That night, I felt for once that I could lay down and rest without trouble. He didn't intend them to be, and I certainly didn't expect them to be, but his words were what I needed. My father needed the reassurance, too, that my mother was resting in peace. And I wouldn't admit it aloud, but my father's words became part of my drive.
I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
The drowsy, stuffy smell of my room wafted over me as I buried my head in my pillow. The sensation of floating lightly, the sheets feather-soft against my bare skin, brought a bitter-sweet nostalgia to me; feelings all too common to me when my mother was still around.
The weight in my eyelids was pulling me eagerly into a misty dream, where an ivory figure was taking my hand and leading me, white fingers like blankets against mine, head turned away. And no matter how I turned myself, I couldn't see her face. The light around me was expanding, and there was heaviness in my heart, a ringing in my ears. The ivory figure turned, and the sun exploded before my eyes, and I woke, gasping for air. There was no light left, but stars burst in my vision, the painful ringing continued, and the warmth and stuffiness of the room returned, closing around me.
Across the room, my organisation's communication device rang and vibrated, skidding gradually over the desk. I pushed myself up to kneeling, tipping my head back to take in deep, heated breaths. Then I managed to scramble over to my desk to pick up the obnoxious device, hitting the button to cease the blaring noises that sound thunder-loud on a silent night.
"Al?"
Silence. "Yeah." Her voice was quiet, and there was a small shake in it. "Yeah, it's me."
Her nervous voice was the reason I could stand up. "Ally? Are you… okay?"
Another minute of silence that I could not fill with reassuring words. I should've been an expert, considering how fresh the memories of my mum's reassuring gestures were, but I couldn't form words. At least, not yet.
"You're going soon," she finally said.
She was upset about the mission. "You're coming with me, remember?" I remind her. I'm afraid that she thinks something will go wrong. "Everything… will be fine."
"You think so?"
"Well, you'll be there."
She hummed, and the murmuring vibration of her voice sent a shiver trickling down my spine. Ally was close to me. My mother left, and that threw my mind into turmoil, but my meeting Ally wasn't just a blessing, it was a blessing from my mum.
I could almost picture her curled up into a ball, most likely on her bed to keep warm, clutching desperately at the soft mesh of her dress, and her frizz of hair billowing over her cheeks, dampened by her tears. When the thought came across my mind, guilt coursed through me, and the need to embrace her made my arms move instinctively to wrap around someone. Instead, my fingers grasped uselessly at empty air, and I suddenly felt just as lonely as Ally.
"Would you meet me somewhere tomorrow?" Ally's sudden enthusiasm sliced smoothly through the darkness, and her question, lilting and somewhat desperate, sent hairs on my neck standing up to dance a jig. "Harry?"
"Y-yeah?"
"You goof." She clicked her teeth loudly. "Did you hear what I said?"
"Uh, yeah."
"So?"
I remember hesitating. Technically, we weren't allowed to meet outside of the organisation's quarters. And there was doubt that Boss would punish us if he knew. Ally and I were already breaching the pact by communicating through walkie-talkies, but it had been Ally's request and Ally's determination to live out the life of what she claimed to be "An authentic spy" that had convinced me to join her.
I was still thinking when Ally's static voice came through the speaker. "I knew you'd be hesitant," she told me, and I lowered my head. "So I wrote you a note."
"A note?" I questioned.
"Your left pocket. Check it."
I reached down, tucking my hand into my pocket, and sure enough, a now crumpled note was there. I held it up to my lamp-light.
1111
Hedge
A green pathway leading to a mini haven
"See if you figure it out by tomorrow morning. Ally, over and out."
"Wait –"
There was a beep, then silence. But my brain refused to remain silent the whole night. My head was full of Ally. And it wasn't a good thing. My mum was up there, staring down at me and waiting for me to avenge her, not getting into relationships. I was now the conductor of a mission that would save my family, and I needed to hold that responsibility within the palms of my hands without letting an ounce of that honour slip between my fingers. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Ally dancing, curly brown hair bouncing joyfully against her back, and another one of her beautiful dresses flowing gracefully around her. And the sun was painting her dark skin golden, dipping her nose in sunshine, highlighting the playful pout on her lips. That's when I had to bury my head in my pillow in hopes of rubbing the heat in my cheeks into the coolness of my bed.
When I headed out the next morning to get groceries, I went earlier than usual, leaving my father a note to say that I was going to study at the library for a while. Then I followed the note to Hedge Park, arriving at ten past eleven and taking a seat on a wooden bench. I stared intently at my watch, and the moment the second hand ticked back to twelve, indicating eleven past eleven, a billowing pale pink skirt appeared in front of me, and there Ally was.
She seemed to be very surprised about me figuring out what the note meant, and spent a solid five minutes fussing over it before leading me down the green pathway that led to what was indeed a beautiful mini haven where Ally pushed me against a tree and kissed me.