Tasmin Kelly.
Wavy dark-blonde hair falling over her shoulder and back. As the breeze picks up, wispy hairs fly, and her much darker roots make an appearance. My fingers itch to feel her hair fall between them, tangle around them. The sun's light shines down, turning Tasmin's beautiful, soft-looking tussle of dark golden hair a platinum blonde.
Tasmin Kelly.
She's in front of me now, backpack on, looking completely ready for the day.
I reach forward and press my fingers into her scalp, gently. Her shoulders tense then drop, like I've balanced heavy weights on her shoulders then swiftly taken them off. Relieved her of her burdens, if any.
Unlike her, both my pocket and my heart are filled to the brim with the heaviness of regret and the guilt of what's to come.
Above us, the dark branches of trees curl, twist and wrap around each other, forming a beautiful canopy over the path we take towards town. Through the curvy and leafy umbrella covering us, pieces of the persistent clear sky remain bright in their places above.
Five minutes of walking takes us to the already-crowded beaches and shaded snorkelling areas. The path becomes purely sand and winds off to multiple other sandy paths. To our left, a series of stalls and a sunny beach running the length of an Olympic swimming pool. Ahead of us is the bush, and further along the path is a shallow pool where mainly families and their children are.
Despite the crowded beach seeming the most exhilarating place to be right now, we find a spot under a palm tree in a more calm and family-friendly area situated further along the path. Why? Because –
"Chop chop, people, the snorkeling session starts really soon!" Lilli announces, clapping her hands together. "The more time we spend being drags, the less time we get to snorkel!"
I'm stuffing my heavy shorts into my bag when Tasmin wanders over, fully-dressed for today's activities. I'm about to stand when I feel her fingers slide into my hair. I let out a genuine sigh, for I've missed this feeling too much.
The water is cold, but as soon as it surrounds us completely, it's like swimming in the Atlantic Ocean with a warm, human shaped bubble around yourself; you get used to it. Tiny, colourful fish, schools of them swimming on by, going about their day-to-day business like we're not there. Still, I try to stay as still as possible as they wobble past.
After a few minutes of sticking close to Tasmin, I decide to get myself lost a little. I spin in a circle where I'm treading, then paddle in the new direction, not looking up once. When I stop it's because my head was a few centimetres from getting a permanent, coral-shaped dent in it.
I finally lift my head. There's a small coral reef, half above the water, half submerged, and I think it might be the most peaceful, wondrous natural thing I've ever seen. The sun's beams reflect off of the water and it makes the damp coral and rocks glint and glimmer. On top of the scenery, tinkling water drips from the rock ceiling to the coral below, hitting thin coral, thick coral, rocks, pebbles, the water, creating a million soft melodies that hug my ears tight. I'm tempted to swim back to Lilli just to inform her of what a brilliant place this is so she can snap some photos.
But not yet.
I need time to think. More than I have now. Because after today I'll have one full day, and if I don't start thinking about how I'll carry this out, I'll never do it. I'll never avenge my mum, I'll be the one member of the Reprisal who couldn't complete their own damn mission. The mission that my friends, Ally, Boss, put countless hours into. The mission I stayed up late thinking about, till morning light, lying in my bed like I didn't have a whole damn day to get through.
I slowly wade my way across the small reef, tilting my head back to marvel at the rock formation curving over my head. I wonder how heavy it is, how long it's been like that, how long it'll take for the ocean levels to rise and chip away more of it until this rock looks like a half-crescent. I think: I'd like to be here when that happens. Maybe with my mum. Or…
"Harry." Tasmin's found me, and she stops a few metres away, treading softly. I can hear the patter of water, and her wavy-looking arms below the surface. I chuckle a little, but the laughter dies on my tongue, falls into the water. She grins at me. The sun beams a little brighter, and it lights up her hair again, and her skin, and she just… shines.
"Tasmin," I whisper.
"You okay?"
"Just admiring the view." I can barely look into her eyes anymore. And my head, still full of thoughts, wishes it could have time to think and think and overthink. "You?" The word comes out sounding choked, but I don't think Tasmin notices. She just paddles over. She's kind of close.
"I think I'm fine, too, Harry."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"That's good."
She laughs a breathy sort of laugh. It sounds as musical as the water melody around us.
Late afternoon.
The persistent sun no longer emits its blinding light but rather a more merciful orange glow. It turns the pale sand gold, and casts flickering flashes of the same gold over the water lapping at the shoreline. Like the persistent sun my heart has remained heavy, and so has my pocket.
The cold metal of the gun somehow seeps through my shorts and boxers, brushing at my skin when I move. I left my swimming boxers underneath after snorkelling, making the cold feel more intense.
I look up.
Tasmin has her swimmers still on, and a translucent dress billowing in slow-motion around her ankles.