Yesterday I couldn't sleep because I was excited for today, the fact that Kath allowed me to meet my own son was really important to me. Talking with her over the phone made me realize that I really did mess up, I could have a family like that of my parents, a love I would be willing to fight for and children conceived from the fruit of my love with Kath but the truth was I ruined it all.
I should have listened to Luke the day I made that stupid bet, he was like the missing link that was to save me before my own destruction but my own pride and ego didn't let me. I may have a chance at trying to make things right again but I will have to fight and not to mess it.
My vow this day is not to think with my mind but with the heart and let my ego go, I will do everything to have a family and that with the woman whom I love and hurt but first I have to get her forgiveness.
All this time I was on my bed thinking of all the things I could to get Kath to forgive me, the videos and pictures she sent to me yesterday made me hate myself even more for the things I did to her. The four years of my son's life I missed were not something I would ever be proud of ever in my life.
Immediately I was disconnected to Kath on the phone yesterday night, I decided to watch all the videos, I was happy that Kyle's first word was dada but I remember that moment being the hardest I have ever cried. I let my tears fall freely without any care in the world, from the video I could see how much Kath was hurt and her whispering that I hurt her and didn't want them in my life just opened my eyes.
I finally got out of bed and went to freshen up, I was meeting Kath and Kyle at 10 am and it was still 7 in the morning so I had enough time to plan what I wanted to do.
I was done dressing, I went downstairs to have my breakfast which was prepared by my chef but before I even got a bite of my own food my door burst open, they walked in disturbing my peace early in the morning, and if you guessed them as my best friends then you are very correct.
"Good morning Earl and how do you do?" asked Tyson
I ignored them and continued eating, well that was until Ethan started whining while the chef brought them food.
"Seriously, we are here to support and help you and you just went ahead to ignore Tyson's morning greeting, man why are you so bitter?"
"Seriously Ethan are you done? You just burst into my house very early and you expect me to be in all smiles and hugs with you?"
"Wow, what happened to you this early morning that you are so furious?"
I rolled my eyes at him and continued eating if he knew about the guilt I felt after watching all the videos Kath sent me then he won't be asking me all these questions right now I am angry, furious and not really not in my right sense.
Thank god I didn't have to go to work today because my employees would be suffering and would be the ones facing my wrath even though I am the one at fault.
"Hey what's wrong with you? You don't look happy and your fists are clenched"
Luke noticed my anger and asked the reason behind it, I knew I could trust him as he was always the one who tried to talk me out of my awful actions and would do anything to help me after I messed up so I told him everything, unfortunately, that too in front of the two brothers.
"She sent you pictures and videos of your son, everything you missed for the four years? Wow Earl at this point if I were you I would certainly go down on knees and beg for forgiveness" Ethan said to me, I turned to Luke only to see him agreeing with what he said so I looked at him confused
"Don't look at me like that because for once I will be with Ethan, you are lucky she even granted you audience after we went to her house unannounced and the fact that she is even willing to let you get close to Kyle. Earl its time you beg for forgiveness and this time please don't let your pride rule you, you are standing on thin ice and one wrong move you will be frozen," said Luke
"Wait why would he be frozen? And why are we even talking about ice in the first place I thought it's about him and Kath to get both the mother and son" Tyson said
We all looked at him, honestly, he was stupid no wonder I tell you both their parents would not let either one to handle the company solo. It was almost time for me to leave and that's when all the teasing began.
"Man you should be leaving but you seriously look like you are meeting God who is waiting to judge all your sins," Ethan said while laughing and it was irritating
I know I was nervous but they didn't have to rub it in,
"Hey brother he is not meeting the great person but his son for the first time in four years well second, you know what the boy's first question might be, Daddy why are you and mommy not together? And him fearing to answer the question because the boy might hate him would just be sitting there trembling" and they all cracked up, my pain was their joy.
"Forget them you need to calm down, you are just going to be with your son and his mother and for the first time a normal conversation with him, don't mind this two you will be fine."
"Thanks, Luke"
With that I left and went straight to the café to wait for them, I wanted to be there before them so I would be able to calm my own nerves. Minutes later, I saw them step out of the car and Kath saying something to the man who later on left, they walked in and immediately Kyle spotted me and told his mother.
"Hi Kath, Kyle" I greeted them when they were at the table
"Hi"
"Hi dad"
They both replied at the same time; Kyle sat next to his mother, I was happy when I heard him call me dad, though it was not the same as it would have been when that was his first word but at least I got to hear him now.
I got to learn a lot about Kyle from his favorite food, TV shows, games, and fictional character to what he hates and that he's allergic peanuts just like me, I learned a lot about the fact that he was turning five in two weeks' time.
'I seriously had a lot to know'
Ever since they got here Kath was always quiet and would only speak when she had to answer Kyle's question or when I wanted some more information on a matter so I decided to take my chance now.
"Kath, can I speak to you alone?"
"No, whatever you want to say can be said here and if you are worried about Kyle listening in, he knows what he should do "
I tried and tried to get her alone so we could speak but it did not work as she kept insisting she was not going to leave where she was just to speak to me. I tried everything I could but I guess I ignited a fire that would later burn me; she had enough and finally spoke
"You can't just ask me around thinking I'll let you back as I told you, you hurt me badly and the fact that I even let you speak to me was because of my father and our son. You can visit Kyle I have no problem but please just stay away from me"
"Kath I said I am sorry and I mean it, all am asking from you is that you give me a second chance and let me correct my mistake. I don't want a chance to see my son because I want the two of you as my family, I love you"
"No, I am not interested."
"Okay you are not interested but can you at least go out with me on a date, please"
She looked at me like she was trying to figure something out I, on the other hand, was silently praying that she says yes. All this while, Kyle was silently watching us as he ate his chocolate cake. I could already tell that she was ready to say no so I spoke before she could
"Come on Kath, please just go out with me and if you refuse I will shout, here in front of everyone in this café"
I said threatening her hoping she would agree with me plus I added a little smirk on the face because at this point I knew she can't say no she wouldn't want to attract people's attention, but we all know that you never celebrate your victory before winning but after, at the corner of my eyes, I could see Kyle signaling me a no with his head but I was confused why would he be telling me no?
My victory was short-lived
"You know what Earl go ahead and do as you please, scream, shout, laugh, cry do whatever you want I won't be changing my answer because my answer is still NO"
And you thought that would work, you are stupid again with my subconscious interruptions. I could also see Kyle chuckling, it's like he was expecting this to happen.
"You can't be serious Kath all am asking is for you to give me a chance because I am sorry and more than willing to fight for us"
"Really, because you lost that chance when you lied to me, honestly Earl if you had found me before I gave birth to him I would have forgiven you but I had the chance to change and only fight for one person I care about the most in this world and that's Kyle. What you say or do is not going to change how I feel right now."
I wanted to reply to her but she cut me off again after typing something on her phone
"Please just leave me and move on with your life, Kyle is your son and I won't let our fight come between him and you, he needs a father and I would not take that away from him but you need to understand that my wounds go too deep to forgive you when you get the chance to apologize. I don't know when but someday I will come to forgive but not now because I need to forgive myself first, I will admit I love you too heck I have loved you all these years no matter how much I tried to fight this feeling but I couldn't. Earl, I need space and time and for now, just let me be"
She turned to Kyle and said something to him to which he nodded and then stood up from where she sat, outside there was the same car that brought them here, what's going on?
"Earl, I am leaving you will have the rest of the day with him, just bring him back when he's exhausted and if something happens please let me know. This bag has everything he needs like his blanket and sweater"
"Bye mommy"
"Bye sweetheart, and be a good boy to daddy okay"
"Okay, but you know I am not a boy but a man"
The duo conversed and what Kyle said at the end about being a man had Kath laughing compared to how she was moments ago. I seriously should not have told her to go out with me, her being in love with me does not matter right now because even though she feels that way I know her pain is way more.
She wants time then that is what I would let her have until she forgives me, which is more important to me than to have her love me without her forgiveness.
"Kath, if its space you need then I will let you have it because, in the end, I won't need your love if you haven't forgiven me. I know I wronged you and probably hate me but I won't let you go as I said at your house yesterday I not only want our son but you too. I want the next time you admit loving me, it will be what you feel with your heart with no doubts or hate but for me I love you"
I told her all this and I could see tears in her eyes threatening to fall and it hurt me deep inside, I felt like someone was ripping me apart and it's a feeling I never want to feel again.
"Goodbye Kath and don't worry I will bring him back safe and sound and thanks again"
"Bye Earl" and she left.
Honestly, this time I looked at Kyle I wondered if he understood all this because I know he's heard people curse and all we talked with his mother. He remained silent and I wanted to know what he was thinking.
"Kyle I know you heard everything then why are you silent?"
"Grandpa told me grown-up stuff is complicated and all the bad words I am not supposed to say and mommy told me to never question things I will not understand when I am still small so I just keep quiet but for you and mommy I pray to God to bring you back ad help mommy forgive you. I don't know what you did but I hope she forgives you."
Huh, okay...well, he definitely knows a lot, the fact that he respects his elders and listens to what he is told I am proud of him and to his mother for the way she raised him a perfect gentleman.