Zan was the one driving the car and neither both of them said a word. They both needed time to think and reflect on their own mistakes. Remembering how Mrs. Huang's happy face looked when her sons were finally getting along with each other, both guys sighed.
"Zan, I think-"
Yibo's phone rang and he quickly picked up the call. He was not ready to say the words yet. Even though he was thankful that someone called him right at the moment, Yibo still prentended as if he is annoyed, "The fuck you want?"
"Dude! I just want to tell you that I won't be going to school today. My YangJi is sick and I can't leave him alone" it was his bastard cousin Huang Hao Xuan.
"What did you do?" Yibo frowned.
"I fucked him real hard until the morning and he can't even move out of bed. My poor YangJi" Hao Xuan sounded worried and guilty. Despite the guilt, Yibo could hear his cousin's sneers. It made Hao Xuan proud of himself.
"That's what makes a man, right? Fuck your lover until he can't walk for a couple of days. Thats all!" Hao Xuan chuckled on the other line.
"And why are you telling me this? You don't usually tell me when you skip classes. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you trying to show off?" Yibo sounded irritated. Judging by the way Yibo talked with the person on the other line, Zan could tell he was talking to Hao Xuan.
"Dude, it's different this time. Of course I have to tell you because that only means we can't protect Zan when we are not around him. So, we are giving the whole care to you. And stop bullying him for goodness sake. He always ends up being the center of everyone's anger whenever someone makes you mad!" Hao Xuan yelled as if he was cursing his cousin. Yibo sighed and gulped the lump inside his throat, "I know"
"Cool" Hao Xuan responded.
"Baby" Yibo heared Jiyang from the background calling Hao Xuan.
"I wanna go to the bathroom, carry me" Jiyang's sweet and angelic voice could be heard through the phone.
"Yes baby, for a sec" Hao Xuan's voice shifted from harsh to gentle when he talked to Jiyang. His voice then switched back to a delinquent's when he talked to Yibo, "Look after brother Zan!"
The call ended and Yibo sighed deeply.
"Was that brother Xuan?" Zan asked, eyes focused on the road.
"Yeah" Yibo replied. The atmosphere was so awkward that neither the two of them even spoken another word. They arrived at the parking lot and Zan was the first one to open the door.
"Zan" Yibo's voice sounded sweet and delicate. Zan could record it and listen to it over and over again even for the whole day. But the way he heard it, he felt unsafe and scared. His hand holding the handle tightened and he looked at the younger beside him.
"I'm sorry" Yibo was dead serious and what he meant for 'Sorry' was all clear for Zan. He needed not to explain things any farther, two words were enough to understand.
Accepting the rejection has always been hard for a person. If someone rejects you, it hurts to the point that you feel like someone hammered your heart and shattered it into pieces -like a broken glass. Zan understood it. He knew that Yibo could deceive anyone but his mother. He could never betray such a person who gave him life, shelter and family. He would give up everything for his mother. It wasn't Yibo who found Zan in the first place. It was Mrs. Huang, his mother. Yibo felt like he is stealing his mother's son from her.
"It's fine" Zan replied with a smile. Yet, no matter how hard he tried to hold back his tears, he couldn't. He cried silently in front of Yibo while bowing his head.
"Pease don't cry, Zanzan" Yibo said and was about to cup Zan's face to make the older look at him.
"How cruel. You fucking played with my feelings and you're telling me not to cry?" Zan asked in disbelief.
"Zanzan..."
"Don't touch me. Just please" Zan covered his face with his hands and sobbed. He bit his bottom lip that it almost bled. He too felt he was a terrible person. Not only did Yibo made a mistake but he, too. It was worse than any other cruel things he experienced before. He never felt loved when he was young, Yibo was the first one who showed love to him. Except those old couple back then whom he used to feed with some of his little sweets, noone ever smiled to him.
He suddenly remembered the first time he met Yibo, the bad boy wearing cool suit, on his face plastered a pretentious but sweet smile. His heart skipped a beat at that one moment. He thought, Woah?! He smiled at me. Noone has ever smiled at me except the poor grannies.
That time, Zan discovered that he could possibly like a guy, he was just an empty and a lonely person.
But judging by the situation right now, he knew it was Zero Percent Chance. He wanted to shout out of desperation and pain. Why am I so unfortunate?! Why does he had to make me believe that he really did love me from head to toe?! Why do I expect that he would fight for me like how Hao Xuan fight for Jiyang? Maybe I am just envious towards that perfect couple. Maybe I think too much. But what now? WHAT NOW?!
"Zanzan, please look at me. It is better this way. I promise I will be by your side forever as your brother. I will love you with all of my heart. I will never betray you and will never look to any other person. I will never get married. I swear I...I-"
"Can you even hear what you're saying? Why make things so difficult for yourself when there is an easy option?" Zan said with a forced smile.
"You can just treat me like how normal brothers treat each other. You can date any other girls however you want. You can get married and have kids. It's not like I cannot move on from you after all the years, and the same to you. I can be your brother if you want me to. But Yibo,..." Zan inhaled and gulped the lump inside his throat.
"...we can't be brothers and secret lovers at the same time. That is too painful to accept and suicidal. We will just end up hurting each other over and over again. You can only choose one, be brothers and cut all the intimate connections between us, or be lovers and fight against the world" Zan wiped his tears miserably.
"But just how the way you made up your mind. Just by hearing you apologizing to me, it's obvious you can't choose the second option. I mean, what do I expect?" Zan said and opened the car again.
"I am the older brother here, and I know what is best for the two of us. You are just a kid afterall. And as the older one, I have to understand you to the fullest. Isn't that what brothers do?" Zan sighed and was about to step out of the car when Yibo pulled him.
He kissed Zan violently and Zan kissed him back. He even climbed on top of Yibo just to make the older satisfied. Their digits rubbed as Zan grabbed the back of Yibo's head wildly.
"This will be the last time, Yibby" Zan's tears landed on Yibo's cheek as their lips parted. Zan slid slowly away from Yibo's top and fixed his uniform. He went out of the car without saying a word and left Yibo shocked. The kiss tasted like Zan was warning him. The kiss felt like it has a message, "You can't reject me"
After a moment of relaxation, Yibo fixed his semi-crampled uniform and went inside his classroom. He saw his cousin pouting on his desk, Jiyang was not with Hao Xuan.
"Why the fuck are you here?" Yibo asked his cousin while looking at Zan's back.
"YangJi said that he'll curse me to death until I go to school. He said he hates seeing my face around because I was the one who made him sick. He hates me now" Hao Xuan pouted. He was sulking the entire time until lunch came. He had been calling Jiyang and sending the angel text messages but he received no reply. He was more hurt than worried.
"He hate me to the core" Hao Xuan pouted while staring at his phone. But remembering how he fucked him badly and long, he could not hide the grin on his face. That was the best sex he had with Jiyang, ever.
"Tsk!" Yibo frowned while glaring at Zan's back. At the moment, Hao Xuan looked like he cared no more about the two because he was too busy thinking about his angel.
"Should I buy him black forest today?" he asked himself. His phone vibrated and for the first time of the day, Jiyang finally sent him a message.
"Baby, I miss you already. I'm sorry for getting mad at you. Please bring me a black forest cake when your class is over. I love you!
-YangJi loves Xuanxuan the most"
Staring at the message, Hao Xuan's heart melted.
"I'm going home" he declared.
"Huh?" Yibo frowned at his cousin. Afterclass couldn't wait. He needed to see his YangJi right now. As he left, Yibo felt down. No one would be there to comfort him because Hao Xuan would always abandon him for Jiyang. He was quiet jealous that Hao Xuan and Jiyang gets reconcile easily no matter what the conflict is.
He wondered when will he be forgiven by Zan.
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©The Bad Boy's Obsession by Arl Hesse a.k.a AHFictions
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