Chapter 29: Hidden Feelings
"Hiding your feelings isn't the easy way out, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do."
CESIA'S POV
I WAS STOMPING on the floor because of annoyance. My mouth is pouting and walk with a heavy foot while the towel was on my shoulder.
"Haist, why is it so early to disturbed me?" I murmured, lazily made my bed. The freaking hell, it's just three o'clock in the morning!
"I don't know, do you think you are the only one who is disturbed?" Amara speaks while rubbing her messy hair.
"Oh, I thought you went back to sleep?" I really, meant with the hint of sarcasm in my voice. She just looks at me with an unbelievable face.
'I almost forgot you were together' Zia said. Yes, you heard it. Amara and I were in the same room because we are still here in Dark Valdmort's House. I am now preparing my clothes to wear this day, but I stopped with my work when Amara does something that annoys me more.
I just shook my head when Amara suddenly ran to the bathroom, as if she was the first to take a bath. She didn't even throw her gaze on me and running like Flash in the bathroom.
'Really, this woman is fond of claiming what's mine.' Yays. As if, there is something to seize in my life.
Ey?
What am I thinking?
'Geez. You're a Thickened-face! Moreover, claiming? From what, being a bathroom queen? You're so gross!' Just a little bit, I will really, think of Zia who is a lost soul who was merging in my body.
It creeps me more, thinking that way. Knowing you have another soul living in your body and was messing your life. I'm so thankful that statement wasn't true, even if I turn the world upside down no one has ever been led into such a situation.
I lay down on the bed again and thought about what I had experienced yesterday. We all came back safe, especially the victims. We successfully killed the Bogeyman. Thanks to Trevor, if not for his power. I would die if they were late to come to that cave.
They immediately treated the children with wounds and illnesses as soon as they arrived at Harmonica Village. Traumatized children, on the other hand, need to undergo a psychologist session with the help of their parent's support and understanding. Natalia volunteered for the traumatized children. She used to be a psychologist before, but she did not continue serving as a doctor because she focused on her children.
There were no more threats on their Village and the people right here were very thankful, helping them save and rescue their children. In my case being a stubborn brat, not minding my safety. Trevor got angry with my reckless move, acting like a hero going alone in the Bogeyman's den. What if, they didn't found out the place and worst I was being killed already.
I understand him. It's my fault too because I did not tell them. I accept, what he said at least the luck were on my side. The victims were now free and no more bogey-monster in their peaceful life.
I sighed in disbelief, and feel my cheeks heated. Last night even I'm too tired, I can't sleep because of Trevor's words, leaving me behind confused. It repeatedly echoes his words and menacing voice on my mind, which filled chills down to my spine.
'My girl...'
I don't want to assume but the hidden part of myself was looking forward to what he means by his words. I know, it's too early to feel this way to him. I keep on avoiding it, but I can't help the fact that my feelings for him were growing as I can never find a solution to divert my feelings and stop them. I know it's not attraction already, the first time I lay my eyes on him feels like my life was memorable and precious.
I have never been in love with someone, but I know this feeling. I don't want this to grow, because I don't like the fact of being drowned by love and worst of all... one-sided love.
"Hmmm. Yiee. I'm done, sorry with my gawky acts earlier..."
What if, it's all his daring and playful acts towards mine? Or towards the woman he had interests in?
What if he just making fun of me? Giving me flowering words for me to fall hard on him. Seducing me by his looks and burning stare.
"Ces...Your turn now."
What if, I can't help falling in love with him and if I confess, there he will automatically reject me. Then, he will reject me, in front of many people.
"Ces... Hey!"
What if—
'The hell I'm thinking!'
Did I just think to confess? Heavenly Goddess! Me? Confessing my love? I know it's a bit harsh, but never, ever in my entire life I will confess and make my move first...ever.
"Hey...What's wrong? Yohoo!"
I will make sure to hold my feelings tighter. I will never give him, a thought or move that I been attracted to him.
'Hahaha...Really? Never? As far as I remember, you thought of him as your...SAFE HEAVEN...way back in your guardian's house. Hahaha...' Zia teases me. God, If this thought is visible. I will really, hit her...
'Shut up... Did I tell you to make an opinion?' I said with annoyance.
'Nuh-uh...just countering your lying thoughts' Geez. What would I benefit from this talking conscience? I didn't give my damn answer so that she will remain silent. I know she just teasing me...but why I'm defending?
"Cesia!!!"
I sighed for the nth time, so I decided that I will remain stoic, like what they saw in me. I will wait for the right time If he is serious about what he acts towards me. I'm not that numb, not to feel it, but I will never assume that act of him. Maybe, that was his behavior?
Geez, why it so a big deal to me? God, I can't imagine, I will be like this. It's too far from what I expected.
Why I even have these feelings a problem? I should have thinking about my unknown identity, not this heart-exploding situation of mine.
That's right. I will act as normal and won't give a damn to entertain his presence. I will act as I can't remember his sweet acts---
"I Like you-" I don't realize what I said, because I felt a cold hand grabbing my feet with force.
Blag!
"Ouch! What the hell are you doing!" I blurted from shock and pain. I massage my butt and stare at the woman in front of me with shooting daggers. Amara dragged my feet, and result in me falling in bed with a great landing.
I can't believe it!
'Hahaha' Zia
"I keep on calling you, but I haven't received any answer. You never heard my call. I almost shriek right here, just to get your attention. That's why I dragged you, just to wake you up with your deep imagination." Amara speaks fast like someone has been hunting her. She was panting after talking.
Slowly the information she said right now, absorbed. My eyes widen while looking at her with an "O" on my mouth.
"Yo-u called me?" I asked, and sit well on the floor holding my hurt butt. Shit! I think some of my bones broke from falling. Amara raises her brow and smirked.
'Why I didn't notice her calling me?' All this time, she was there and I was too focused on my thoughts?
"What do you think?" She gets a hairdryer on the vanity table and blows dry her hair.
"I didn't hear you," I said.
'Geez. You know the reason, Ces.' I know. I know what are the reasons, is it too obvious that I can't hear someone's calling and didn't feel her presence? I am that serious about my feelings?
"Because, you're drowning with your I don't know thoughts, that gets me intrigued. Oh, right!" Amara faces me like there's is something she remembers. I frowned.
"You said that words... I like you? Hmm...Ces, who's that lucky guy, huh? Is that the reason for your deep thoughts?" My eyes widen, again. Did I blurt those words? Amara grins in excitement and an intriguing look.
'Yeah... Very clear to her.' Oh my God! My eyes were now lurking around. I don't want to look at her. But, maybe I can deny it right? Yes. I will deny it. I stand up, not minding the pain in my butt, and get my towel on the bed. I folded my clothes to wear, I know she is looking at me. And, I'm too obvious that I avoided her.
"Hey, Ces. Who's that lucky guy? Come on... Is it the Prince of Darkness?" I let out a cough because of what I heard. God, how to avoid this situation? I directly, look at her, and shakes my head. She smiles widely, I know that smile of hers.
"Oh, am I right? Look your blushing! Hahaha!"
What?
Why is it too hard to hide my feelings? I said, earlier that I will never give a damn to show it, but right now hearing his title, I'm getting stupid and having redden cheeks?
I quickly run as fast as I can going inside the bathroom. Avoiding her statement. I didn't throw a look at her and immediately closes the door of the bathroom. I lean on the door and hold my beating chest. I heard the tremendous laughter of Amara outside.
Geez, why am I overreacting? Now it's gotten worst, hearing his name. I don't know if I can act normal.
Is this the feeling of love? Falling in love with someone?
Love? I don't know if I deserve that. I don't know if I had a right to feel that. I smile in dismay remembering what mommy Thea said:
"No one will ever love you and dare to give you lifetime happiness. I swear to Satan, that feeling will a curse to you. You don't deserve to be love. Because you were just a useless being in this world. No one will ever return that feeling to you, No one!" Mommy Thea's words stuck in my brain. She curses me to have an unhappy ending, that I will be forever alone.
That night, that I never forget. Swearing to a Demon, and I don't know if Satan grants her wish, because after saying those a sudden lightning struck outside of the house. Believing the Demon granted her wish.
I wipe the tears in my cheeks. That's right, I will put on my mind that these feelings will be buried. I will make sure these feelings will be gone.
"Because...I don't deserve to be love..." I whisper in vain, forcing my feelings to fade quickly. Putting in my mind that love is a curse. A curse for my unhappy ending...
TO BE CONTINUED...