I quickly walked towards the confines of my room brushing off everyone or just plain ignoring them as I quickened my pace. The moment I entered in and swung the doors closed blocking off the rest of the world, I felt a sense of peace as my anxiety slowly slipped away.
My day was going so well, as stress-free as a day could get just the normal everyday worries, fussing over Ares and Raven, chatting and practicing together with Celeste and training with my father. I was just thinking of asking Lark to get me some chamomile tea when Celeste asked if we could speak. I agreed thinking nothing of it, so we sat in the garden to talk about whatever it was that she wanted.
"Sirius... I... I'm... I think I love Ares."
I felt myself freeze as I heard what she said, her words brought a blush on her fair cheeks while I on the other hand, felt like someone poured a bucket full of ice-cold water over me. Celeste thankfully didn't notice any odd behavior as she went on talking about her feelings. I tried to talk some "modern-world" sense into her saying that she is too young for it and even though she is engaged to him they should wait a while before confirming such feelings. That was probably the worst thing to have said because the next moment I saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears; I somehow managed to calm her down and told her that I just wanted her to be sure and that I didn't want to see her unhappy in the future. After that we spoke for a while longer and random things except for her confession. She seemed to believe my reasoning and insisted that she knows that she's right. As soon as it was time to leave, she wished me good evening and that she would come again tomorrow to train and visit, I forced out a smile and watched her go. She soon as the carriage was out of sight, I felt my hidden anxiety breakthrough but, as I am Prince of a Kingdom, I can't show it so I raced to my room with everything I had.
The only thing I could feel was fear. So intense that it nearly had me stopping and breaking down, I had to go faster, too many people around who may see me I need to go faster, faster, faster.
Now I'm here sitting on the floor in front of the door, hugging my knees to my chest having a mental breakdown. I thought things would be different this time. Things were different compared to the game, if I don't stop this I'm going to die. Raven is going to suffer too… I'll be burned alive....
I felt the air leave my body but I couldn't remember how to breathe in or how my lungs should be working, I felt suffocated, constrained "No, n-n-no, n-no I can't let Sirius's m-memories affect me... I can't, I shouldn't re-remember them a-again no, no, no I can't go t-th-through this again p-please not again, please stop.... S-Sirius don't do it.... please stop.... s-stop s-stop!!! D-Don't do th-this to me Sirius p-please.", I see the black spots grow in my vision blocking this blurry world, I blink my eyes trying to stop the blackness from taking over, "S-Sirius please no, I-I'm... s-save h-him. Sirius pl-please."
"You promised...."
"Y-Yes, just stop th-this. I w-won't le-let him die."
"Kill her. Kill her. Kill her! Kill her.... KILL HER!!!"
"N-No, n-no"
"Kill her. Kill her. killherkillherkillherkillherkillherkillherkillherkillher-"
The sudden knock on the door broke my trace, I someone push the door but my weight held it from opening, I felt my panic attack die when I heard a soft and calm voice on the other side...
"Sirius? Is everything alright???"
Lark, I thought silently, I have to answer before he gets worried anymore, "Y-yes, I'm fine..." God no, I shuttered, he won't notice, he won't-
"Sirius what's wrong? Open this door." he said a bit loudly
"I'm fine, don't worry Lark" I said, Good I didn't shutter or sound off, "I'm just.... t-tired, if it's not to-too important we'll talk in th-the morning."
I sounded bad, even I wouldn't believe myself.
"Alright.... if you say so. Let me know if you need anything" he replied back, thank god, he believed me.
I forced myself to stand using the door, my legs wobbled like a new born fawn stumbling around I tried to walk to me bed, I just wanted this day to be over already. Just a few more steps I told myself, pushing myself to walk, "Just a little more" I encouraged myself out loud this time, hoping I would make it, "Come on, Alec. Th-" I felt myself fall knowing my feet lost their strength, I shut my tired eyes as I waited to hit the ground but it never came. Instead I felt two arms; one around my waist and the other holding my hand, the person helped me to stand back up. I prayed to whichever god was there that it wouldn't be Ares, when I was able to, I opened my eyes and looked back and saw.... Lark.
What in the world!? How? I gave him a small, nervous smile in thanks. I was too tired right now to talk, I just wanted to go under the covers and sleep. Lark helped me to the bed and helped cover me, "Thank you Lark" I wanted to ask him to never speak of this and to just forget the condition he saw me in but how!? Thankfully Lark seemed to understand I wanted to avoid the topic, he let out a heavy sigh when he saw my face which probably looked nervous and uncomfortable, "Don't worry, I'm not going to question you. I can tell you wish I wasn't here anymore." I tried to let out a chuckle but the sound that managed escaped my lips was something nothing like that.
"Please go to sleep Sirius, I'll see you tomorrow morning."
I nodded gratefully and let my heavy eyelids fall and finally let myself go for that much needed rest.
It felt like I had just gone to sleep when Lark woke me up in the morning, I tried to open my eyes but shut them moments after, was it always this bright early in the morning!? I slowly opened my eyes again and looked out the window. The sun does look too bright today, or have I slept in? "Lark?" I called out to him and he answered right after, "What time is it?"
"Exactly half past twelve, Your Highness."
"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I asked him, usually he would never let me sleep in.
"I thought you needed some more rest after last night."
I was surprised, not because he remembered but because for a moment I forgot instead, "Ah yes...yesterday..." I muttered under my breath. I need to come up with something so that I don't have to tell him, he wouldn't believe me anyway.
"You don't want to tell me about it?" he asked.
"I'd rather not"
"Alright", I'm surprised he let it go so easily, is it because of my status? As much as I'd prefer if he didn't think we're in different circles it has helped me today.
"Your Highness, may I ask just one question?"
I nodded my head, after everything he noticed I guess I can answer one question, I could blame on stress or frustration or something. He looked at me, straight in the eye and asked, "Who is Alec?"
Oh God no, please no...
"What do you mean?" I questioned back trying my hardest not get another panic attack, the last thing I need is Lark asking and trying to find out things, things that only I should know about. I cannot freak out know. Lark looked at me, I saw some type of raw emotion flash in his eyes but just for a moment, it was gone before I realized what it was.
"Have some water first, I'll bring your lunch here. And I have already informed everyone that you aren't feeling well today." He said before opening the door. I just put my head down, avoiding his eyes. "Also, Lady Celeste wanted to talk as soon as you woke up..."
No! I can't see her right now I'll tell Lark to inform her that I'll meet her when I'm better.... yeah that- "But, I'll let the Lady know it might not be possible today" continued Lark. Saying that I was surprised would be an understatement. I immediately looked at him, in gratitude and I'm pretty sure I had tears in my eyes by now, Lark simply gave me a small smile saying, "Rest a bit more." and went out shutting the door behind him.