With Dave in the hospital, everyone has been taking turns spending the night, to the nurse's dismay. Tonight is my night to watch him and keep him company. I was reluctant at first. I mean what relation do I have to Dave other than wrecking his sons' lives? But, despite the thought, I told them I would stay the night. They are all sporting dark circles under their eyes, the boys have stubble growing on their handsome faces and Carol's hair doesn't look like it has been washed since the night everything happened. I don't blame any of them. Losing, or the thought of losing, a loved one, especially one's parents is so difficult. The pain and uncertainty that goes through your mind every other second is crippling.
I wish I could help them more, but I don't know what to do aside from being their shoulder to cry on, their reminder to eat, and the one to get them clean clothes. Damon has shut himself off from everyone, including me, except for at night where he pulls me close to his body, his hand draped over my waist so tight like he is afraid he is going to lose me too. But not tonight. Tonight he will sleep in his bed at home. And I will be here.
It took some convincing, but I finally managed to shoo all of them out of the room. It is quiet, too quiet, without them here. Machines beeping and irregular breathing are the only things filling my ears. I pull out my phone, content on playing some mindless game to pass the time. I know they will all be here once the sun rises, I just have to stay occupied again.
As I open the app, a thought tugs at my mind. My deadline. My project. I know it is poor timing, but with everything that has been going on lately my mind has been reeling. I need to get it out somewhere, put it somewhere, write it somewhere.
Ditching my phone for my fully-charged laptop, intended for a night of watching movies, I open up my barely-started first draft and some music to help me drown out the beeping. It doesn't take long to get into the flow of things, the words just pouring out as if they were already written.
I write about everything that has happened. Every moment I can remember. The names may be changed, but the events are not. I sit there and write. The hours pass, the moon starts to disappear from the sky, birdsong and the early glimmers from the sun replacing it. Still I do not stop. I need to get this all out. I need to process how crazy everything has been and how unfair life can seem without breaking the vase on the nearby table.
My fingers begin to cramp and my thoughts start to slow as Carol barges through the door. I jump at the loud and intrusive noise. She mumbles a few words to me, her eyes never leaving Dave. I don't blame her. I am just a friend of her sons' and that is her husband. She should not waste her time on me when she needs to spend it with him. I quietly close my laptop and leave the room, deciding to leave them alone.
Not more than an hour later, the boys arrive. They look to be freshly showered, but the stubble still rests on their face along with the dark bags under their eyes. I knew one night wouldn't fix everything, but I was hoping it would make them look a little more alive and less like zombies.
Brandon walks past me towards where his mother gently sits on the bed. His head is cast down, arm around his mother's frail shoulders. Feeling like I am intruding in a private moment, I turn my attention back to my laptop that is sitting propped open. I discreetly shut it, finally noticing that Damon is at my side. His eyes are glazed, lost in thought. I put my arm around his waist to let him know that I am here. Softly rubbing circles into his side, I watch as his eyes become lighter, coming back to life, back to the present.
"Welcome back."
He briefly looks down at me before his eyes snap back to his father lying in bed covered in tubes and wires.
"Stop looking at me as if I'm already dead!" Dave shouts causing everyone in the room to jump. "Yes, I had a ministroke, but I am still alive and I do not need this pathetic pity party. If any of you still feel like moping around, do it outside."
My eyes widen in surprise. I have never heard Dave yell or even speak in a stern tone. He is so upbeat and joyful just like his wife, but I do understand where he is coming from. Ever since we came into his room, everyone has been doting to his every need and when they weren't doing that, they had tear-filled eyes and the only noise that ever passed their lips were worried sighs.
Five minutes later and no one has said anything following Dave's outburst. Nudging Damon in the side, he barely glances at me.
"Maybe you should talk to him. Normally. He is still your father after all."
Silently, Damon moves to his father's bedside, standing across from his mother and Brandon.
"Remember when…"
As Damon starts to tell stories from their childhood, I decide to take my leave. As quietly as possible, I grab my laptop off of the table it was resting on and move towards the door. Turning the knob, I twist my body and let the door gently close behind me with a soft "click."
With a renewed sense of energy in my fingers, I basically throw myself into the nearest chair and rip open my laptop. My manuscript stares at me. At this point, it's practically completed with only a few more chapters to go. Typing as though they are on fire, I complete another chapter. I faintly hear laughter coming from inside of Dave's room and a pang goes through my chest. What I would give to have my parents back.
I quickly shake the thought out of my mind and put on my headphones, music burst-your-eardrums loud. Now is the time. I need to forget the world and ignore the thoughts in my mind.
Damon comes out sometime later to go get some coffee for everyone. Saving my chapter, I tuck my laptop under my arm and follow him.
"How did you sleep?"
"You weren't there."
My chest clenches. Nothing else needs to be said. I know what his words mean because sleeping with him and Brandon brings me a sense of calm, of peace. I step closer to him, put my hand in his, fingers intertwining together.
"Tonight. Tonight we will both sleep well."
"How did you sleep?"
"I didn't," I say sheepishly, slightly ducking my head at his stern face.
"Rose."
"I have a deadline. Everything was flowing. Besides I wanted to make sure I was awake in case anything happened. The nurse brought me a blanket halfway through the night."
His facial expression doesn't change, but I watch as his eyes soften.
"I appreciate everything you have been doing for us, but you need to take care of yourself too. I don't know what I would do if you got hurt again and I wasn't there to help."
"Damon, I skipped one night of sleep."
"One is enough."
Not knowing what to say, I remain quiet. I appreciate his concern for me, but I was safe in a hospital room. He acts as though forgetting to sleep one night will kill me. Trust me, after what I have been through, I am used to not sleeping. Not sleeping also ensures I won't have another nightmare. They are not as frequent anymore, but they can come out of nowhere. I didn't want the nurses or Dave to see me in that position. I'm healing, but I'm still broken.
"How is Brandon?"
Damon gives me a look from his peripheral vision. "Not good. Dave is the only dad that Brandon has ever known. His father left him and his mother when he was only a kid."
I'm taken aback from the new information Damon shared. I didn't know the story behind his childhood or how Dave and Carol met. I have been so focused on myself and Damon lately that I forgot to be there for my brother.
"We should do something today."
At his disbelieving look, I clarify what I mean. Waving my laptop, I say, "I have a laptop. Maybe we can all watch a movie or funny videos, something to lighten the atmosphere. Dave clearly is ready to get out of here and move on. I know what that feels like. It's suffocating when all you're trying to do is heal, but you're trapped in the darkness."
He's quiet for a moment; pensive. Then, "I think that's a great idea. Maybe it will be able to cheer everyone up a bit."
We walk side by side back to Dave's room, coffee in each of our hands. The hot liquid warms the palm of my hand, goosebumps from the cold temperature of the hospital momentarily disappearing.
Stepping inside the room, Brandon, Carol, and Dave are all laughing. For the first time since this all happened, they sound carefree, normal.
"Coffee."
Carol and Brandon rush over to us, each of them snatching a cup from us and downing it greedily, either ignoring the burning sensation of their tongue or being numb to it by now.
"Rose had a great idea when we were getting coffee."
Dave looks over at me, his torso propped up by the inclined bed and mountain of pillow behind him. "Rose?"
"I thought it might be nice to watch a movie together. Do something fun to forget where we are." My eyes scan the room. Bare beige walls, machines on either side of Dave's bed, the small couch and table and chair set. "It could be any movie of your choice Dave."
With everyone in agreement, we close the blinds to the only window in the room to minimize the exposure of the sun. We prop the laptop on the food tray over Dave's bed and settle on the couches and chairs around him. Damon and I share a chair after his insistence that I sit in his lap. Not bothering to argue because I love being in his lap, I gave a simple shrug and took a seat. Brandon and Carol opt to take the couch and drap the blanket I used last night over themselves.
The movie begins to play and everyones' shoulders visibly relax. For the next two hours, there is nothing else but the actors on the screen.
___
After keeping Dave under observation for another 48 hours, he was allowed to return home. A collective sigh of relief left all of our mouths after spending the last two days cramped in a small hospital room sleeping on uncomfortable chairs and lumpy couches.
Damon and Brandon decided yesterday that we would be staying over for the next couple of days to ensure Dave was fine and to help Carol with things around the house so she wasn't overwhelmed.
Climbing into the car, I am squashed between Damon and Brandon as Dave refuses to let anyone else drive. It is cramped, but I have never felt safer. Looking at the two men that I am sandwiched between, I know they will never let anything hurt me ever again. Even after being gone for five months, they never forgot about me and chose to keep searching until I was back in their arms safe and sound. With that realization, I quickly grab my phone, the ending of my book flashing in front of my eyes. A smile overtakes my lips, contorting my face into one of euphoria. Finally.