I met Amy for breakfast like I had promised. She was already at a table in the café with two steaming cups of coffee. I assumed one was for me, so I sat and took a sip, avoiding the obvious question I was sure she would ask. "Morning," I ever so nonchalantly began. "Beautiful morning." I smiled.
"First one you've seen in a few days, I imagine." She quipped.
"You mad?"
"Should I be?" The waitress brought two plates of biscuits and gravy to our table. "Hope you don't mind, I ordered for you. These are still your favorites, I hope."
"Yes, thank you." I was hungry. My weekend diet literally consisted of leftover pizza from Friday night. "I just don't want you to be mad at me for... well... you now."
"If I were to be angry, it wouldn't be because you were with my brother; it would be because you didn't tell me the two of you were together."
"But we're not."
"You're gonna tell me that you two didn't have sex this weekend? That I didn't see him in your room, wearing nothing but a towel and a smile?"
"Oh, we had sex. Lots of sex." Just the thought brought a smile to my lips and a grimace to hers. "We're just not 'together'. He's engaged and can't get out of it."
She pursed her lips in thought. "Why would you...?" she stumbled. "I mean, I could guess why you would. You have had a thing for him for like ever; but what were you hoping..." she sighed in frustration. "How could he... Look, I just don't want to see either of you get hurt. You know he's taken; that you can't have him. I guess I don't see how a weekend love affair can turn out to be a good thing for either of you. I just wonder, what your goal was, you know? What were you thinking?"
"I'm sorry. I wish I could answer that. I scarcely know myself. It wasn't my plan, of course. My plan was to congratulate him and let him go, honestly. But I just could not... you know? Like I just lost all self-control." She raised an eyebrow. "I mean, he told me the story of why they're getting married and it broke my heart. He said he wanted to marry me, not her and she was in love with Amir. That it was Amir's baby, not his. Told ya she was knocked up, by the way. He swears he never touched her and that her dad is the one forcing them to marry because he doesn't like Amir's genetics."
"And that line worked on you?"
"I guess. Obviously; but he seemed really genuine about it. I chose to believe him because I wanted to. So, I figured if, I couldn't have him for life, I would have him for as long as I could." selfish of me I know.
"So, according to him, this is a shotgun wedding."
"Of sorts, yes. He said her dad threatened him with felony statutory and force him to be a registered sex offender if he didn't agree to marry her."
"And that makes disrespecting yourself, him and his bride okay? I mean, you do realize how insane his story sounds." Her disbelief was evident by her mocking tone.
"Well, now that I've said it aloud..." It did sound crazy. Court TV, crazy. 'Oh Erin, you're such an idiot.' I think I may have gotten played. Anger began to replace the euphoria I had been feeling. How could I be so stupid? That's easy, I wanted to be that stupid. I wanted to be with him so badly that I was willing to buy any story he had for me. This weekend was on me. I was the one to be angry with. He may have played me; but I was a most willing victim. Suddenly my appetite was gone.
"Look," she continued with a little more sympathetic tone. "I'll check it out. If there is even a shred of truth to his story, I'll find out." She reached across the table to rest her hand on mine. "Okay?" All I could do is nod. "On another note," she added with a hint of jocularity, "Do your prefer a son or a daughter?"
I coughed. "Um.. What?" That prospect didn't even cross my mind.
She laughed. "Please. You can't have that much sex and not get pregnant. Unless of course, you used protection. You on the pill?" I shook my head, wide eyed. "No condoms, either I presume."
"No." I didn't even try to hide the shame I was swimming in. "I was a full-fledged idiot."
"Yes, well, be that as it may..." She sighed. "You're in good company, there. Eric and I had a similar weekend over Valentine's Day, before we got married."
"At least you two actually got married. I can't do that. So that just makes you impatient not stupid."
"Impatience is stupidity. Both equally sinful. Both equally forgivable." We stared at each other in silence as the waitress removed our dishes and refilled our coffee. Her phone chirped letting her know she had a message. "Looks like I gotta go. Babysitter just got called into work."
"Okay. I'll buy today."
"No need." She protested.
"I insist." I held my hand over the bill. "My treat." I forced a playful grin. "Besides, it the least I could do for the friendly ass chewing."
She took me in her arms. "Forgive yourself, honey. Don't let the devil have more than he's already taken."
"When did you get so preachy, Amy?"
"When I was drowning in this same sea of 'sorry, not sorry' or yours after my weekend with Eric. I was on cloud nine that weekend. I had no idea I could enjoy something, or someone so much. Then the guilt came. Then the condemnation. Being a preacher's kid comes with its own set of expectations you know, and I had failed in 'following the rules' and I spiraled into a depression. Eric and I were engaged, but not yet married and I knew my parents would be disappointed. So, I lied by not saying anything and sank deeper into despair. Then when I missed my period, I panicked, imagining the worst. So, I broke up with Eric. I packed my clothes and planned to run away and, Lord forgive me, I contemplated abortion. But God stopped me on the roadway. My car died for no reason just as was going by Daddy's church. I was going to call home, but my phone was also dead, so I had no choice but to go the church to get help with the car. I found it unlocked, but empty so I walked to the front, dropped to my knees, and cried. I couldn't even come up with words. I don't know how long I was in there, but I came out a different person. I came out more in love with God than I had ever been. I came out feeling free. And loved. I know it sounds silly, but I don't ever want to lose it and I pray that you and everyone else I know will experience Him as I have. He saved me in every way that night. That's how I know you will be okay. That's why I know you are forgivable."
"Um..." I can honestly say I was NOT expecting a testimony right then, but I listened, feeling a pang of envy within my heart. Part of me wanted that experience, part of me wanted to wallow in self pity and yet another part wanted to relive my weekend with Darren every night until the end of time. Life really knew how to twist a person up in knots. "I don't really..."
"Don't worry, Erin. It's cool. I get it. I do. I need to get going now, but I want you to stay in touch. Promise me?" I nodded. "And I'll dig into Darren's story in the meantime. I promise."
"Thank you, Amy. I love you." I hugged her goodbye.
"You love Darren more." She retorted.
"I still loved you first."
"Oh!" she said digging into her purse. "I almost forgot." I was about to ask the obvious question when she pulled a small, wrapped gift out. "I know it's not until next week, but... Happy Birthday!! But please don't open it until you get home, though. I love you." She placed it in my hands and waved goodbye as she left.
You already know I opened that thing in my car before ever leaving the parking lot. It was a small, heart shaped locket. A locket that was locked and there wasn't a key in the box. I decided to read the note she had enclosed. "The right one will have the key." 'What the... The right one? How would she know who the right one is?' Rather than try to figure out her reasoning behind the gift, I decided to wear it and appreciate the thought.