Blood. Bloodstained are scattered on the floor. The lampshade is broken and even the bed are scratched. Pieces of broken glass are glistening to the small light coming from outside. Every single things in this confined room are broken and destroyed and I found myself in the corner crying.
"M-Mommy, I-I'm s-sorry..." I whisper repeatedly as I heard those frightening noise outside this room.
My room...
My swollen eyes makes my vision blurry but my senses are all fine. The stink and painful wound on my wrist won't stop bleeding and all I could do is to cry , hoping that someone could hear me. Someone will help me.
"M-Mommy please... I'm scared please..." I whisper in tired voice searching a single light that could guide me to this darkness
I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know and I don't understand why are they doing this to me. I feared that I'll be caged in this confined room. I wanted to go home, I wanted to hug my Mommy and seek comfort.
I flinch when the door of my room open harshly. My fear doubled knowing that I'm not alone anymore. A silhouette of a man walk inside. I shiver in so much fear but my eyes widened in horror as I saw the man pointed a gun on my direction.
"M-Mommy..."
"The boss wants this child to lost her mind, then let's make this vacation traumatic" I heard him hissed and the next thing happen
Is the loud bang sound from the gun.
"SADIE!!"
MY voice echoed as I get up on my bed waking up from my nightmare. The loud sound coming from the gun keep on replaying in my mind. My sobs and whispers of help keep on ringing in my ear and I wanted it to stop.
"No. No..."
I cover my both ears trying to get rid those sounds that I fear the most. I wanted to erase those memories from the past that keep on hunting me up until now. I gritted my teeth and open my eyes to divert my attention.
But to my horror, my room turn into that place. That horrible place! Blood. I can see a lot of blood. My things are all scattered as if someone intrude in my room. And the lights are all turn off.
Seeing the pictures of my past makes me run towards the door without thinking. Unnoticed with my sudden move, I tripped and stumble on the floor groaning, because of pain. I hissed and still able to get up again. Fear over power me and all I wanted is to see lights. I harshly open the door, but an endless darkness greeted me. Panicked crawled in my system. My mind went blank and I don't know what to do anymore. Sound of falling things didn't bothered me at all until I reach the switch and turn it on. I'm hallucinating! I need to find my senses back.
Slowly the lights filled the whole living room. No traces of an intruder, no bloods, no frightening noise, only those scattered things on the floor that I'm the one to blame. Sighing in relief, I suddenly feel weak as tears slowly rolled down on my cheeks. I stared those paints on the floor, my broken brush paint, my canvas, my sketch pad and even my wooden high stool chair. Looking how messy my place are, all I could feel is loneliness. I feel so miserable. Closing my eyes tightly, I cover my face and cried harder.
I hugged myself to seek comfort and warmth. I suddenly felt cold. I rested my head on my knees calming my uneven breathing. I bit my lower lip because of realization. Everything is temporary, me being Cami Xena is temporary. And I'm scared with that fact, I'm scared of reality. Because I can't pretend to be someone else forever.
Because Cami Xena is just a temporary facade to hide someone.
*****
I look at my wrist watch as I enter the school gate. I'm five minutes late but that's not a problem though. Let's just say that the school is hosting an event for next week and all students are preparing especially those assigned group for booths and etc. This always happen every end of September.
"Cami good morning!!"
I breath out, hearing that familiar voice is not so pleasing in my ears but unfortunately I get used to it. Who wouldn't right? She's always around lingering in the corner like a moth.
"Who's watching Sabrina ?" The first thing came out in my mouth
I'm curious. She's wearing our university shirt and jeans. Her hair is a bit messy. I guess she came to school early.
"Tita Faye is there, but I'm going to visit her later"
Nodding my head I roamed my eyes around. I saw those first year students running and screaming in the field. They really enjoying this week huh.
" I'll go with you" I mutter and I look at her again
Shocked is written on her innocent looking face. I creased my forehead. What? Sabrina is also an acquaintance. There's nothing offending if I visit her right?
"I can go alone Cam"
"Who says I'll tag along with you? I can go on my own El" I sarcastically replied
"You don't have to force yourseld Cam-"
"No one is forcing me Ella Marie" I plainly answer
I hate her serious tone. That's more irritating compared to her squeals and rants.
My brows furrowed as I saw the concern on her face which makes me feel confuse. Puzzled with her reaction, I stared back at her. What was that for? I waited her to hide her emotions but to my disappointment she let me saw it. She flaunt it in my face.
I bit the inside of my mouth as I look at her coldly with no visible emotion in my eyes.
"I saw how you get panicked Cam. Your hands are shaking as well as your lips when you saw Sabby covered with her own blood. For the first time I saw a genuine reaction and emotion in your eyes. But I got scared what's the reason of it, so I let you run away. Because fear is very visible in your eyes that time Cami" she whisper
I blink my eyes for how many times finding a right words to say, but my mouth is shut not wanting to say even a single word. I wanted to say 'no' , but I can't open my mouth. I can't find my voice.
I didn't know she saw it. I didn't know she'll recognized the fear in my eyes.