In light of everything that had happened this year, none of us were able to really spend a day and celebrate the fact that we made it through this year and we are all one year older. Birthdays have never been an important part of my life after the first couple of years, but after going through what I did, I want to celebrate getting older. Each year is truly a gift and I realize the value and importance of being able to grow old. So, we are throwing a three-way birthday party for the boys and I at Carol and Dave's house. The idea came up so suddenly when Dave was hospitalized and we realized that our time may be shorter than we originally thought.
Carol took charge of planning the entire thing from the theme to the catering and everything in between. Multiple times I offered to help, but I was simply shooed away because and I quote, "it is going to be a surprise. My first time throwing my daughter a birthday and she wants to help. Absolutely not" My heart squeezed when she called me her daughter and, thinking about it, Carol only had boys and while they were great, there is nothing like a mother-daughter relationship. I would know.
Two weeks passed quickly as Carol was running around to prepare everything, Dave was still recuperating, and the boys and I were spending a lot of time together around their parents' property. We spent a lot of time in their backyard looking up at the sky and calling out different shapes of the soft cloud above, taking long walks in the little trail behind the house, and reading on the porch. This was the first moment, since everything happened, that we could just be; that we could just exist. I almost forgot what it was like to feel normal and hang out with my boyfriend and brother.
But, today, today is a different story. Today is the day that I am celebrating my birthday for the first time in almost ten years. Sitting up in bed, the boys stir on either side of me. Brandon is the first one to wake up, his eyes squinting against the harsh sun coming in from the window.
"Good morning," Brandon says, his voice soft, slightly raspy from sleep.
"Good morning. Happy birthday," I say, excitement coating my voice. I know it is not our actual birthday, but today is more about celebrating everything we have been through together and coming out the otherside alive.
"Happy birthday," He says back, pulling me into his chest. I snuggle closer, feeling safe in his arms.
Hearing a rustling of the sheets, we both turn our heads to see Damon stirring in his sleep.
"Look who finally decided to join the party."
"I couldn't fall asleep last night because of your snoring. I thought I was sharing the bed with a bear."
Brandon's face turns into one of mock hurt from Damon's comment. Climbing over me and slightly pushing me over, Brandon grabs a pillow and puts it over Damon's face. Putting his hand on the side of the pillow, Damon easily pushes Brandon off, the pillow laying limp between them. During all the commotion, none of us heard the soft knock on the door or Carol walking into the room.
"Good morning! Happy birthday to my three beautiful children. C-"
Damon and Brandon both groan as Carol calls them beautiful while I have a radiant smile on my face.
"Come down for breakfast. You all need to start getting ready soon. Guests will be here in 4 hours."
The three of us get out of the bed. The boys walk ahead of me as I stretch, my bones popping in the process. With an excited, albeit nervous, smile, I walk downstairs to breakfast.
___
Looking in the mirror, the girl staring back at me looks rejuvenated. She looks happy. Her porcelain skin seems to be glowing, lips tilted into an almost painful looking smile, blue eyes bright, glittering in the sun. She looks happy, alive. Raising my hand, the girl in the mirror does the same. I don't understand how we can be the same person when, just a few months ago, she looked dead. She may as well have been.
Damon walks into the room, breaking my train of thought and answering my question. The boys rescued me - not for the first time. They are my saviors and now I get to be that much closer to them. I know we will never have the actual same birthday, but I like this tradition of sharing it with them. They are my soulmates and no date can define that.
"You look handsome," I say, breaking the silence. He is wearing a light blue shirt with black dress pants, his dress shoes gleaming.
"Thank you. You look ravishing," he replies, stepping closer to me. In two steps he has crossed the room and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. "I have half a mind to lock you in this room with me and spend the night, just us."
"While that sounds wonderful, Carol would probably break down the door." I break off, both of us laughing at the image of Carol barging into this room with her dainty frame. "Besides, she needs this just as much as us and has worked so hard to put this all together in such a short amount of time."
"Shall we?" Sticking his arm out, I wrap my hand around his forearm. Walking out of the room together, we head downstairs where we hear multiple voices chatting animatedly together. "Ready?"
Taking a deep breath, I look up at him, my hands shaking in nerves. "Ready."
Walking down the rest of the stairs, it looks much more crowded than it did a second ago.
Carol walks up to us, wrapping her arm around my free one. "Come, I want you to meet some more family members."
After being paraded through the different family members, my feet were aching and my head was swimming with the new names and faces of everyone I met. Looking for some reprieve, my eyes scan the room looking for the boys. I spot Brandon's green eyes in the distance and maneuver through the room to get to him.
"Hi."
"Hi. Enjoying the party?" He asks, leaning on the banister of the stairs. His posture is calm, relaxed.
"Yes, it has been nice to meet everyone, but I don't think I will remember anyone's names tomorrow. I need flashcards for future events."
"No one expects you to remember everything that you talked about. They understand that this can all seem a little overwhelming. When we get back, we can make those flashcards." He sends a reassuring smile my way and offers me his arm. "Let's go for a walk, take a breather."
Walking outside with Brandon was exactly what I needed. It was warm outside, the sun shining and a light breeze that gently coerced my hair from my shoulder to rest on my back. We continue in silence for a few more steps before Brandon breaks it. "I always liked coming outside when I was younger. We didn't have this grand house or anything like it, but I always found solace in nature. It was always peaceful and calming. It reminds me of how free I felt during those times. When we moved here after my mom married Dave I must have spent nights camped out here. Damon and I first bonded in this backyard. It was raining one night and the water was quickly invading my small tent. Damon helped me back inside and we built a fort in the living room instead. It's one of my favorite memories."
Looking up at him, I don't know what to say. I squeeze his forearm gently and smile up at him. "That sounds like a wonderful memory. You should recreate it now that you are both adults. Maybe go on an actual camping trip."
He seems thoughtful for a moment, his brows furrowed. "The last few years have been so hectic, I forgot about that memory. I like that idea. You should come with us."
"I-"
"Where did you two disappear to? You left me out to dry!" Damon's voice appears behind us sounding the slightest bit out of breath as though he had to claw his way out of the house.
"I needed a break. I enjoy meeting your family, but there are so many of them!"
"I get that. Imagine being four and having to meet all of them."
Letting out a small laugh, we turn to go back into the house. Opening the doors, the loud chatter reaches our ears. "Cake everyone!" Carol's voice booms over everyone else.
Impressed, I only raise my eyebrows. "We better go into the kitchen before everyone else or we will never see the cake nevermind blow out the candles."
Moving through the crowd, my arms in each one of the boys'. We finally make it to the counter where we see a three-tiered cake that has at least 30 candles on top. Carol is waving her hand to us in a "come here" motion, holding out the knife. Damon gladly takes the knife, placing it on the counter next to him.
"Alright, everyone! Before we eat cake, we must make a toast. To my two handsome sons and my daughter, words cannot describe the joy I feel at having the three of you back in my life. The last couple of years have not been easy on any of us, but we stuck together as a family and we have made it through the storm. I cannot be any prouder of the three of us and the resilience and courage you have shown us time and time again. It is my greatest pleasure to see you all get one year older." My eyes get misty during Carol's speech. She considers me her daughter. What have I done to earn this? To deserve this?
Wiping her own eyes, Carol pulls out her phone. "Get together, I want a picture of all of you with the cake." The boys each pull me closer and we all smile at the camera. My smile is so wide my cheeks hurt, but I don't care for one single moment. I am happy and whatever I did to deserve this, I will forever be thankful. "Now you can slice the cake. Each of you can take turns or do it together."
"Wait!" Someone's voice cuts through the air, the origin of their voice lost in the mass of people standing in front of us. "Take a family photo. Someone grab Carol's phone and take their picture."
An older woman comes forward. "Why do I always have to have the bright ideas in this family? I am old and deserve to rest," she mumbles reaching out for Carol's phone. Joining us, Dave comes out of the crowd and stands on Damon's side. "Alright on the count of three say 'cheese.' One. Two. Three."
We all say cheese, smiles on our faces. "Much better. Now that that's done, let the kids cut the cake."
Opting to do it together, the three of us put our hands on the handle of the knife and start from the topmost tier to the bottom making one long cut. Cheers erupt from the guests surrounding us, smiles on all of their faces. Dipping my fingers into the cake, I smear icing down each of the boys' faces, watching as their eyes widen in shock. Sending them both a smile, they only send mischievous ones back. I quickly try to back out of their arms, but their holds are like vices and I am trapped as they each return the favor, my nose, cheeks and forehead now covered in streaks of icing. Hearing the click of a camera, I look up to see Carol taking a picture of the three of us.
The rest of the night is occupied by laughter, cake, and champagne as I, once again, meet the boys' - and my new - family trying to remember their names and sharing a few good laughs as they each have their own funny story from the boys' childhood. During some of the more embarrassing ones, I get the opportunity to see a light blush coat their cheeks, something I have never witnessed before. It makes them look so innocent. Thinking about it makes warmth flood through me. After everything I have been through, I have finally found myself a family and I couldn't be happier.