We were left alone in this long hallway, only shaking and wiping of the brooms and the servant's walking steps could be heard from faraway. The silence between us suffocated me. In order to break the ice, I thought of starting a topic to ease the atmosphere, but nothing came through my mind. I noticed that we didn't have much in common, when I went through my memories. Over time it only caused a complete opposite effect on me from what I originally wanted. Each memory reminded me of my previous suffering and desperation. It persistently told me not to hold on the smallest hope for any change, a change where I could enjoy my time with my past love by visiting shops or going to the beach with our hands intertwined. My dreams.
I bit on my lips, because my heart ached even more than before by each passing second. I tried to hold in my sadness, but the more I endured it the more likely my tears slowly formed on the edge of my eyes. My eyes began to shake slightly. Fortunately, I looked down, so he could only see my hair, while Cedric just watched me from above.' I should just give up. It was nothing but a puppy love. Just see it like this!', trying to convince myself to relieve a bit of the load.
The silence continued like this. Either of us dared to speak.
As if he also didn't stand it anymore like me, Cedric was the first one to open his mouth, but I never expected that what would come out of his thin lips will let me leave speechless.
" Lady Ainsworth, you're not the duchess anymore. You can't order them as you like before."
Quickly, I looked up upon hearing this. When I saw his expression, my sadness faded away, only frustration and anger compiled in me and I just thought, 'Why do you have to say it in all the time right now? I already expected this. But do you think I did it ?' As I was disturbed by this statement, I began to ask him, " What do you mean with ordering them as I like before ?".
He knitted his eyebrows, frowning to the sudden question and soon counted down the many complaints he collected through the servants which would prove my "unacceptable" behaviour.
Every time he gave me an example, I would either reveal the truth or just added something to the missed information he got from the servants.
Each time he would also get irritated and just coldly glared at me. It felt like hours standing with him in the corridor and playing the back and forth game many rounds by now. Soon we reached to the last example "… For example, you ordered one of the butlers to catch a cat for forcefully keeping it as a pet, who escaped from your grip in the end. It resulted in wounds all around his arms two weeks ago. I saw these wounds with my own eyes. He told me that you shouted at him to do so or he would lose his two hands otherwise . "
I could only shook my head to the news and said , " Never did I tell him this threat !
The cat was hurt because he ran away from the mansion's watchdogs. In the process he climbed up the tree. At that time I walked around the garden and found him coincidentally. I asked the butler whom I just saw passing by me, if he could take him down, so we could bandaged the animal. The cat was scared, so naturally he scratched the butler later on. After his recovery I let it go."
Soon I slowly doubted his authority on this territory, when he even didn't know such things, so I asked with squinted eyes hoping that there was a speck of hope in this dilemma, "Did you ever question it or investigate, correctly ? Did you even ask for my side of the story? Wasn't there anything off in their statements for you? "
I looked up at him to only see him continually watching me emotionlessly as if he watched a show. Now my hopes were crushed. 'How could you be so slow-witted in these kind of things, but when it came to work you finished it efficiently and cleverly. Where did your IQ go away in such situation? Did the author integrate this in you too ?',I thought as I observed his expression.
Shortly I opened my mouth again and said the next thing which I asked myself for the longest time, but was too afraid to do so, "Did you even once trust me?"
For a split second I saw slight crack in his usual stiff and emotionless expression. Even when it was only for a microsecond, I finally saw a different reaction towards me, not his usual irritated or fake behaviour. I was happy knowing this, but this didn't last long, as Cedric returned to his usual stoic face, then he raised one eyebrow and crossed his arms. He soon answered my question,
" Of course, I trust my servants who served my father for a long time. Do you mean to question the decision of the previous archduke of selecting servants?" He glared at me.
" It's not like this. Besides most of the previous archduke's older servants settled in the mansion in the outskirt with your father and mother after they retired. A lot of new servants were employed here too. Even if they were selected by your father, you shouldn't trust them that easily, normally? Didn't you investigate the complaints beforehand ?", asking again the same question to be sure.
" They lived longer with me than you and converse with them more than with you, so of course I trust them. In addition to that, I always do an investigation and all the people I found confirmed the cases as witnesses."
I looked at him with unbelievable eyes and thought, 'How could they lie about these issues? Aren't they afraid of punishment for lying the duke? Here is definitely something off. They framed me. No matter what I do, they would pin the blame on me as far as I see. From the beginning they wanted me to leave the archduke, but why ?',trying to find the missing pieces to the picture, I slowly forgot that Cedric wanted to continue with his statement.Coming back to my senses,I listened to him again.
"I know you for 6 years. Who should I trust more ? My servant who served me 10 years long or a person who only brought problems to my house ?"
I was so shocked that I stood still for a moment. Perhaps my reaction seemed for him as an affirmation and spoke in an even darker tone, "Even you should know this the best."
He knew that I also trusted my servants unconditionally, since they were like family to me. The same went for him too, to the people in the mansion who watched him from his childhood. Nevertheless there was a small difference here: Did he interacted with the servants many times already?
As far as I knew, I only saw him with the head butler or some older servants. He wasn't acquainted with the newer servants enough to hold a good conversation. I would understand this if it was for the longtime servants of the previous duke, but when it came to the new employed servants, it couldn't fit in that criteria of "complete trust". However what surprised me the most was his unconditional faith in his father's ability of deciding.
Since our engagement I knew that he looked up to his father a lot and inspired to be like him, but the problem was: He wasn't like the previous archduke. Everyone had different methods to handle a situation, so Cedric as well. My ex-husband did everything differently from his father, which nevertheless mostly ended into similar outcomes with sometimes even less loss or even better ones. His plans were very creative and some even out of the box. That was the very reason why he became the archduke so early. However he always felt inferior to his own father, as this man already achieved many things in the old times. Many compared Cedric with him and also held high expectations as the result. Human always made mistakes and the previous archduke was no exception, but for him no failure was allowed. Pressure and perfectionism accompanied him through his childhood, taking part of his personality, so his work became the highest priority. Someone would seldom see him outside of his office, except for Luciana. He always took the time to take her for a walk ( heartbreaker !!!!).
Since he looked up to his father very much, he naturally believed in his choices too.
I understood this trait of him, so I didn't bother him with this. But this statement he just told me was the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Throughout the whole conversation I noticed one important thing that I now told him,
"Archduke ,even after all these years you don't know a single thing about me, as I see now. I'm even happy to divorce you, then I don't have to continue this anymore."
I thought he would be only slightly angry, since he also desired such outcome anyway. For him would be less stress with my father and family members afterwards. Furthermore I would be also a bit happy to see him irritated. Nobody would lose, only win but what I saw, took my breath completely away.
'Why was he that angry ?' His reddened face, the vein on his forehead popping out, clenched fists and his glaring and darkened eyes preparing to kill.
"What do you mean by this ?!", he angrily shouted, "Did you already want to leave me from the beginning ? "
Never did I hear him yelling before. Normally, he was a rather calm person who was cool headed even in the most critical situation which was proved multiple times when fighting with the enemies. I was sure if someone rubbed him the wrong way, that one would experience immense pain no one should experience it. Even monsters…. Unfortunately, I was the one now.
I was a bit frightened upon seeing his face, but still asked him frustratedly,
" Why are you angry anyway ? You and I didn't have a fulfilling marriage before. It was just an obligation nothing more and less." , by each word I spoke out from my mouth, I sensed the mood of the archduke became increasingly worse.
"Since we reached the appreciated period, you can now officially date Lady Bareford.", as I finally rambled down my complaints I carried all these years, I finally noticed my mistake, that would soon put Cedric over the edge. I instinctively covered my mouth. The temperature fell ever lower than before and his face distorted more. 'I shouldn't have messed with him too much', was my thought but my eyes never left his face even though I really wanted to run away.
" What ?! Say that again ?!" He became even more frustrated and growled. His cold eyes could pierce a hole through my head like a laser. However I didn't want to give in, so I continued only hesitantly, " Didn't you hear the rumours about you and Lady Bareford. It seems I'm not the only one involved in rumours." I smirked, placing all my cards on the table.
" The rumours weren't true. Why could you be so naive ?", he spoke to me as if I was a child . This resulted me to become more irritated and just ignored the possible problems awaiting for me .
" Just the way you believed rumours about me. "
" But they're proved by servants and commoners in the whole royal city. Different kinds of aristocrats agreed to this. You can't compare yourself with me ."
I shocked learning these news. I thought,' What?! Commoners too?! What happens here? I knew nobles liked to gossip, so it was somehow expected, but for real commoner too?! I didn't interact with them almost little to none. Are you f*cking kidding me, author? I have to investigate it later. Just the way it was, it seemed the whole royal capital was against me, but for what reason? …Ah, let set this aside ,I have to win this round.'
" But the fact that you sometimes meet the young lady, while being married, is true ,correct ? I often saw Lady Bareford in the garden with you escorting her around."
" She is just a friend of mine. She had many problems in her life and needed consultations."
I just couldn't believe his endless ignorance. Nobody wouldn't notice this woman's feeling at all. I always watched Luciana and Cedric together from the window in the past, whenever they walked around the garden both smiling from ear to ear. At that time I felt extremely lonely and left behind. I was just a bug in their relationship like in the book. 'Because of you, I teared up many times, suffered many times and endured it many times to only be always betrayed in the end.',thinking this way, it made me want to cry again. But I had to hold it on, now it was important to finish him off, " Do you know how it inflicts my image as the previous archduchess ,including my family ?"
" Ha , your image ? That was already ruined by yourself. I didn't have to lift a finger for this ."
" Then your image should be also ruined by now, right ? Since everyone knows that you meet up with an unmarried lady, while being married, you will be seen as a two-timer -b*stard. Even if I was rumoured to be bad, it won't justify your actions. At least have some consideration and court the lady after our divorce already passed one year. As the archduke you always tried to protect a flawless record, then you should have restrained yourself better before. So my image didn't destroy yours, instead you yourself …." I laughed sarcastically. I intentionally didn't finish my sentence, as he could already guess what was conveyed .
You didn't even protect your own wife from the rumours, why should I pity him for having a forbidden love? He could get his love some day anyway, while I had to live my life with the destroyed reputation that could last until the end of my time.
Fuming in rage, he wanted to retort, but was cut off from a servant behind him ,telling him that a guest visited the mansion. Remembering his meeting he then had to calm down and instead stared at me coldly to remind my position. If glares could kill you, this would had slayed me hundred times already. So scary !!!! I really wanted to cry and run away, but I had to stand my woman. Be a badass, Rosie ! It wasn't like I wasn't used to this by now.
So I began to walk past him confidently. I turned for a moment and saw his leaving back and thought,' Like you I also don't want to see you ever again. Your whole existence made me puke, since you was the very reason for the death of my family.'