"Hey," I said. "I was talking to Royal last night..."
"Oh yes. He was thinking about that when I came in. A lot to think about, isn't it?"
"Well," I began. "He mentioned something about your time with the Denali clan. And these awesome vampire guys. And one of them was hitting on you."
Edythe laughed.