As Tasmin plops down beside me, I try not to flinch away. There's something rather terrifying about not knowing what someone's thinking. Even more, it's even more terrifying when that person is Tasmin. I think about Ally and the way she was taught by Boss how to read people's emotions, judge the environment, understand the tension in a room, before I arrived at the Reprisal. Then I shake my head, annoyed that I am thinking about Ally again.
Charlie, Lilli, Ben and Emily are already chattering to each other, but there is not much to say between us, and when they all notice the silence, they stop as well. Emily stands and announces that she needs a big breakfast and will be back. Then it's five.
"Tired after last night, guys?" Charlie tries.
"A little."
"A lot."
"I'll deal."
"Yeah."
Then there's silence again. I don't eat, but I move the food around my plate, lifting my fork to my lips every so often. Lilli picks off of Charlie's plate spontaneously, barely looking up. To my surprise, it is Tasmin who breaks the silence next.
"Which island are we visiting today?" she asks, not directing the question at anyone in particular.
Lilli swallows a mouthful of eggs. "I thought you were on top of your game with this trip, Taz," she comments and Charlie chuckles. After the look she receives from Tasmin that makes even me laugh under my breath, Lilli replies, "Maré. And quit giving me that face."
Tasmin's face turns a few shades redder, and that's when I notice that she's actually sunburnt. I almost reach up my hand to feel before memories of last night hit me hard in the gut. Before I myself can match Tasmin in the face, she stands up again, and the emptiness next to me is more uncomfortable than I would ever realise.
"I'm gonna grab some breakfast. Anyone want anything?"
"Actually," Ben chirps suddenly, seemingly surprised at his own mouth opening. "I fancy a cup of tea."
"What's with this sudden desire to be Harry's kind?" Charlie exclaims.
Everyone glances at me with weary smiles, and that's when I blurt, "I don't like tea."
"You don't like tea? But, it's like, your kind's bread and butter!" Charlie says, slightly exasperated.
I feel somewhat uneasy in my seat. A moment flashes before my eyes, and I see that bright, feminine figure in my dream again, standing in… my kitchen. The moment passes.
"Stop with this 'type' talk," Lilli instructs as Emily slides back in beside Ben, who is close to chortling his food bits all over the table. She turns to Tasmin. "Bring me a cup too, please."
With a sigh, Tasmin turns and walks towards the buffet. "Whatever you say, your highness."
Lilli sticks a tongue out, then turns back to me and smiles politely.
As we trek back towards our cabins, there is an undercurrent of talk about the island, the weather and the beach. It's all I can hear buzzing in my ears, but my mind scrambles those normal thoughts with ones about the past, of Tasmin, of the ring; of what I'm going to say to Tasmin about my past and the ring.
I spend most of the morning, as we ready ourselves for our day trip to Maré, rehearsing and re-rehearsing my words. A simple apology, a jumble of heartfelt words that are meant to be completely meaningless. I remind myself the reason I bought the ring, the reason for my words, the reason I'm here, the reason that Ally's here, and what it will mean to my mum.
And to Tasmin…?
Ahead of me, Tasmin happily suggests that we should all wear our swimmers underneath our clothes so we can go for a swim, and everyone agrees in unison. She swivels back to look at me, and I feel my heart hop in my chest. I let the smile spread over my face even as she turns away. Because no matter how many times I upset her, she's still there, smiling, eyes twinkling.
I'm standing in front of the mirror now, trying my best to cover the abnormal bulge of my pocket where the box sits by pulling my shirt over it, creasing it to look as casual as possible. As Ben comes out of the bathroom, I swiftly attempt to take my leave, but his hand lands on my shoulder. I turn to him. He's indifferent at first, eyebrows furrowed, blond hair ruffled over his forehead, but he gives me a grin.
"Good luck, Harry," he says reassuringly, glancing down at my pocket ever so briefly.
"Do you think –?"
"She'll like it?" He sighs. "Bro, she'll like it. But, well, I think you should…" he pauses nervously. "Tell her. Because she should know."
"Um –" I almost choke on the breath I take in before I realise what he's referring to. "Really?"
He squeezes my shoulder. "When were you planning to tell her?"
"I mean."
He raises a finger to my lips, and I almost burst out laughing on the spot. He struggles to keep a straight face too. "Don't worry, you don't have to explain, bro."
Charlie comes to his senses after gluing himself to the television, and turns to comment, "Are you two gonna kiss, or what?"
Ben leaves me standing to tackle Charlie, and through laughs and a number of voice cracks, he grunts, "Yeah, I'll just practice on you first!"
Before I can join in on the fun, there's a knock at the door, and Tasmin, Lilli and Emily stand just outside, bags packed and ready for the day ahead. Tasmin looks the most prepared, with a beaming smile on her face and determination in her bluebell eyes.