Most people have only two choices when life gets difficult, it's either you face it with courage and positivity or you choose to run away and escape like a coward. And in my case, although I know that it's really shamful for me, I still choose to run away and escape because I'm not that courageous enoughed for me to face the reality of this life.
"I'm sorry"
I gulped and tighten my grip on the brush paint I'm holding, as if it could give me strength. Hearing his apology is somehow securing but at the same time, it fears me. Voiceless it may seem , I still choose to say something for him to feel at ease. It's not his fault after all.
He's the only person that I trust the most. I trust him more than I trust myself and I will never blame him because he's not Alder.
"Alder is trying to manipulate me" I voice out my thought
I'm sitting comfortably yet nervous on my wooden chair while doing a canvas. I'm always doing this everyday to preoccupied my mind.
"You know how asshole Alder is , but I'm sure he's also trying to protect you" he hissed in low voice
I pause hearing his thoughts about Alder. He's trying to protect me? I highly doubt that. I'm no a saint and judging him so easily is a sin but he's Alder. We both know how ambitious he is. He will do everything by hook or by crooked for his ambition and to gain power. His ego and desires always overpowered his conscience.
"He can turn the table and bet everything that is precious to him in exchange of money, power and authority. He will never think twice, we both know that" I utter looking at the image portrait on the canvas
It was a human body with a hummer head. The claw is facing itself while trying to pulled the nail on it's body. On the other hand, the opposite side is facing other people. It was a representation of greediness of a person. That your willing to hurt yourself and others for your own perfection.
Greediness is indeed a birth of sin.
"What if you just misunderstood him? Misjudged his perception?" He said on the other line
Sighing, I put down my brush paint and lost in my own thoughts.
Misunderstood... Misjudged...
"I just wish" I hissed
Though I'm expecting him to betray me, still the pain of being fooled by someone you knew for a very long time is unbearable. It's disappointing.
Hearing his sighed means his dropping the topic, he didn't dare to push it further and that is good.
"Anyway, maybe you can't contact me after this. I need to run some errands" he snapped
I didn't able to controlled my laughter as I heard his reasoning. I know him better than anyone else. Really huh? I wonder what kind of errand is that.
"I can hear you woman"
His voice sound so controlled yet annoyed. I bet he's also rolling his eyes and I wanted to laughed more. Goodness! He's not good in lying, he is so trying hard.
I laughed my head off imagining his facial reaction right now and I was not shocked anymore when he end the call without saying goodbye. I shake my head and stood on my seat still grinning.
I actively stretch my arm and neck to ease the stiffness. I also massage my back lightly while roaming my eyes around my bungalow house. Seeing how spacious it is put a smile on my face. A smile of relief to be exact.
My home is my comfort zone. Though I'm all alone, I feel so fine seeing how big and capacious my place is. I hate confine place because it makes me feel unsecured.
"Time to wash my hands" I mumble in singing voice as I walk towards the kitchen sink
Barefooted, I stomp my feet on the tiled floor letting myself be free from my own cage. All lights are turn on not letting any darkness to illuminate the house. I shiver a little everytime the water touches my bare hands. I'm still cold though I'm already wearing a cotton jacket. But what's funny is, I'm liking the coldness came from the tiled floor reason why I'm always barefooted.
After drying my hands I gather all my things and arrange it. It's odd because I don't usually do this yet here I am arranging my stuffs. It was just quick and fast before I walk towards the canvas paint I finished yesterday
"I' ll place it here" I mumble to myself
I hung it on the corner wall to complement the new wall paint that I myself design. The painting is the image of vanda sanderiana on the coffee shop. I use oil paint on the canvas using the very known impasto technique.
I press my lips together seeing the most beautiful orchid plant in the Philippines as it complement the movements that I made on the canvas. And then a sudden thought makes me fold my hand into a fist.
"I hate you but I'm still keeping you" I whisper
*****
I woke up early in the morning feeling the same vibes of yesterday. Unhurried, I prepare myself for school. The weather is fine today not like yesterday. Slowly I tie my hair while glancing my phone on the corner table. I grin as I heard nothing on it.
I have a very peaceful morning because I turn off my phone. I think in advance because for sure Ella will bother me early in the morning if I didn't intentionally turn it off.
"I should be wiser than her" I whisper to myself and walk towards my bag
I'm off to go.
IT was just a quick and smooth ride, no traffic nor inconvenience. Now, I'm walking alone in the hallway not minding those students. They we're so loud talking about some random topic when someone grab my hand. I stop from walking and I sighed when I heard a familiar laughed.
"Good morning Cam!" Ella greeted me with a bright smile on her face
"Morning" I said shortly
I mentally snorted because Ella is clinging on my arm like a gum. Like seriously? Can she walk on her own?
"Let's eat lunch together with Sabby"
It's more like a demand than asking so I just raised my eyebrow. But anyway, Sabrina? That's new, I haven't heard anything from her this past few weeks. That's surprising really, as far as I know she's always hanging with Andrius.
"Do I have a choice?" I said plainly
She giggle and I just shrugged my shoulder.
"Wait Cami! Do you have an instagram account?" She inquire as we enter the art room
IG? For what? I search my sketch pad on my table but it still missing. I guess Bennett still had it.
"I don't have. I don't even know how to use it" I simply answer
I saw her pouted her lips that she usually do. She's doing that to act cute in front of anybody.
" How about Twitter? "
I shake my head and I show her my phone flashing my applications.
"I created a facebook around because you keep on bothering me about it. But I'm not really into social media" I explain
I hate toxic environment the reason why I choose to live alone. We all know how toxic social media is, though it could be both beneficial and not. And another factor is I'm not good in socializing so it will be no use.
"I can create an account -"
"No need, and your the only person I chatted"
"That's not true! Sabby and Andri is also your friends. We all chat you but you keep on ignoring us"
"I didn't know they chat me"
She sighed and pouted her lips again.
"Please? I just really wanted you to follow Alci. His a band vocalist if you don't know" she said like a kid
Alci? That conceited jerk Seviro Castaldi? What so admiring about him really?
"No. Don't force me and involve me with your craziness " I warned her and pulled the white cloth that covered the canvas I'm working
"Oh My... that so beautiful" she gasped in awe seeing my almost finish phantashia verus
"Is this-"
"An example of abstract impressionism" I said
"Really? My god! This is so fascinating, surely you'll win again this year Cam"
I smile and look at her. She always support me every single year and I'm very thankful for that. Ellas is a good friend, it's just that I have this trust issue.
The problem is me and I know she's aware of it. I can't trust her because I really don't trust anyone.
"Let's talk about Alci again"
I sighed. She's still can't move on about him? Well, he is indeed eye catching but I'm not into someone like him. Aside from the piercing on the corner of his lower lip, I can't see anything that could make me interested with him.
"Did you two know each other?" she surprisingly ask making me stop
What?