Brynn lay in the beige-coloured tent on a hard bed with her body facing the roof. The tent was hot and heavy, or maybe that was only Brynn's perception of it. Surrounding her were multiple beds occupied by many different soldiers, all with injuries that seemed way worse than Brynn's. At least in her mind.
She felt frozen, hopeless, and in despair. What was even the point anymore? Her mind kept replaying Emily's gushing throat, the life seeping from her eyes, and the warm blood coating her fingers. Every time she closed her eyes, the scene kept playing and playing and playing. Brynn didn't know what to do, she felt so helpless. The only thing that felt real to Brynn was the pain in her hand. She had gotten stitches on her knuckles again and they were heavily bruised. There was a radiating pain whenever she moved it.
Whenever Brynn's thoughts got too heavy, she felt herself disappear back inside her mind. It was as if she were watching herself from a birds eye view. This was the first time she had dissociated that heavily. Brynn didn't even realize it was morning now. Or dawn. The watch on her wrist read 6:00 AM.
She was getting discharged today because she was needed for rounds. It had been two weeks. At least Brynn thought. It could have been yesterday for how vivid she remembered it. She began getting ready. Brynn put on her scratchy uniform and put her hair in a tight, low bun. Her hat was placed on her head to contain any fly-aways that tried to get out. She felt like a robot, just going through the motions of what was needed for the day. As if she were on auto-pilot. As soon as Brynn finished getting ready, in came one of the members of her platoon. He was her second-lieutenant, or second in charge after her. There were a few times where she was offered a promotion, but she enjoyed where she was at those moments.
"Ready, ma'am?" Ruffins asked after giving her a quick salute. He had her gun in his hand. She nodded then took it from him and they ventured into the night. It was time for her to assume her responsibility. After meeting up with another member of their platoon, they begin their walk through the city. The sun was attempting to rise in the sky, creating a dark purple in the east.
There was a loud commotion up ahead in one of the houses. Brynn, who was in the lead, raised a hand as to gesture the man and woman behind her to stop. They all stopped and lowered to the ground in a ready stance. Brynn motioned she would go ahead and scout. There was loud and obnoxious laughter, then a strangled cry as Brynn approached the house. There were warning sirens screaming inside her head. Once at the door, she put her back to the wall beside it and gestured for the two other members of her platoon to come. The woman went behind the house to block the backdoor while Ruffins stayed with Brynn at the front door on the other side.
The cries were getting louder, but they sounded muffled. Brynn counted down from five on her fingers, making eye contact with the determined eyes of Ruffins.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One...
Brynn kicked in the door, aiming her automatic rifle at the people inside. Ruffins was at her side doing the same thing as her.
One, two, three, four, five male soldiers wearing the same colours as Brynn and her platoon members. They all stood at attention when they saw Brynn enter, but she didn't lower her gun. Her expression remained hard with no emotions. She doesn't remember barking an order at them, but they reacted and parted to reveal the girl behind them.
Emily.
Brynn become confused. Then she saw Emily was attempting to cover herself up on the floor, with ripped articles of clothing around her. Brynn felt a sharp feeling arise in her chest, and a dazed feeling take force inside her head. Her vision became blurry, and she felt tunnel vision on the five perpetuators in front of her. Something switched inside her mind and made her face contort in a new emotion. It was a mixture of despair, anger, hunger, and vengeance. There was no stopping her.
Brynn cocked her gun and unloaded her magazine on the five men in front of her. She replayed the look on Emily's face. She imagined her torn clothes again and again and again. And she felt no remorse for shooting down the abusers in front of her.
Ruffins put his hand on Brynn's shoulder after her magazine was empty. Brynn came back to reality. She remembered the smell of gun smoke, the image of blood painting the walls, and the crumpled figure of Emily.
Except it wasn't Emily. Brynn shook her head to clear her mind, and saw it was a civilian. The civilian looked up at Brynn with the frightful yet grateful eyes of a very young girl.
Emily was gone, it wasn't her. And she couldn't have saved her. It was too late.
****FLASHBACK OVER****
Brynn was shaken awake by Tristan, who immediately jumped back when Brynn shot up from her spot in the corner. There was sweat on her forehead, and her shirt felt tight against her body. She immediately made eye contact with Alex across the room, who held a grim expression as he looked at Brynn. Brynn felt herself wanting to talk to him as she took in his fading blue hair and scruffy face. She looked around the room and felt self-conscious when she saw almost everyone with their eyes on her. Nadeen and Nathan immediately looked away when she looked, because they understood it would make her feel worse.
Brynn gulped and breathed out loudly. She felt angry at herself for letting everyone see her like that.
"It wasn't bad, don't worry. You just started mumbling in your sleep that's all." Tristan reassured her quietly, still crouching beside her. That made Brynn felt better knowing that her brother had her back, he always did. She was still worried about what she was mumbling about. She rubbed the back of her neck, wiping away the stress sweat from her skin.
They should have shot her for that. Brynn remembered getting sent to a tent with an office, and she remembered the yelling and screaming that enfolded. If it wasn't for Ruffins and the rest of her platoon covering for her, she was sure she would be dead. Ruffins had been quick to take her side, saying the men pointed their weapons immediately at Brynn. Tristan said that mostly everybody was on her side, which Brynn held doubts about. But she tried to believe it for her own sake. She had kissed a promotion goodbye, as well as the camaraderie and friendship that her platoon gave her. God she missed them. She was discharged briefly after the incident.
Brynn quickly snapped out of it. Now was not the time. She returned to the present and looked at her brother.
"Sorry, I'm just thinking about... y'know." Brynn apologized, feeling bad that Tristan was always watching out for her. He gave a crooked grin and stood up, offering his hand to her.
"What would you do without me?" He joked, rhetorically. Brynn scoffed but cracked a smile and took his hand.
And it was nearly time.
The group gathered together again. Lilly had taken the time to write everyone's names on pieces of paper because no one really wanted to volunteer for a dangerous mission. Brynn and Tristan, though, were obviously going. They had the most experience and were trained in combat, if it came to that. That left either two or three spots left, depending if anyone really wanted to go. Everyone assumed their positions against the wall in a circle again. Nadeen sent Brynn a look, as if wanted to see if she were okay. Brynn felt touched, yet annoyed at the sympathy. She knew it wasn't Nadeen's fault though, so Brynn sent her a small nod and smile.
"Everyone ready?" Lilly asked, sitting on the floor in her spot. Brynn didn't know if it was her agitation or genuine opinion, but Lilly was starting to not like her at all. She was disrespectful, a know-it-all, and incredibly annoying. The way she tried to talk back to Brynn made her feel like she was trying to take control of everything, yet she knew nothing about what could happen. She only thought optimistically of what to do with not a thought about what could possibly go wrong. "Okay."
And Lilly stuck her hand in the bucket that they had found. She grabbed a white, ripped piece of paper that was folded in half. With slightly shaky fingers, Lilly pulled it open. She took in a quick breath and looked up at someone in the circle.
"Mark..." That was Lilly's best friend, Brynn thought. Brynn couldn't wait for Lilly's best friend to finally see what they were actually up against. Maybe then Mark could put Lilly in her place.
With another deep breath, Lilly put her hand in the bucket again. After looking at the paper, her expression crumbled. Lilly barked the most obscene word that Brynn had ever heard from her.
"It's me."
Brynn held back the smug expression that Lilly probably expected when she looked at her. Lilly made the plan, so it seemed like poetic justice that now she had to commit to it.
"Anyone else want to join in?" Tristan addressed, leaning against the wall checking the ammunition in his rifle. Mackenzie was looking over at him wearily.
"You're heading to the radio station, right?" Nadeen spoke up quietly, looking at Brynn. She had put her curly hair in a tighter bun low on her head and was wearing black leggings and a dark grey sweater.
"Yea, that's the plan." Said Brynn, hoping there was no sarcasm when she said the word 'plan.' She didn't want to seem outright petty.
"I'll go," Nadeen sighed, moving off the wall and hugging her sides. Nathan stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder, ready to argue. "I have experience with radios and programming. It has to be me."
And so it was settled. Brynn felt the responsibility weigh heavily on her back. She almost felt normal as the responsibility was such a familiar feeling. She knew what to do with it and how to act. There was no uncertainty within it, it was as simple as loyalty.
Tristan wore some black pants, a black t-shirt, and his dog tags under his shirt. Brynn's wore something similar with her hair still in a low bun. Lilly was wearing a sweater with leggings and her hair up in a ponytail. Mark was looking focused in the corner, wearing dark grey joggers and a black shirt. Nadeen was hugging her brother and reassuring him in another corner. She would be okay, Brynn had promised herself.
It was time.