The blaring of my alarm jolts me out of bed. Birds lightly sing outside of my window, the sun shines brightly. Stirring in Damon's arms, he pulls me closer into his warm chest. I'm tempted to snuggle but the importance of today motivates me to attempt to wrestle out of his stronghold to no avail.
Looking over at the clock, ten minutes have passed and my anxiety increases. I need to get out of bed and get ready, but I don't want to wake him up. I'm afraid to wake him up.
Carol's conversation with me pops into my mind. I shouldn't be afraid of him. I need to get ready and if he won't let me go, then he needs to wake up too. With that in mind, my shaky hands reach out and push against his chest.
"Damon, I need to get ready. Wake up."
His body barely stirs in his sleep, his hold on me still too tight to squeeze out of.
"Damon, wake up. I need to leave."
He groans and mumbles unintelligible things, settling back down a moment later.
Knowing the consequences, I grab a hold of his arm and shake it. His whole body moves with the motion, and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation of what is about to happen next.
Just as I suspected, he wakes up, nostrils flaring and pins me to the bed.
I weakly call out his name, my eyes still shut.
Slowly, too slow for comfort, his sleep-filled haze lifts and he releases me. Holding in the onslaught of tears brimming my eyes, I shakily tell him that I have to go.
His face is full of regret and pain, but I'm too focused on staying calm to comfort him. Carol is right, I- this isn't how our relationship should be. I don't want to be afraid of sleeping with him because I don't want to wake him up.
I rush out of the room, out of the apartment, and into the safety of my own. Tears pour down my cheeks and I have no hope of suppressing my sobs no matter how hard I try.
I can't do this.
I love him, but today is a big day and I'm supposed to be happy, not crying out of fear because of the man I love.
I swipe at my cheeks, trying to wipe away all the moisture, but fail. The tears flow onto my cheeks too fast, the moment I wipe away the wetness, it is replaced with more. Giving up, I jump into the shower where my tears mix with the hot water. It takes me a few minutes to calm down, but once I do, I put all my energy into focusing on the day ahead. My first day at my job with a real position. I am no longer an intern!
Stepping out of the shower, I take my time getting ready. I want to make sure I look professional. This is the place I am going to be working at, hopefully, for the rest of my life. While I have met everyone in the office before, I want to make another good impression as a college graduate.
Opening my door, Damon sits on the floor with his head in his hands. His neck snaps up when my door shuts quietly behind me and he shoots out of his crouched position. His cheeks are stained with tears, eyes red and puffy. My heart breaks for him, but it also breaks for me too.
"Damon, I- I need to get to work. It's my first day."
His face falls like I knew it would. I want to stay and comfort him, but I resist. Today is all about me and what is best for me. And today that would be striding into my dream job with confidence and grabbing lunch with Amelia on our break.
"I can drive you." His voice is low, desperate.
"Maybe another morning. I might go out for lunch with Amelia, so… I might need my car, but thanks. I'll see you when I get back?"
He solemnly nods his head. Giving a curt nod, I walk away from him, feeling his eyes on my back until the stairway door shuts behind me. I let out a breath and put a smile on my face. Today is going to be a great day, I can feel it.
Getting into my car, I blast the radio and open my windows. The drive is too fast for my liking, belting out lyrics to my favorite songs is so much fun and after this morning, it helps lift my mood and change my mindset as I walk into work.
Amelia greets me at the door. She is all smiles in her blue pantsuit.
"Good morning!"
"Good morning, Amelia. You look very nice today. Trying to impress someone?" I wiggle my eyebrows and playfully nudge her side.
"Eww, no. Besides, Duke and I are going strong. He asked me to be his girlfriend right after graduation." Her squeal of joy brings everyone's attention towards us. I slightly duck my head and smile for her.
"That's great! Have you guys been on a date yet?"
"No, but he wants to take me this weekend. Hey! Maybe you and Damon can come with us and make it a double date, it will be so much fun. Plus, the boys will be able to get to know each other better and we can hang out more often!"
Clearing my throat, my voice is soft, subdued. "Uh, yea. I can ask him about it, but this weekend isn't good for us. Besides, you should go out on your first date alone."
"Oh, no, girl. What did he do?"
"I really should get to work. I don't want to be late on my first day."
"Alright, fine. You can get out of this conversation now, but at lunch, we are going to talk. It has been too long and I want to catch up with you. When are you going to take a break?"
"I was planning to eat around 2:30."
"Perfect. I will meet you in your office and we can take my car to go out to eat."
"We can take mine if you want."
Her eyes grow in surprise. "You drove? Something major happened. Damon always drives you. I will be back at 2:30, and, girl, be prepared we have a lot to discuss. I want to know all the details."
I gulp as she walks towards the finance department and hope for the day to last an eternity.
Unfortunately, hope does nothing in reality and Amelia comes into my office precisely at 2:30. She seems too excited for my liking, but I can't be mad. Today is her first day too and it feels amazing to be a real part of the team.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
Grabbing my purse, we head out of the building and pile into her car. Ten minutes later, we sit at a booth away from prying ears.
"Okay, spill. Tell me everything."
And, so, I do. Not everything, like his past, but I said that we got into a huge fight this morning before work and I'm not particularly in a rush to get back home. She isn't satisfied with my answer, but she perks up when I mention Duke. For the rest of our lunch break, she gushes over how they met for the first time. She fell in love with him the moment she saw him and her feelings haven't changed since.
Despite the pleasant ending of lunch, I am relieved when I sit back down in my office chair, alone. It's great to catch up, but I'm tired of always talking about Damon. I am a person too, and I have my own life that doesn't involve him. Like this job, for example. I started to intern here before I even knew Damon and I earned my place here without his help.
Before I know it, 5:00 rolls around. Quickly finishing my report for the manuscript I read, I send it to my boss and start to pack up. I take my time, in no rush to go home. Amelia stops to say good night and we walk out to our cars together.
Sitting in my car, I start the engine, but sit idly, reflecting on my day. While it is not what I expected, I accomplished my first day of work and after seeing some of my co-workers and diving into the manuscript the day significantly improved. Funnily enough, the manuscript was a romance novel, like my own, and I couldn't help tearing up at the almost-perfect reality of the characters. Yes, the main characters have bad pasts, but they work through it together. I can only hope Damon and I can be like those characters and work out what we need to. Either way, today was a big day for me, and it was nice to focus on something other than my love life (most of the time). I feel lucky to have this job and I am going to do whatever I have to do to keep it.